Maybe you like to read the first bit of my first finished English novel: https://heathercai.wordpress.com/2016/08/03/the-fucking-book-less-than-mystery-part-one-the-dwarf/

Any kind of remark will be highly appreciated.. 🙂

I’m hoping there are places in this post that you and others can relate to and discover something to soothe your body, mind or spirit. Apologies for the long post.

My dad was sick for ten years. The last two years I went with my step-mother back and forth to the hospitals to be with my Dad who had heart problems and kidney issues. He’d be in the hospital in ICU for a week or so, then they’d place him in a regular room and release him. A week or two weeks would pass with him at home and the whole process began again. Since I’m on disability, I was thus forced into the role of helping my step-mom all the time, every day.

This was exhausting physically, mentally and emotionally.
I felt trapped and I resented my dad for making me feel guilty if I wasn’t there every single day. A migraine or a doctor’s appointment were the reason’s for me not being there and he (and my step-mom) still had an attitude about it.
Those negative emotions started eating away at me like ravenous caterpillars.

Dad’s stay-at-home time was just enough so I could write, edit and polish the contracted projects I had from the epubs I was with. The doctor ended up putting me on blood pressure medication.

The last year Dad was sick, my step-mom was angry about him being sick and she tried to take it out on me.
My Dad’s health habits and genetics lead to his heart disease, diabetes and in turn kidney problems.

So, here are a few things to consider :

**It is not your fault a person is sick and they do not have the right to be
abusive to you or anyone else.

**Guilt can be as sharp and heavy as a claymore. Please don’t fall into this trap.
People have a way of projecting their failures and guilt to others so they don’t have to deal with what is going on inside them.
Also, this is a power play. After my dad passed away, I cut contact with every family member who abused me and felt it was their right to manipulate me. It wasn’t an easy decision but I have peace now.

**Writing new stuff was difficult. Once I got the contracted pieces finished I read, cleaned my office and did writing related things. The act of writing caused writer’s block for a time. Writing related work along with a bit of mentoring and teaching helped me quite a bit.

**Sitting on the porch swing my terrier, listening to music, doing watercolors and art crafts all helped me heal. I believe my inner well was parched so there wasn’t anything available for writing. Giving my mind, body and heart the chance to purge the emotions and stress came in stages. I had to recover and then it would resume.

**Be kind to yourself.
Everyone deals with their grief at a different pace and in different ways.

**Remember the good times. Maybe make a journal or scrap book of all the things you loved about that person and hand it down to your kids. Or, a cookbook and include stories surrounding the particular food or holiday.

Hugs and prayers of comfort and peace to all of you!
(Sorry again for the long post.)