Commitment is a rare quality. Always has been and always will be. One main reason? Commitment, though simple, is far from easy. It will test us mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Often, it’s hard to see the benefits and so we rationalize quitting.

Today, I’d like to parse this concept. Commitment is one of those buzz words that pepper inspirational quotes, but um, yeah…

HOW, exactly do we DO this commitment thing? Better still, how do we NOT do it? Because, as I like to say, ‘Persistence can look a lot like stupid.’

If I have committed to climbing Mt. Everest, but I keep scaling the side of Mt. Shasta, then I’m not committed…I’m apparently VERY bad at geography since I’m climbing the WRONG MOUNTAIN!

I’m pretty sure most of us have had times in our lives that we threw everything we had into something, only to wake up one day and realize we were ON THE WRONG MOUNTAIN.

*face palm*

There’s Power in the Pause

I tend to be a person of extremes. Yes, yes, I know *shock face.* This can be a good thing. When I set my mind to something I will work until half dead to accomplish my goal(s). This has served me well in some areas. In others?

Not so much.

I’ve historically been guilty of all-or-nothing thinking. It’s why I was such a dedicated blogger for so many years. I blogged literally no matter what, arguably to the point of being ridiculous.

One such occasion? I’d been up until three in the morning by my favorite aunt’s bedside until she finally passed away. With only a couple hours of sleep, I willed myself into my chair and posted a blog about editing…only to make a major typo IN THE TITLE because I was so exhausted.

See? I told y’all persistence can look a lot like stupid .

I know WHY I did this. Most of my younger years I had ZERO self-discipline. The moment I wasn’t the best or became bored or didn’t have a giant cheer squad telling me I was a super-mega-genius? I quit. I constantly flitted from one shiny to another.

In short? I was a flake.

As to that blog I bungled? I was afraid NOT to post, terrified I’d somehow jinx myself. I’d miss ONE blog and suddenly fall back into all those old bad habits.

Seems silly now. Not so much back then.

Yeah, yeah, I now know it would have served me better to lighten the hell up. But I’d started blogging to learn how to show up not matter what my feelings said. I knew if I was ever going to make it as an author (or anything) I HAD to learn self-discipline and commitment.

Here we are. I’ve been blogging now almost 14 years. This past year, however, has tested my priorities. I couldn’t do EVERYTHING, though I very much tried to.

When you commit to everything, you commit to nothing.

I’m an author, FIRST.

Hard lesson to learn. Though I’ve not been blogging as much, I’ve never stopped writing. As a professional? Gotta do the paid work first. As I’ve already mentioned, I stepped out of my comfort zone to do something new—ghostwriting.

It didn’t take long to realize that I simply couldn’t research, do interviews, learn to mimic another person’s voice, get words on the page AND do all the other activities I’ve enjoyed for so many years.

In short, I had to be committed to the client, to the book…all the way to THE END, regardless what happened. Oh and what DIDN’T happen? Oy vay!

In the eight months it took for me to finish the manuscript:

• I caught COVID, and it took three months to even feel somewhat human again
• Had to have our roof replaced
• Someone knocked over our mailbox and it had to be completely rebuilt
• House was struck by lightning, frying refrigerator and AC/heating unit which all had to be replaced
• Laptop crapped out and had to buy a new one
• Mom and Father in Law both had major abdominal surgery the same week

It was like every time I staggered to my feet from one hit, I was upright just in time for the next. But, years of training kept me going. I’ve learned to never underestimate the power of simply showing up day after day. We don’t have to make major accomplishments all the time. The small wins add up if we simply stay at it.

Granted, with all the other ‘stuff’ happening, I had to pare down my commitment list to the bare essentials, or essential. Finish the book.

Commitment isn’t a Straight Line

Life is, well…life. Sometimes, we’ll have to set aside one commitment for another. When Spawn was a baby, I had different priorities than I do now. Back then? Mostly keeping him alive. Now, homeschooling…and mostly keeping me alive .

As much as I’ve missed doing the familiar, being forced to narrow/prune/reprioritize my commitments showed me there’s power in the pause. Sometimes we need a break. We need to do something different, get our bearings, ask if we still really want whatever it was we set out to achieve.

Make sure that, if we want to scale Mt. Everest that we’re at least in the right country.

Admittedly I have a perfectionist, control-freak, Type A+ personality (A+ because I did the extra credit unlike those other slackers ). This is a double-edged sword, especially when it comes to commitment.

Why?

Commitment is messy, unpredictable, and will test everything you have.

To keep with my mountain-climbing analogy, how successful would I be if I set out up Mt. Everest at top speed and tried to maintain a breakneck pace all the way up?

***Hint: I used the word ‘breakneck.’

First of all, that would be impossible because of the nature of the terrain. Some places, I need to stop, assess, make sure of my gear, that I have a firm footing, that I am even on track up the path that leads to the summit.

The same can be said when we commit to anything worthwhile whether it’s writing a book, running a business, working out, parenting, being in a relationship, etc. It’s all uncharted territory that has ups and downs, and can change at any moment (for better or worse), even commitments that seem simple enough to keep.

I’ve learned that we need to first test ourselves to even have an idea of our limits. Yet, even once that’s done, never underestimate what your commitments might actually demand.

***As a note, though, most people underestimate what they are TRULY capable of. You can do more much more than you likely realize.

Failure is a Great Teacher

Strangely enough, much of what learning to do involves learning what not to do.

Back in my college years, I was an avid outdoors person. Loved camping, mountain-biking, canoeing, etc. Anyway, I was in Durango, Colorado and agreed to do a ‘beginner’s climb’ up the side of this almost vertical rock face.

Note I said almost vertical. It had just enough of an angle that I could use pressure to grip my way up with fingertips and my tiptoes.

In my mind, it was a climb for BEGINNERS. It wasn’t THAT big of a deal. Only about a hundred or so feet up. I’d done some bouldering and indoor climbing, so was pretty confident this would be a piece of cake.

Y’all sensing my first mistake?

It was all fun and games until just as I was almost to the top, a foothold I believed was solid gave way right as I was reaching for the next handhold…which also gave way.

***Just anticipate when $#@! goes wrong, it will likely not be one single thing.

Then? I have no idea what happened other than my dumb @$$ slid so fast down the side of this rock I’m shocked I didn’t catch fire.

The only thing that saved me was a safety rope. That and God loves children and idiots. I know because I’ve tested both.

***Gives nod to Mark Twain.

Fortunately, this mishap only cost me my favorite shirt and jeans (shredded) and more than a few layers of skin.

What does this have to do with commitment?

First, commitments, even seemingly simple and straightforward ones, can serve up large helpings of failure. There will be times where everything is going as we planned…until it isn’t. Even when we think we’ve taken all precautions, all the steps and thought everything through, there is always the unexpected.

***Refer to my list above.

Secondly, we can’t control everything, and can only control ourselves and what we do when we fall.

As for my climb?

After sliding down the rock face, I chatted with Jesus while I waited for my guide to make his way down to me. He (not Jesus) kindly offered to help me make my way to the bottom, because the base of the cliff was certainly was a lot closer than the top. Not to mention I was scraped up pretty badly.

Though tempting, I politely declined, gathered what was left of my pride and started back up until I made it to the top…then NEVER went climbing again.

Which brings me to another point about commitment. Sometimes a failure is a good indication whether to stay or to move on.

I’d had my adventure and survived it, but I didn’t love rock-climbing enough to ever go through that again.

I can’t say that about writing. No, I was determined to go pro, no matter what.

I’ve failed and failed and failed and failed, but with every failure, I’ve learned. Not only have I learned how to be better at my craft and my business, I’ve also learned that no matter how much I bleed? I LOVE writing enough to keep going no matter what. Writing has taught me to embrace ‘The SUCK’ and to LOVE being miserable.

Wait, WHAT?

You read correctly. For the serious artist, the committed artist, it’s imperative to learn to be miserable. To even take a sort of bizarre pride in it.

If you’ve not yet read Steven Pressfield’s The War of Art, I strongly recommend it. Though most of my copies are dog-eared and tattered, one of my favorite sections is How to Be Miserable.

Pressfield talks about his brief stint in the United States Marine Corps.

There is a myth that Marine training turns baby-faced recruits into bloodthirsty killers. Trust me, the Marine Corps is not that efficient. What it does teach, however, is a lot more useful. The Marine Corps teaches you how to be miserable. This is invaluable for an artist.

Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

Pressfield colorfully details the perverse satisfaction Marines derive from being more miserable than any other branch of service, from colder chow to higher casualty rates.

What does this have to do with the artist? Marines have such love for and commitment to their beloved Corps that they take pride out of the hells they endure. Same for the committed artist.

As a professional author for many years, I can promise that you’re signing up for a life of self-doubt, hardship, ridicule, rejection, uncertainty, and mind-wrecking, soul-crushing work.

There will be highs and wins (maybe), but like climbing that mountain?

98% of what you’ll do will test your commitment every single step.

Can you finish a book? Finish a book people will actually PAY to read? Can you build a brand, run a small business, understand marketing, and keep up with all the metrics and algorithms and the myriad of changes that happen seemingly by the second?

In a digital world where computing capacity has increased a trillion times since the 1950s, we humans are still trying to keep up with that puny lump of gray matter in between our ears.

Think you can keep up? Probably not. But we don’t embrace the suck because we’re certain we’ll ‘win’ or ‘have a good time.’ That’s the realm of the amateur and amateurs don’t require commitment.

As Pressfield says, ‘The amateur plays for fun. The professional plays for keeps.’

Commitment IS Uncertainty

Commitment is not a straight smooth, paved road with clear signs. There are no pitstops where some higher power, magical being posts some Things You Need to Do NEXT list.

Now wouldn’t THAT be awesome?

Certainty is a luxury that doesn’t exist. In my professional career I’ve gone from resume writer to copy writer to technical writer to screenplay writer to blogger to content editor to teacher to speaker to non-fiction author to novelist to ghostwriter. On and on, round and round, back and forth.

I turned pro right as we entered the digital age. An industry that had not changed in over a century suddenly began crumbling away. Commitment means we have to be flexible, learn to stick and move. Be willing to make hard sacrifices.

Like spending months writing a book that will never bear my name.

Staying Power

In the end, I’d like to circle back to where we began. It becomes easier to commit when we learn discernment. Commitment means we put skin in the game long enough to say we gave our best, then we can decide whether or not to remain dedicated.

Commitment is NOT a suicide pact.

Often learning what’s worthy of our life’s blood, sweat and work only comes after a process of figuring out what isn’t. Give yourselves permission to explore and maybe even *GASP* have a little fun.

Back in January, I refused to mention N** Y*** Res***tions. What can I say? 2020 was a biter. But maybe, since commitment is one of those long-term things, we could endeavor to make…New Decade Resolutions?

***Yes, I was one of those nerds who spent half my time on social media last January correcting people that 2021 actually was the first year of the new decade.

Besides, maybe New Decade Resolutions make more sense since those BIG goals take a lot of time. There will be many years where we believe we’re tilting at windmills, then BAM! It’s like the stone mason striking a large piece of granite over and over and over. It only SEEMS to crack open all at once, but it wasn’t that singular strike that did the trick. Rather, the few hundred before it in the same spot.

Anyway, as you venture out into this strange new world, remember…

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt
Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910

What Are Your Thoughts?

I LOVE hearing from you! Are you like me and never understood self-discipline? I would try to change all my behavior and priorities in a day/week/month and then throw up my hands the moment I backslid.

Do you fall into all or nothing thinking? It’s okay. Even after many years training, I still have to be super careful.

Do you keep starting new projects and never finish? Even if they are ‘bad’? Find yourself almost to the finish line and gas out? When I was writing this last book, I almost had a nervous breakdown the week before I finished. I was certain it was all crap and I had to start over and was completely and utterly out of my depth.

It happens even to the best of us.

For the record, the book was far from crap and my client’s agent is over the moon! Great news for me, but how close I came to throwing in the towel, certain I was a talentless hack. Commitment to FINISH was the only way I found out any different. That I wasn’t a talentless hack at all, but quite the opposite.

Do you find yourself freezing with self-doubt? I love hearing from you. What are YOUR stories?

The post Commitment Matters: The Art of Embracing ‘The SUCK’ appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Self-discipline usually is one of those terms most people use in January when hastily scribbling out New Year’s Resolutions. Of course, that was before 2020 came along and tore a hole in the space-time continuum.

Every day is now Monduesday. Ketchup is a vegetable and the past seven months have been like the IRS, TSA, and DMV came together and created their own version of the most un-fun mandatory Halloween EVER.

***The kind where NO ONE gives you candy, only hand sanitizer and a hard time.

It’s been a weird year for everyone in the world. Most people have had their lives totally upended.

I’ve been working from home for going on twenty years and homeschooling for almost four. One would think I would have a major advantage and be doing smashingly! Nope. Even I’ve been going bonkers.

Yes, even though I’m an introvert who enjoys alone time, my world has gone down a rabbit hole. For someone who used to excel at self-discipline, it’s become like trying to swim laps in a pool of quicksand. Me, being the curious person I am decided to ask…

Why?

Self-Discipline Isn’t Just About Self

I wrote a post back in April, The Truth About Introverts & Why the Quarantine is Hard on Us, Too. There’s a lot of misunderstanding about introverts. People tend to think that, out of everyone, the introverts would be doing AMAZING with shut-downs, quarantines, lockdowns, etc., but (barring some rare exceptions) that’s far from true.

Feel free to click on the blog to learn more about my theories, and I talk about the extroverts, too. Most people are a mixture of both (ambiverts). Pure introverts and pure extroverts usually cannot function in society.

This said, I think self-discipline is a sort of misnomer in my POV. Yes, WE are ultimately responsible for ourselves, but as the poet John Donne so eloquently put it:

No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main..

Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions and Seuerall Steps in my Sickness- Meditation XVII, 1624

Humans are biologically wired to be social creatures. Thus, I feel that a lot of developing self-discipline, strengthening, and maintaining self-discipline hinges on human connection.

Relationships, peer pressure, healthy competition and social interaction all help us create stability and strengthen healthy habits and routines.

Self-Discipline & Routine

I believe a lot of us are struggling with self-discipline because, first of all, a lot of the systems that built routines into our lives as a matter of course have been disrupted or even dismantled.

As I’ve already mentioned, I’ve worked from home for years. Until 2020, a lot of people were envious of me (and couldn’t understand why I would actually be envious of them).

There is something to be said for getting up at a certain time, clocking into a physical space that is NOT your home, working, clocking out, then going to the gym, going home, or whatever.

There is a delineation in your time. When systems that once used to be separated suddenly get tossed into a blender—work, cleaning house, working out, doing bills, schooling kids, cooking, spiritual activity—it’s a battle.

Routine is one of the best ways to develop self-discipline muscles.

A great example is going to the gym.

The hardest part really isn’t the working out, it’s the walking through the door. Once inside, we see other people, we feel the rush, the heathy peer pressure and we’re golden. The trick is to keep doing it, to build a system that feeds that routine.

Add in Social Accountability

I believe self-discipline is becoming harder than it’s ever been because it really is more and more self-discipline.

Going it alone, as in ALL alone is a rare quality. Social accountability makes self-discipline a lot easier. Think about trying to do yoga at home versus being in the middle of a yoga class.

You’re more likely to finish the 45 minute class, because you don’t want to be the one person punking out ten minutes in. Even if you simply curl up in child pose, you’ll stay to avoid the walk of shame criss-crossing through everyone’s mats.

Maybe just me.

We are actually capable of a lot more than we realize, and often give up way too quickly. The whole NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) proves this every year when regular everyday people rise to the challenge and write 50,000 words in a month.

Social accountability not only keeps us from tapping out when we really could do more, but it can also spark us to do MORE because of good old fashioned competitive FUN.

We Are Not Alone

Back in the olden days, writing was a very solitary profession. This was why I started the whole W.A.N.A. movement first on Twitter as a hashtag, then Facebook, and finally I just created my own site on NING, W.A.N.A.Tribe.

***W.A.N.A. stands for We Are Not Alone, btw.

Initially, I created these groups on social media because writers were terrified to be on-line (but that was really only a side benefit). The real reason I created community was because I understood a) that peer pressure was amazing when it came to developing self-discipline and b) no writer stood a chance of ever making it unless they could keep butt in seat long enough to finish the books .

Peer pressure gives accountability.

When you’re brand new and wanting to start a blog or write a novel and you’re all on your own, it’s tough. I know, because that’s how I began. Once I joined a local writing group, I started taking my writing more seriously.

But, after a few years, I outgrew even that and needed more.

Eventually, I got away from running the W.A.N.A. groups on Twitter and Facebook because there was just too much distraction, data-mining, spam, and drama.

I pay for W.A.N.A.Tribe out of my own pocket because I want people to have a safe space free from ads, spammers, drama, trolls, and distraction. We’ve been meeting in the chat section 5 days a week every week all year long for over six years now.

We do one-hour sprints where you can write, research, blog, do laundry, homeschool your kids, cook dinner, plot global domination using genetically enhanced sea monkeys, whatever.

Sure, it’s mostly for writing, but we all know that being a writer involves a LOT more than putting words on a page.

We go for an hour, then when we call time, you report what you accomplished. This is when we chat for a bit, laugh, joke, encourage one another, then we go again. And, like my gym or yoga example, between the structure, focused time, and peer pressure, you’ll be SHOCKED how much more your are capable of doing when you add in these additional factors.

Every year that we’ve had NaNoWriMo participants, we’ve had over 90% completion (usually 100%) and in record time. Shortest was 50,000 words in 11 days. It’s amazing what we are capable of with a team cheering us on.

This said, in this weird year, checking in at The Tribe has been one of the few things that’s kept any semblance of order in my life. But I won’t lie, it has STILL been really tough.

Self-Discipline Together

Self-discipline should feel good. I know 2020 feels like we’ve been strapped to Hell’s Tilt-A-Whirl and everything feels out of control. But, hard life fact here? Control is an illusion anyway.

So chill. Breathe. Find a couple areas where you can start and realize you are not alone. You’re human. Bad news? No one else can do this self-discipline thing FOR you. Great news? We can do it WITH you!

We might all be texting and zooming and meeting on-line, but this too shall pass and WE ARE NOT ALONE.

What Are Your Thoughts? I LOVE Hearing From You!

I know the whole W.A.N.A. Tribe thing sounds like an ad. I don’t make any money off any of y’all hopping in and telling us you’re gonna do some laundry in the next hour, finish painting the hallway, or outline your next romance. It’s a service I’ve been paying for since 2012.

I get the JOY of being on your team and knowing maybe I can help y’all add back some STRUCTURE into this crazy, crazy world.

That, and we do have a lot of fun.

What are your thoughts? Have you had a tougher time being self-disciplined? Do you think it has to do with our world having everything either closed down or closed off or the hours all weird? That the metrics we’d used for so long just went out the window and we’re trying to recalibrate? Maybe we are isolated and that’s jacking us up?

What are your ideas? Suggestions? I’d love different thoughts or angles. Because Halloween candy for breakfast will only cut it until the Reeses cups are gone…

The post Self-Discipline: Can’t Someone Else Just Do This FOR Us? appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

It’s only human to want a drive-thru breakthrough, a dream in a box, the winning lotto ticket to life. Yet, I posit instant success is about as healthy as instant rice (and just as suspicious).

To achieve anything remarkable, it’s critical to become an OUTLASTER (a term I learned from Craig Groeschel, who happens to have a fabulous leadership podcast, btw).

Dreamers are born, but Outlasters are forged .

Outlasting

I had years of honing this skill. Some of you may not know, but I dropped out of high school twice. 

***Note: I am the reason for the current Texas truancy laws .

Returning to high school and graduating at 19 was seriously humbling. My GPA was so low, my classes (very literally) were one step above Special Ed. When I took my SAT, the scores were so bad, I thought they might check me for a pulse.

Super glad they gave me some points for spelling my name correctly.

After a year and a half of junior college I won an Air Force scholarship to TCU to become a doctor. Six months in, the school didn’t close when we had a bad ice storm and I slipped and fractured my back…losing my scholarship.

This was before the days when places were required to have handicap access, so for two semesters, I trudged up stairs on a cane and had to stand during all my classes because I couldn’t sit.

Not awkward at all.

It took me six years of working crap jobs, but I finished. Maybe not with the best grades, but I finished. In the years that followed, I drifted without purpose working sales and I got in a really bad habit of making way too many excuses and quitting when anything got too hard. It took yet another health disaster to show me my poor character in Technicolor and remind me to become a finisher.

Time in a Bottle

We all have heard the saying, ‘DaVinci had the same 7 days and 24 hours.’ I would actually make a different point. Folks like DaVinci, Mozart, Shakespeare actually had LESS time.

There was no electric lighting and pulling all-nighters was a good way to go blind by candlelight. Thus, I’d say the difference is that these artists lived intentionally.

We all want to know the secret to success. First of all, I am going to add a caveat. Success is a very personal thing. What is success for you isn’t success for me.

***Mine includes a secret lab, bouncy house and trebuchet.

Yet, study after study shows that people who write down their goals are far more likely to reach them.

Why?

Mission Impossible–> Mission I’m Possible

Mission statements help our subconscious guide us where we want to GO. A mission statement also helps us know what activities are a time-suck, time-waste, what can go, what needs to stay, what should be added, etc. All this helps us be proactive instead of reactive. We’re thinking, acting and deciding with intent.

Living intentionally requires we learn to be OUTLASTERS.

Original image courtesy of Flickr Creatinve Commons, courtesy of Ali Samieivafa.

We can take craft classes, join a gym, type on the WIP, start a blog, but the difference between those who make it and those who don’t is that those who make it KEPT GOING, even if it was just a tiny bit of effort daily.

Blogging & Writing

When I started blogging, I was THRILLED to have a hundred hits a day. Granted, most were spam bots, but I was in no position to be picky. At least CheapViagraBargainPrice cared enough to comment.

I so lick your blog. What brilliant words using you do. Must tell my brother.

If CheapViagra had not licked my blog…I very well may have given up.

Anyway….

Now, my blog gets an average of 1.1 million hits a month. My site grew from likely 100 visits from dedicated followers (actual humans) to my website a month to now almost 100,000. This did NOT happen overnight and there was a lot of ugly crying along the way.

Suffice to say, those who started blogging when I did have mostly dropped away. Blogging is crucial for a brand and selling books. It is the strongest and most resilient form of social media and yet?

Most people give up.

I’ve also noticed how many people in 2009 were super passionate about writing. They claimed they’d do ANYTHING to publish and write full-time. Now? Most are gone. New dreamers regularly fill the vacuum. But, how long will they last?

***Refer to The Real Odds of Author Success.

Here’s the thing. Starting is crucial, but also easy—okay, easier. It’s fresh and wonderful and emotional. There might even be all kinds of people to cheer you on.

But how will you fare when the new wears off and those who pledged undying support and loyalty move on to a new shiny because we weren’t an overnight success?

The key to making it in ANYTHING from writing to business to marriage to losing weight is to become an OUTLASTER.

Traits of an Outlaster

Original image via Lucy Downey from Flickr Creative Commons

Outlasters have clear and achievable goals.

Notice I didn’t say realistic goals. Reach for the stars and we may hit the moon. BUT, my goal to be a NYTBSA is an achievable goal because I’m a writer. If I have a goal to become a professional NBA player? Last I checked short middle-aged women were not in high demand in the sport.

Outlasters write down goals and have CLEAR Mission Statements.

The Mission Statement keeps us focused. We learn where to say yes and where and when to say no.

If my goal is to become a NYTBSA in the next five years, I know it is unwise to volunteer for every church event, school event, and family drama need. It becomes clear that I need to set word count based off MY goals. My word count will be very different if I want to write ONE book a year versus THREE.

Outlasters understand the power of letting go.

Yes, Outlasters MUST hold on, hold on for LIFE! But to the right things.

Often letting go is more important than holding fast. This can involve letting go of hobbies, hangups and habits or even WIPs that just need to be put to bed. But the toughest? Letting go of people.

The best analogy I can think of for this is climbing Everest. If we want to climb Everest, there are teams of sherpas that guide you to the first base camp. As you go to each higher level, the team becomes incrementally smaller and this is necessary.

Not everyone in our life is meant for the summit. Some might even get us killed.

We will mourn people we need to let go of, but often letting go is a good thing. True friends believe in us even when all outside evidence says we are a failure. Anyone can claim to be our friend when life is all kittens and unicorns, but what about when everything goes horribly wrong? This is where true allies are revealed. We find them (and they reach for us) in the darkness.

Outlasters WORK 

Luck is fabulous and would LUV me some luck. But I still believe the harder I work, the luckier I get. This said, working smarter is key. Feel free to make all your clothes by hand, but running to Target for new t-shirts might be a better use of time if your goal is to be a pro writer instead of a clothing designer.

There are no shortcuts. We MUST endure. And endurance can be small. It can mean we are so ill we can’t see straight, but we post a couple things on Facebook or ask a friend to guest blog…then go back to sleep. It is the small deposits and investments that accumulate over time.

But we write that book, remove that debt, lose that weight little by little. That’s what endures. Fad diets and quick fixes don’t change our character. Just like eating well and exercise should be a lifestyle, being a writer is a WHOLE new way of living. It isn’t a hobby or a thing or our little fun…it is who we ARE. Writers WRITE.

Outlasters Understand the Long-Tail

If we look at life day by day we will get discouraged. It’s kind of like going back to the gym and then getting on the scale every hour to see what’s changed. Formula for a breakdown. Outlasters just keep writing, keep failing, keep learning, keep trying and they do it over and over and over and over.

Outlasters CANNOT Succeed Alone

Part of why I built and pay for W.A.N.A. Tribe (We Are Not Alone—W.A.N.A.) is that we are who we hang around. We’ve been running writing sprints in the main Chat for over three years, M-F from morning to night. Sure, it costs me money but I’m investing in my success and yours. We can enjoy a place free of ads, spammers, politics, drama, data mining, and distractions.

We are all about hard, focused WORK…with fun and play and goofing off in between the 40 minute sprints.

I view W.A.N.A.Tribe as my office, my workplace, my support team. Trust me, my tribe members will notice if I’m not showing up, if I’m not working.

The committed are there every day, and just knowing this is enough to dissolve excuses that might have derailed me otherwise. If they’re vested enough to show and work, then I need to get my @$$ in gear and honor them.

Beyond this?

Find positive, professional, driven people and you WILL come up higher. Psychic vampires, whiners and complainers need to GO. Take inventory and seek out those you admire. Study them. Listen and learn from them. This is a tough road, but no one ever said we had to do it alone.

We all fall, bump our noses and bloody our knees. That is GOOD. Keep pressing. You got this .

I love hearing from you!

(And am not above bribery.)

What are your thoughts? Have you been struggling to keep pressing? Discouraged? Do you put everyone and everything ahead of your goals? Have you taken time to even define your goals? Does life seem to stretch you like taffy? Are you overwhelmed? Why? Have you learned to set goals and boundaries? What did you do differently that make the BIG difference?

Or the small difference that eventually grew BIG?

What do you WIN? For the month of MAY, for everyone who leaves a comment, I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

Heads Up! May 3rd 7-9 EST I’m teaching Pitch Perfect—How to Write a Query Letter & Synopsis that SELLS.

****Free recordings are included with all classes.

Want to know how to write a synopsis? I will teach you HOW. Synopses are vital for any form of publishing and this class will walk you through how to write a query and synopsis that sizzles!

Also NOW OFFERING…

The first five pages are the most essential part of the novel, your single most powerful selling tool. It’s how you will hook agents, editors and readers. This class will cover the most common blunders and also teach you how to hook hard and hook early. This class is two hours long, 90 minutes of instruction and 30 minutes for Q&A.

***A free recording is included with purchase.

General Admission is $40 and there are some SUPER COOL upgrades! Get your spot HERE.

MORE CLASSES!

Ready for Book Beast Mode? I Live to Serve…Up Some TRAINING!

For anyone who longs to accelerate their plot skills, I recommend:

ON DEMAND Plot Boss: Writing Novels Readers Want to BUY. 

Two hours of intensive plot training from MOI…delivered right to your computer to watch as much as you like .

The Art of Character is also now available for ON DEMAND.

And if you’re ready for BOOK BEAST MODE and like saving some cash, you can get BOTH Plot Boss and Art of Character in the…

Story Boss Bundle (ON DEMAND).

Almost FIVE HOURS with me, in your home…lecturing you. It’ll be FUN! 

I also hope you’ll pick up a copy of my debut novel The Devil’s Dance.

The post Outlasters: Dreamers are Born but Doers are Forged appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

One thing I hear people say over and over is, “I wish I had self-discipline.” I even hate to admit that those words often come out of my mouth, too. In previous blogs I have confessed that I used to be reigning queen of Do-It-Later Land, a sad realm nestled in the Post-It Note Mountains. Over the past couple of years, I’ve managed to change a lot of bad habits, and I am much more productive. How did I do this? I finally understood a couple of core principles, which I am going to share with you guys today.

If we really take a hard look at successful people, are they really just so much more talented? Lucky? Gifted? Maybe. Yet, one day something life-changing stood out to me. If we look at a lot of the best-selling authors—James Rollins, John Grisham, Michael Crichton, Tess Gerritsen, James Scott Bell, Bob Mayer, Amy Tan, Allison Brennan (to name a few), what do we see?

A bunch of big names. Noooo. What do we really see? Aside from all the best-selling titles?

James Rollins—a former veterinarian and now an avid explorer, spelunker and diver.

John Grisham—criminal lawyer and member of House of Representatives from 1983-1990.

Michael Crichton—doctor and graduate of Harvard Medical School.

Tess Gerritsen—graduated Stanford then went to medical school at University of California. Practiced medicine in Honolulu, Hawaii.

James Scott Bell—formal trial lawyer later taught as an adjunct professor at Pepperdine.

Bob Mayer—Graduate from West Point. Served as a Green Beret and leader of an A-Team. Also runs marathons.

Amy Tan–Pursued a Doctorate in Linguistics. Left the doctorate program to consult for the Almeda County’s Association for Retarded Citizens. She spear-headed a language development program for the retarded. Later Tan started a very successful business writing firm.

Allison Brennan–Consultant for the California State Legislature, and later a homemaker who reared FIVE kids…and kept them alive and clean and out of jail while WRITING NOVELS.

Sure this is a group of highly intelligent and creative people, but look at the backgrounds. What do they all have in common? Perseverance, self-discipline, and the ability to put off short-term gratification for long-term reward. The ability to be self-directed. Veterinary school, medical school, law school, Special Forces training, endurance sports, homemaking and successful entrepreneurship all require the same elements. The exact character traits that make a successful doctor, lawyer, soldier, mother or consultant are no different than the character traits that make a successful writer.

It is all in a change of mindset.

In my almost 10 years of working with writers, I’ve met a lot of highly intelligent, supremely gifted writers. But, after talking to them fifteen minutes? I know they won’t be around very long. It is clear that despite talent, they have life attitudes and habits that will always keep success beyond their reach unless they change their approach.

Successful people are willing to get up earlier, stay up later, work harder and never stop. They will outpace their competition every time. Why? Because self-discipline isn’t a once in a while thing, “Oh, I was so good today.” Self-discipline is the foundation of the successful life….not an accessory worn when we feel particularly inspired.

So do you have self-discipline? It is easy to say “no.” I know my nature is actually quite lazy. If left to my own designs, I am so lazy I think my heart might stop. For years, and years I had so much trouble staying focused. I would “be good” for a day or two and then would fall off the wagon, roll under the wheels and get caught up in the axle of said wagon until someone heard me whining and cut me free.

Yeah…not pretty.

Then one day I understood something so fundamental that it changed everything.

You have self-discipline. I have it. It is part of who we are. Confused? It’s okay. Try this.

Unless you have suffered a birth defect or tragic farming accident, you have a bicep muscle. If you can use your arm, it means you have a functioning bicep. Now, it might be puny and withered and buried in fluffiness…but you have a bicep. So do I. So does every person on the planet with functioning arms. Yet, unless you USE your bicep, train it, feed it good nutrition and vitamins, it won’t do much more than move your arm. To have strength and tone…you must exercise your bicep so it can grow stronger.

Same with self-disciple. The more we use it, the stronger it becomes until it is tough as iron…just like our muscles. So some simple principles:

We Must Be Wise How We Train

Just like working out our biceps, we must be wise how we train our self-discipline if we hope for long-term success. If I wanted to build my bicep and I went to the gym and did 500 curls with a heavy dumbbell, then who is the REAL dumbbell? My arm would be sore and likely injured, and it certainly wouldn’t inspire me to want to return to work out. Self-discipline is the same. Don’t start Day One trying to have the discipline of a Shaolin Monk. That is a formula to fail.

We Must Be Mindful To Progress

Just like curling the same dumbbell eventually can cause a plateau, self-discipline is the same way. Make sure your goals get progressively more difficult as time goes on.

Start with small goals and progress from there. Small successes inspire us to try harder, bigger, better tasks. Too many writers start out with some stupid word count goal that is destined to fail long-term:

I am going to write 5000 words a day.

What happens is they burn out and hate their writing (been there, done that got the T-shirt). Start with 250 words(one page) six days a week and go from there. If 250 was way too easy (like curling a 1 pound weight) then adjust until it is slightly beyond comfortable. Once that word count becomes easy, increase by 15%….just like weightlifting.

This works for any self-discipline. Don’t go on a diet and cut every last unhealthy thing out at one time. Start with lowering the number of sodas and increasing water intake. Then no soda. Then onto no fast food. Easing into these life changes helps make them life-long habits. Just like writing 5000 words a day cannot sustain a career, eating nothing but celery and protein shakes is no way to eat for life.

Learn to Fail Forward

Failing Forward by John Maxwell is one of my favorite books. Successful people are successful because they have a healthy relationship with failure. They view it as a learning experience, reevaluate and then try again, and again and again, each time modifying the approach. Persistence is more than not giving up. There is a fine line between persistent and stupid.

If my goal is to climb Mt. Everest but I’m on Mt. Shasta and refuse to give up, I am not persistent, I’m a moron.

Yet, how many writers keep shopping the same manuscript that’s been rejected time and time again? They refuse to dig in and do the tough revisions or move on to a new book and in the end it kills their success. The first book is often a learning curve. Use it. Learn from it. Fail forward.

Failures must be stepping stones, not tombstones.

Don’t Let Feelings Vote

How I managed to change my life around was I learned to stop consulting my feelings. They no longer get a vote. I don’t wait until I feel like writing. I write. Writers write. I don’t go to the gym only when I feel like it. I get exercise. I plan on being a career author and that requires me to be fit, healthy and relaxed.

I look at the old Kristen and want to go hide my head. I waited for inspiration on everything and that’s why I had a lot of messes and very little victory.

People have a mistaken understanding of how life works. Most of us believe the feeling comes first, then the action and then the change. Heck, I did.

WRONG.

Action is always first. Action, then the feelings will change and finally the results change.

I always tell myself, “Kristen, I know you don’t feel like going to the gym. You only have to get on the treadmill 10 minutes and, after that, if you are still tired, depressed, etc? You can go home.” In three years I have gone home only once. 99.9% my feelings change as soon as I get moving.

Feelings are a horrible guide. Feelings can be affected by diet, weather, activity level, the news, traffic, PMS, kids, cat puke in our slippers. Feelings are a terrible compass. Are they important? Sure. The bumper on my car is important, too, but it makes a lousy navigational system.

Just remember, “Amateurs wait for inspiration. The rest of us get up and go to work.” ~Stephen King.

So the next time you look at those authors you admire so much, you might rest easy knowing that you very well could be just as talented. Talent isn’t something we can much control. But, this is good news. This means, then, that the only things separating us from the Author Big Leagues are life habits that we can control. And that is FANTASTIC news!

What stumbling blocks do you guys face? What challenges? Any tips or tricks to share? Great books to read about self-discipline? What is your success story? I want to hear! Are you a reformed slacker, too?

I love hearing from you! And to prove it and show my love, for the month of August, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner every week for a critique of your first five pages. At the end of August I will pick a winner for the grand prize. A free critique from me on the first 15 pages of your novel. Good luck!

Note: I am keeping all the names for a final GRAND, GRAND PRIZE of 30 Pages (To be announced) OR a blog diagnostic. I look at your blog and give feedback to improve it. For now, I will draw weekly for 5 page edit, monthly for 15 page edit.

In the meantime, I hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . Both books are ON SALE for $4.99!!!! And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in th biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left over to write more great books! I am here to change your approach, not your personality.

The post Self-Discipline–The Key to Success appeared first on Kristen Lamb.