Humanity has been gifted with this lovely new invention…the internet. For the first time in human history, we can connect and even befriend people all over the world. We can easily research, whether that is for a novel we’re planning or to figure out why we broke out in weird spots after eating pistachios. There is also a never-ending supply of entertainment and we never have to ever be bored again…

Yeah.

Okay, that alone could be a whole book (my POV is that us being bored more often might be good for us) but that isn’t what I’d like to talk about today.

Today? *takes deep breath and dives in*

On Monday, a cover model who’s posed for numerous covers had well, he…ok he lost his ever-loving MIND. As I was watching the scenario unfold, I kept wanting to type a message to him.

For the love of chocolate…SHUT UP.

But he didn’t and his career is over. And please understand what I’m saying here. Blizzard Man was completely out of line and what he said (threatened) is even unforgivable. If we are going to use the internet to build our professional brand, then we need to treat cyberspace for what it is…our place of work.

Now, granted it is the coolest place of work ever and it has yoga pants and snacks and is very casual. No one minds us sharing cute kitten videos so long as we get our work done…

But it IS still a place of work and he forgot that.

And so did a lot of other people.

As I watched the reaction to this model’s comments, I grew more and more concerned for what the Internet is doing to us as human beings. Where is the kindness or even grace? When someone acts really badly, why is there a need to not just shame the behavior…but to obliterate the person on the other side?

Why must cyber bullies be met with even more vicious cyber-lynch mobs? Does anyone really win?

Is on-line outrage out of control?

All I could think of when I saw video after video being posted calling this model names and just going after him on a deeply personal level was… Dear GOD, please don’t let him commit suicide.

I wish I were joking.

I’ve witnessed this behavior happening more and more in cyberspace to people who haven’t even committed as grievous of an offense as said cover model. There was a comedian several months ago who did a funny video but it was regarding a dicey subject. There was nothing in that video that warranted the reaction that followed. Comments on her YouTube channel that said things like:

Bit*&, I hope you are raped and then hit in the head with a brick.

Really?

Just really.

And the cover model, as awful as he was…got a similar comment. Someone hoped he was raped.

Please tell me we are better than this. Because if not?

This universal connectivity has created the ability to create cyber-lynch mobs. Something ignites and people just go crazy. Instead of simply disagreeing, they start typing in threats that in person? They could go to JAIL for saying something like that.

What is even scarier is that a cyber-lynch mob can form over even seemingly innocent stuff. Anyone can become a target. I’ve been on the other side of them, myself (sadly, more than once). The most memorable time? I made the fatal mistake of positing that bookstores could do a better job of supporting authors (for our mutual benefit, btw). The HORROR!

I seriously had writers who commented and called me everything but a writer. The favorite name for me? C*nt.

What? Are you THREE? Do you even own a thesaurus?

It is the JOB of authors to point out flaws in the system, in society and the world. We do this to make it a better place and sometimes that might even involve going after some sacred cows. We are supposed to question everything. Everyone doesn’t need to agree all the time.

Seriously.

Once in tenth grade I disagreed with someone and guess what? I lived to tell the tale .

Gleeful Savagery

If we have been on-line any amount of time, we’ve heard tales of people who’ve been targeted by cyber-lynch mobs. What is sad is that often this cruelty has come on the heels of a badly executed joke or a tweet taken out of context.

There was a man in Santa Clara, CA who was at a conference for tech developers when a silly joke popped in his head. According the the NY Times:

It was about the attachments for computers and mobile devices that are commonly called dongles. He murmured the joke to his friend sitting next to him, he told me. “It was so bad, I don’t remember the exact words,” he said. “Something about a fictitious piece of hardware that has a really big dongle, a ridiculous dongle. .?.?. It wasn’t even conversation-level volume.

Right after making the joke to a friend, a woman nearby stood and took a picture of him then tweeted to her 9K+ friends that he was making sexist jokes about big dongles right behind her. The next day he was fired.

And it gets worse…

After he posted about being fired, an even more vitriolic backlash ensued against the woman who started the incident, which included enough death threats to make her leave home and sleep on friends’ couches for the next year.

This is freaking RIDICULOUS.

We Used to Take It for What it Was

Trust me, every day I am super glad I was an adult by the time social media came along. I think of all the dumb crap I would have done or said or written and how that could have made my life turn out very differently. In the 90s if a joke bombed and came out offensive instead of funny? The worst I probably got was an eye-roll or maybe even a quick chewing out and I knew to correct my behavior.

I didn’t fear my entire world would be nothing but ash by lunchtime. I also didn’t expect a barrage of death threats or people hoping I was raped and hit in the head with a brick (like the poor comedian). In fact, I am pretty sure that would have been grounds for a police investigation.

And if we crossed that uncrossable line? Sure there were consequences but these days? DAYUM.

All I can think of is if Blizzard Man had made the comment he did in 1993, he surely wouldn’t have had 745 people who had already directly taken a swing at him by dinner time.

Original image via Flickr Creative Commons courtesy of Fraser Mummery

Crime & Punishment

When I see these on-line debacles, it always brings to mind one of my favorite scenes from the movie Demon Knight. Two main characters in the opening scene collide in a fiery crash on a remote road. The sheriff and his deputy arrive to work the scene and are inspecting the wreckage.

The deputy is incensed and, waving his ticket book says, “They had to be doing over a hundred miles an hour!”

The sheriff looks at him and replies, “Well you can shoot their ashes if it makes you feel better.”

What all of us are wise to remember is that in life, when an alleged crime is committed, there is intense evidence gathering to make sure there was really a crime. Then punishment befitting the crime is meted out. But on-line? So often people jump to right a wrong without any such evidence-gathering and the consequences can be devastating.

Case in point, I once got a really offensive sexual message from another writer. Instead of copying and pasting and railing against how tacky and disgusting this woman was, how she was using Facebook to sexually harass me…I stopped and thought.

Hmmm, that’s odd. I’ve never had this person act in such a way. Let me message her back.

And it turned out her account had been hacked. She wasn’t even aware such messages were being sent from her profile and catastrophe was averted simply because I gave another human the benefit of the doubt.

On the other side of this coin, I was once publicly shamed for liking an off-color meme that was politically explosive. Thing was? I’d accidentally hit it while scrolling on my android phone. Instead of the public shaming, why didn’t I get a PM that said, Hey, Kristen. You go out of your way to be funny and kind and this awful meme has your “like” on it. Did you do that?

But that didn’t happen and let’s just say it’s a good thing I have rhino skin.

***Oh, and btw, people also have a right to have poor taste in the event I DID actually like the meme .

Yes, there are times (like Blizzard Man) that there is a direct offense, but we also need to remember that technology does have glitches. Toddlers DO get ahold of phones. Accounts can be hacked. And—to be blunt—everyone has a bad day.

I get that we are all over this “everything on the Internet is FOREVER” schtick and maybe that was acceptable before we all lived more on the Internet than in the real world.

But is this reasonable?

In life if we lose our minds, say something awful or even offend people, we don’t fear a permanent death sentence and banishment from the human race.

Sure, discuss what’s going on. Maybe even make light of it. Joke. I do. Heck! Even criticize. Nothing at all wrong with this. Unless we want a world where foaming-at-the-mouth bullies are the only ones shaping social and political change, regular folk need to feel okay sharing more than kitten memes.

The internet can be as amazing or as awful as we make it. Like anything it is a tool. We can use a shovel to dig a grave or plant a garden. The choice is ours.

What are your thoughts? Have you been on the wrong end of a social media dog-pile? That something innocent got way out of control? Do you think that the cyber-lynch mobs are starting to shape how people are acting in person? Do you think that now that humans are spending more time in cyberspace we need to learn to lighten the hell up?

I LOVE hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of MAY, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel.

Upcoming Classes!!!

Remember that all WANA classes are recorded so if you miss, can’t make it or just want to refresh the material, this is included with purchase price. The classes are all virtual and all you need is a computer and an Internet connection to enjoy!

Hooking the Reader—Your First Five Pages MAY 14th. The first five pages are one of our best selling tools. We fail to hook the reader and that is a lost sale. In this class, we go over the art of great beginnings. Additionally, the upper levels Gold and Platinum I actually LOOK at your pages and critique your actual writing. I am offering DOUBLE PAGES for FREE so this is a fantastic opportunity to get feedback from a pro.

When Your Name Alone Can SELL—Branding for Authors MAY 16th. The single largest challenge all writers face in the digital age is discoverability. In a sea of infinite choices, connecting with our audience can be a nightmare. Our brand is our lifeline. What is a brand? How do we create one? How do we entice an overwhelmed and distracted audience to connect and care? How do we develop this brand over time? How can we make this brand resilient to upheavals? How can this brand then grow and evolve as we grow and evolve?

Blogging for Authors MAY 20th. Blogging is one of the most powerful forms of social media. Twitter could flitter and Facebook could fold but the blog will remain so long as we have an Internet. The blog has been going strong since the 90s and it’s one of the best ways to establish a brand and then harness the power of that brand to drive book sales.

The post Cyber Bullies vs. Cyber Lynch Mobs—Does Anyone Win? appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

I’ve talked before about how I train in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Recently, I have started assisting with teaching the kid’s class. It is shocking how much time we devote to training kids to stand up to bullies. Bullies, in my opinion, are among the lowest known existing lifeforms. I wouldn’t want to insult cockroaches and fleas by drawing a comparison.

I’d love to say that we leave bullies behind when we are no longer kids, but I think bullying just gets worse and harder to fight. As writers, we deal with bullies a lot. Tragically, I’ve received many messages from semi-suicidal writers who left their dream profession because they had the misfortune of landing in the crosshairs of cyberbullies and no longer could endure the stress.

I have a hard time blaming them. I know what it is like to be willing to do anything to escape the torment.

Kristen’s History With Bullies

Image via Flickr Creative Commons, courtesy of Thomas Ricker.

I grew up most of my life being bullied. I switched schools at least once a year and there was always a new gaggle of Mean Girls to make my daily life a veritable hell. I think this is why I grew to love books. I skipped school so much (to seek sanctuary at the public library), that I’m fairly certain I’m the reason for the current Texas truancy laws.

I couldn’t get out of bed. I became ill at the thought of even walking through the front doors of my school. I was poor and these girls in their designer clothes who drove their BMWs to school took great joy in throwing away what little clothing I had when I was at soccer practice.

I couldn’t escape. They cornered me on the bus, in the lunchroom, in the halls. Most teachers did nothing. In fact, teachers were some of the worst bullies I endured.

One teacher made my life miserable because I stood up to her bullying a kid from another school. This teacher and her pets thought it was funny to stuff chocolate Ex-Lax into a brownie and give it to a kid that probably (looking back) had Asperger’s. I stood up to her over it and paid dearly.

Since she was “Teacher of the Year” no one, not even school administration would intervene and I endured her torment for three very long years. I had nightmares about her until my 30s.

Bullies Don’t Stay in High School

I’d like to say bullies went away. When I graduated and joined the workplace, I soon discovered bullies just grow older and more cruel. Female bullies are the worst. They don’t push and shove and bully in ways that a good tail-kicking can fix.

They are a slow poison with no taste or smell.

I’m certain Human Resources must have some hidden rule that they must hire at least one tireless jerk to torment their fellow workers.

Yes, part of why I left sales was my health. I threw up on the way to work every day. Why? A bully. She ruled the office and everyone feared her. She’d even once assaulted someone at the copy machine. I was responsible for a 2.5 million dollar quota and this person would make sure my orders were “accidentally” sent to the wrong place, my samples would get “lost in the mail” and important documents would disappear.

I kept having to change the lock on my office because this person thought nothing of helping herself to my personal belongings. One time, I’d worked months on a detailed presentation I had to give at the national meeting. I went to lunch and forgot to lock my office. She deleted the entire thing (though there was no proving it, of course).

Seven weeks of work had to be redone in 24 hours.

We had a major contract that came open. Business we’d had for a couple decades was being offered to our competition. I drove to Mississippi once a week for months to ensure we maintained the contract and won the bid. Finally, I got the green because they liked me. All I had to do was send the samples to a certain location.

The office bully deliberately mailed them to the wrong address (yes, she was the only one with the power to send out products). I have no idea how many people lost their jobs because we lost this major contract, and I was the salesperson so the blame was square on me.

And there was NO getting rid of her. I went to my boss, to the plant manager, to Human Resources and they acted as if I was just being sensitive. I left. She won. The factory closed. But what kind of person is willing to go to such extremes to hurt ONE person, that she takes out the jobs of others and then even her own? Why would a company tolerate this?

I’ve never found a satisfying answer.

I think that’s one of the reasons I have been so tireless when it comes to building the W.A.N.A. Community. I spent so much of my life alone, lonely, afraid and I never wanted anyone to feel the way I had for so long.

Brave New Bullying 

Now we live in a Digital Age and bullies abound. The Internet gives them access to torment us 24-7 no matter where we go. I was so thrilled the day I was asked to blog for Huffington, yet unlike here, I have no control over the tone of the comments. There are people who are simply made of spite and hate and they will take it out from the safety of a computer behind the anonymity afforded by monikers. Now when I post, I simply scan and, if anything is hateful in tone? I won’t even read it.

This is why I don’t read reviews before buying any book. There are too many sock puppets and trolls. Goodreads and Amazon are RIFE with bullying. I’ve had friends bullied on blogs and even once had someone start a hate blog directed toward me, “Kristen Lamb The Face of Misandry” which is “Man-hating”, btw. I had to look it up.

It’s sad to say, but when researching for this topic, it seemed most of the information was for kids, schools and teens. But bullies never go away. They often can’t be stopped, but maybe we can make it tougher for them to spread their cruelty.

What To Do

Be YOU—Don’t Let Bullies Steal Your Peace or Your Book Sales

First of all, use the name printed on your books. A moniker or a pen name won’t stop the hate. It’s still you. If someone called me names and ruthlessly attacked my character it wouldn’t matter if it was Kristen Lamb’s Blog or Penelope Fluffernutter’s Blog. It’s still me behind the computer.

When we try to hide behind a moniker to protect against the inevitable, all we do is make it harder to sell books. The bullies win. They can steal your peace and maybe even success.

When we get off the Internet because of these cretins, they win. It’s a “blaming the victim” mentality. If your skirt wasn’t so short blog wasn’t there, you wouldn’t be raped harassed by trolls. This is why I DO recommend a WP based site. There is this marvelous TRASH function.

Illegitimi non carborundum…

Keep Records

If you get hateful, threatening messages take screenshots. Save e-mails. If the troll is motivated enough they can easily slip into an area that can give you power legally. But, proof is what will help your case.

Manage Your Blog

I don’t allow hate. I am always open for respectful disagreement, but if someone gets out of control? I delete their comments. People need to feel safe to comment on my blog (and yours), and bullies will shred the fabric of your community. It’s our job to keep them in check. Set boundaries and refuse to tolerate abuse.

Stand Up for Friends

If you have a writer friend who’s being bullied, gather together and, when Amazon asks if a review is helpful? Click NO. The W.A.N.A. Community is massive. Let us know. We are happy to stick up for you, and a troll might be able to harass one or two pals who come to your aid, but a few thousand is a tougher challenge.

Report and Block

Report abusers on Facebook. The guy who started the hate blog about me wasn’t just harassing me, he was harassing all my friends who commented on my wall. He was PSYCHO. I went to Facebook and had him banned. I blocked his comments and profile (until FB could take it down).

DO NOT ENGAGE

Don’t feed the trolls. Negative attention is still attention. Often trolls will leave seething comments to upset people SO much that they HAVE to go to their blog/website to see WHO this JERK IS. It’s the only way they can get hits and comments and they feed on negativity. Starve them.

Hire a Professional

If you’re worried about your safety or your family’s safety because someone has gone THAT nutso? Contact Jay Donovan at TechSurgeons. Jay is an amazing human being, a tireless champion for writers and he IS The Digital Dark Knight. He’s a computer genius who can have said troll chasing his own @$$ down a hole of frustrated nothing. There are ways to protect yourself digitally and Jay is a master of security. Even if you want to take some preventative measures, talk to Jay.

Many of you know I am NOT a fan of pen names. What you may not understand is I’m not a fan of pen names, because a different name alone isn’t enough. Worse, it can provide a false sense of security. Writers are locking the screen door thinking that’s going to keep out the motivated ax murderer.

There are sound reasons for having a pen name. I advise against it most of the time because friends, schoolmates and family can be powerful mouthpieces and very helpful. A pen name limits how much of that energy we can harness and dilutes focus.

BUT, if you DO need a pen name for safety, security, etc. TALK TO JAY. Again, a different name alone isn’t enough. An eight-year-old with decent Google skills can find who you are without the skills of someone like Jay helping you.

Speak Up

I hate to say it, but if Goodreads doesn’t start protecting writers from abuse, then we can remove our books. Don’t think they would last long with no authors and, since Amazon owns them, they might be more inclined to listen.

In the end, trolls are often a sign we are doing something right. Get ten trolls and I think we are officially a celebrity. Learn to un-see. Focus on those who love you.

Power in Numbers

Over on my Dojo Diva blog, I am talking about self-defense and how to shut down predators. Predators, whether in life or on-line, think very similarly. They prefer to go after those who are alone and weak. Take that away by being part of a strong community. There is something to be said for numbers discouraging attacks.

Social isolation is fuel to the bully fire. Those kids and teachers who bullied me capitalized on the fact that I came from a broken home and had NO ONE. I very literally had NO safe haven.

I recommend Gracie Jiu Jitsu to everyone who will listen, but for more reasons than self-defense. That kid who is being picked on will have it far worse if they have no tribe, no system of support to reinforce others genuinely CARE. Our dojo is that tribe. Our mission is to protect the weak. We live it and breathe it.

My Jiu Jitsu brothers.

On-line? We also are wise to ally with strength.

Join our W.A.N.A. Community (W.A.N.A. stands for We Are Not Alone, information here). We are a great refuge and support system. Like my dojo, our mission is to serve and protect. They don’t call me the W.A.N.A. Mama for no reason .

You can join us on Twitter at#MyWANA, on Facebook or even WANATribe (a social network for creatives). I have ZERO tolerance for trolls and have smiting powers.

I know it can feel very defeating sometimes, but a great circle of loving friends who have your back is a great start. Refuse to feed the trolls your peace, success and happiness. They exist, but together we are stronger.

What about you? Have you been bullied? Did you find any tactics that were effective? I am no expert, so I would LOVE any suggestions.

I LOVE hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of JUNE, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

Remember, for MORE chances to win and better ODDS, also comment over at Dojo Diva. I am blogging for my home dojo and it will help the blog gain traction.

Winner for May is Ugirid Haprasad and the Dojo Diva winner is Amy Kennedy. Please send 20 pages (5000 words) in a WORD document to kristen at wana intl.com. Congratulations!

For those who need help building a platform and keeping it SIMPLE, pick up a copy of my latest social media/branding book Rise of the Machines—Human Authors in a Digital World on AMAZON, iBooks, or Nook. 

The post Brave New Bullying—How to Protect Yourself from Cyberbullying appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

I know you guys think we are in the 21st century and that we are far too sophisticated to believe in mythical creatures, but I am here to share a real threat. Lurking beneath the digital highway?

There be trolls.

Trolls? Yep. Trolls. Not the cute fuzzy ones with twirly hair that go on the end of a pencil, either. I am talking mean, nasty, ugly, “take a bite out of your billy-goat @$$” TROLLS.  BLOG TROLLS. Most writers have a fear of trolls. It is embedded deep within the collective subconscious to fear these nasty creatures of spite and hate. But, I hope, with some proper preparation, you can resume zipping down the digital highway unafraid…though I do advise you to stop at a later point to hose the trolls out of your grill.

Leave them there and they stink up the place.

Before we talk about how to handle trolls, I think we first need to discuss exactly what a Blog Troll is.

What is a Blog Troll?

Many writers believe that we should all live in a pink fluffy land of cuddles where everyone thinks our words are golden nuggets of sunshine. Our comments section is not a place of debate *GASP!*Au gauche! The comments section is a perk for our peeps…to make is easier for them to declare, far and wide, our unrivaled awesomeness.

Duh. Everyone knows that.

You might be thinking. Kristen! Why are you blogging about this? It’s easy to spot trolls. They are the only ones who disagree with me, the only ones who doesn’t affirm how I’m the best thing since kitten calendars.

Yeah. I do agree that all of you are the best thing since kitten calendars, but we need to put on our Big Blogger pants and be professionals. Just because someone disagrees or has a different point of view does not automatically make the commenter a troll. It is HOW the person comments. Disagreement is fine, but it should be respectful.

Just Because Someone Disagrees, Does Not Automatically Make this Person a Blog Troll

I know that, as an expert, it can be tough to teach without speaking in general terms. There are ALWAYS exceptions to just about everything. Thus, when I blog about how heavy use of flashbacks can make readers have epileptic seizures, I KNOW I am going to get the standard, “But la la la used flashbacks and she is now a bazillionaire who regularly bathes in diamonds and stacks of crisp Benjamins.”

Yep, got it.

And, truth be told, I don’t mind those comments because I do feel that part of honing our craft is to not just learn the standard, but then to go and study the exceptions as well. Why DID that writer get away with nine thousand adverbs when the rest of us would have been egged and stripped of our Word privileges until we’d read Strunk & White? Looking to anomalies is useful. So when readers politely point out exceptions? No problemo.

We Should Be Secure Enough to Defend Our Position as Needed

If we are blogging on factual things, we do not need to be omnipotent, but we should be competent. This really applies to a lot of the NF authors out there. For instance, I am not the Oracle of All Things Writing, but if I am going to blog about the craft??? Yeah, I should know it well to defend my position should I need to. I generally don’t defend unless I think a commenter has made a point that might confuse readers.

For instance, I had a blog about hooking readers and how passive goals like “staying alive” or “running away” were a tough sell. It is better to have an active goal and will make plotting far easier. A commenter chirped in that I was wrong, and that “The Great Escape” was a classic and an exception. “The Great Escape” actually wasn’t an exception, so I made sure to address that comment. (For those who are curious, the story goal of “The Great Escape” was not to escape or to run away, but rather to create a diversion to reroute the Germans away from the Allied forces–tangible and active).

Debate is Healthy

Now, I don’t consider that commenter a troll and am happy he took time to bring up that example. It made me think and I do believe it was a great example that helped those who were following the comment thread. There are some movies and books that seem like they might be “getting away with” passive plot goals, loads of flashbacks, or any some other literary faux pas, but if we look closer, we often see the screenwriter/writer is not as big of a rule-breaker as we might have first thought. OR, if the screenwriter/writer DID break some rules, often I can take a moment to explain HOW the writer broke the rule and WHY he got away with it.

I have had a lot of commenters bring up points that made me think, and the good debate actually made me stronger. There have even been times I have changed my position or opinion due to a commenter. If we aren’t learning we’re dying.

All blogs can benefit from debate. If a commenter disagrees, take a moment to really understand what he is saying. Sometimes you might be surprised. Blogs thrive and die every day due to the blogger’s relationship (or lack thereof) with readers.

So now that we have established that disagreement is good, even healthy…what IS a Blog Troll.

Your blog sucks and you should DIEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Blog Trolls are Disrespectful

We can disagree without being an equestrian derierre. Bloggers are human and make mistakes. We all have bad days. I recall a commenter back a few months ago just absolutely razed me for a handful of typos. Little did that person know that my aunt had slipped into a coma and died over the weekend. I was exhausted and distracted and honestly didn’t see the mistakes. Yet, there was nothing in my five typos that warranted the reaction, which brings me to my next point…

Blog Trolls are Often Emotional

We all get emotional, but Blog Trolls? They get PSYCHO emotional. I once wrote a really funny blog that posited the question, “Are we being responsible novel parents or dead-beat book daddies?” The blog was about WRITING. It was a HUMOR post, not a commentary on separation and child-custody issues. Aside from the use of “dead-beat book daddies” I talked about BOOKS and WRITING.

Anyway, out of nowhere I had a commenter morph into a LUNATIC. He ranted that I was a man-hater, then proceeded to insult every other person who’d commented and even hunted me to Facebook and insulted every person who talked to me on Facebook. Then, when I deleted his comments and booted him from my Facebook, he started his own blog—I KID you NOT—Kristen Lamb the Face of Misandry (which means man-hating, btw. I had to look it up, too).

I wish I were kidding.

What to Do About a Troll?

Don’t take it personally. The world is full of jerks. Look at the bright side. You could be them ;).

Accept that Not Everyone Will Love You

Awww. *sniff* I KNOW! This almost makes me cry. To think that not everyone thinks I am awesome? Well they must be sick, right?

Yeah, I hate to say it, but there is no law of the universe that dictates everyone must love us. No matter how hard we try, there will always be a percentage of people who just don’t like us. For me, it is a far, far, far, almost statistically meaningless percentage…like a mere .000000009%….okay, yeah. I know I can’t please everyone.

For you NF people establishing expertise, just expect the commenter who tells you that you have the brain of a monkey and that you are a loser poseur fake. My favorite comment like this? Kristen, you have to actually BE an expert at something before you can claim to be an expert. Yeah. OUCH. Oh well. It happens *shrugs*

But, how do you handle a Blog Troll?

Start with being kind. Few things diffuse someone who has blown an emotional fuse quicker than a dose of kindness. Just like that guy had no idea I’d had a death in the family, I have no idea what might have been falling apart in his life. This is one of the reasons we shouldn’t take things personally. It really isn’t about us. That nasty rant likely has more to do with the pile of bills, sucky job, or nasty divorce than it has to do with us or our content. All of us have shown our @$$ at one time or another. If we want grace from others, we should be quick to offer forgiveness and patience.

If you make a mistake, be quick to admit it. We are bloggers not God. Yes, being writers make us feel a lot like The Big Guy, but unlike Him, we screw up. If someone points out where we are wrong…and they are correct? It is a bit embarrassing, but not the end of the world. Just politely thank the commenter and take the mea culpa. Most people won’t remember if we screwed up. They will, however, remember if we screwed up and then spent three weeks arguing and trying to cover our mistake.

The Troll who ranted about my five typos? He did have a legitimate complaint, kind of. The blog was about editing and I had several glaring typos (granted the post was actually NOT about line-editing, but rather content editing). But, I corrected the oopses and thanked him for his diligence…and then watched with a huge grin as a handful of you pounced on him, slapped him around and made him mind his manners.

Y’all ARE the best thing since kitten calendars.

Don’t feel the need to approve haters. If someone is emotionally out of control and disrespectful, don’t feel the need to let them in. Commenters need to feel safe to voice an opinion and Trolls can make people afraid to comment. Relationships are about setting boundaries. I know Piper Bayard e-mails Trolls and tells them she has trashed their comment, but then tells them that if they will voice their disagreement in a more respectful way, she’d be happy to approve them.

Good fences make good neighbors.

Don’t Defend Unless You Need To

I have a saying. “People have the right to be wrong.” Sometimes a commenter is way off base or rude. Just move on. Many times your loyal commenters will pop the offending troll on the snoot and remind them that piddling in the comments section is rude.

Focus on the Positive

Trolls offer us perspective and humilty. Like leeches, turkey buzzards and lice all serve a viable part of the Earth’s ecosystem, Blog Trolls offer balance to the blog ecosystem (like scaring away the uncommitted). But, just because Tazmanian Devils serve a purpose in the Circle of Life doesn’t mean we should include them in the petting zoo. Same with Trolls. Focus on all the kind and supportive people. They deserve our attention more anyway ;).

So what are your thoughts? Do you agree with my definition of a “blog troll?” Have you had an experience you’d like to share? Any tips for handling these beasties of the web?

I LOVE hearing from you guys!

And to prove it and show my love, for the month of January, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner every week for a critique of your first five pages. At the end of January I will pick a winner for the grand prize. A free critique from me on the first 15 pages of your novel. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . Both books are ON SALE for $4.99!!!! And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books!

Happy writing!

The post Here There Be Blog Trolls–How to Spot Them & What To Do appeared first on Kristen Lamb.