Kristen Lamb

Author, Blogger, Social Media Jedi

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Daily Archives: August 13, 2010


Fridays are free-for-all for me, so I am going to pick on reality television….cuz I just don’t get it.

I feel this nonsense began back with Oprah and Donahue until it devolved to rednecks stripping to reveal body parts no human should ever be subjected to seeing—even blurred out. So did America just get bored waiting until the next episode to figure out which of the seventeen men actually was the father of Faylene’s child? Did we tire of circus midgets, strippers, freaks, and sluts with secrets? I don’t think we did. I think this human depravity just became more sophisticated and, frankly, retarded.

And what is worse, is I still get sucked in. As much as I abhor it…it’s like seeing a massive ten-car pileup and then trying NOT to look.

Do any of you remember the days you were home sick flipping through channels? Who couldn’t help but stare, even for a minute or two, when the chairs went flying? I used to play my own mental game where I would watch the shows with the sound turned off. See if I could guess the topic of that day’s show just by body language and the characters sitting on the stage.

Was today, “I Have a Secret?” And if so, I would see if I could guess what the secret was before the cross-dressing lover came flouncing out from back stage. Sick. I know. But a great way to pass the time when you have the flu.

So here we are. Many of us are still rubber-necks with 553 channels of crap to fulfill our twisted sense of entertainment. And what is worse is that I am a WRITER! I just finished rereading Lonesome Dove and read The Road….PULTIZER WINNERS! And yet there I find myself sitting, wondering, Are her boobs real?

And admittedly I’m a bit ticked. I can never get back the hour of my life wasted on “Sunset Tan” or “Jersey Shores.” Never regain the hour I frittered away, entranced, while Missy and Buffy posted trash talk on Sunny’s Facebook page because Sunny made the fatal error of hitting on Brandy’s ex-boyfriend, Brandon, whom she still wanted to be with even though she had a new boyfriend . . . Brandon 2.0. And that if Sunny would have just asked Krissy, she would have told Sunny that Brandy still loved Brandon 1.0 even though she cut all his tires.

Ok . . . my head hurts.

And the Kardashians…who are they and why do we care to keep up with them?

I will never recapture the time wasted watching dog-groomers compete, or chef’s throw insults and Steak au Poivre at each other. Will never get back the hours watching otherwise smart, talented, beautiful women claw each other like desperate hyenas to garner the Bachelor’s vacuous proposal. Will never regain the precious moments squandered over gawking at the Real Harpies…uh, I mean Real Housewives of the O.C.  

None of us will. We could have been reading Dostoevsky. Or curing cancer. Or learning what exactly the Railroad Commissioner does. But, we don’t. And the only remedy seems to be regular inoculations of the Discovery or History Channel. Or cold turkey. No T.V.

Because we can’t help but wonder which seventeen-year-old anorexic giantess with super poofy lips will be the next Top Model. And that is why reality television makes my scratch my head and wonder?…WTH?

Am I the only one who’s been sucked into the Tractor Beam of Stupid? Share your stories! Comment and tell us if you had to endure reprogramming after they took The Simple Life off the air, :D. How did you escape?

Have a fun, happy and safe weekend. Will see all of you on Monday to discuss more topics on the craft of writing.

Until next time…

Noteworthy blogs for the week:

Tips for Writing a Series. Posted by Chuck Sambuchino on the Guide to Literary Agents Editor’s Blog

The Value of Editors posted by DigitalBook World

A Great Mash-Up of All Kinds of Writing Articles This blog has a ton of different choices of great blogs for all kinds of questions and I highly recommend you check out their site.

Why Authors Love Stupid Questions for a good laugh and great information (by talented Tawna Fenske).

Common Excuses for Not Using Social Media (*hint* there are none :D) by brilliant and inspiring Author Jody Hedlund.

For those who want to chip in and help new writer PJ Kaiser establish her brand, please stop by her blog and show some support.  

Anna DeStefano discusses major changes in publishing and how it affects everyone in Direct to Digital Week 1:Practicalities.

Enjoy the blog? Then you need the book We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media is a fun effective approach to marketing and building a platform of future readers. Yes, you have to learn to market, so why not have a good time? I am here to change your habits, not your personality.