Whenever I have big, dark feelings about ANYTHING, I use the T-R-U-T-H Technique:

T: Tell yourself the situation (e.g., “Everything’s gone haywire and I feel like crud”)
R: Realize what you’re feeling (Put a word to it, e.g., “beleaguered”)
U: Uncover self-criticism (e.g., “I’m being a whiner”)
T: Try to understand yourself (e.g., “Of course I’m upset. This is hard.”)
H: Have the feeling (I.e., let yourself experience it so it can move through you and out)

Once you feel awful about something, it’s too late to choose a different emotion about it, like grateful or optimistic. We don’t get to choose our feelings. If we did, we’d feel joyous and invincible all the time, right?

So how about we all let ourselves off the hook for a change, and just deal compassionately with the feelings we have?

And by the way, just because someone else has cancer doesn’t mean your own pain doesn’t hurt like stink.

Yeah, that description just about covers it. lol

If I feel the need to cry, I do. I think everyone should. Beyond that, I read about a theory of how to approach problems from a societal context that I feel works well. I wish I could remember what the article called the approach! Basically, you assess who needs sympathy most, and act accordingly.

You’re home alone, sick. You get to whine all you want. You have a sick kid? You can whine all you want to yourself, but put your kid’s needs above your own and let them whine it out to you when they want. You should not whine to them because you’re the parent, and their need for sympathy is (should be) greater than yours. Outside of your home, you have a relative who’s dying of cancer? Well, you can whine at home all you want, but when you talk to them, put their needs first. Complaining of your sniffles to them is just crass. You have friends who are still healthy and living life up while you’re bedridden? They should be deferring to your need for sympathy and offering it, not whining to you about the scratch on their car while you’re puking every five minutes.

You triage sympathy according to who needs it most. Nurses don’t complain about their aching feet to the mom giving birth, but might show little sympathy to the hypochondriac who is just sure he’s dying from the little cut on his finger. Our problems are our own, and we have every right to be upset about them, but we should remember everyone else has problems too. Writing this piece was a productive outlet for your concerns, so I say kudos to you for doing it. I hope you manage the mess soon!

And remember, Odin may be a little upset from being locked in a room for days on end with no food, water, or facilities … show him a little sympathy too.

You don’t say. Now I know why my mum has one of those “volcano eruptions”, as my father calls it.

Same here.