Self-discipline usually is one of those terms most people use in January when hastily scribbling out New Year’s Resolutions. Of course, that was before 2020 came along and tore a hole in the space-time continuum.

Every day is now Monduesday. Ketchup is a vegetable and the past seven months have been like the IRS, TSA, and DMV came together and created their own version of the most un-fun mandatory Halloween EVER.

***The kind where NO ONE gives you candy, only hand sanitizer and a hard time.

It’s been a weird year for everyone in the world. Most people have had their lives totally upended.

I’ve been working from home for going on twenty years and homeschooling for almost four. One would think I would have a major advantage and be doing smashingly! Nope. Even I’ve been going bonkers.

Yes, even though I’m an introvert who enjoys alone time, my world has gone down a rabbit hole. For someone who used to excel at self-discipline, it’s become like trying to swim laps in a pool of quicksand. Me, being the curious person I am decided to ask…

Why?

Self-Discipline Isn’t Just About Self

I wrote a post back in April, The Truth About Introverts & Why the Quarantine is Hard on Us, Too. There’s a lot of misunderstanding about introverts. People tend to think that, out of everyone, the introverts would be doing AMAZING with shut-downs, quarantines, lockdowns, etc., but (barring some rare exceptions) that’s far from true.

Feel free to click on the blog to learn more about my theories, and I talk about the extroverts, too. Most people are a mixture of both (ambiverts). Pure introverts and pure extroverts usually cannot function in society.

This said, I think self-discipline is a sort of misnomer in my POV. Yes, WE are ultimately responsible for ourselves, but as the poet John Donne so eloquently put it:

No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main..

Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions and Seuerall Steps in my Sickness- Meditation XVII, 1624

Humans are biologically wired to be social creatures. Thus, I feel that a lot of developing self-discipline, strengthening, and maintaining self-discipline hinges on human connection.

Relationships, peer pressure, healthy competition and social interaction all help us create stability and strengthen healthy habits and routines.

Self-Discipline & Routine

I believe a lot of us are struggling with self-discipline because, first of all, a lot of the systems that built routines into our lives as a matter of course have been disrupted or even dismantled.

As I’ve already mentioned, I’ve worked from home for years. Until 2020, a lot of people were envious of me (and couldn’t understand why I would actually be envious of them).

There is something to be said for getting up at a certain time, clocking into a physical space that is NOT your home, working, clocking out, then going to the gym, going home, or whatever.

There is a delineation in your time. When systems that once used to be separated suddenly get tossed into a blender—work, cleaning house, working out, doing bills, schooling kids, cooking, spiritual activity—it’s a battle.

Routine is one of the best ways to develop self-discipline muscles.

A great example is going to the gym.

The hardest part really isn’t the working out, it’s the walking through the door. Once inside, we see other people, we feel the rush, the heathy peer pressure and we’re golden. The trick is to keep doing it, to build a system that feeds that routine.

Add in Social Accountability

I believe self-discipline is becoming harder than it’s ever been because it really is more and more self-discipline.

Going it alone, as in ALL alone is a rare quality. Social accountability makes self-discipline a lot easier. Think about trying to do yoga at home versus being in the middle of a yoga class.

You’re more likely to finish the 45 minute class, because you don’t want to be the one person punking out ten minutes in. Even if you simply curl up in child pose, you’ll stay to avoid the walk of shame criss-crossing through everyone’s mats.

Maybe just me.

We are actually capable of a lot more than we realize, and often give up way too quickly. The whole NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) proves this every year when regular everyday people rise to the challenge and write 50,000 words in a month.

Social accountability not only keeps us from tapping out when we really could do more, but it can also spark us to do MORE because of good old fashioned competitive FUN.

We Are Not Alone

Back in the olden days, writing was a very solitary profession. This was why I started the whole W.A.N.A. movement first on Twitter as a hashtag, then Facebook, and finally I just created my own site on NING, W.A.N.A.Tribe.

***W.A.N.A. stands for We Are Not Alone, btw.

Initially, I created these groups on social media because writers were terrified to be on-line (but that was really only a side benefit). The real reason I created community was because I understood a) that peer pressure was amazing when it came to developing self-discipline and b) no writer stood a chance of ever making it unless they could keep butt in seat long enough to finish the books .

Peer pressure gives accountability.

When you’re brand new and wanting to start a blog or write a novel and you’re all on your own, it’s tough. I know, because that’s how I began. Once I joined a local writing group, I started taking my writing more seriously.

But, after a few years, I outgrew even that and needed more.

Eventually, I got away from running the W.A.N.A. groups on Twitter and Facebook because there was just too much distraction, data-mining, spam, and drama.

I pay for W.A.N.A.Tribe out of my own pocket because I want people to have a safe space free from ads, spammers, drama, trolls, and distraction. We’ve been meeting in the chat section 5 days a week every week all year long for over six years now.

We do one-hour sprints where you can write, research, blog, do laundry, homeschool your kids, cook dinner, plot global domination using genetically enhanced sea monkeys, whatever.

Sure, it’s mostly for writing, but we all know that being a writer involves a LOT more than putting words on a page.

We go for an hour, then when we call time, you report what you accomplished. This is when we chat for a bit, laugh, joke, encourage one another, then we go again. And, like my gym or yoga example, between the structure, focused time, and peer pressure, you’ll be SHOCKED how much more your are capable of doing when you add in these additional factors.

Every year that we’ve had NaNoWriMo participants, we’ve had over 90% completion (usually 100%) and in record time. Shortest was 50,000 words in 11 days. It’s amazing what we are capable of with a team cheering us on.

This said, in this weird year, checking in at The Tribe has been one of the few things that’s kept any semblance of order in my life. But I won’t lie, it has STILL been really tough.

Self-Discipline Together

Self-discipline should feel good. I know 2020 feels like we’ve been strapped to Hell’s Tilt-A-Whirl and everything feels out of control. But, hard life fact here? Control is an illusion anyway.

So chill. Breathe. Find a couple areas where you can start and realize you are not alone. You’re human. Bad news? No one else can do this self-discipline thing FOR you. Great news? We can do it WITH you!

We might all be texting and zooming and meeting on-line, but this too shall pass and WE ARE NOT ALONE.

What Are Your Thoughts? I LOVE Hearing From You!

I know the whole W.A.N.A. Tribe thing sounds like an ad. I don’t make any money off any of y’all hopping in and telling us you’re gonna do some laundry in the next hour, finish painting the hallway, or outline your next romance. It’s a service I’ve been paying for since 2012.

I get the JOY of being on your team and knowing maybe I can help y’all add back some STRUCTURE into this crazy, crazy world.

That, and we do have a lot of fun.

What are your thoughts? Have you had a tougher time being self-disciplined? Do you think it has to do with our world having everything either closed down or closed off or the hours all weird? That the metrics we’d used for so long just went out the window and we’re trying to recalibrate? Maybe we are isolated and that’s jacking us up?

What are your ideas? Suggestions? I’d love different thoughts or angles. Because Halloween candy for breakfast will only cut it until the Reeses cups are gone…

The post Self-Discipline: Can’t Someone Else Just Do This FOR Us? appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Advice floats around everywhere. We get it from friends, family, cutesy memes, gurus, life coaches, books, television, podcasts and…bloggers *giggles*. We’re subjected to advice, whether we want it or not.

Please, let me be clear. Wise counsel is a good thing. Definitely.

We certainly don’t want to try and do this “life thing” with zero guidance. But the influx of so many opinions can be confusing, maybe even make us a tad crazy.

But these days, advice has gotten out of hand. It’s even invaded fortune cookies. Our FORTUNE COOKIES! Yes, we’ve been ordering a lot of take-out recently.

Remember those who persist enjoy success.

Okay, I’m throwing a flag on the play. THAT???? Is NOT a fortune cookie. Fortune cookies don’t offer unsolicited advice. I have a mom for that (I love you, Mom).

A fortune cookie is FUN and something we know is probably bunk, but would be super cool if it were true.

You will soon have good fortune in your endeavors.

Granted, we have no idea WTH that means. Maybe it’s good fortune regarding our endeavors investing in the stock market. Or maybe it’s our endeavors finding the bottom of that master closet we’ve been promising to clean out for three years. That isn’t the point.

Fortune cookie? FUN. Lecture Cookie? NOT FUN.

Great Advice

Ah, who doesn’t love great advice? Granted, there are certain tenets that remain true no matter the time period we happen to be living in. Most of us don’t struggle in those areas. Like probably a good idea not to murder people or go around robbing banks.

We’re solid on those, hopefully.

Since I talk mostly about writing, publishing, and the processes and components of success on this blog, we’re going to narrow the scope a bit.

If you want to write professionally—or do anything at the professional level—then the greatest advice I’ve gathered, is to learn everything you can about what you’re doing.

#NoDuh

For novelists, we can’t break rules until we understand the rules. My advice is to read a TON of fiction—I recommend reading extensively inside as well as outside of the genre you wish to master. Add in reading craft books, blogs as well as taking classes. Then practice, practice, practice.

I learned all this the hard way, which is one of the main reasons that, even though I’m a recognized expert at branding and platform building, I still dedicate a lot of time and effort to teaching craft.

When we struggle? Then it’s time to seek out colleagues and professionals to teach us how to deal with specific issues. This advice is instructional, but still put a pin in this.

Back in the day when I was new? When it came to writing fiction, I had zero idea why my submissions kept getting rejected.

Professional Advice

After banging my head into a wall enough times, I finally reached out to an expert who did me the favor of telling me the truth. He gave excellent advice. I didn’t understand structure. My story was…all over.

That’s saying it nicely.

With this critical bit of insight, however, I could formulate a strategy. I went to everyone I respected to explain story structure and then I studied.

I read countless books, then broke those stories apart. Not only that, I made sure to do this in all genres, with every variety of structure.

I even applied what I was learning to movies and television series and dedicated countless hours until I turned what had once been my greatest weakness into one of my greatest strengths.

Sure, I continued to hone my other skills. But, I also understood that anyone considered “great” stood on the shoulders of those who’d come before.

Why reinvent the wheel? The wheel works!

Advice can be critical and can shorten the learning curve significantly. We can transition from neophyte to the artist we long to be in a MUCH shorter time frame if we’re humble enough to seek outside help.

The Art of Discernment

Immersion and mastery is critical. This is true in all professions, not just in writing.

But there is another benefit that comes from gathering all the guidance you can from those whom you respect, then giving their suggestions at least a try. You learn what works, what doesn’t, and what might need to be modified.

It also keeps us from falling into fads, and being tossed along on the tides of other people’s opinions.

We gain a sense of who we are and that, what might be a fantastic approach for one author (or entrepreneur, marathon runner, parent, etc.), might not be the best for us. Better still, we’re able to articulate WHY this or that tactic does or doesn’t work for us.

Bad Advice

This is where things might start to get a bit hazy, because in many instances, bad is subjective. Also bad advice and good advice are fluid.

Life isn’t static.

What worked great for me this time last year, certainly crumbled once my health collapsed this past winter with what was deemed a COVID-LIKE ILLNESS.

I can preach all day long about persistence and why emotions can’t dictate putting your @$$ in the chair and getting words on a page—and have—but when you can’t even make it out of bed?

That advice goes out the window…along with anyone giving it. KIDDING!

….I wouldn’t have been strong enough .

But my time off—which has been enough to make me want to live in my blanket fort forever—has made me think about a lot of the Rah! Rah! quotes we hear all the time, especially in self-help and business success books.

***Which, for the record, I still love those. Mostly.

Yet, during my forced convalescence, I listened to a lot of audio books. I strive to be optimistic, but was really down in the dumps.

Suddenly, my go-to reads I’d always used to perk me up were doing the exact opposite. The phrases (mantras) that once cheered me up were…well, pissing me off.

I believe we’ve heard a lot of these quotes so many times, we simply accept them, regurgitate them, and try to live up to them. Then, when we don’t? We’re even more miserable.

But today? Let’s unpack some of these advice bricks, the ones made from good intentions that are paving the road to personal hell. What once was sound advice has—in my POV—become dogma. Toxic dogma.

Maybe I’m being dramatic. We’ll see.

Good Intentions & Toxic Dogma

I presume most of you have heard the proverb, The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Every one of those bricks, or at least many, have some of the quotes I’d like to rip apart parse for further examination.

#1 Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day.

How many times has this quote made me feel like dirt? Man, I took time to read a book for FUN? Or go to an amusement park or simply do…nothing? Look at all these amazing people accomplishing greatness.

They’re world-changers because they’ve mastered time-management!

So I’d buy another organizer, another book on how to do more stuff in less time, download another app and still…

Weighed, measured and found wanting.

But let’s look at this credo honestly. Did Leonardo DaVinci have to wash his own laundry? Clean his own house? Cook his own food? Go shopping? Pay bills? Watch kids?

Shuttle a rowdy team of jousters and their equipment from event to event?

No. He had wealthy patrons with servants who took care of aaaaalllll the other stuff so he could do what HE DID and do it WELL.

Same (or similar enough) with Michelangelo, Isaac Newton, Dale Carnegie, blah blah blah….

Not saying they didn’t achieve greatness, but they…um, well let’s say they had a lot of other people to delegate the more mundane matters of life to.

Modern examples. Do we really believe we have the same 24 hours as Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, Kim Kardashian, J-Lo, Marissa Mayer (former C.E.O. of Yahoo), or any other “icon” from any industry?

Really?

Frankly, I was up to my eyes in laundry recently when an article crossed my phone. Gwyneth Paltrow had a piece filled with advice about how I could achieve more peace and work-life balance.

*left eye twitches*

Nothing against Ms. Paltrow but…seriously?

I’m happy we live in a world where people can do and achieve great things and certainly don’t begrudge success or resent those who are blessed with more. But don’t act as if we have the same 24 hours in a day, because we don’t.

The takeaway? This quote is bull sprinkles. Yes, time is precious and a nonrenewable resource. Use it well. But give yourself permission to be who you are and where you are.

Unless you can snap your fingers and have a personal assistant appear with your triple espresso extra hot, three copies of your manuscript printed off as requested for edits (with three colors of your favorite fountain pens specially ordered) so you can work while you wait on your personal chef to deliver your egg white omelette?

Chillax already.

#2 Winners never quit & quitters never win.

Love you, Vince…but no. This is a quote from famous football coach Vince Lombardi. My third year in university I slipped on ice and fractured my back, thus losing my full ride military scholarship.

With no scholarship, I had to work two jobs. One happened to be at Successories, that cool mall store with all the motivational posters and books.

I’m not per se a football fan, though I love football stories, movies and quotes. There were plenty of quote books in the store and virtually every one of them had this very famous line.

Granted, for a time this quote helped a lot. I was on a cane for a year and back then there were no laws mandating handicapped access. #FunTimes

Then, as I got older and gained more experience, I came up with my own quote.

Persistence can look a lot like stupid.

~ Kristen Lamb

Thing is, winners DO quit. They quit all the time. In fact, learning how and when to quit is a secret to success.

How many writers are working on that same first novel year after year? Instead of taking it for what it is—a part of the learning process—and thanking it for what it provided? They keep rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

The first novel is a place to play, to learn and experiment and find our voice.

Maybe it can transformed into a glimmering horse-drawn carriage, but more likely than not? It’s just a pumpkin that no amount of bippity-boppity-boo is going to save.

It’s a pumpkin and we can keep adding layers and layers of verbal glitter, but it won’t stop it from stinking.

#AskMeHowIKnow

I’ve been a business consultant, doomed to stand helpless watching entrepreneurs (who’d hired me to help) throw good money after bad. Instead of going back to the original plan, hot-washing, and realizing they’d gotten off track and needed to STOP?

They kept going, plunging ahead, refusing to listen…and spending more. Throwing good money after bad.

All this “learning quitting is okay stuff” is a lot like math. I know! Don’t shout me down yet. I get most creatives shudder at the M-word, but suck it up, Buttercups .

If we’re attempting to solve a math problem and suspect we’ve made a mistake somewhere, the best course of action is to QUIT. Erase and go BACK.

Sometimes the way forward is the way baaaaack.

Yes, I am semi-quoting the movie Labyrinth.

If something isn’t working? QUIT. Then examine WHY it wasn’t working. Only fools keep going ahead even when it’s clear they’ve obviously taken a wrong turn. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome.

#3 You can do/be anything, if you just try hard enough.

This one? I might be a bit more immune since I’m from the ever-jaded Generation X. Yet, notice I said, a “bit” more immune, not completely immune.

Sometimes, we can want to do or be something and we just don’t have what it takes. I’ve posited this debate when it comes to writing fiction, but today we’ll go to a more practical story from my….colorful life.

Remember I won a military scholarship? I won a scholarship to become a doctor, which was why I majored (for a long while) in Neuroscience. Anyway, I got this brilliant idea I’d be a surgeon.

That was, until I took Majors Biology (meant for pre-med students)…in summer school.

Wakeup Call. I was NOT Special.

Don’t get me wrong, I kicked @$$ with the book work and tests. But then we had to dissect a starfish. For anyone new to this blog, I come from a military and medical family, so am far from squeamish. The gooey dissection wasn’t the problem.

Here was the problem…

We get our starfish and start to work. At the end?

Yeah.

The foreign exchange student next to me? His starfish looked as if it belonged framed in a laboratory…or a museum. Everything was perfect, precise, each anatomical part pinned to the board with excruciating precision with the delicacy of an artist.

MY starfish looked as if as if some big guy with a middle name THE (Jimmy the Hammer, Vinnie the Fish, Joey the Screwdriver) had caught up with my starfish to collect on gambling debts my starfish, sadly, could not pay.

After beating my starfish unconscious, the crew then ran it over…multiple times to prevent a proper I.D.

In short, it was pretty clear I was not destined to be a surgeon.

My Advice? Limits are No Biggie

Limits are…limits. We live in a world that shames failure, yet humans are designed to learn by failing. How do we learn to walk? By toddling around and falling until we get it right.

When we quit the wrong things, we can make way for the right things. Those who’ve followed my blog over the years know I started out professionally in corporate sales. I guess I could have forced myself to stay in that world.

But then I wouldn’t be here, making bad starfish jokes .

Trust me, I had a LOT of pushback when I left sales.

I said, “I’m going to become a professional author.”

My grandparents (who’d raised me most of my life) heard, “Leaving super lucrative job blah blah writing blah throwing away expensive college degree blah blah becoming author blah blah blah joining a cult and worshipping Satan.”

They didn’t speak to me for two years.

Quitting Can be Tough

Quitting sales was hard. Sales had a company car, health insurance, and I didn’t have to live with my mom, which is uncool when you’re over thirty. Yep, caught a ton of crap for that.

Even my MOM caught a ton of pushback for helping me. Friends, family, church members were certain I was a loser who’d be dealing crack out of her living room any day!

***Even though I’ve never even seen crack or 99% of all other illegal drugs outside of a movie, but oh-kay.

Didn’t matter, because my mom ROCKS. She believed in me and didn’t care, so long as I was writing . And obviously not cooking crack in her kitchen. Or baking crack? Making crack in a crock pot? Whatever one does to create crack…just wasn’t to do THAT.

But what would have happened, where would I be if I’d NEVER QUIT corporate sales?

Well, I don’t know where I WOULD be. But I do know where I WOULDN’T be.

I wouldn’t be here with y’all. I wouldn’t have had the honor, privilege, and sheer FUN of your company for these many years. Would not have enjoyed helping y’all navigate the changing publishing paradigm, the emerging digital world, or helped you learn about craft and maybe even laugh along the way.

Advice is Just That…Advice

In the end, offering advice is a very human way of showing we care. Maybe it’s especially a female thing. Or maybe it’s me. Helpful Hannah here!

We always have the option of simply saying, “Thank you for sharing. I’ll consider what you said.”

As for the stuff floating around the success and self-help world? I love a lot of that sort of content. Mentorship is essential, even if that “mentorship” comes from books, podcasts, lectures, seminars, etc.

My goal here is to merely challenge y’all to pause a moment and examine what you take in. How does it make you feel? Is it truly applicable or even useful? Take what works. What doesn’t work or apply? Like that first manuscript.

Thank it for sharing and let it GO!

What Are Your Thoughts?

Do you feel like a lot of the success advice is absurd? I enjoy inspirational books and quotes and strive to take what I need and leave the rest, but struggle. Seems like I can be my own worst enemy.

What about you? Like with the whole COVID thing. I was really sick. It’s been a battle to get back to even feeling normal and it’s tough not to berate all the things I’ve not accomplished instead of paying attention to all I have accomplished.

And I’d keep a gratitude journal….but then I’d probably miss a week and feel like crap for missing a week on my gratitude journal, LOL.

Come on! SHARE! Laundry can wait. No one is wearing real pants anymore anyway…

I LOVE hearing from you!

On Demand Classes

I’m working on new material to teach, so enjoy these babies while there is still a steep discount.

On Demand: There & Back Again—From Good Idea to Successful Novel

$50 but use lockdown15 for $15 off ($35)

On Demand: The Unreliable Narrator—Turning Your Reader’s World Upside Down

$50 but use lockdown15 for $15 off ($35)

On Demand: Dark Arts, Building Your Villain

$50 but use lockdown15 for $15 off ($35)

The post Advice: The Great, the Bad & Good Intentions Turned Toxic Dogma appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Image courtesy of Laura Hadden via Flickr Creative Commons.

We’ve been working on an Author Acrostic for Victory. V for voluntarily submit. I for identify problem areas and defects. Today we are at C for change your mind. Most of us know where we need to try harder, come up higher. Yet, sometimes the simplest things to do are the hardest.

I lived my 20s like a Mountain Dew commercial. I taught Ju-Jitsu during the week and then camped, hiked, kayaked, and mountain biked on the weekends. I was the only girl on an all-male college Roller Hockey Team. If it was guaranteed to be dangerous and stupid? Sign me UP!

I’d grown up with two parents terrified of making decisions. Terrified to try and fail. In making no decisions they still made a decision. I fell into that same pattern as an adult, but thankfully was able to see that bad habit. I pushed myself to do what scared me.

Learning to Fly

I’d always wanted to go skydiving. In 1996, my boyfriend dumped me and I figured, “Why not?”

Skydiving is an interesting sport. There are only two categories—Grand Champion and Stuff On a Rock. The first time I jumped, I chose to go tandem because I wanted to do the jump from 16,000 feet without focusing on an altimeter or pulling a chute. I yearned for the free fall.

Be careful what you wish for ;).

So I get in the plane and all the sudden I’m buckled in and the plane is taking off. OMG. WHAT AM I DOING? And I had a good half hour to contemplate being Stuff On a Rock. I, of course, was not the first person to jump. I sat and watched with ever-ratcheting terror as seasoned divers did backflips and cannon balls out the small airplane’s door.

Finally….my turn. Though it was the middle of a typically scorching Texas summer, the air up that high is freezing. Also, the world disappears. You’re too high to make out anything other than a patchwork below.

My instructor says to me. “All right. We are going now. Remember. Let go. Trust me, and kick your butt.”

“Kick my BUTT?”

“If you don’t kick your butt we will lose control and can die.”

AAAAGHHHHHH!

Mentally and analytically, I knew what he meant. If I spread my legs instead of tightening into a ball, then we wouldn’t be aerodynamic. In my gut, all I heard was AAAAGHHHHHH!

Trust me, when you jump out of a perfectly good airplane, the first step is the hardest, but man there is nothing to compare to the ride down. Free-falling over a minute, facing death, facing mortality and then POOF! the shoot opens and it is like the very hand of God just gently scoops you up to enjoy that last part of the journey you were so terrified to take only minutes before.

Image courtesy of Morgan Sherwood via Flickr Creative Commons.

We glided down, the air becoming steadily warmer on my face. I laughed with abandon I hadn’t felt since I was a little kid. It was one of the most memorable moments of my life because I had the courage to fall.

I knew I had a control issue. I had a problem letting go. I had problems simply DECIDING. Still do.

But what a great lesson this can be for all of us. Let go. Trust. Kick your own butt.

We have all this training about success, and that’s great. I blog about it, too. But, we can’t become good at success until we get really good at failure. When we step out and dare to dream, to write a book or query or blog or freelance or do anything remarkable, we have to LET GO. We can’t have the glorious experience if others can’t scrape us off the door.

Let go of one thing for a possibly BETTER thing.

It’s okay to be afraid, but become good at letting go. Let go of ego and doubt and fear. Let go of toxic relationships. Risk being metaphorical Stuff On a Rock. Thus, today I hope to strip away your illusions. You will make far more wrong decisions than right ones. So will I! Own it.

We learn to make good decisions by making bad ones and learning and then living to tell the tale. And sure I want to motivate you. Let go. We can’t control everything and often the best experiences come with raw abandon. Um, falling in love?

But the other side of that is KICK YOUR OWN BUTT. You can’t make me write and I can’t make you write. I have to kick my own butt to finish what I start. To recognize when I’ve let things slip. Give permission for mistakes, but then Writer UP.

We have to decide to change and KICK OUR OWN BUTT. Don’t analyze problems and patty-cake with them and talk about them. Just do the hard stuff. Recognize the problem, make a plan then act. If that plan doesn’t work, revise and do it differently. Fail spectacularly.

Yes, when I jumped out of that plane, maybe my chute wouldn’t have opened and I would have ended up a SPLAT on some poor cattle rancher’s property. But what a way to go :D. And I’m not pushing anyone to be reckless, but be fearless.

Live a life worth dying for.

What are your thoughts? Do you have things you know you need to change but you simply aren’t stepping out? I know I am guilty. Are you afraid? Afraid of failure? Are you learning to embrace your failures as learning experiences? Are you balancing grace with some kicking your own butt?

I love hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of MAY, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

If you need help building a brand, social media platform, please check out my latest best-selling book, Rise of the Machines—Human Authors in a Digital World.

ALSO, Remember WANA has a KILLER Class on Dialogue Coming Up:

Need More Help With Dialogue?

Check out my book How to Write Dialogue: A Busy Writer’s Guide. In it you’ll learn how to format your dialogue, how to add variety to your dialogue so it’s not always “on the nose,” when you should use dialogue and when you shouldn’t, how to convey information through dialogue without falling prey to As-You-Know-Bob Syndrome, how to write dialogue unique to each of your characters, how to add tension to your dialogue, whether it’s ever okay to start a chapter with dialogue, ways to handle contractions (or the lack thereof) in science fiction, fantasy, and historical fiction, and much more!

If you prefer live teaching, I’m running a webinar called Say What? Techniques for Making Your Dialogue Shine this Saturday, May 17th.

This 1.5 hour live webinar will…

* cover the seven most common mistakes when it comes to dialogue and how to fix them,
* explain how to ensure your dialogue makes your story stronger,
* show you how to create dialogue unique to your characters, and
* answer some of the most frustrating questions about dialogue such as how to handle dialect, should we use contractions in historical novels, science fiction, and fantasy, and is it okay to begin a book with dialogue.

As a bonus, all registrants receive an ebook copy of my book How to Write Dialogue: A Busy Writer’s Guide.

The webinar will be recorded and made available to registrants, so even if you can’t make it at the scheduled time, you can sign up and listen later at your convenience.

Click here to sign up for Say What? Techniques for Making Your Dialogue Shine.

The post Writer Victory!—Change Your Mind appeared first on Kristen Lamb.