On a mythical low tech world, a tenacious young girl fights for survival against her evil aunt’s rival clans in a battle for control of a high tech artifact capable of mass destruction.

I hope you are okay ((HUGS)). It’s a common issue with all of us. We are too bogged down in what we know and ALL the details important. We forget they don’t know what WE know (I.e what a Sagaci is). Give it another go (with your actual story not my riffing) and I will look at it 😀 (((HUGS))).

Thank you for your response. I see now what is required, or I think I do. My thinking is too narrow, too focused on the words, not the story. Forest vs trees syndrome. I was writing steak. You’re giving the reader sizzle. Again, thank you, and you’ll be hearing from me here in Conroe.

Better but resourceful is not emotional. Doesn’t give me a feel for who she is or why she might fail. A regular person who has not read the book has no clue what a Sagaci is so it doesn’t mean anything. The log-line needs to make us nervous. Also what is the ticking clock and the stakes? What happens if she fails? Who is the antagonist and what precisely is the story problem?

For instance. just riffing this because I don’t know your story: A young girl chronically ill from an evil curse must defeat her power thirsty and now vastly powerful uncle who stole her family’s powers and riches for himself before the curse that’s killing her spreads to her family and then into the land destroying them all.

“When a half-human huntsman discovers that his only friend—whom he’s fallen in love with—is one of his targets, he must decide whether he will execute her before she learns the truth or tell her himself, even if that means she will abandon him forever.”

and

“A recently orphaned young woman flees her village to escape the painful memories of her family’s unexplained deaths and to rebuild her life. She befriends a half-human outcast who aids her on her journey, but struggles with her new feelings of love when she discovers that he was their murderer.”

Hi Pauline: May I suggest the following:

With his chance of earning his wings evaporating, a misunderstood angel must find true love for a never married woman or else spend eternity in limbo.

Last Chance Angel
A misunderstood angel must find true love for a never married woman, an angels worst nightmare, if he wants to gain his last chance at getting his wings or be sent to limbo forever.