A little while back I introduced the Neurodivergent Spectrum, what it IS, and why it could particularly apply to writers and creative professionals. I even revealed some about my life, struggles, and late diagnosis in my post Neurodivergent Authors: Not Lazy or “Broken.”

There are many reasons for my late diagnosis, and we will cover some today.

***I am ALSO going to continue blogging on craft and brand, but this site has always focused on offering a holistic approach to creative professions—craft, branding, business, life and mental health.

But, before we talk about the autism spectrum, I would like to address why people might want to “care” about this topic, from writers to non-writers to Neurotypical people.

First, there are a lot more ND people out there than anyone ever imagined. Secondly, I believe our modern world and the digital age is either creating, contributing or exacerbating the situation.

If we cannot gain understanding, insight and compassion regarding this topic, I fear we will miss out on a lot of incredible talent and relationships.

We’re going to likely be around ND people. If we can recognize what’s possibly going on with that person, interactions can run far more smoothly. If we see WE have ND issues, then there are all kinds of workarounds once we realize we aren’t stupid, lazy, crazy, or broken.

This is a post about grace for ourselves and others.

Spectrum Self-Diagnoses

I can totally appreciate why many people roll their eyes when someone says they are ADD or ADHD or have Asperger’s or Autism. Some people might shout me down for saying this, but a huge reason I was hesitant to be professionally tested had to do with my attitude about the ND spectrum.

I’d personally encountered far too many people who’d used being on the spectrum as an excuse for never finishing, for flaking out, for being undependable, for being emotionally out of control, etc. Then, I was supposed to excuse all the poor behavior away because they were “insert ND issue here.”

Some of these folks were professionally diagnosed, but many were self-diagnosed. For the record, if you believe you are on the spectrum, you’ll likely start with a self diagnosis. And that is okay, because….

Most Medical Issues Begin This Way

If we look at most of the health concerns we all face, we almost always begin with a self-diagnosis.

***Should we believe we “might” be on the spectrum, this is no different.

Say, I have a weird mole that is dark and itchy. I likely self-diagnose that it could be a skin cancer or melanoma. THEN I see an expert.

If I get a fever, bad cough, sore throat? I probably self-diagnose that I likely have either a cold or virus. THEN I go to a clinic to see what is actually going on. Could be a cold. But, it could be something far worse (cancer) or no big deal (severe allergies).

There is a lot of shade thrown around toward ND people regarding “self-diagnoses,” but what sense does that make?

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with starting there, but we do need to see if we can get expert help. We might be on the ND spectrum but where exactly? We could also be struggling with other issues—eg. PTSS/PTSD from abuse or some other trauma.

The Spectrum is More than ADHD & Autism

There is a lot of debate as to whether or not PTSD should be included on the ND spectrum (which can cover everything from dyslexia and dyscalculia to autism). Yes, PTSD (or PTSS) can cause structural changes in the brain. But, with proper treatment, much of that can be possibly reversed/healed.

Sadly, there is no healing ADHD.

Unlike those who are truly neurodivergent, PTSD isn’t a) congenital and doesn’t need to be b) permanent. ND people literally are born wired differently. It isn’t a result of a trauma or an acute stressor.

Thus, before we jump on the, “I must be ADHD” train, we might be struggling to pay attention because of undiagnosed dyslexia. We’re slow not because we can’t “pay attention,” but because it is such a struggle to work around a brain that tosses too many speed bumps in the way to be effective.

We might have PTSD and not recognize it, so we could be masking. Perhaps we are in denial, dealing with shame or guilt. Who wants our drama? So we mask.

Suffice to say, a spectrum self-diagnosis is a great start, but we want to make sure we’re getting good advice what is actually going awry. If we are on the spectrum then exactly how, where and to what degree?

If we aren’t, then what is going amiss that is looking a lot like a spectrum disorder?

Why a Diagnosis at ALL?

Since I believe I addressed this in other posts, I will be brief here. I did not self-diagnose (mostly out of pride, if I’m being transparent here).

It was not until over a half-dozen mental health professionals who were either friends, fans, or audience members who—after watching me speak—came up and said, “Hey, have you ever been tested for autism?” that I finally took things seriously.

Well, that is a bit of a lie.

I brushed almost all of them off believing I could just willpower my way through anything. Yep. That might have worked when I was younger and in a different world devoid of a BILLION blinking distractions. Eventually, however, the situation became untenable.

I was falling apart and pride and ego had to go.

Yet, when family members asked WHY I wanted a diagnosis, I had to answer that honestly. I don’t want or need an excuse, but I do need a plan of action that makes life doable and even enjoyable.

Once I understood HOW autism was affecting me, a lot of things changed. I am MUCH better at saying no, limiting activities, planning how I want to spend my energy. Now, others can appreciate why I practically LIVE in noise-cancelling headphones and they’re a bit more sympathetic when I ask to turn the lights down a little.

I could start being aware of my scripts. WHAT was happening right before I melted down? Exactly what transpired right before that bout of self-loathing? Why was I “seemingly” out of nowhere suffering sleep-deprivation, anxiety, or severe headaches?

Good news! We can actually rewrite the script! We’re writers.

***The answer to the above, for me, was largely environmental. Shop at times with no/smaller crowds. Get filters for my glasses/computer screen. Change the font on my computer to Dyslexie font. No screen time after 7:00 P.M. etc.

SUDDEN SPECTRUM Disorders

So now to the myth that SUDDENLY everyone is neurodivergent. Bear with me a moment because I am going to be a bit of a smart@$$. I am hoping everyone reading this believes that science, disease detection, understanding and treatment does improve over time.

We no longer diagnose people with consumption (Tuberculosis), Grippe (Flu), Apoplexy (a stroke), the Horrors (fever before delirium), Black Dog (severe depression), Falling Sickness (epilepsy), Mortification (gangrene), or Jail Fever (Typhus) etc.

***Click here for more Outdated Medical Terms. IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS!

We also don’t bleed people to balance their humors, ladle Mercury down their throats, or insist they take Radium baths.

Or at least I hope not.

Cancer didn’t suddenly become rampant. We just didn’t have the tools and knowledge to recognize it existed, then to detect it, then to treat it, on and on. Hope y’all get the gist.

Yes, movies like Rain Man highlighted autism, but in ways, one could reasonably argue the movie almost did more harm than good.

The movie, Rain Man, showed the world a case of extreme autism (with other issues I’m not qualified to detail). Just because a person is autistic doesn’t mean we need a nursing aid to dress us and feed us before we go count cards in Vegas.

In fact, the concept there was even a neurodivergent spectrum didn’t even arise until the 1990s.

We are not ALL Rain Man.

Medicine & Science Improves

Or, at least we hope it does. Science is a process. As it improves, it can do a better job of detection. For instance, most medical and mental health professionals first only recognized autism when it manifested in the most acute forms (so severe the patient couldn’t function).

Then, many of these professionals believed until recently that children grew out of autism and Asperger’s (and also grew out of ADD, ADHD, etc.).

To make things even MORE fun, most mental health professionals—until very recently—believed only males could be autistic. Even I ran into this when seeking a professional diagnosis…in 2023!

I guess that doctor had never heard of Temple Grandin?

Suffice to say, I don’t believe that suddenly everyone is on the ND spectrum. I DO believe we are understanding the brain far better than we ever have in human history. And, because we understand better, we are realizing that “Normal” really is a setting on the dishwasher.

Many of us older people (who are finally getting a diagnosis or maybe realizing we might NEED one) recall the days of being called stupid, lazy, disruptive, defiant, or “bad” kids. We were daydreamers and flakes who “failed to apply ourselves.”

Since there was so little understanding of neuroscience, behavioral problems/character flaws became the default. Sort of like how, when people died of something like, say, pancreatic cancer (which kills very quickly), 400 years ago, clearly they were a victim of the “Evil Eye.”

Joking but not. Just pointing out we have come a LONG way in recognizing how amazing and variegated the brain IS.

“Thank” the Digital Age

Nothing happens in a vacuum, so obviously something other than neuroscience advances has driven the shift in perception. The digital age has been a blessing and a curse, at least for me.

Since I had severe social anxiety from an early age, it made it hard to learn how to be part of a group and conversation. Social media actually did wonders for my social anxiety. Humans learn by studying the group. But, if you are never part of a group because you’re “weird” or too scared, then how do you learn?

Then came Web 2.0….

EARLY ON, I joined a lot of chat rooms on Gather and groups on MySpace. Finally, I could watch and study. I could see how people interacted, took turns, “read the room” and recognized a lot of bad habits I had.

Since I had time to think through a response, I could respond better. The BACKSPACE button was and still is my BFF.

I also had zero concept that social interaction wore me out. Trust me, trying to seem normal is a LOT of work.

With social media, I could pace myself and interact at times my energy levels were better. When I fell into conflict, I eventually learned to back away, come back to it, think through what the person meant, etc. In many ways, social media made me kinder, gentler, and more compassionate with myself and others.

Additionally, I began to see my faults. My bad habits that turned people off on social media—AMAZINGLY—turned them off in life. Talking over people, being prideful, needing the last word (b/c I was so insecure), believing I had to be constantly entertaining, failing to really listen.

I am SO glad I don’t struggle with ANY of that anymore!

*dodges lightning*

I believe a lot of us ND people who used to just be weird loners with no friends or one or two friends started, for lack of a better term…showing up. Me? I went from the weirdo nerd who kept to herself reading and mostly engaging in solitary hobbies to finding my people.

Yes, on-line there were people like me who loved science fiction, D&D, campy horror films, and bad Kung Fu movies. People like me who also loved to argue whether Warp 10 was even possible or whether or not the sand worms in Dune should have spontaneously combusted due to friction.

Yes, this is the stuff that keeps me awake at night.

Again “Thank” the Digital Age

Conversely, while the digital age certainly offered ND people tools we’d never had before, it’s also created a lot of problems. We are starting to see the negative effects of having kids on technology too young, too much and too frequently.

Humans learn empathy by being around other people, studying body language and facial expressions. Most human communication is body language. When we are all in front of screens, working from home or even at an office in front of a screen all the time, we can lose those skills that have been innate since the dawn of humanity.

While I certainly do not claim to be an expert (this is all MY experience and opinions), I feel we might just be noticing ND more in a digital world.

And yes, I have seen the threads that Amish kids don’t have autism or spectrum disorders. BUT, I will also say that the Amish represent how human civilization worked for the past few thousand years.

They wear the same clothes made of natural materials, do a lot of physical labor, and there are no digital distractions. Their diet is all fresh food and very simple and life is very routine. Up at the same time, to bed at the same time. Rest on the Sabbath.

MAYBE the Amish DO have folks on the spectrum. Maybe they don’t. I’m not a researcher, so…um, okay. My point is, though, would we NOTICE neurodivergence in a routinized, agrarian society the way we do in the modern digital world?

So THIS SAID, if our digital world is a) showing us there were/are more ND people than we realized b) creating ND people c) stressing ND people…then we’re wise to learn our own limitations and develop compassion for ourselves and others.

Cuz frankly? The Neurotypical people don’t seem to be faring too well drinking from digital firehoses all day every day, every week of every year.

Beware of the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon

WHAT? Other than archaic names for common illnesses, impress your friends with THIS little nugget (Bay-dur MINE-hoff).

*flips hair*

Ever run into a term you KNOW you’ve never heard in your life, then hear it at least four more times in the next week? Or see something you know you’ve never seen before, then suddenly it’s everywhere? Reverse-harems? Punk-Rockabilly-Zydeco? Kombucha?

I’d never heard of Bikram Yoga until a friend told me about it and then…it was everywhere. Following me with sweaty mats…carrying Kombucha O_O .

The Baader-Meinhof phenomenon is also known as the frequency illusion or the recency illusion. While I DO want to highlight the strides the mental health fields have made regarding spotting and treating those on the ND spectrum, we also should be mindful we aren’t suddenly seeing it everywhere.

It is possible to be empathetic and responsible at the same time. Life is a process, and we are all in this together.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Do you think more people are on the ND spectrum because we are finally noticing it? So we can diagnose the far less acute cases?

Do you think the massive influx of data, images, and too much time at a screen is causing something wholly new never seen? For instance, repetitive work injuries weren’t as big of a thing until the invention of assembly lines.

Are the aliens reading our minds and we can’t concentrate because of all the recipes they’re trying to share?

All kidding aside, I want to always hold myself accountable for my behavior, actions, and inactions. For ME, though, recognizing my brain just did things very differently has been a huge help not only on my own, but when interacting with others.

It is my hope this blog helps you or someone you know and love. What do you think?

The post Why is “Suddenly” Everyone on the Spectrum? appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Self-sabotage is something most writers are likely familiar with. We just about get in the habit of working on the WIP (work in progress), and then suddenly we put everyone and everything ahead of finishing that book. Usually they’re noble causes, too. Cleaning the house, organizing the closets, alphabetizing the pets….

I work hard to make “success” books part of my morning routine when I’m doing my chores: making the coffee, making the bed, putting on any laundry, etc. One of my favorite audio books is “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. Namely because the advice is practical, doable, and aligns with my personal value system.

No shade on the “believe it enough and it will happen folks,” but there is also a degree of WORK involved in reaching any goal.

This is why we must learn to ignore the outside voices and take the helm of our own destinies.

Results Reinforce Habits

Why did I bring up “Atomic Habits?” Other than it’s a good book? There was something I read this morning that I feel needs expounding. Clear notes, correctly, that when we see evidence of our habits, that reinforces our identity.

When I declutter daily, I see my surroundings are neat and tidy. Therefore, eventually I identify as an organized person.

But what about being a writer?

Becoming a writer will likely be one of the hardest things any of us does, and for a number of reasons. Unlike eating healthy, working out, saving money, or systematically decluttering our living spaces, much of what we writers do is in the dark. There are many times we will have to press on using sheer force of will and blind faith.

We’ll have to write simply for the love of writing.

We can write millions of words, dozens of books, even publish books and I GUARANTEE you at least ONE @$$hat out there will intimate what we do is not “real.”

Whether they do this out of jealousy, misguided good intentions, or simply not thinking before they speak? Who knows? Yet, I can tell you that, after 16 years of working with all levels of writers, many of them household names? The insecurity never goes away. If anything, it gets worse.

Anything Here Familiar?

I just published a book!

Them: Yes, but you self-published.

My debut novel received almost a hundred rave reviews.

Them: Yes, Amazon really is trying to crack down on fake reviews. Are you sure they’re all real?

My book hit #1 as a best-seller.

Them: Amazon best-sellers aren’t REAL best-sellers.

My book made the NYT Best-Seller list.

Them: Everyone knows the NYT list doesn’t account for actual sales and the numbers are manipulated.

I just published my tenth novel!

Them: How nice. Amazing that Philip K. Dick wrote 44 novels and over 120 short stories. And Stephen King has written 9000 novels and 43,000 short stories.

Okay, I was being a bit silly there because I was starting to depress myself.

The point is we cannot rely on external validation. That is a formula to end up curled in the fetal position washing down raw cookie dough with tequila.

I also mention this because, we’ll self-sabotage wasting time pondering if we are “real writers” instead of WRITING!

What can happen is we’ll keep moving the goal post of what makes us a “real writer.” Eventually, we’ll give up because we set that standard SO high we crumble under the pressure.

Here are a few fun blogs to remind y’all that writers write. Plain and simple.

Diagnosing a REAL Writer: Do You Have Terminological Inexactitude Syndrome?

This is Gonna Leave a Mark: What Makes a “Real” Writer

Real Writers Don’t Self-Publish (Part One and SATIRE)

Real Writers Don’t Self-Publish (Part Two and ALSO SATIRE)

The Personal Apocalypse—When are We REAL Writers?

Self-Sabotage & Fear of Failure

I’ve been on social media since before it went mainstream in 2006, which means I’ve experienced and witnessed enough Imposter Syndrome to last many lifetimes. One of the main reasons we are SO hesitant to call ourselves a writer is precisely because of the head games mentioned above.

Critics will always find some reason to diminish what you’ve accomplished.

Most people fear failure, which is dumb because failing is the only way humans learn. How many of us would berate a toddler every time they fell learning how to walk? We learn by DOING, and we improve by FAILING.

Yet, our culture has ingrained fear of failure into our DNA. My parents never cared about the 90 questions I answered correctly, only the 10 I missed. Schools punish failure, jobs punish failure, culture punishes failure.

Want to know the one phrase that vexes me to no end? “One-hit wonder.”

Despite the FACT that many “one-hit wonder” songs have defined pop culture and even entire generations, our culture still saddles them with that term.

They were KUNG-FU fighting!

867-5309

Oh Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind.

Pass the Dutchie on the left-hand side.

Taaake ooooon meeee! Taaaaake meeeee ONNNNNNN!

Stop! Collaborate and listen!

Woot, there it is! Woot, there it is!

The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had. It’s a mad world.

What does the fox say?

Now that y’all have at least ONE of those stuck in your head, I hope I made my point. Go check out the list of one-hit wonders who, by definition, are “failures.” This is to point out the lunacy of our culture. So don’t look to it to feed your ego.

Self-Sabotage & Fear of Success

Many writers who do successfully hit a “real” best-seller list (whatever “real” might be defined as) then struggle with if they can do it again. Or will they be the dreaded…one-hit wonder?

Because if one book sold hundreds of millions of copies and redefined culture as we know it…but the author doesn’t KEEP doing that…then they failed.

Makes TOTAL sense.

Yet, we can fall into habits of self-sabotage not only because we fear we’ll fail (never finish the book, never land an agent/book deal, be published, make a list, etc.) but precisely because we are afraid we WILL accomplish these things.

What if I only have one good book in me?

I made Whatever Prestigious List, but was it a fluke? Can I do it again? What if I can’t?

This might all sound rather silly, but emotions aren’t always logical. Remember, perfect is the enemy of the great. It is also the enemy of the FINISHED. No half-finished “perfect” book ever became a runaway success, but some very much less-than-perfect ones have.

We’ve covered fear of failure and fear of success, but the one I really want to explore today is the notion of whether or not we deserve success.

I Don’t Deserve It

When we’re stuck in a culture that doesn’t value what we do, it’s easy to believe (at least subconsciously) that writing is some extra indulgence. A hobby, a guilty pleasure, something to be done after doing REAL work.

Many of us are partners or parents or are taking care of loved ones. We believe that when the laundry is done, the dishes washed, the beds made, the bills paid, the pets brushed, the curtains are washed, the ceiling is repainted…THEN we can write. As if writing is not a profession, but a treat to be doled out for good behavior.

THIS is a mindset we must change if we want to go pro. For the record, I STILL struggle with this. I have to MAKE myself get up and write first thing. All the while the siren’s song of dishes, litter boxes, email, and bills are calling me.

I’d love to say I’m always successful, but I try to keep my lying to fiction. There are many reasons this profession is TOUGH and not for everyone.

Fight for Your Right to Write

Yes, it can be a battle with others, but mostly with ourselves. Many of us have a lot of bad programming we need to overcome.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family (a.k.a. typical 80s family). Whenever I wanted something, my parents had a list of common responses:

Do you have a job?

Are you the one paying the bills?

Money doesn’t grown on trees.

Me DESIRING something was intrinsically tethered to my monetary contribution to the home (or said equivalent). Since I didn’t bring home a salary, ergo I had no right to want and did not deserve anything. I only deserved when I a) made good grades b) cleaned my room c) did my chores.

Seeing a pattern here? How many writers don’t write because their writing doesn’t make money, but their writing isn’t making money because they aren’t writing? We unwittingly self-sabotage and that self-sabotage just exacerbates the feedback loop from hell.

Been there, have the box of t-shirts.

No More Self-Sabotage: You Deserve It

We all deserve our dreams. If your dream is to be a writer, then YES, that will demand a lot of work. As in writing, rewriting, reading, studying, learning, researching, building a brand/platform, cultivating an audience, showing up day after day and putting down words no matter what.

What being a writer does NOT entail is you being a good little you and doing all your chores and “real” work before you’re allowed to go write.

If no one has yet given you permission to go write, I will.

WRITERS WRITE. Enough said.

Ultimately, we are in charge. There will always be people who will criticize, tell us why we are poseurs, fakes, fools, hacks, etc. Until we realize that all of that just goes with the territory and get to work ANYWAY, we’ll find every reason not to sit butt in chair and write.

We will revise the opening of that novel 9,763 times. Start new books while abandoning half-finished ones. We’ll believe we can’t succeed because (INSERT REASON HERE) and we’ll talk ourselves out of even trying. Ultimately, we won’t even need the outside world to work against us, because we’ll figure out a way to self-sabotage before they get the chance.

BUT, that is what happens when we are operating in auto-pilot. Now that, hopefully, we are more aware of counterproductive behaviors/ideas/attitudes, we can take action.

Think about all those one-hit wonders.

They did the work, learned to sing, play an instrument, or at least be brave enough to put themselves OUT THERE. And maybe they never made it into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, but you know what?

Don’t worry. Be happy .

What are your thoughts on self-sabotage?

Are you guilty of shooting yourself in the metaphorical foot? Do you put everyone’s needs ahead of your own? Does writing feel like some guilty indulgence instead of the meaningful profession it is? Have you struggled with the notion of what makes a “real” writer?

What have you done to overcome these issues? Do you have any suggestions or tips? Hey, I am a work in progress ALWAYS and love the feedback!

The post Self-Sabotage: I Don’t Deserve Success appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Horror, back in the day, represented some of the greatest works of literature. In my POV, it still does. Sadly, however, horror ran into a branding problem in the 70s and 80s and many began conflating slasher-hack-up-busty-coeds with horror.

Sure, slasher flicks are horror but not all horror are slasher flicks.

Horror is incredibly difficult to write well. Guts and gore might work for teenage boys, but to really be able to write something that gets under people’s skin? That makes them walk away and ask the hard questions? Fiction that allows a safe way for audiences to see and study all the ugliness in this world so they might better appreciate the good?

No simple task.

In a recent post, we delved into how guilt, shame and regret are the trifecta of great stories. We’ve discussed how probing the shadow sides of human nature is what can separate the mundane from the magnificent. We’ve talked about how crucial motivation can be in fiction (even motivations that might not make sense to the average person).

Think Dahmer.

Just not while eating.

Horror Serves a Purpose

All fiction has its place. Even horror. Some fiction is purely fun and escape and the world needs more fun and feel good. Certain books are simply a holodeck to get away from the mundanities of life, the overwhelming pressures of being an adult (kids, laundry, bills, car repairs). They serve as a place of rest and we all could use more of that!

But that isn’t all fiction.

Many writers (myself included) desire to go far deeper with our fiction, explore wounds and human issues, poke and prod at larger social dilemmas. We wield the narrative form like a scalpel, exposing what is necrotic or diseased so it might be removed and the patient (humanity) cured. 

The worst diseases are often unseen. A person can look perfectly healthy yet be riddled with cancer, a ticking time bomb about to collapse. Horror appreciates that, frequently, what scares us the most, is a lot more ubiquitous than mega-tornadoes flinging Great White Sharks at the unwitting public.

It can be a government system, a religion, a medical system, a social norm we thought we could trust but if we ONLY knew the TRUTH!

Horror and History

I strongly recommend for any author to read Stephen King’s Danse Macabre. He does a really brilliant job of explaining the different kinds of horror, the tools in the author’s toolbox (shock, gore, fear). But what I loved the most was when King explained the history of horror.

Horror is almost always reflective of the times. It is no mere coincidence that Mary Shelley penned Frankenstein right at the dawn of the scientific age, when society was trading in the church pews for the laboratory. Then Bram Stoker’s Dracula came out during the notoriously prudish Victorian age and was a commentary (obliquely) on sex.

Fast forward into the 20th century and you’ll note all the alien invasion movies landed—*bada bump snare*—right about the time the Russians launched Sputnik. We can thank the nuclear age for all the giant creature features. Then Invasion of the Body Snatchers “coincidentally” hits theaters right around The Red Scare?

They can look just like friends, family, loved ones, but NO! They’re actually invading communists aliens!

Move a bit farther into the 20th century and Texas Chainsaw Massacre broke ALL the horror rules. If one could make it until dawn, then SAFE! Except Vietnam was the first widely known unconventional war. The old rules no longer applied. No one was safe anywhere from anyone…night or DAY.

Then we get into the 70s-80s and all the movies parallel with The Satanic Panic. By the 90s, the USSR collapsed, The Wall had come down, and we (Americans) were feeling pretty good.

Horror then, pushed to its extreme, becomes its counterpart…comedy. Welcome the Scary Movie franchise.

***Later? Hello, Sharknado!

But this brief comedic respite of the 90s was short-lived. In the aughts zombies took off right about the same time the internet and social media hit the scene. The world was smaller than it had ever been and we had genuine fear of the mob.

Technology was changing faster than we could keep pace, quicker than we could appreciate the long-term ramifications. Were we part of the problem?

The Ring is a great exploration into that very concept.

These days? Every kind of speculative fiction is up for grabs. It is a terrifying world and audiences need/crave a tangible way to face and deal with what scares them the most.

What is Speculative Fiction?

Speculative fiction is an umbrella term used to describe narrative fiction with supernatural or futuristic elements. This includes but it not necessarily limited to fantasy, science fiction, horror, utopian, dystopian, alternate history, apocalyptic fiction, post-apocalyptic fiction.

Basically, all the weird stuff.

(And forgive me because today we are using seriously broad strokes.)

But what makes the difference between the laughable 1950s science fiction matinees and the long-forgotten pulp fiction versus the works of Philip K.Dick? What makes The Road literature even though it’s a post-apocalyptic novella? Why is Heart-Shaped Box or Wool so deeply disturbing and simultaneously resonant?

Why do star-packed big-budget films like Jupiter Ascending fizzle? Yet Blade Runner is a science fiction staple worthy of being remade for the newest generations to enjoy?

Horror & Plot

It’s easy to dismiss speculative fiction as escapist fluff and some of it is. But, when we look to the great speculative fiction, we see the authors are disguising explosive social commentary within narrative so it can be viewed and experienced behind the safety-glass/containment field of story.

By using story, we writers place the reader into this world then (hopefully) generate empathy that is impossible to create any other way. I’ve seen the movie I, Robot countless times and I bawl EVERY time during this scene.

Yeah this is me…

Stepford Wives was a commentary on the women’s liberation movement. Animal Farm was a treatise on socialism and the dangers of groupthink. The peril that comes with handing over too much power to those who claim to have noble and benevolent intentions without asking the hard questions.

Brave New World was Huxley’s stab at a culture propelled by temporary highs, unlimited choices and instant gratification while rejecting that which endured (love, family, marriage), because that which lasted required time, sacrifice and work. He showed us an eerily accurate picture of what society driven to fulfill only hedonistic pleasure could become if we were not vigilant…and is now probably rolling in his grave.

*Makes note to write story about Huxley haunting TikTock*

Horror and Commentary

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? was Philip K. Dick’s commentary on artificial intelligence and just because we can play God, should we? What sort of moral implications are involved? These are issues we are now facing for real, that are no longer fiction and we are being tasked with the tough questions.

Is it wise to create and sell sex robots that come with a “frigid” setting? What happens when we extend the logic of this? Blade Runner. We get Blade Runner. Also a bizarre escalation/reinvention of the previously mentioned Stepford Wives.

All these great science breakthroughs that float across our newsfeed are now fertile ground for new and possibly even better stories that prod the science with ethical dilemmas.

We show the world it’s upside down and maybe even ways to right it.

I believe that the great speculative fiction writers have always been the conscience of culture, the voice that whispers things like, “Just because we can, doesn’t mean we should.” Or, “This really is a big deal and can go ugly really easily.”

Horror does a lot of that as well. Good horror writers tap into the subconscious angst and gives it a face. What happens when society is allowed to continue to devalue human life? When mobs are handed permission to call the shots? Let’s chat about this after watching The Purge.

In Horror: To Make it BIGGER, Make it Smaller

When we care about everything, we care about nothing. Additionally, the human mind can’t truly grasp the loss of a billion lives. It doesn’t resonate because it can’t compute.

Thus the great spec-fic plots make the big small. We tell a small story of one person or a group of people as it plays out on the far larger stage. World War Z anyone?

This is why so many Hollywood movies about asteroids hitting the planet fizzle while The Road simply guts us.

Not All Big Stories are Big

Sometimes speculative fiction isn’t addressing something big, rather it dives into the intimate and deeply personal. Heart-Shaped Box is about a vengeful ghost out to destroy an aging rock star and anyone he loves. While the supernatural elements are terrifying, what is so beautiful and moving about this story is how the characters are forced to face and conquer inner demons they would have been happy to bury if not running for their lives.

The human story is what elevates this from a forgettable scary book into a work that prods at the deep dark places of the characters (and by extension the reader).

Character

Writing speculative fiction is really tough. It has a lot in common with literary in that it can turn preachy or fall flat so easily. Too many writers get fixated on world-building, when world-building is backdrop and can never substitute for story.

Spec-fic is tough and I swear it is the souffle of fiction. If we aren’t careful and look away one second? Yeah.

Plot of course matters in that we need a core story problem to drive the story, but characters are vastly important (possibly even more important). We must develop multi-dimensional characters with flaws and problems to set on this adventure because gizmos, gadgets, spaceships, magic, chainsaws, gore and ghosts alone are not a story.

We don’t need a bigger asteroid…we need a better story. Story is what is going to rattle the cage, not the two-ton spider. More blood or teeth won’t scare us and won’t change us.

In a world where we are overwhelmed with doom and gloom, where any debate on-line easily devolves into ranting, I think spec-fic is more important than ever in human history. Story is the place where the armor goes off and the heart is exposed and then able to be changed, fixed, remolded, and softened.

What are your thoughts?

I love hearing from you. Do you love horror? Dystopian? Science fiction? What are your favorites? I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU! What makes spec-fic great? Or fall flat? What are your pet peeves?

CLASSES for Motivation!

ROMANCE

***All classes have a $25 discount using New25. It did have a limit but since everything has been weird, I am just going to give that as a treat. The BUNDLES still work out cheaper, just for the record and all classes come with a free recording.

***AGAIN, check out the BUNDLES if you want more than ONE!

Baby, It’s Hot in Here! Writing High Heat Romance

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 28sth (7:00 PM to 9:00 PM EST)

BUNDLE! Double Dare TWO Romance classes, ONE great price!

Includes Bad Boys and Tease

BUNDLE! Triple Threat! THREE classes, ONE great price!

Includes Bad Boys, Tease, and High-Heat Romance

ON DEMAND OPTIONS from ME!

ON DEMAND: Bring on the Binge: How to Plot a Series

SIGN UP HERE. Use New20 for $20 off

ON DEMAND: The Art of Character: Writing Characters for a SERIES

SIGN UP HERE Use New20 for $20 off

Spilling the Tea: Blogging for Authors ON DEMAND

Sign up HERE and Use New25 for $25 off

The Dark Arts: Building Your Villain ON DEMAND

Sign up HERE New25 for $25 off

World Building 101: Playing ‘Author GOD’

Sign up HERE New25 for $25 off

The post Horror: Why We Love It, Hate It & NEED It appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Motivation is at the core of everything human related. It’s the reason for the common axiom in law enforcement: Before you look at outlaws, look at in-laws. We humans LIKE to believe we are super complicated when, by and large, we are anything but.

Articulating character motivation can help us when it comes to better storytelling. The best stories are, at their heart, SIMPLE. Notice I said, at their heart. Storytelling might be simple, but so is a top-notch soufflé. In fact, soufflés are an art form all to themselves.

Simple? Yes. Easy? By no means.

Yet, regardless of the time period, humans don’t change all that much. At least their core motivations.

For instance, the picture above. I spent years in ballet which I can attest is VERY hard on the body. My feet are now paying a heavy price. Though I loved it, I am not interesting enough to make a good ballet story.

But what about Nina in Black Swan? The motivations that drive her passion for ballet border then tip over into madness. She has always been her mother’s puppet. Her mom had to retire as prima ballerina because she ended up pregnant. So clearly it’s Nina’s fault Mom failed to live out her dreams.

Thus, Mom lives vicariously through her daughter. She controls and infantilizes her. Nina only has an illusion of agency. Nina punishes herself to perfection to meet a standard one would have to be mad to attain.

Nina loves ballet is vastly different from Nina is an unwitting puppet struggling to break free from a tyrannical mother and establish self-sovereignty.

She believes her motivation is one thing when it is very, very different.

Motivation and Fiction

WHY does a character WANT or NOT WANT a certain thing? Conversely why are they motivated to AVOID one thing or another?

Motivation is the center of the spiderweb that shoots out spokes into everything else.

Tug on one part of the web and the spider scrambles to hide, hunt or attack. Tear one part of the web down and what is first of that spider’s Things To Do List? Rebuild that part of the web exactly the same as it was. Or, if that is impossible, spin a new web that is as close to the old one as possible. A pattern ingrained into that spider.

We are not so different, or much smarter in ways.

If we do not take some time to get to know our characters, it will be painfully obvious on the page. They lack form, dimension, and come across as paper-doll- caricatures that are all so eerily alike that, without dialogue tags, we’d be unable to discern one character from another. Also, we risk them being dull, predictable and, did I mention dull?

In a book market with millions of competitors if there is one thing we cannot afford, it is to be dull.

The WHY Makes the WHO

Motivation defines the (hu)man. This will play out on two levels. What is it the character consciously believes he wants versus what does he truly want but is too terrified/damaged/proud/ignorant to recognize?

The recent Netflix series Dahmer is a sobering example. I’m a true crime junkie and Dahmer’s case, to me, was always very tragic from every angle. Parcast’s Serial Killers does an exhaustive study that would be far more comprehensive than any mini-series.

I won’t get into the gore because that is ancillary to the point. The point is Dahmer’s motivation. Dahmer was terrified of being abandoned. Because his abandonment issues (among other things) were never addressed early they metastasized into the makings of a monster and innocent people paid a terrible price.

I also believe part of what “made” Dahmer was he suffered from a life-threatening double hernia as a very young child and that is a MAJORLY complicated surgery even in 2022. Back then, the only anesthesia was ether. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to posit he suffered a TBI because there are just SO many accounts that he was “never right” after the surgery and all the symptoms align with a TBI.

NONE of that in any way excuses what he did, but these elements are key. In fiction? Motivations—even ones that are distorted—make the character believable. No one does anything in a vacuum.

Does mental health impact motivations?

Of course! If we are building a character, then any kind of brain injury, mental illness, abuse, substance abuse cannot help but influence—and likely distort/pervert—motivations.

Richard Chase, The Vampire of Sacramento is another example and Parcast does the best deep dive on both Dahmer and Chase in my POV. Chase was seriously mentally ill and his mother constantly interfered with him getting proper treatment…which of course only allowed his mental illness to become far more acute.

So why serial killers? Other than why not? The FBI’s BAU (Behavioral Analysis Unit) is actually a relatively modern invention. The founders postulated that—at least in large part—that determining the WHY would help identify the WHO.

Mental illness, PTSS, brain injuries can create very distinctive patterns in behavior. It can twist noble motivations into the darkest forms of depravity or skew what that person believes is reality.

Motivation and Antagonists

All stories need a core antagonist, a brain behind the story, or what I call The Big Boss Troublemaker. Without the core antagonist, the MC (main character) is just some poor schlep without a purpose.

One HUGE mistake for new authors is they fail to deep dive and ask the hard questions. WHY does the BBT want X, Y or Z? What is the core motivation? The more relatable the motivation, the better the antagonist/villain (they are not always the same thing).

Since we’ve already brushed the topic of serial killers, what about Buffalo Bill from the iconic Silence of the Lambs? Buffalo Bill didn’t kill for the sake of killing. He had a very specific type of victim to fulfill his “metamorphosis” fantasy, which, in many ways, made him a deeply resonant and dimensional character.

Why does Hannibal Lecter help? Because of HIS motivations. He is a god in his own mind and very much lawful evil. He exacts his version of “justice” accordingly. Much like the angry yet benevolent god he believes himself to be.

Something NOT involving serial killers?

Motivations are usually very simple, which is one of the reasons jails are so full. The usual suspects are rage, greed, revenge, lust/love. If we take a peek at the Seven Deadly Sins or Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, we can find the overall motivation. Our job, after finding the essential core, is to then layer on the nuance.

Many “bad guys” have motivations that aren’t all that unique.

In Dune the antagonist (The Emperor) wants total control of the spice and thus the known universe for very practical reasons—power, money, safety and all that jazz we see in the lower tiers of Maslow’s Hierarchy and even some in the upper.

In The Sandman, a wealthy occultist trying to capture Death unwittingly captures Morpheus (The Sandman) by mistake. His motivation? Grief. He’s a father who wants his son restored to life and he longs to cheat Death.

The Sandman is a FABULOUS series for all kinds of characters (antagonists) with vastly complex natures and motivations, by the way. LOVE The Corinthian. The series does a great job of following the book as well.

Antagonists are Not Always Evil

The Joy Luck Club is a great example. The BBT could be seen as toxic behaviors masqueraded as good intentions as acted out by all the females in the club. Each generation WANTS to break the toxic patterns but they keep changing geography instead of the conditions of their hearts. They fail to recognize their damage, so instead of healing the wounds, they pass them down.

They run from old shame/guilt instead of facing their demons and dealing with them. Because they fail to defeat their demons, they pass them onto their daughters. Despite the best of intentions to do everything differently, everything remains the same.

Thus June is the protagonist turned hero because she alone breaks the cycle and sets the example for the other daughters.

The antagonists in The Joy Luck Club have excellent motivations. They only want what is best for their daughters. The problem lies in their lack of self-awareness as expressed by Jung above.

Motivation and Main Characters

If we take some time to get to know our characters before we write, it’s wise to ask what they want and why they want it. Then, circle back and poke holes in that because, as Dr. House wisely remarked, “Everybody lies.”

Our main character might avoid conflict because she came from an abusive family and has defined all conflict as inherently bad/unproductive. She might be overly confrontational because she came from an abusive family and never learned discernment. She is willing to die on every hill and that not only exhausts her, but everyone around her.

If your character wants love, a relationship, marriage…then WHY? Articulate that. Then call BS, peel back the candy-coating and get to the meat of the matter.

Motivation Examples

My character wants to be married so she’ll be happy.

Actually, my character wants to be married because her mother always told her no one would want her and she’d always be alone.

Do you see how the first motivation is almost childlike in simplicity and doesn’t make for the most interesting story? What about the second one? Much better.

How about looking at specificity and upping the ante?

My character wants to have children because, unless he finds a mate suited for his magical bloodline, his kind will become extinct.

Good. Not too shabby.

My character wants to have children because, if his kind goes extinct, then there will be no Watchers left to guard the Seven Realms and keep Hell from extending its borders.

A bit more specific and, frankly more interesting. MUCH bigger stakes and ticking clock already built in. Which might be all well and good, but what if the MC no longer cares? He’s fed up with humans, his kind dying to defend them and their endless entitlement and ingratitude?

Then, you’d have to tweak his motivation. Maybe it begins as duty until you (as story god) offer him something about humanity worthy of saving. That is what we call arc .

What Do We Desire…REALLY?

Ultimately, everyone in our story should have a reason for why they want what they want (whether they are conscious of it or not). Characters just randomly doing things because we need them to is called cheating and readers will, rightfully, feel ripped off.

Granted, when you do backstory, feel free to go into as much depth as you want. I would merely caution that too much preparation can often be what we call productive procrastination. Just do a little bit of a “value sketch” and that will add so much more resonance to your story. Trust me.

Even if it is a matter of stopping along the way and asking, “Hey, I have Jane Doe doing X, but why does she want that? What is really driving that?” is a great place to begin.

What Are Your Thoughts on Motivation?

Can you see how characters, like in life, self delude? How this can be fabulous for adding depth to the story? Motivation can add a lot to the character’s personality and help make them seem more real than the people we meet every day.

What are some examples of movies, series, books, or characters that really gripped you with their motivations? What are some examples from YOUR work/writing? How did you deepen their motivations? In what ways were they self-deluded? Or can you see now how you might be able to dig even deeper?

I love hearing from you! REALLY!

And, since NaNoWriMo IS coming up, we do have some new classes. I need to re-list the world-building classes when I get a chance.

As always, THANK YOU for being here and your support.

CLASSES for Motivation!

ROMANCE

***All classes have a $25 discount using New25. It did have a limit but since everything has been weird, I am just going to give that as a treat. The BUNDLES still work out cheaper, just for the record and all classes come with a free recording.

***AGAIN, check out the BUNDLES if you want more than ONE!

Bad Boys: Can’t Live with Them, Can’t Write Without Them

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 11th (7:00-9:00 PM EST)

Tease: Keep the Romance Going…All Book Long

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 14th (7:00-9:00 PM EST)

Baby, It’s Hot in Here! Writing High Heat Romance

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 21st (7:00 PM to 9:00 PM EST)

BUNDLE! Double Dare TWO Romance classes, ONE great price!

Includes Bad Boys and Tease

BUNDLE! Triple Threat! THREE classes, ONE great price!

Includes Bad Boys, Tease, and High-Heat Romance

Writing Business

Burb Writing BITES (But Doesn’t Have To)

ON DEMAND OPTIONS from ME!

ON DEMAND: Bring on the Binge: How to Plot a Series

SIGN UP HERE. Use New20 for $20 off

ON DEMAND: The Art of Character: Writing Characters for a SERIES

SIGN UP HERE Use New20 for $20 off

Spilling the Tea: Blogging for Authors ON DEMAND

Sign up HERE and Use New25 for $25 off

The Dark Arts: Building Your Villain ON DEMAND

Sign up HERE New25 for $25 off

World Building 101: Playing ‘Author GOD’

Sign up HERE New25 for $25 off

The post Motivation & How What Drives Us Defines Us appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Neurodivergent is a buzz word that’s taken off in the past decade. The term applies to a broad spectrum of people who are, for whatever reason, not normal. Those who ‘suffer’ from ADD, ADHD, OCD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, etc. are all on the list.

For those who don’t know or haven’t guessed, I’m on the autistic spectrum and also have mild dyslexia, dyscalculia, and severe ADHD. Most of my life, I knew I was different, but wasn’t exactly sure why. I was always an outsider and struggled to pick up social cues.

***Most of my grade school teachers are still the fodder of nightmares.

I don’t recall my third grade classroom, only what the hall looked like.

Teachers punished me because I did things differently than the other students. I was a whiz at math, could solve highly complex problems in my head, only to fail the test because I transpose numbers. Or, I showed my work, but solved the problem differently than the way the teacher wanted.

It seemed no matter what I did, it was wrong. I talked too much, moved too much, worked too quickly, asked too many questions, and my obsessive need for order caused more than its fair share of problems.

In Kindergarten, my teacher broke all my Crayons in half and tossed them all together in a bucket.

I have still not gotten over the hurt.

Neurodivergent vs. Neurtotypical

Obviously, to be considered neurodivergent there has to be a counterpart, which includes those considered neurotypical.

Neurotypical describes individuals who display typical intellectual and cognitive development. Since human beings are social animals who band together for survival, a neurotypical is generally adept at navigating complex social situations, picking up on subtle social cues, creating friendships and forming lasting bonds.

They are more aware of what could be socially off-putting. Apparently, talking about serial killers or the Black Death for an hour straight at a cocktail party is not normal.

Who knew?

Unlike neurodivergents, neurotypicals aquire verbal, language, social, and problem solving skills along a fairly standard timeline and meet generalized milestones for development. They can also function well in a regulated environment without becoming distracted or overloaded by stimuli.

And, for the record, there is overlap. Some people can be mixture of both.

Neurodivergents & the Social Disconnect

GREAT at seeing patterns…in everything but a conversation *face palm*

As I’ve mentioned before, I am not a clinical psychologist, I only play one on the internet. Early life, for me, was challenging at best, but often pretty miserable. Not to tell a sob story but I didn’t like playing with other kids when I could be copying the encyclopedia or playing with my chemistry set.

Sorry about the chlorine gas.

In all honesty, I didn’t UNDERSTAND other kids. I had no concept WHY they wouldn’t be interested in organic chemistry or political science.

At first, I retreated totally inwards, reading, drawing, learning clarinet. Eventually, after binging enough standup comedy, I ‘learned’ how to be funny. I could ‘mimic’ being sociable, and to an extent I still do.

Back when I was growing up, I wasn’t neurodivergent, I was weird, a freak, a nerd, or (to most adults) a problem child. The handful of teachers who ‘got me’? OMG what a blessing!

I didn’t understand that one wasn’t supposed to be honest all the time. So one time, in 6th grade, when the same four boys disrupted the social studies class every single day for almost a month. And every single day the teacher made everyone put their heads on their desks even though we’d done nothing wrong.

I became more than a little annoyed.

Eventually, I asked the teacher why she couldn’t just send the four boys out of the room. Her job was to teach us about the Roman Empire, not read romance novels.

Yep, Mom got called to school over that one.

Overstimulation

Those of us who are neurodivergent are frequently viewed as ‘problematic.’ For instance, being on the autistic spectrum, I cannot tolerate certain textures in food or fabric. I am VERY picky about the clothes and jewelry I wear. Turtlenecks and chunky jewelry either give me anxiety or a headache.

I’ve recently struggled with finding a church to attend. No shade on the new style of churches. I know many people love the praise music and the show. But for me?

Dark rooms packed with people combined with booming music and flashing lights is a nightmare. Yet, when I say something about the loud noise and bright lights it falls on deaf ears because everyone else enjoys it.

This is why I struggled in school. The ‘noise’ of everything was simply too much, which was why I’d tap my foot or pen or move around…and eventually be planted in the hall.

Even now, as I am writing this, I’m wearing noise-canceling headphones.

When I worked in Corporate America, my admin and I nearly came to blows over the lights in MY office. I worked on a laptop and the natural light was fine. Florescent lights are too bright and flutter and give me headaches.

Invariably, the admin would lean in my office while I was working and turn on my overhead lights.

ACK!

Stimming & Neurodivergent

Stimming is common for everyone, but might be more pronounced with those who are neurodivergent. Biting nails, twirling hair, tapping a pencil, etc. are all forms of stimming.

Stimming is a way of dispersing extra energy that builds up as anxiety (obviously that anxiety will be more acute in the neurodivergent). One of the reasons experts believe that autism went underdiagnosed in females is that our stimming behaviors and coping mechanisms are far more socially acceptable thus go unnoticed.

Coloring for hours, rearranging dolls all day, collecting thousands of stickers or unicorns, writing stories, practicing a dance move over and over are simply ‘girl behaviors,’ thus fly under the radar.

I was in ballet for almost ten years. My mom deserves an award for letting me dance through the house all day every day for HOURS. To this day the only reason I think she doesn’t hate me for playing Tchaikvosky 600,000 times was because she’s also neurodivergent.

As an adult, I clean and listen to books and podcasts. I find it very difficult to sit and just read. When I used to attend church, I worked church security because I could walk around and look for any potential problems while also listening to the sermon.

With ADHD, I have to be doing multiple activities to pay attention. One that is a ‘no-brainer’ (cleaning, crochet, gardening) and the other that requires focus (listening to a lecture, a sermon, a book, talking on the phone).

I also live my life by lists, times and routines. Interfere with any of these and you’ll have me climbing a wall. Yes, I can be flexible…if I can plan it ahead of time.

Neurodivergent: Disabled or Differently Abled?

***Note: I KNOW and very much appreciate there are severe and even debilitating forms of autism, OCD, etc. but that isn’t what I am talking about today.

Thus, for the record, I am speaking for me as a neurodivergent person in a normie world. I get REALLY irritated when some suggest I have a disability. I believe I simply have a different operating system. Sort of like being a Mac when 93% of the world is Windows.

If being neurodivergent is a disability, then being left-handed should be as well, since all lefties know what it is like trying to function in a world where everything from notebooks and desks to cars and combines are designed for right-handed people. Lefties even have higher rates of accidents and, consequently, lower life-expectancies.

Did y’all know that 25% of CEOs and as much as 35% of entrepreneurs are actually dyslexic? Because they struggle with reading, they are more apt to commit information to memory, are better at delegating, and are excellent at persevering.

My son (A.K.A. Spawn) is neurodivergent and, at age 12, he studies three languages (German, Spanish, Russian) every day ‘for fun.’ He knows so much about every war from ancient Greece to Desert Storm, he’s like a walking Wikipedia.

When other kids his age are watching cartoons, he’s studying forensic accounting to understand how organized crime launders/hides money.

His favorite topic of ALL…*hangs head* vexillology. My son IS Sheldon.

Neurodivergent in Fiction

Whether we realize it or not, neurodivergent people are REALLY common in fiction, as noted above. Virtually every character on the wildly successful series The Big Bang Theory is neurodivergent, albeit in different ways and to different degrees.

Obviously neurodivergent characters will pop up more commonly in some genres than others, but characters who see and process the world differently are valuable in life AND in story.

Some favorite examples.

Thriller: The Accountant is about a severely autistic man who’s channeled his unique skillsets to become the ‘money guy’ for organized crime around the globe.

Science Fiction: Stranger Things is packed full of characters who are the nerds, freaks and rejects…who are just the type of people necessary to save the world.

Drama: As Good as It Gets Melvin Udall is a famous novelist who is a raging homophobe, misogynist, and misanthrope who suffers from crippling OCD. He ends up the very unlikely hero when his homosexual neighbor is the victim of a hate crime.

Crime Procedural: With Monk, one police department’s debilitating disorder is private detective’s superpower. Abby, genius forensic scientist and pathologist on NCIS, is at the minimum VERY ADHD. Dr. Laura Isles in Rizolli & Isles, is likely on the autistic spectrum though not to the degree as forensic anthropologist Dr. Temperence Brennan in Bones.

Nerds, Freaks, March to Their Own Kazoo

Our culture has used neurodivergent characters as tropes since before anyone knew what it was. We are those who are different, outsiders, freaks. Most of my growing up years were tough because being a nerd was a fate worse than death according to pop culture.

In a way, The Big Bang Theory was a mixed blessing for me. I read Dune, LOTR, played Dungeons & Dragons, was in debate, the chess club, a mathlete and collected all things Star Trek back when I got beat up for loving stuff…

…that’s now cool *rolling eyes*

No one wanted to talk to me unless they needed to copy my homework or wanted help on a paper. I remember longing to be normal, to fit in, to be like everyone else. Now? I fly my freak flag high. When it comes to my son, I tell him…

And, when we look to all the best movies, who are the heroes we love? Goonies, Ghostbusters, Back to the Future, Weird Science, and like every super hero movie EVER?

Neurodivergent People Have Problems

Just by the nature of our brains and sensory systems working differently, we DO have problems. Personally, I can’t be in (as in part of) really large crowds, around loud noises and I need time to be quiet. I miss social cues, can hijack conversations, talk too loudly and take things WAY too literally.

When I was a kid, there was an antacid commercial that practically gave me apoplexy.

Ad: How do you spell relief? R-O-L-A-I-D-S

4-Year-Old Me: *screaming at television* No, you dummies! It’s R-E-L-I-E-F!

Yeah, still working on nuance.

Sometimes the problems simply stem from, as I mentioned earlier, having a Mac OS in a Windows OS world. But, other neurodivergent people have struggles all along the spectrum of severity. Some of us do a fairly decent job of ‘fitting in’ whereas others probably never will, and that is okay too.

While fitting in can be overrated, I do admit there are times I wish I were normal… even though I have ZERO idea what that even would feel like.

Neurodivergent and Conflict

The beating heart of all fiction is conflict. Without conflict, we are left with ‘stuff happening.’ Since every scene requires conflict, more often than not, conflict will come from allies.

Think about Rizzoli and Isles. They’ll have a scene where clearly the victim has been shot but when Detective Rizzoli says the victim died by gunshot, Dr. Laura Isles chastises her. They know nothing until the body is on the table. She refuses to even say there is blood, only a ‘reddish substance.’ This is maddening for Rizzoli.

Abby from NCIS is like trying to get a fruit bat hopped up on cocaine and Pixi Stix to focus on one topic.

Dr. Sheldon Cooper has zero social skills and no sense that anyone has needs other than him. His girlfriend is Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, a Harvard graduate and a neurobiologist.

She is also, obviously neurodivergent not only because of her field and interests, but it would take a neurodivergent person to be attracted to someone like Sheldon and have the patience and the grace to try to have a romantic relationship.

My favorite? When Amy builds a Tardis around the door to lure Sheldon into the bedroom (for intimacy) but he just keeps running in and out of the bedroom trying to escape Daleks and searching for his sonic screwdriver.

Normal isn’t Always What is Needed

Neurodivergent characters can obviously be stars of the story, but they can also make fabulous allies. In Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Buffy is only different because she’s chosen and has powers to hunt and kill creatures the Hellmouth is spawning underneath Sunnydale.

While Buffy is a neurotypical who excels in the social realm (cheerleader) and is popular, she can’t fight evil without her less ‘normal’ allies like Giles, Xander and Willow.

This week I’m teaching a class on how to build characters that are strong enough to endure a series (Use New15 for $15 off). Neurodivergent characters are a great addition. We’ve always seen them, just maybe thought of them as the nerd, the brain, the geek, the computer whiz, the conspiracy theorist, the outcast, etc.

Neurodivergent characters might notice patterns the ‘normal world’ misses. They solve problems in unique ways or have skillsets that ‘popular’ kids wouldn’t have. Think of Dustin in Stranger Things who somehow always has a screwdriver, flashlights, batteries, and compasses. Dustin is the brains and Steve is the brawn.

Also think how much FUN it is to see a neurotypical and a neurodivergent team up. One of my favorite character threads in Stranger Things is how super popular jock Steve Harrington becomes best friends with shameless mega-nerd Dustin Henderson.

Put these two together and yes, there is conflict. But since each has skills the other doesn’t possess but needs they make a great team and, eventually learn from each other and grow as people.

***For me, Eleven—while interesting and necessary—comparably isn’t nearly as interesting as other characters in the series.

In the end…

As neuroscience is understanding more and more about how the human brain works, we are realizing that people who were once labeled as freaks, weirdos, nerds, lazy, difficult, etc. just are different. And there are a LOT of us. More by the day since the digital revolution is really a boon for us weirdos.

We’ll talk more about different types of characters in the future, but today hopefully shines a light on a character that you probably see every day (many of you in the mirror) and how they can really make wonderful additions to your fiction.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Do any of you guys struggle with being neurodivergent? I have a personal theory that many writers are neurodivergent and why we write people so well is because we spend so much time studying them. What are your thoughts on that?

Did you ever appreciate just how many neurodivergent characters there are in fiction, and how they can make the neurotypical characters shine even brighter?

When I mentioned the teacher breaking all my Crayons, did anyone have a VISCERAL reaction? What are some of the ‘things’ that bother you but don’t seem to affect regular people? Do you ever wish you were normal?

For the ‘normal’ people out there reading this blog (all five of you), do your weird friends make a little more sense?

I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU!

I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

We have been doing a lot of traveling because my FIL has serious health issues so I will announce May’s winner next post. I know I promised that last time, but we had to go to Arkansas AGAIN. Apologies.

CLASSES!

***All classes come with a FREE recording

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The post Neurodivergent: Being ‘Different’ in Life & Fiction appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Weakness is inherent to the human condition. No one is always strong all the time and in every way. Last post, we dove into the deep dark waters of the narcissist. Namely, we explored one of their more common tools for manipulation—gaslighting.

Obviously, I recommend going back to check out the post. But, for brevity’s sake, I’ll restate the definition here.

When reading how insidious gaslighting can be, it’s easy to think that this is something rare that only happens to ‘other people.’ Sadly, this is far from the case. This holds true for narcissists all along the spectrum from mild to terrifying. Why? Because we all have human weakness.

And remember, ‘weakness’ is a highly malleable term that can range from simply a kind and trusting nature to a deep psychological wound. Each weakness is like a hole where an abuser/predator can get a stronger hold to climb even deeper into the psyche of their target.

‘Weakness’ is Necessary

Weakness is a necessary part of being a healthy human. Yes, y’all read that correctly. All of us have strengths and weaknesses, and these are how we forge relationships.

If you think about your friends, partners, spouses, etc. often you’ll have just enough in common to spark, but where your relationship is particularly strong is along areas of weakness.

It is impossible to make a ‘connection’ if both parts are the same. Think of a plug. The cord needs prongs (male) and the wall needs the outlet (female). It is in their ‘opposite-ness’ that they come together and light up a room.

Is either the prong or the outlet ‘weak’? No. But they aren’t terribly useful on their own or without their counterpart.

My closest friends have a lot on common with me, but they are also diametrical opposites. While I might be a clean freak, organization is NOT my thing. Grace and Cait use Excel for everything. They have folders for folders and know precisely where everything is.

Me? I have one GIANT folder no one is to touch because, while I can’t put a finger on whatever in the moment, I KNOW it is in there SOMEWHERE. Cait and Grace keep me on track.

But, both Cait and Grace rely on me to help in areas they can ‘do,’ but where I am simply far better, like writing copy or determining price point variables. I’m oddly a writer who’s also excellent at math.

We NEED Each Other

I am very much a Tigger in my personality…which is why I married Eeyore. Granted, just like Tigger, I can be a LOT of fun…but I can also bounce through your life oblivious to all the things I might break in the interim (then feel SUPER SAD about it). I have three speeds—Fast, Warp Speed, and LUDICROUS. Meaning I think fast, talk fast, work fast, walk fast.

Admittedly, I am bad horrible at self-awareness and run until I burn out.

Hubby? He’s so slow and deliberate I want to stab him very meticulous in everything he does. While I am BIG PICTURE, Hubby is detail-oriented to the point it can be maddening (for me). But you know what? I NEED THAT! He actually *gasps* reads instructions! #Witchcraft

This said, someone with a gentle, sweet, caring nature might begin psychologically healthy. But, if they come in contact with the right kind of predator, that predator can/will use what is GOOD about that person to exploit them.

Common Weakness

We can be the most emotionally healthy people on the planet, but no one is immune from LIFE. A death, an accident, a job loss, a move, a breakup, a bad diagnosis (for us or a loved one) can throw us completely off center.

These common moments of weakness provide an opportune time for a narcissist to sink their hooks in.

When humans are stressed, we revert to the reptile brain (this is the fight-or-flight survival part of the brain). We’re simply trying to make it through the trauma. The problem is that, in this state, adrenalin and cortisol flood our system, which is great of you’re trying to outrun a bear, not so great when one is trying to manage a deceased loved one’s estate.

When in this super-excited state, blood no longer flows to the higher thinking centers. We might be able to lift a car off our child, but we won’t be debating Nietzsche while doing it. Every decision is minute-to-minute.

This is why predators (abusers, toxic people, con artists, cult leaders, etc.) constantly start drama. They don’t want their ‘target’ to ever calm down long enough to be able to very literally ‘see’ how insane their decisions really are.

It’s why narcissists use gaslighting (keeps the target panicked and questioning their judgement). The narcissist flip-flops between love-bombing to being cold as ice and there is no predicting when their mood will shift. This is to keep the other person off-balance and in reptile brain as much as possible.

Before you think, “It can’t happen to me….”

Writer Weakness: Panic in Publishing

This section is a PSA for writers, so feel free to scroll past if this doesn’t apply. We are ripe fruit for the clever (or not-so-clever) con artist. Ever since publishing entered the digital age, the scammers have come out of the woodwork.

I’ve had quite a few friends targeted, not because they are dumb, but because they are KIND. If any of this happens to y’all, make sure to consult an expert. I’m merely sharing my experiences and this is for educational purposes not a substitute for actual legal council.

This said…

Cons can take any number of forms, so I’ll only address the most common. Usually some random person will threaten an author with a bogus (or even a real) lawsuit for libel or slander. Most often the threat is bull sprinkles. They know our weakness. We aren’t attorneys.

The predator panics the author with the fear of a drawn out legal battle, but then will ‘kindly’ offer to make everything ‘go away’ if the author will pay out X amount of money ($500-$5,000 or so) as a ‘settlement.’ Or, maybe they wait for the terrified author to suggest a settlement. The ends are the same.

They’re COUNTING on the author a) being a good/decent person b) not knowing any better and c) freaking OUT.

Recently, a beloved friend of mine was a target. A woman from the UK told her she was suing my friend because of a comment on a blog of hers that was two years old. My friend is one of the gentlest, sweetest people I know and she immediately removed the comment, was extremely upset and didn’t know what to do.

Thankfully, she posted what was happening on Facebook and I intercepted (along with writer friends who were actual attorneys).

It is/was a CON.

First of all, people can sue for anything. It doesn’t mean they will get anywhere. When it comes to the internet, we can only control commenters to a certain degree. And, under Section 230—at least under U.S. law—anyone who posts on the internet is well-shielded from litigation (it’s why trolls can get away with so much).

But note, my friend didn’t post the offending content, another person did. So, the alleged ‘lawsuit’ made no sense. Even if this person actually was suing, this is the part writers need to understand.

***Um, Johnny Depp anyone?

In my friend’s case, I doubt this stranger would convince any judge that a comment from a two-year-old blog in another country did that kind of harm to her ability to support herself.

BUT, con artists do this all the time and writers are a prime target for these attacks. They know our weakness. We fear lawsuits (like any sane person).

My recommendation is ignore the email (other than maybe filing it). DO NOT RESPOND, PERIOD.

If it is genuine legal action then the plaintiff will officially serve you with papers (which is highly unlikely since it is a con). DO NOT ENGAGE. Do not feed the trolls con artists.

I only post this section because it does happen but also to demonstrate the POWER of tossing someone into reptile brain. It’s really a lot more effective than most people imagine.

Now, back to our regular programming…

How to Use Weakness in ‘Lite’ Fiction

Last time, when we discussed the narcissist, I mentioned that they can run along a spectrum from the person who is simply emotionally immature/needy/self-centered all the way to the truly diabolical.

Depending on which genre we are writing will dictate the appropriate narcissist. It also follows that we should use the appropriate ‘victim’ (for lack of a better term). If I am writing a sweet romance, then let’s do a quick example…

My narcissist might be the MC’s identical twin sister who cannot see how her behavior affects everyone else.

As an identical twin, she might be trying to ‘individuate’ by being the wild child (WC). She travels all the time, disappears, chooses ‘bad boy’ boyfriends, is constantly in financial straits, etc. The other sister—‘Good Twin’ (GT)—feels over-responsible. Her sister might use guilt, love bombing, or threat of abandonment to get away with pulling nonstop shenanigans.

Storyline…

WC doesn’t want a relationship with GT, not really (she might feel inadequate). But, she doesn’t want GT to love anyone BUT her (subconsciously). So, she’ll probably sabotage all good things that come into GT’s life. She’ll seduce her boyfriends, help herself to money, end up in dire trouble conveniently/and on important dates.

Thus, when GT starts her own cupcake bakery, and starts falling for the new town veterinarian, what sort of havoc is WC likely to pull? Well, on opening night maybe there is a big party, but WC, of course, crashes her motorcycle. GT drops everything to rescue sister…yet again

Y’all get the gist.

GT’s arc is going to be from doormat to finally putting down boundaries and allowing her sister to suffer the consequences of her actions. Ideally, both GT and WC will arc. One will put down healthy boundaries and the other will grow up and individuate in healthier ways. She can be a Wild Child without being selfish and hurting others.

Narcissist Dark

Hopefully, with that quick example, you can see how much chaos you (Author God) can create. People who are over-responsible, kind-hearted, struggle to stand up for themselves are common ‘victims’ and almost ALL of us can relate. Which is largely why these stories are so popular.

Once we tread into the darker realms of fiction (gritty fiction, psychological thrillers, crime fiction, suspense, mystery-suspense, fantasy, etc.) then just as our narcissist needs to change, our target should change as well.

One thing to keep in mind is the audience must sympathize/empathize with our MC. If we are not careful, it’s easy to make them TDTL. They need to have weakness, but it is tricky to balance flawed with ‘Too Dumb to Live.’

This is why I mentioned earlier how ANYONE can be a victim with the right circumstances.

But, when we profile what the MC is missing, then we can profile which narcissist is likely to be a match.

Trauma Weakness

Particularly nefarious narcissists know trauma is a game-changer for them. Think about con artists. In Texas, we get a lot of severe weather and one VERY common con is ‘roofing companies.’ They’ll start trolling right after a wave of storms and catch people when they are vulnerable and overwhelm them.

Their prime targets are usually the elderly or those who are still so in shock they aren’t thinking clearly enough to ask any questions, let alone the right questions.

Romance scams are more common than ever, especially with the rise of the internet and social media. Add in a couple years of quarantine and you’ve got a wide population of lonely, depressed people desperate for human connection.

Or say, something more common. Divorce/breakups. According to relationship counselors, right after a breakup/divorce is the WORST time to date. You’re reeling from loss (even if the breakup was necessary).

Suddenly your life is cleaved in half and there is a gaping psychic wound. Odds are your self-esteem has taken a hit and rejection and abandonment are primal fears guaranteed to have the limbic system lighting up like Vegas.

The irony is that the worst time to make major decisions is often when we, in our humanness, are more likely to make decisions.

We LITERALLY are not in our right minds.

We’ll sell the house, invest all our savings in a shady scam sure thing, quit the job, start dating/spontaneously move in with or marry the person that, before the trauma, we possibly wouldn’t have even gone near.

All these situations don’t just have red flags. THEY ARE A RED FLAG WAVING RED FLAGS ON AN ISLAND OF RED FLAGS.

But, in our weakness, we’re colorblind and predators know this. Whether this is some deadbeat/abuser who wants someone they can use or control, a sadist, a con artist, or even a killer, they can smell a drop of trauma from two miles away (or from across the globe on-line).

Thus, when creating your MC, the more ‘normal, everyday’ we can make that person, the more the story will resonate with readers. The more our MC looks like our readers, the deeper we can sink the psychological hooks. If our reader can blow off the MC as an idiot, then we lose the fictive dream. The more a reader has to catch their breath and think, “Oh, God! That could be ME!” the better the page-turner.

Weakness: What is the Narcissist’s ‘Type’?

Aside from trauma or major life changes, there are certain qualities the narcissist is looking for in a potential target. If we understand these qualities, then we can create the ideal MC for our story (again, always keeping genre and audience in mind). A target isn’t always damaged, they might be gentle, sweet, kind and generous.

When I plot (or consult with plotting), I prefer to come up with my antagonist (Big Boss Troublemaker) first, because this is who creates the core story problem in need of resolution. So, when considering genre, then choose which kind of narcissist you want to cast.

Once this is done, envision the qualities that the narcissist will twist to suit their own agenda.

What Does the Narcissist WANT?

This is the BIG question.

What does that narcissist WANT, because, first and foremost your MC has something the BBT desires. Hannibal Lecter has very different ends/wants than a Dirty John. One is a psychopath/serial killer and the other a serial con artist.

A bigamist has a different agenda/psychological profile from a phony modeling agent. One collects wives and the other collects sexual conquests/blackmail material. A cult leader seeking devotees wants something different from the malignant narcissist in the office who’s after your MC’s rightful promotion.

When you define what the narcissist WANTS, that is the core story problem in need of resolution. THEN we move onto the protagonist. Feel free to work the other direction if it suits you. Maybe you have a protagonist in mind. What does he/she HAVE that a predator might want? Then work from there.

Obviously we want to balance the MC against the antagonist (BBT). If we are writing about a love scam, then a lonely, naive interior designer unlucky in love (Dirty John) is a better choice than a hardboiled FBI agent with a shameful past (Silence of the Lambs).

Just make sure that, as you’re writing to continually ask, “Is this a person that, under the right circumstances, could fool even ME?” and build from from there.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Obviously, I DO listen since one of the commenters in the last post mentioned thinking who a narcissist might target. And here we are!

***For the record, I DO go into greater detail on the variety of cons in an upcoming class, Spilling the Tea: Blogging for Authors.

For me, the scariest part about narcissists (predators) is anyone can be a victim. What is scariest for you? What kind of predator really gets under your skin? Which vulnerabilities freak you out the most? What type of predator angers you the most? I have a special hatred for abusers and con artists.

I love hearing from you, and to show my appreciation…

CONTEST

What do you WIN? For the month of MAY, for everyone who leaves a comment, I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice.

The Prize?

The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

CLASSES!

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TOMORROW!

Bring on the BINGE: How to Plot & Write a Series

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The post Weakness: Blood in the Water & Narcissist Sharks appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

‘Gaslighting’ is a term I’ve used for YEARS. Oddly, however, until recently, almost nobody knew what the heck I was talking about. I would have to explain about the movie from the 1940s, based off a 1938 play Gas Light.

Anyway, it would just turn into a rambling conversation almost as awkward as when I pitched my first ‘novel.’

For those who’ve not seen the movie or the play, I strongly recommend it because it dovetails into what I’d like us to discuss today. My archives are bursting at the seams with posts on plotting, scenes and sequels, themes, setting, etc. And NOT to say I won’t write on these topics again.

But, what I am striving for here, is a truly MEATY blog that digs deeper, plumbs the depths of our psychology, and simply offers more.

***For instance, take my last post. How does our story/character(s) change if we introduce a profound mother wound?

Today, we’re going to talk about a staple character in fiction—the narcissist—and one of the most powerful weapons they wield to get what they want. Remember, I am not a psychiatrist, I just play one on the internet .

Really GREAT storytellers are masters at noticing and unpacking the human condition.

Psychologically healthy, stable people, who always make rational, responsible decisions make for boring stories. So let’s spice things up, shall we?

Gaslighting: What IS It?

Mental health professionals also refer to gaslighting as ambient abuse.

The mental health community, as well as popular culture, appropriated the term ‘gaslighting’ from the classic play/movie.

In the story, Gas Light, the female MC is newly married and her husband insists they move into her aunt’s London apartment. The aunt is recently deceased and has willed the apartment to the MC.

Since this is Victorian England, gas lamps light most streets and homes.

Put a pin in here.

Before roughly the 1950s or maybe a little later, it was not uncommon for male family members to commit female relations (wife, mother, sister, daughter, etc.) into insane asylums for any number of reasons that had NOTHING to do with mental health. The burden of proof for ‘insanity’ was extremely low, especially for the wealthy who could afford ‘care.’

Besides, good luck disproving a negative. If someone labels you crazy, the more you try to prove you’re sane, well, the crazier you look, right?

Anyway…

Back to Gas Light...

In the story, the husband—for reasons I won’t go into here—is actively laying the groundwork to have his wife committed. To do this, he would, say, give her a really expensive necklace. She’d tuck it away in her vanity then, without her knowing, he’d move/hide it.

Later, he’d manufacture a reason for her to wear the necklace, but of course it’s missing. Once she was good and hysterical tearing the house apart, he’d berate her for being so absent-minded, then smugly go to the vanity and—VOILA!

Guess what was there all along?

He’d follow these stunts with lots of comments to express his care. “Are you feeling well?” “You know how you’ve not been yourself.” “Why don’t you go lie down?”

Husband continues to move/hide paintings, furniture, jewelry, common household items and all along acts as if his wife is losing touch with reality. The coups de gras, however, is with the gas lamps.

Every evening, when he leaves for his ‘walk’ the gas lamps noticeably dim. Not only does this make it hard for her to see, but she’s also hearing noises/footsteps from their third floor (which has been closed off and supposedly has no outside access).

Suffice to say, Husband is waging a psychological warfare campaign to persuade his wife (and witnesses) that she’s losing her mind and, thus, needs to be sent away for professional care.

Gaslighting by Degrees

Just like last week, the way we might use gaslighting in a story can vary by genre. First, the narcissist can be represented by proxy. Used this way, the ‘narcissistic force’ believes the ends justify the means and is willing to fabricate the facts and ruthlessly enforce a false narrative to achieve certain goal(s).

In the classic dystopian novel 1984, the government is gaslighting the public.

Thus, if one is writing a political thriller, a dystopian, a science fiction, then a system/structure doing the gaslighting is a mainstay. Regardless what the ‘people’ in your story see with their own eyes, the propaganda machine is there to say it isn’t real and, therefore, something must be wrong with anyone who dares disagree.

Now, I know it’s very easy for us to say, “NO WAY! This could never happen to me.” But, I’d recommend reading up on the Asch conformity experiments. Solomon Asch wanted test the threshold of conformity, as in how long could we hold onto a belief before the group superseded what one saw as ‘true’?

To simplify.

I draw a line on a board that’s slightly crooked. I recruit hidden actors to say the line is straight no matter what. You, however, insist the line is crooked. So, how LONG do you maintain the line is crooked as more and more people join the group avidly claiming the line is, in fact, straight?

How long until you at least questioned what you were seeing?

Maybe YOU would never change your answers, but read up on the studies. The pressure to conform is more powerful than I find comfortable.

This said, gaslighting is a LOT more common in fiction than we might realize. “Area-51 is just a base.” “There’s no such thing as aliens.” “Bat boy doesn’t exist.”

***Okay, I know I lost some of you there. BATBOY IS DEF REAL!

How much of this gaslighting narrative creates the foundation for some of our most beloved sci-fi? Stranger Things, Stargate, X-Files, anyone?

Gaslighting is the beating heart of coverups and government conspiracies so obviously, when done on a mass-scale, it’s essential world-building for many genres.

But what about when we are dealing with individuals?

The Many Kinds of Narcissists

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a narcissist is “an extremely self-centered person who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance.” Not all are crazy or violent. Some are well-meaning (in their own minds) as we’ll see.

Their self-absorption can come from psychological immaturity or they don’t believe they can get what they want unless they manipulate. Not all narcissists are gaslighting ‘intentionally.’

Why am I mentioning narcissists? Because gaslighting is a go-to tactic for getting what they want. This said, there is a WIDE range of narcissists to work with, which helps because different genres require narcissists of the appropriate stripe.

If we are writing lighter fiction, say comedy or sweet romance, then simply adding in a person who only thinks about him or herself (without regard to any consequences) works great.

In the lighter genres, we are NOT casting someone with a diagnosable personality disorder. They’re simply self-centered to the point of social blindness.

Think about the comedy classic, What About, Bob? Bob (Bill Murray) is an overly dependent neurotic patient with obsessive compulsive disorder who tracks down his successful therapist when his therapist tries to go on vacation.

The blind spots alone in this movie make for plenty of laughs. But, Bob is SO dependent, so fixated on his own needs, that he cannot see how utterly inappropriate his behaviors are.

In a sweet romance, writers might cast the heartless boss, the mother who’s a relentless match-maker (because SHE wants grand-babies), or the ruthless workaholic investor who doesn’t care who he screws over to land the deal.

***And, before anyone shouts about cliches, cliches are cliches because they WORK. The kicker is writing them well enough that people don’t see them/or care. It is all in the execution.

Gaslighting and Story Problems

Thus, the heartless boss could claim he has no memory your MC had a wedding to attend and her carefully submitted forms don’t exist in the system. Either she works the weekend or she’s fired (tampering with her memory).

The matchmaking mother will claim total innocence, that all her meddling is perfectly innocent, when she knows full well it isn’t. But, needs must.

Our ruthless investor can act as if the property manager didn’t submit the historic papers on time, thus the property is to be demolished for a new condo.

All of these scenarios can be tweaked with casting, setting and we have countless variations to work with. Since the audience has likely dealt with a person in their REAL lives who have acted similarly, this creates resonance.

***For those who’ve seen Glengarry Glen Ross (image above), the entire plot is a gaslighting. There never were any good leads.

Gaslighting can offer up some rough gems we can shape and polish into a story worthy of every storyline from Hallmark, to slapstick to psychological mind-benders and blood chillers.

Comedy & Horror

Gaslighting is a go-to for the narcissist as a tool to get what they want. If we are looking at a comedic character like Bob, from What About Bob? then this is simply a person with highly a warped sense of reality. He projects whatever inappropriate action he’s doing as totally normal and insists it’s actually his target (the therapist) who’s not ‘seeing clearly.’

In fact, insisting someone isn’t seeing/experiencing something is a REALLY common comedy trope.

Tallageda Nights comes to mind.

But comedy and horror are the closest of bedfellows. What do you get when horror is TOO over the top? Comedy. Conversely, what about when a joke/prank goes horribly wrong? Horror.

Once you know what genre you’re writing and start to cast characters, you’ll know what sort of narcissist you’ll need and the ways they’ll use gaslighting to get what they want.

Obviously, as we tread into grittier general fiction, psychological thrillers, thrillers, suspense-thrillers, crime fiction, etc. the narcissist we’ll see more often is the clinical version. Someone with, say, NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).

This manipulator might be gaslighting unintentionally but, for a good villain, that’s a hard sell. These narcissists see people as pawns to push around a chess board. Others are merely a means to getting what they want.

Narcissists and Gaslighting

Narcissists come in a variety of packages from the overly self-absorbed the ‘clinical’ territory (psychopaths). Psychopathy not a diagnosable mental health disorder according to the DSM-V, yet we all know this is a real thing and professionals can diagnostically measure via assessments.

For gritty fiction or any of the darker sides of the genre spectrum, the ways, the degree, and to what ends the narcissist gaslights changes accordingly.

First of all, a story is only as strong as the BBT (Big Boss Troublemaker). Not all BBTs are villains, though in certain genres, they usually are. This person forms the entire POINT of the story, so I strongly recommend reading the hyperlinked post above.

We (as a reader) must fear and respect the narcissist. Sociopaths and psychopaths are masters of manipulation. If we do our jobs right, our readers will be strapped into the Rollercoaster from Hell alongside your protagonist. WE should be questioning reality if your narcissist is worth his/her salt.

Gaslighting is a highly destructive tool that can cause permanent harm. Refer to my post about how lies change the structure of the brain. Remember the entire point of gaslighting is to make the victim (and those around who might possibly render aid) question themselves, their memory, their sanity.

What makes gaslighting particularly insidious is it extremely difficult to detect . For brevity’s sake, this post has a FABULOUS (okay, TERRIFYING) list of ways narcissists gaslight and the common things they say.

Gaslighting Escalates

Gaslighting always starts small. This is to test if the victim/target has enough self-awareness, strong enough self-esteem to call the narcissist on their bull$!@. Anyone can be a target. Your character might have been otherwise strong/self-aware, but has recently suffered a loss or major life change and is in an emotionally vulnerable state.

Narcissists smell blood in the water.

Frequently, the gaslighter will begin by simply denying your feelings/experiences. You are just so sensitive. Why are you blaming me for your ex? You’re too needy. No one wants you around because you’re too controlling.

***Keep in mind, if the gaslighting remains at THIS stage, alone, it can still be seriously damaging.

This then could possibly escalate to moving your belongings, only for those belongings to reappear in the original spot or some bizarre place no sane person would put that item.

Then, the items (usually something important/treasured) never reappear. The narcissist throws them away, pawns them, gives them away, or maybe keeps them as trophies.

Gaslighting can graduate to more obvious emotional and verbal abuse. The aggressor says the most horrible things, then when you get upset, they act completely befuddled why you’re upset and/or might flat out denying the event ever happened. They will claim you’re tired, over-sensitive, or can’t take a joke.

But, they don’t BEGIN here. They have to prime the person, have them good and rattled before bringing out the bigger guns.

Bigger Guns

A main tactic is to always keep you on the defensive. Remember what I said earlier, you cannot disprove a negative. Narcissists can be among the most dangerous people on the planet, so nothing is off the table when they lock onto their prey.

They’ll accuse the victim of lying, stealing, cheating, not loving them enough, not being attentive enough. And they will do so in ways the victim cannot make a viable defense.

A lover might accuse her partner of cheating, but when he shows her his phone to prove his innocence, she waves a receipt for a disposable phone. One that, of course, HE didn’t buy, but good luck proving it.

The goal is to have the victim SO rattled they are hyper-vigilant and always a) gathering evidence of their innocence or b) actively trying to do ‘enough’ to appease the narcissist.

They dance and dance and dance because, over time, and without knowing, they’ve turned into a puppet the narcissist can make perform on a whim.

Character Assassination

Should the narcissist launch a particularly viscous gaslighting campaign, be certain they won’t do it alone. They will enlist others to buttress their version of reality. The more witnesses on their side, the more the victim spirals into despair and self-doubt.

If you have one glass of wine at home with dinner, the narcissist might do something horrible then a) claim it never happened, you were too drunk to remember b) play the victim because you were blackout drunk. No matter how much you protest you had ONE glass—or even NO glasses of wine—who is going to believe you?

If you’re at home, he’ll have the ‘evidence.’ If you’re out with friends, the narcissist will suggest (compassionately and with deep concern) that you’re a closet alcoholic. He’ll be the long-suffering companion who’s still supporting you even though you cannot see you have a problem.

Look no farther than the psychological thriller The Girl on the Train for prime examples.

Should your MC take any type of medication—psychiatric medication in particular— that can/will be easily weaponized. God forbid your MC have any displeasing emotion—sadness, disappointment, righteous anger—lest the narcissist ask if you’ve taken your meds.

Gaslighting & Weaponizing the Well-Meaning

Narcissists can use gaslighting to weaponize well-meaning people. Say, the MC has had enough, is wise to the game and *cringes* confronts their abuser. Do NOT put it past the abuser to inflict some sort of self-injury then call the authorities claiming THEY are the victim.

Police are unlikely to have much sympathy for the person who isn’t bleeding and bruised and claiming the ‘victim’ ‘threw themselves down the stairs.’

Or maybe the narcissist lovingly brings your MC a glass of juice, but it’s filled with crushed Xanax (for which your MC has no prescription). The abuser calls the ambulance in the nick of time and insists on a psych hold and drug counseling. They had NO idea the MC was on PILLS!

Once a person hands any abuser the keys to the kingdom regarding their SANITY? Good luck digging out of that. Medical personnel, social workers, mental health workers can all become benevolent soldiers in the narcissist’s campaign.

And, once a narcissist has their victim publicly labeled as mentally unstable, unable to care for themselves, an addict, an abuser, a pervert, a cheater, a liar, a thief? There is almost no end to the level of destruction they can unleash.

We’ll talk more on that on a different post.

In the End

Gaslighting is only one of many tools a narcissist can use to get what they want. Again, remember your genre. In Season One, Episode 19 of Desperate Housewives, Susan’s mother is ditzy, immature, self-centered, over sexual and has zero respect for boundaries.

So, Susan’s mother ambushes her with two men in the living room, Mom insists she was trying to HELP! It was a double date, and Susan is the one always overreacting and a stick in the mud.

This is a FAR cry from the gaslighting psychological warfare campaign in far darker stories like Misery, Fear, Sleeping with the Enemy, or Single White Female. In books? Aside from the dystopian mainstays, I recommend Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, The Guest List by Lucy Foley, I Eat Men Like Air by Alice Berman, and Rock, Paper, Scissors by Alice Feeny to name a few.

Thoughts on Gaslighting?

Did you know what gaslighting was? Are you surprised to see how common it is in fiction? Did learning about the different types of narcissists and the way they mess with reality spark any good story ideas?

Anything y’all would like to add? Obviously, for time’s sakes, I cannot cover everything, so feel free to chime in.

I love hearing from you, and to show my appreciation…

CONTEST

What do you WIN? For the month of MAY, for everyone who leaves a comment, I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice.

The Prize?

The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

***April’s winner is Maria D’Marco. Thank you for your comments! Please email your 5,000 word WORD doc, double-spaced, Times New Roman, to kristen at wana intl dot com. Put CONTEST WINNER in the subject line so I can see you.

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