Finding our focus has never been easy. Many of us have always lacked direction and fallen short on “clarity.” We’d multitasked ourselves into a daily fugue state long before COVID and quarantines and Zoom upended our lives.

Time somehow seeped through an unseen hole, leaking away one errand, email, trip, chore, or event at a time.

Ironically, I wrote a blog post Quiet: Have We Forgotten to Be Still in a World That Never Stops? back in February.

Um, so yeah. Oops. #CarefulWhatYouWishFor

Yet, to be blunt? At the time I wrote that blog, our Normal meant living life strapped to Hell’s Tilt-A-Whirl every…single…day. That is NOT healthy. We needed rest, quiet time and peace, yet we were threadbare and run ragged.

I apologize for not posting for a while. It’s been VERY odd, especially since I’ve posted religiously no matter what for almost fourteen years. Suffice to say, this year—which started with yet another death in the family—had me ground down and exhausted. I seriously needed a sabbatical to recharge.

Moving on…

Focus & The “New” Normal

So maybe we’ve had enough “quiet time.” We miss getting out, socializing, and long for the days when shopping for groceries didn’t require sanitizer, gloves, face masks, eye-balling six feet for social distancing, and a canteen of holy water.

Alas, there are a handful of phases or words guaranteed to make me twitchy. One is this idea of a “new normal.” First of all, every day is a “new normal.” The entire GOAL of human civilization is to change, ideally for the better.

If we aren’t changing, we’re dying.

That aside? Normal doesn’t exist, other than as a setting on the dryer. And when I hear others (and myself) bemoaning all the changes and trials and wanting to “get back to normal,” I cringe. NO. I don’t want things back the way they used to be, namely because I believe we can do better.

COVID and everything that’s gone with it sure has been a trial. Some have suffered terrible losses, hardships and/or setbacks. But I refuse to endure these tests and tribulations only to go BACK.

Because what was BACK THERE wasn’t all that great.

Nostalgia can be misleading. It’s like that ex we keep returning to because we keep forgetting WHY we dumped the @$$hat in the first place.

Nostalgia can lure us to focus on only what was good, and forget what was broken. Nostalgia cajoles us into dismissing why we were burned out, stressed out and ready to crack.

Since we don’t have a time machine, we’re in this together.

If we focus on all “we’ve lost” then that’s wasted effort that only makes us feel crummy and powerless. We can’t undo what is done, but we can assess, adapt and overcome. THAT is active, offers us agency, and a reason to hope.

Where the Mind Goes, Man Follows

When I first started toying with the idea of writing professionally, I had an idea for a book set in Monte Carlo, with the Formula 1 Monaco Grand Prix as a backdrop. Being bold and brassy, I somehow talked my way into some of the inner circles of Ferrari racing.

Though I never finished the book, I did have a great time and learned a lot of key lessons that would carry me through much of my professional life. One lesson in particular stands apart.

We go where we focus.

In professional racing, a lot of winning involves not crashing. Simple, right? If your car is a pile of wreckage, then chances of crossing that finish line go quickly to ZERO. High speed racing—particularly in places like Monte Carlo—are unusually challenging.

Why? Because it isn’t as much about driving faster than the competition, as it is about driving better than the competition. Monte Carlo is a maze of hairpin turns. Not only must a driver be mindful of the wall, but of other drivers as well.

What I learned was this: If you look at the wall, you’ll hit the wall.

The driver must always be keenly aware of where he has his focus, because focus on the wall? You’ll hit the wall. Focus on the other cars? You’ll hit the other cars. Focus on where you want to go? That’s where you’ll naturally drift.

It’s why it’s so crucial to phrase objectives in the positive. Remember you put your keys next to the door is much more effective than telling yourself Don’t forget that you put your keys near the door.

The human brain tends to only start listening at the first ACTIVE verb, and that’s where it will focus. If we say, Don’t forget to pick up cat food, our brain hears, Forget to pick up cat food.

Watching our words and how we speak can drastically improve focus for the better. POSITIVE goals! Instead of, I don’t want gain anymore weight, try, I want to be healthy and properly proportioned .

Authors and businesses drive me bonkers with this. Don’t forget to subscribe! Guess what you just told everyone to do? *face palm*

Focus: Only So Many Ducks to Give

Since bluntness is my superpower, here it is. Life is the leading cause of death. Today is the youngest we will ever be. Time is a nonrenewable resource, so we’re wise to be mindful how we spend our days.

Once we understand all this, then ask: Where are we placing our focus?

We cannot care about everything. When we care about everything, we care about nothing. Why? Because we can’t care about everything and also maintain focus.

That race car driver can only care about a short list of priorities. If he lets in too much other “stuff,” he’s far more likely to end up a pile of smoldering wreckage than to zoom across that finish line.

The same can be said for us.

Again, I know it’s been a long time since I’ve posted, but I was too scattered. There was no sense in posting blogs when my mind was a mess. I needed to back off, get quiet, ponder my priorities, and ask myself the hard questions.

Was I blogging because I loved it? Because I truly enjoy sharing knowledge, wisdom and even some laughs? Or, was I blogging only because I’d been blogging since 2007 and felt obligated instead of compelled?

What did I REALLY care about?

Because after being sick for so long, and all the upheaval in publishing, and then the world losing its ever-loving mind? I’d caught a bad case of value vertigo.

Until I could regain equilibrium, I’d have little or nothing of substance to offer any of you. Since I value your time, I’d rather post nothing than nonsense.

Focus is Essential in Everything

First of all, obviously I love blogging and miss you guys or I wouldn’t be here. Yet, with the world going crazy, I struggled to even think of a topic. There was plenty of negativity going around, so no need to add to it.

But being positive? It was next to impossible for me to think of anything encouraging to post that didn’t make me want to punch myself in the face.

As I see it, we’re in the meantime, which is what I like to call that span of suck before the breakthrough. It’s a tough place to be and often we wonder if it will ever end. Thing is? I can’t promise the world will be any better because I don’t (sadly) control the world.

I can only control myself, my actions and my attitude. My locus of focus must be internal, because I have authority there. If I give too many ducks about people, places, things that I can’t control? That’s a recipe for a nervous breakdown.

If I focus on all the negative, what bothers me, what upsets me and gives me apoplexy, guess what happens? I’ll get more of that.

If I look at the wall, I’ll hit the wall.

Dreams & Pain

One of my all-time favorite books is Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve listened to the audiobook. Why I love this book is that Manson has a very counterintuitive approach to reaching goals and living “the good life.”

Many of us, when we have a dream or goal, tend to focus too much on the dream and not enough on what is required to attain that dream.

We might imagine having a rock hard body with single-digit body fat, a successful small business, or being a mega best-selling author. But are we willing to do all that is necessary to get there?

Manson points out that life has problems. There is no escaping problems. All that we can do is choose better problems.

To paraphrase Manson, Warren Buffet has money problems, but so does the homeless guy hanging outside the Quickie Mart. Buffet just has BETTER money problems.

Since I prefer to stay in the PG13 realm with my blog, we only have so many ducks to give. Where are we going to spend them?

Because if my ducks are scattered all over—some arguing on social media with strangers, some trying to Marie Kondo my house in a week, others fretting about whether Pilates or Yoga is a better way to get back in shape, etc.?

I’m circling the drain already. Loads of activity, with little to no results (other than self-loathing).

Author Problems

I’ve been around long enough to see this play out in the writing world. For ages, I’ve heard, “If I only had enough time, then I’d finish that novel.”

BAM! QUARANTINE! How many people have finally had the time? Yet, how many finished novels?

The problem (for many) with writing professionally is that it’s easier to daydream about being a best-selling author than to sit down and work day after day after day.

Writing has problems. Learning the craft, coming up with a book idea, writing the book, editing, revising, building a brand and platform, facing uncertainty and crushing insecurity, and on and on.

How many love the idea of being a best-selling author but not the pain/problems that go with being a best-selling author?

I LOVE the idea of having a fitness model physique, but I don’t love it enough to embrace the pain of having that fitness model physique. Since I don’t want to live in a gym, measure out every portion of macro and micronutrients, and retool my world for this level of fitness? The dream will remain that, a dream.

But, when it comes to being an author? I LOVE to read, and enjoy craft books, writing sprints, revisions, research, blogging, editing, etc.

See how by choosing my pain (problems) I’m able to gain renewed focus? When I understand that life will always have problems, I can make a conscious effort to always be choosing better problems.

Sure, I could argue with strangers on-line about sensitive topics, but why? I’m not (at the moment) running for office and I’m not a political writer. Why would I throw my ducks into an area where they’ll just get de-feathered and roasted?

Unless I aim to completely shift my brand and goals, this path has my ducks all over when I need them in a row to be effective.

Writers change the world all the time, always have. I choose the pain I want, which is to change hearts and minds using the power of story. I’m learning to be more selective about how many ducks to give and when and where to give them.

I’ve Missed Y’all!

So yes, I am back. The world needs a nap and a Snickers (my POV), but I can’t do anything about that other than bring some sense and sunshine into your world…which I HOPE I’ve done.

I LOVE Hearing From YOU!

What are your thoughts? Have you been dealing with feeling strung out? You have more TIME than ever, but all the craziness has you circling the drain or building blanket forts? What have you changed in your life to help you remain positive and manage stress?

Have you gotten any writing accomplished? I’m 45K words into a non-fiction ghostwriting project, so I’ve pretty much buried myself in that and doing home improvements.

I think Lowe’s stock will bottom out once I finish all the painting and repairs here, LOL.

So come on and share! I’ve missed y’all, but I love you enough not to drop more doom at your door. Thanks for your patience while I recharged my optimism .

The post Finding Our Focus During Crazy Times: Only So Many Ducks to Give appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

I confess. I am normally uptight, controlling and neurotic but after the recent death of my grandmother who raised me? Where I might have been a five seven twelve, I was suddenly a fifty (on a scale of ten). I felt flung to the winds and adrift. I was out of control and that is not a feeling I enjoy.

Monday, I was really tired so I wasn’t up to taking Spawn to summer camp where he normally goes for a few hours so Mommy can work.

And so it begins….

Kids have a really honest and refreshing way of getting right to the point.

For instance. Recently we went out to dinner at a nice Mediterranean restaurant. I stand up and Spawn (Age 6) suddenly looks up at me aghast as if he is seeing me for the first time and loudly proclaims.

“Mommy! Your boobs are HUGE!”

Thanks kid, just thanks.

And the table of men nearby had to be scraped off the floor laughing.

Unlike friends and family, kids don’t sugar coat anything and we are wise to listen. Additionally beyond what children say, it is what they DO that can give us the most to learn.

Back to being too lazy to take Spawn to camp. I am busy uploading my guest post and trying to dig out of the mountain of emails that were left unchecked while I lay in bed for a week.

My left eye already had a permanent twitch from the piles of laundry to do, the stacks of dishes and all the work that lay ahead. I was super busy self-flagellating about how I was such a royal jerk for not getting edits back to students yet and how I was a selfish jerk for taking a week and a half to get my head on straight after my grandmother’s death.

Selfish Kristen! Horrible Kristen!

Spawn? What better time to decide to build a FORT? And right next to where Mommy is working so she can enjoy it!

Okay.

At this point in time I was all right. Writing professionally is akin to being a war correspondent, especially for anyone with small kids and pets. No big deal. I am cool. I got this. I survived the Blueberry Yogurt Fiasco of 2014 and the Projectile Vomit Debacle of 2015. I’ve blogged while sustaining heavy NERF fire.

I totally got this.

Spawn THEN decides he is lonely in his fort and wants Johnny Cat in there with him.

At first he is wrestling with the cat (over my computer—where else?). I stop and say…

“You cannot force a cat to go anywhere. Let me get you a cat trap (pictured above). Set this baby inside and you will have a cat in less than 3 minutes.” Proof I am a genius (pictured below).

Enter….Johnny Cat.

I keep writing and this fort just starts to grow…

And grow….

And OH DEAR GOD IT IS THE BORG!

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED….

By noon I am pretty much pushed out of my work area because I didn’t want to be assimilated along with two nursing pillows, Thanksgiving pumpkin decorations and pretty much every worldly possession Spawn has.

My OCD is going wild by now (actually my CDO because why is this NOT in alphabetical order as it should be?).

SO ME!

I’ve always been transparent with you guys because I want you to know that you are not alone. Most of us struggle. We beat ourselves up that we are not good enough that we should be trying harder, that we should be doing more. When we do write, we are our own worst critics and can edit the magic right out of a story with our insecurity.

Every level has its insecurities and challenges. When we are new, we feel guilty for writing because we aren’t yet “real” writers and so we are totally selfish jerks for writing because it isn’t as if we are published *rolls eyes*.

But how do we ever become successfully published unless we write a BOOK? Then once we do publish the pressure only grows. Now we need more books and this book didn’t do as well as that book and OH GOD! I HIT #1…but can I ever do it again? Am I a one-hit wonder?

Am I Tarzan Boy Writer?

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_r0n9Dv6XnY]

I have a bad habit of setting myself up to fail no matter what I do. If I spend a day cleaning the house, then I suck because I didn’t get any writing done. If I write, then I am a terrible housekeeper. If I hire a cleaning service, then I am being wasteful with money.

Hey I warned y’all I was a neurotic in the beginning .

Then Spawn comes along with this fort. My first instincts are to beat myself up because the house is a mess. But the sheer joy he is having building this thing is infectious. I am a fixer and a problem solver (I.e. the Cat Traps) and have no idea how my own mother didn’t murder me as a child.

When I was four I got a Spirograph for Christmas and two packages of typing paper—regular and legal size. So what did I do? I created art and went door to door selling. Five cents for the regular, ten cents for the legal and a dollar for the stack and a promise to never bother you again until the next time.

And in all the stress of being an adult I’d forgotten this. This thing called fun. Fun is not neat and tidy. Fun is chaotic. No fun IS chaos.

As the Spawn Fort was growing I just kept telling myself that he only is a little boy once. In a few years he will be off with friends and Mommy may no longer be his best friend and I will miss the Tinker Toys underfoot. I will miss the mess. I will crave this chaos.

GAME ON!

Spawn Fort 1.0 was a structural disaster (because I refused to butt in) and was reclaimed by nature overnight. Spawn was distressed, but fortunately, Mommy was an expert fort builder in her day and after he asked for my help?

I bring you….

Spawn Fort 2.0—A.K.A. SUPER FORT

Super Fort is three times the size with a nice padded sleeping area and several storage lockers (under chairs) for NERF weapons. It has two “secret” entrances and more head room. Additionally, one cannot have intruders thinking they can just pillage whatever they like from your fort while you are away, so Spawn Fort 2.0 is equipped with a state of the art Storm Trooper Security System. It won’t hit anyone so you don’t have to worry about being sued, but the warning shots will at least scare them away.

Want to see a little boy explode with joy? Show him how to build a proper fort and think to guard it with a Storm Trooper.

So Spawn is happy and then he kinda freaks out that it isn’t finished. We forgot the cat traps!

Me: Honey, Super Fort IS a cat trap…

To date every stitch of furniture including a lamp/table has been assimilated into Super Fort….which now sports a Hot Wheels racetrack that leads to the fireplace and I am strangely okay with that. One of my writer friends said it best in a Facebook comment….

One day…all the forts built by childhood will be but dust in a memory. Your reaction is the only way that memory is fairy dust.

 ~ Michael Gray

And he was right. The grandmother who raised me, the one I lost? All that is left of her is the fairy dust of blanket forts and coloring books and a million Barbie shoes and I miss her very, very much.

In the end? Embrace fun. Embrace some chaos and for the love of all that is chocolate cut yourself some slack and lighten the hell up! (So y’all know, I am yelling that at myself).

What are your thoughts? Are you a control freak too? Are you too hard on yourself? Do you set yourself up to fail no matter what? Do you maybe need to create some fairy dust?

I LOVE hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of JULY, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

Check out NEW classes below! 

Upcoming Classes

All W.A.N.A. classes are on-line and all you need is an internet connection. Recordings are included in the class price.

We are doing ANOTHER round of Battle of the First Pages!!! August 5th

The first time we did this we had some tech issues doing this new format and we’ve since worked those out, but for now I am still keeping the price low ($25) until we get this streamlined to my tastes.

LIMITED SEATS. This is an open workshop where each person will submit his or her first page of the manuscript for critique. I will read the page aloud and “gong” where I would have stopped reading and explain why. This is an interactive workshop designed to see what works or what doesn’t. Are you ready to test your page in the fire?

Hooking the Reader—Your First Five Pages August 12th

The first five pages are the most essential part of the novel, your single most powerful selling tool. It’s how you will hook agents, editors and readers. This class will cover the most common blunders and also teach you how to hook hard and hook early. This class is 90 minutes long, 60 minutes of instruction and 30 minutes for Q&A.

Your First Five Pages Gold Level

This includes the webinar and a detailed critique your first five pages.

Your First Five Pages Platinum Level

This includes the webinar and a detailed critique of your first twenty pages.

Bullies & Baddies—Understanding the Antagonist August 19th

All fiction must have a core antagonist. The antagonist is the reason for the story problem, but the term “antagonist” can be highly confusing. Without a proper grasp of how to use antagonists, the plot can become a wandering nightmare for the author and the reader.

This class will help you understand how to create solid story problems (even those writing literary fiction) and then give you the skills to layer conflict internally and externally.

Bullies & Baddies—Understanding the Antagonist Gold

This is a personal workshop to make sure you have a clear story problem. And, if you don’t? I’ll help you create one and tell the story you want to tell. This is done by phone/virtual classroom and by appointment. Expect to block off at least a couple hours.

For those who need help building a platform and keeping it SIMPLE, pick up a copy of my latest social media/branding book Rise of the Machines—Human Authors in a Digital World on AMAZON, iBooks, or Nook. 

The post Critics & Control Freaks—Are You Your Own Worst Enemy? appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Image courtesy of Rennett Stowe Flikr Creative Commons

Starting is easy. It’s exciting, fun, new and shiny. Anyone can start something. Heck, The Spawn starts at least ten things before 7:30 in the morning. When we start something new, we are pumped. We have people around us cheering. Everything is fun. We seem to have boundless energy.

Starting is necessary, but starting needs to become habit and become focused. The world rewards those who finish. We can start a new book, but once the “new idea smell” has worn off, we must transition into the mature artist’s version of starting, which is Just Do It.

Stick to what you are doing. Get started every day. When the project is weary and tired and so are you, then start again and again and again. Mature professionals ignore their feelings. They know feelings lie and feelings are our inner three-year-old who is easily bored or distracted.

I’ve worked with some really talented people, people probably more talented than me. The problem? Lack of focus. Always something new, something better. This time this project will be different. Uh huh. The problem is that success involves a lot of what isn’t fun. In fact, being successful involves a lot of repetition and drudgery. It entails learning tasks we hate and doing chores that bore us.

Ask any multi-published author and they will tell you that a book they loved at the beginning, they hated by the end because they were so sick to death of it. Granted, after a little time passes, we love our work…because there is a completed project to reflect upon.

Chronic Starting is a TRUE Enemy of the Art

Why? Well, a number of reasons.

We Can’t Grow

Pressure, stress and being forced into areas that just plain hurt make us grow and mature as artists. If we aren’t finishing books, maybe we need to understand plotting and structure better. If we keep starting new books, we never push into that area that forces us to strengthen where we are weak.

Yes, we are artists, but art is a business. We need to learn the unfun stuff like accounting, budgeting, spreadsheets and hiring and firing. Being a writer is not a glittery unicorn hug.

Anyone can start a blog. Blogs are free. Follow some prompts. But sticking to it? Sticking to it when it seems no one is listening? That’s when we have time to see what works and what doesn’t. We learn. We grow. We develop character.

We Never See Rewards

We have to learn to ship. Artists ship. That was a wonderful lesson I learned in Seth Godin’s Linchpin. The world will never reward the half-finished book, the abandoned blog or the business we left to rot.

The first YEAR I blogged, I was lucky to have 50 visits a day and probably most of those were spam bots. But I kept pressing, kept learning and trying new things. I kept blogging even when it seemed that no one was listening. I knew that, even if no one ever listened, blogging was a great exercise in developing the character of a professional. It taught me to show up day after day after day even when there seemed no apparent reward.

What happened? One day my blog exploded in readership and went from 100 visits a day to 1000 and has grown steadily. But that took over TWO YEARS. And even though I travel all over the country speaking, and teach classes and run after a three-year-old while running a business and writing more books…I still blog.

We Lose Respect and Support

When I first wanted to be a writer, most of my family was not supportive AT ALL. Why? Because I was a flake. They’d been down this road before and been duped.

Others can only cheer for our new beginning so many times before we lose their trust. I wasn’t a finisher. I would start something and the second it was actual work, I was on to something new. In my family’s eyes? Why would writing be any different?

It took years to prove to them I was the horse worth betting on. Now? They are my greatest champions because they now realize I’ve grown up. I have earned support and respect by sticking to what I start.

Most of our peers want us to succeed. They, too, love being part of something new. But our job is to let them see the fruits of our dreams. If we keep darting off to something shinier, we lose the respect and support of people around us. Instead of being happy about our bold new adventure, they roll their eyes and make bets how long it will take us to quit.

And I am not judging any of you. I have been through this myself. When I write about enemies of the art, it is because I have battled these foes on the front lines, and I didn’t always win. We will always fight them. They will never go away. Right now, I am in the last leg of my new book, like 10,000 words from finishing. I have to fight the siren’s song of doing something new every moment of every day. So I get you. Really, I do.

Just remember, The world does not reward starters; it rewards finishers.

What are your thoughts? Do you have trouble focusing? How do you fight the siren song of the shiny?

Here’s some Eye of the Tiger. Just keep playing it and keep pressing!

I love hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of February, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

And also, winners have a limited time to claim the prize, because what’s happening is there are actually quite a few people who never claim the critique, so I never know if the spam folder ate it or to look for it and then people miss out. I will also give my corporate e-mail to insure we connect and I will only have a week to return the 20 page edit.

At the end of February I will pick a winner for the monthly prize. Good luck!

The post Enemies of the Art Part 8–Being a Starter Not a Finisher appeared first on Kristen Lamb.