Schadenfreude is a word that many of y’all might not have heard of, yet we’ve all felt it. Interestingly enough, it can be a great tool to keep our audience interested and breathlessly wanting more. What is schadenfreude, other than a fifty dollar word we can toss around to impress friends and colleagues?

Schadenfreude—a combination of the German words for damage and joy—is the pleasure we feel at the misfortune of others.

Before anyone gets too judgy on me, we have all felt it.

Have you ever had some driver on the highway who believed they were above the rules and didn’t need to merge and take turns? Instead they sped up the shoulder so they could cut the line instead of patiently waiting their turn? Schadenfreude is the delicious enjoyment you felt when there actually was a police officer present who summarily pulled them over and ticketed the bejeezus out of them.

Don’t you judge me. Y’all know you love it, too.

We humans, by and large, have a sense of justice encoded in our psyche. This is why even a preschooler has a level of acumen usually reserved for an IRS auditor when adults pass out candy. They sense what is fair and unfair, right and wrong.

This ingrained sense of right and wrong and fair and unfair is part of what drives our need for a sense of justice. We don’t like it when others “get away” with doing something we perceive as “wrong.”

Shades of Schadenfreude

Therein lies the deliciousness of schadenfreude…the what we consider “wrong.”

Like most things involving the human psyche, this isn’t black and white, rather it exists on a spectrum. There is wonderful thrill of pleasure we feel when a speeder gets a (deserved) ticket that can go as far as total dehumanization of others and a delight at their complete destruction.

Schadenfreude is story jet fuel.

Before you might believe you are too “evolved” for such feelings, how many movie plots pivot on the bullies finally getting a taste (or more) of their own medicine? When there is a gross power imbalance, and that imbalance is abused, we humans can turn positively feral.

One of my favorite authors, Lucy Foley, wields schadenfreude like few other authors I’ve read. The Guest List and The Midnight Feast are page-turning dark delights. Alice Berman is another author who uses this darker side of human nature to create a thrilling story in I Eat Men Like Air.

Why do I love these books? Because these authors (stories) pick apart “the beautiful people.” From old money to self-anointed Instagram influencer demi-gods-in -their-own-minds, these stories pry at something primal in all of us…that some people are “better.”

Instead of characters who are grateful for a blessed life dripping in privilege, they are the entitled. They amuse themselves at the suffering of others purely for sport. Not only that, but they take great delight in how they, themselves, are above the rules. When these sorts of people commit crimes, the “real” world cannot punish them.

But Author Gods can.

Lovely Loathing

Foley and Berman are of the suspense-thriller variety, but Kevin Follet is another author who is unparalleled at whipping up a fire of resentment that rivals the fires of Gehenna. When I read Pillars of the Earth, I literally had to keep taking breaks reading the book because my own level of hatred overwhelmed me.

Like any book, Pillars of the Earth isn’t for everyone. It nearly wasn’t for me. Every time I considered throwing in the towel, I I found I couldn’t stop because I HAD to know if there was any kind of justice in this mad, mad world.

All of these books have a common thread. Raw, beautiful exquisite revenge justice.

We are ALL wired with a sense of right and wrong.

Even sociopaths have a sense of justice.

Read Martha Stout’s The Sociopath Next Door. A sociopath might not lose any sleep emptying your bank account, but would be horrified if you did the same to him.

Follet masterfully wove situations where I was rendered utterly and hopelessly powerless.

What is the epitome of being a victim? ZERO POWER. When evil strikes, what does it do to a person?

It strips away their power.

From money crimes to sex crimes, to hate crimes to murder it’s the same. Arson, abduction, terrorism, shootings, sex trafficking, burglaries, large-scale vandalism, gossip, slander, lies, it hits us all in the same place.

It makes us afraid and vulnerable and impotent.

What makes it worse? When we KNOW who’s done this, but this is a person no one can touch.

This was what made me practically foam at the mouth reading Pillars of the Earth. Because the story is (loosely) based on actual history. In the Middle Ages, nobility and high-ranking clergy got away with a LOT of really, really bad things.

Talk about powerlessness to the power of a thousand.

*Kristen punching things* *grabbing for inhaler* *ponders subscribing to Hallmark channel*

Yet, it kept me listening (turning pages) because I could not rest until the world was set right and justice was served. I wasn’t even sure it would be or could be. And if it was, HOW?

THAT, my friends, is some fine storytelling (so I am extremely glad I didn’t return the book). Also, THAT is the raw power of schadenfreude.

Villains & Schadenfreude

There are many ways to create legendary villains. And, keep in mind, there are different types of villains. Though, I recommend giving the villain a sympathetic goal, like the word wrong exists on a spectrum, so does the word sympathetic.

I get that far too many “normal people” think writing is easy. That if they only had enough time they’d be the next J.K. Rowling or George R.R. Martin. Sadly, no number of lockdowns is enough to disabuse some folks of the notion that storytelling is more than playing with imaginary friends.

To tell great stories, we are required to think differently than regular people.

***Refer to 13 Reasons Writers are Mistaken for Serial Killers

A book is more than a lot of flowery words, it is a peek into what makes people tick. Which is all well and good except some people’s “clockwork” is arguably manufactured in HELL.

Villains (antagonists) cannot want what they want for no reason. “Just cuz” is not good enough. When storytelling, we must be capable of violence. That is the only way for the “happy ending” to have any meaning.

***And before you think this is only for gritty genres, remember most fairy tales have some pretty horrifying villains.

Even the most revolting people in all the works I have thus far mentioned, deep down, believed themselves the heroes of their own stories. No matter how horrible they were, they genuinely could not see themselves honestly. Their world was a funhouse mirror designed to warp them into something they were not.

That said, some characters deserve destruction for one simple reason.

They are beyond redemption.

They are the rabid dogs of fiction. Writers and audiences alike know that to let some characters live or remain free is unacceptable. They are poison.

Why schadenfreude is such an incredible literary device is because it speaks to justice, which is universal. When crafting a villain (or even side characters who serve as antagonists), what universal rules are they breaking? Why? How? Now, can you dig deeper until the pages BLEED?

Villains & Cognitive Distortion

To a degree, all characters in our story are dealing with cognitive distortions. If they aren’t, then they aren’t interesting. All humans struggle with personalizing, catastrophizing, minimizing, justifying, unattainable standards, wishful thinking, etc.

In fact, for your touring pleasure, here is a list of 50 Common Cognitive Distortions.

All characters should have a cognitive distortion–to a degree–because all characters should arc.

While the MC or other positive forces (allies), grow, mature and evolve, the villain does the opposite. The villain devolves. They become even more convinced of their righteous cause, even more controlling, raise their already absurd standards to new levels of ridiculous, etc.

Ideally, we will give some reason for why the villain does what he does or believes what he believes. While we might not be able to, say, empathize with the actual cognitive distortion, we (the audience) can empathize with either having experienced the distortion ourselves OR the reason for the distortion.

For example, I cannot relate to the same level of entitlement as Francesca Meadows in The Midnight Feast. I am not old money, reared to believe I am privileged and entitled BUT I DO viscerally remember the first time I met another kid named “Kristen” and the raw fury I felt that another kid in my preschool had MY NAME!

MY NAME. MINE.

It’s a silly example, but she had to be destroyed that childlike rage is something a good story can tap into to give us the proverbial “sympathy for the devil.”

Mene, Mene, Tekel, Parsin

The Bible, in the Book of Daniel, tells the story of Belshazzar, who was King Nebuchadnezzar’s successor. Talk about a guy with an ego problem! He holds a banquet for all the nobility and thinks that calling for all the holy vessels from the Jewish Temple is a great idea…since they totally didn’t have enough cups *flips hair*.

What Belshazzar didn’t know—and likely would not have cared even if he did—was that he’d committed a great sacrilege. Y’all know the phrase we toss around, “Read the writing on the wall.” Well, this is where it comes from.

After Belshazzar uses all the holy vessels as Dixie Cups for his Meta-Influencer BBQ, a disembodied hand appears and writes Mene, Mene, Tekel, Parsin on the wall.

He can’t read the writing on the wall (nod to Shakespeare and IRONY) and calls for Daniel to translate the message, which was in Aramaic.

God tells Belshazzar that 1) his days are numbered (another nod to Shakespeare) 2) that his kingdom will fall, and 3) that he has been weighed, measured and found wanting.

There are good reasons that we find all the best stories mirrored in Scripture or Shakespeare.

Humans don’t change, and if humans don’t change, then—ipso facto—villains don’t change.

The entitled trust fund baby can genuinely believe they are “better” than others. Yet, though they are deeply believe they are better than others, they simultaneously fear their days are numbered. Frequently, they know that while they are better than everyone else, they’re never “good enough” for the person (people) who matters.

Additionally, with villains like this, their pride becomes their Achille’s Heel. They so wrapped up in their agenda, they are blind. Because they are blind, they cannot help but fall.

And none of us (readers) mind if they’re given a little push.

Schadenfreude & Catharsis

From Edgar Allen Poe’s The Telltale Heart to Kathryn Stockett’s The Help we audiences aren’t happy until there is some form of comeuppance.

***Ironically, in The Telltale Heart the MC is the villain. His own inborn sense that evil cannot go unpunished is the point of the story.

All stories are only as strong as their villains. If we are wishy washy on the villain, the rest of the book is bland. When we hold back on our villain, we inadvertently wreck our stakes.

There is something primal in all good stories. Humans have deep sympathy for the unavenged, the disappeared, and the disenfranchised. Every day, we see injustice and evil, and every day we know that the people causing much of this suffering will never be called to account.

Writers & Schadenfreude

Do you wield a little schadenfreude when you write?

I always find it a bit funny when readers ask if my villains are based on people I know because…DUH. YES. #SeriouslyDumbQuestion

Are they wholly patterned off ONE person? No. That would be copying not creating. They’re a collage of a million little events that made me…ME. And I get to enjoy a little bit if schadenfreude by casting them in my world .

*insert evil laughter*

It’s very therapeutic and cheaper than a defense attorney.

Do you see how just a touch of schadenfreude can also help with a “too perfect” character (maybe an MC)?

“Cutting someone down to size” is enjoyable in life and in fiction. Though we didn’t go into it today, can you see how schadenfreude can work in a redemption story, a love story, or wherever a character needs to grown and learn some humility?

I LOVE hearing from you!

Had you ever heard the term schadenfreude? Are you now committed to now finding ways to work this word into everyday conversation? Do you enjoy books and movies that deal out at least a little revenge?

Am I the only person who revels when a hidden cop pulls over a reckless driver?

Thoughts? Opinions? Favorite tales of schadenfreude?

And remember, my perennial author branding book, Rise of the Machines: Human Authors in a Digital World and my mystery thriller The Devil’s Dance are both on sale on Kindle right now for only .99.

Whether it is comments, shares, sales, or reviews, these are the things that keep us content producers (and authors) going and able to keep delivering. I always appreciate your support and love being able to keep doing this for you!

The post Schadenfreude: Misfortune, Revenge, Justice & Catharsis appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Ah, culture. One word that can encapsulate so much. It’s nice and bendy, too, which is fabulous for story ideas (or for injecting more conflict in a story that feels flat). Put more than two humans together and somewhere, somehow they will find something to fight about.

They might be from the same country, but a different region (a New Yorker and a Texan) or from the same state but different part (Manhattan versus Buffalo). Even if they are from the same city, they might have a different heritage (Latino versus German). Maybe conflicting occupations. Think engineer and yoga instructor.

There are a gazillion ways that we humans can stumble into conflict. Age, sex, race, religion, socioeconomic status, education, hobbies, political views, on and on and on invariably impact our perspective. It’s a clash of cultures, so to speak.

One of the main reasons I love the idea of a “clash of cultures” is because this allows us (Author God) to create tension that feels organic and begs for us to keep turning pages (or watching). In fact, it is a long time staple of some of the most successful stories.

What is literally every Hallmark movie? The workaholic executive (insert Type A high achiever here) meets the down-to-earth organic grocer (insert chill Type B/recovering Type A here). A crowned prince falls for the everyday girl. Billionaire falls for the wedding planner. Heiress falls for the activist. Or flip that.

Why do we love these stories? Because they are fun. One world trying to understand and work around the other, butting heads, but then finally coming together at the end and being better for knowing one another.

Audiences cannot get enough of….

The Odd Couple

This trope works wonderfully for romance, comedy, romantic comedy. You guys remember the show Dharma and Greg? For those who have followed my blog for a while, I hammer on log-lines. Can you tell us what your story is about in 1-3 sentences?

You can almost SEE the book/series/movie with just that snippet.

How is this for a great log-line?

You can see the delicious conflict right off the bat with just the couple, but what about their respective cultures?

Dharma’s father is a paranoid pothead who doesn’t trust the government and her mom is an Earth mother hippy who reads chakras and cures all that ails you with a crystal. Her parents are very bohemian. Contrast that with Greg’s parents, who are elite, moneyed, and politically conservative, and….

…the jokes practically write themselves.

Notice in that wonderful IMDB log-line, whoever wrote it goes on to explain why this odd couple works. They each have something the other party needs. Therein lies the rub. We humans can sense what we need intuitively long before our brains catch up.

Very often we are attracted to the very people who make us crazy. We gravitate to the culture that makes us bonkers. Frankly, I think it is why most writers are married to an engineer or an engineer-type personality.

***You know who you are.

Whether it is Green Acres, The Odd Couple, Dharma & Greg, The Big Bang Theory, or every Hallmark movie ever made, it WORKS.

And culture is a FABULOUS area with a lot of unexplored terrain. Guess what? This trope also works for mysteries (Sherlock Holmes), science fiction (Star Trek) psychological thrillers (Fight Club), action movies (The Bourne Identity), kid movies (Finding Nemo), fantasy (The Witcher) etc.

The Fish Out of Water & Culture

We all recognize the “fish out of water” story, right? Whether it is a rags to riches (Goodwill Hunting) or a riches to rags (Uptown Girls), or a little of both (Trading Places) audiences cannot get enough. And it works for every genre from campy comedy (Green Acres) to action-thriller (Safe House).

I recently discovered a new favorite movie, The Farewell. If this movie doesn’t make you cry a little…you might not have a soul. When it comes to clash of culture this story hits on ALL cylinders and I promise NOT to ruin it.

Though there is plenty of drama, there’s also loads of laughs. Not only do you have a clash of culture between young and old, but the literal clash of cultures between…well, cultures.

Granddaughter Billi is a typical Chinese-American girl living in NYC with her immigrant parents. Though Billi lived in mainland China when she was a child, she’s been in the USA so long she is thoroughly American.

Her parents try to act as a bridge between the old country and new. When Billi’s grandmother gets a diagnosis of Stage Four cancer, Billi is utterly mystified why no one in the family will tell her. Yet, Billi’s mother says it perfectly:

Chinese people have (a) saying. When people get cancer, they die.

Lu Jian in “The Farewell”

Culture Shock

The family plans a trip to China, telling the grandmother that the spur of the moment gathering is for a wedding. Secretly it is a way they can all see her one final time before she dies. Billi is not welcome to come along because the family is afraid she will blow it. Then, add on TOP of that family that has immigrated elsewhere. One of the uncles moved to Japan and his son (groom) has a Japanese bride.

All of this makes for a beautiful, heartwarming story that will make you laugh and cry and—regardless where your family is from—maybe hug them a little tighter.

The Generation Gap

Regardless where we are from, our occupation, our gender, there is one conflict that transcends them all…AGE. This is true with siblings, relatives, bosses, or just LIFE. If there is an age gap, there is fantastic room to grow an amazing story.

Some of our most timeless stories capitalize on this trope. The Joy Luck Club (both the book and the movie) is a wonderful tapestry of three generations of Chinese women. In present-day the mothers and daughters seem to do nothing but fight. Why? The mothers only want what is best for their daughters. They were once young, too and they also saw their own mothers struggling with the same issues.

The moms want the best for their daughters and yet the daughters cannot seem to “see” anything but their mothers’ disappointment, disapproval, or disdain. The point of the story is to iron out the wrinkles that keep coming between two generations of women and make a way for a better future.

Mentors & TOWANDA!

Who doesn’t love a good mentor/mentee story? The mentor is a mentor because that person has more experience and, therefore, is likely older. There is a generational gap and a culture clash. A great example is the movie Fried Green Tomatoes (based off the novel Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe) .

Evelyn Couch is a middle-aged doormat who puts up with far to much bullsprinkles from her husband and family. When she meets a mysterious nursing home resident, they strike up an unlikely friendship. Ninny Threadgoode spins a tale (set in rural America in the 20s) about love, loss, life…and even some murder.

Over time, those stories serve as a beacon in the dark that leads Evelyn on a journey of self-discovery, evolution, and finally…empowerment. #BestSceneEver

The good thing, again, about a generation gap is that it works for all genres. Fried Green Tomatoes is a drama with elements of comedy. So is Steele Magnolias, The Karate Kid, and (the book) A Man Called Ove or the movie.

Though we wouldn’t, per se, classify any of these stories as a straight up comedy, they cannot help but make us laugh when generations collide.

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!

Talk about a story that also hits on all cylinders when it comes to the culture clash. Today, we will stick to the original Beetlejuice because the new one merits a standalone post.

It…is…AWESOME.

There are all KINDS of perspectives log-jamming with each other. The Living (the Deetz family) and the Recently Deceased (the Maitlands), edgy sophisticated NYC/versus L.L. Bean, teenager versus parents, dead people who want to be alive and a teenage girl who wishes she were dead. Everywhere you turn in this movie, there is conflict and tension.

Which is why the movie is still fantastic…34 years later.

Everyone wants something different, yet who they are/where they are from (perspective/culture) creates problems. Whether it’s the newly dead Maitlans who need answers yesterday. Or the overworked and long dead social worker from the other side, Juno who measures her schedule in decades.

Nothing comes easily.

Charles Deetz wants a rural escape, but his high-strung, neurotic wife needs to create…starting with his house. Lydia, the teenager who wants to disappear is the only one who can help the Maitlands, who want nothing more than to be SEEN.

And, if that weren’t enough drama, toss in a lunatic unemployed trickster spirit. Nothing like mayhem to generate some teamwork, right?

Can’t Have CULT, Without CULTure!

Culture is a word with a lot of variegated meanings. It can also be as broad or narrow as we want or need it to be, as you can probably tell from the wide range of examples I gave from virtually every genre. If you are trying to create a story that is “same” enough to resonate, but “different” enough to spark interest…try starting with a culture clash.

I used that technique to fix my first novel, The Devil’s Dance.

When I wrote my original story idea, all the beta readers…hated my MC. They loved all the supporting characters, but something just wasn’t connecting with the MC.

Sigh. *bangs head on wall*

My idea: Riley was a combat vet, recently home from Afghanistan who’s family unintentionally runs afoul of a major cartel.

Problem was? According to the beta readers, though they liked the idea, my MC wasn’t relatable.

I rethought my approach, shifted from third-person close to first-person and then used my campy blogging voice.

The Devil’s Dance

Instead of Riley Romi being a bad@$$ but damaged character who was more than capable of handling a cartel, I changed her into a hot mess fish-out-of-water up against impossible odds (and that’s just her FAMILY).

Romi grew up white trash in a tiny town on the road to nowhere. She “escapes” and gets her education and a premium job in tech sales…only to be left holding the metaphorical bag when her rich fiancé pulls an Enron-like scandal, disappears, and leaves her as the FBI’s prime suspect.

Broke, blackballed and out of options, she has no choice but to slink home, defeated and humiliated, to her Jerry-Springer-crazy-as-a-bag-of-frogs family…and THEN she and family run afoul of a cartel.

To make matters worse, the FBI thinks she’s making a run for the border (not Taco Bell).

LOADS of worlds colliding that makes for a hilarious, nail-biting read (if I do say so myself *gets cramp patting own back*).

See how I had a story that was “meh” but was able to save it simply by pivoting a little toward the zone with the most conflict? Culture saved my story idea. Though I kept the same kernel of an idea—a small town with a dark secret, a family up against the cartel—the story was 180 degrees different and a million times better.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Do you see how culture is far more influential that a lot of people might imagine? Nerds versus Normies? Old versus young? The jaded versus the neophyte? Can you see how just even on a micro-scale, you could inject more dramatic action, tension and subtext by simply playing up each character’s cultural perspective?

What are some other movies, books, or series that you now see executed the culture clash with particular brilliance? In a world being deluged by same old same old, what are some crazy cultures you might be able to force together in a story? Same…but DIFFERENT?

REMEMBER: Last post How to Create YOUR Audience: Identify, Connect, Convert, we talked about how to make the author brand more manageable and authentic. How do you connect to then curate your unique audience? I am still eager for victims volunteers for when I post on what exactly we do with that word cloud. This is to help you work smarter not harder. Though my other personalties are happy to help, this is a sweet chance to get free consulting for those brave enough to post their word clouds in the comments.

Remember the longer the cloud the better and also tell me what GENRE you write.

Until next time!

The post Culture, Conflict & Creating Fresh Stories People LOVE appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Wounds matter in life and in fiction. We’ve all been hurt in some way and to some degree. Just goes with being human.

Admitting weakness, failure, mistakes, and flaws isn’t always easy. In fact, it can be downright terrifying for even the ‘strongest’ of us. It’s an especially daunting task in a world that idolizes something none of us will ever be…perfect.

Wounds are part of the human experience. When we understand the nature of wounds, our fiction becomes all the richer just by adding in these layers.

All genres and all stories require wounds. No wound and no story. Even The Little Engine That Could had self-esteem issues and a confidence problem .

Wounds provide friction vital for conflict. No conflict, no story. Conflict turns pages, sells books, and cultivates fans. Remember, last time, we discussed how the market is BEYOND GLUTTED with BAD STORIES? How can we possibly stand out in against millions of titles, when even the ROBOTS are competing?

No one wants literary meatloaf. Boring=DEATH

One tried and true way to stand apart is the ‘No, duh.’ Tell AMAZING stories. We MUST come up higher. Again, no one wants literary meatloaf. This said, one of the BIGGEST weaknesses I see as an editor is writers holding back. You cannot afford to be meh. Definitely not in fiction. Wounds are THE best way to sell a story and cultivate an audience, especially these days.

Which is fine, because we are all feeling a bit damaged lately—writers & readers—so it is wonderful to escape in a story where a) the characters are wounded, too b) we can relate and maybe work through our demons and drama and c) there is resolution (and maybe even a happily-ever after!).

The entire point of stories is a flawed character overcoming some internal issue (damage) in order to triumph over an external problem. It’s why readers read fiction.

Undamaged characters aren’t simply boring, but the audience won’t be able to relate with them. How can we empathize with someone who lacks a past? Who’s never made a mistake, has no regrets, or has lived a charmed and problem-free life?

Short answer? We can’t.

In fact, the more messed up a person (or character) is, often the more interesting they become. Give them a shameful past, enough secrets to stress out Homeland Security, and more skeletons in the closet then a royal family. Audiences LIKE messed up people because they are a) the same but different (usually) b) they are unpredictable c) they inject excitement/drama into the everyday.

Remember Fight Club? When we meet the narrator and MC, he is dull as dirt…until MARLA. Who makes TYLER DURDEN emerge. So even if your character is a Safe Susan or Dull Dave, toss a lunatic character (and their peaceful, quite lives) into a blender then hit HIGH and watch the FUN.

Suffice to say that, today we will talk some about craft, and next time I have some completely new content regarding how to build your platform, identify your readers then connect with them and build a thriving fan base. It is a topic I have kept solely for classes and conferences, so should be fun.

Moving on!

Wounds: Genre Dictates Damage

All this said, the wounds we (writers) create need to fit the genre because genre acts as a guideline for reader expectations. Our goal as authors should be to meet then exceed reader expectations.

Stories are all for the reader or should be, which is why genre constraints can be very helpful for writers.

No one expects a cozy cupcake mystery to explore the nature of evil. Readers who gravitate to this genre are wanting a lighter read and will resent us playing Dostoyevsky.

Conversely, if a reader is in the mood for a story that probes the depths of the human condition, they’re probably not picking up a novel about a cupcake baker who solves local crimes.

Many emerging writers often shy away from damaged characters and use genre as an excuse to avoid the uncomfortable. Big mistake.

A cozy cupcake mystery can give the reader the light entertainment she craves and also offer emotional resonance she needs…without being Crime, Punishment and Cupcakes (though that’s a killer title, LOL).

When we understand wounds better, it helps us cultivate layered characters who’ll make for page-turning stories, regardless of genre. Let’s look at some common sources for wounds.

Pain of Perfect

First, what is perfect? Good question. Humans all across time and in every culture idolize perfect (always have and always will) though what perfect is varies vastly and changes all the time.

Just take a moment to google female beauty standards across the ages and it’s easy to see how, while the world around us might change, people don’t.

We are still ridiculous.

The ancient Incas thought being cross-eyed was super sexy. RAWR. They often fitted infants with a plank between their eyes to artificially create this ‘natural’ beauty for those unlucky enough to be born with ‘normal’ eyes. Ancient Greece was hot for the unibrow.

From ideal body type to what constitutes success to what constitutes normal or abnormal is in constant flux, and is different everywhere. It even varies from household to household depending on culture, and you got it…wounds.

This is where writers can have a lot of fun creating mayhem in fiction.

Wounds: Pain of Falling Short

No matter what genre we write, a character failing to ‘live up to’ some ideal is gold.

Maybe your character has spent a lifetime being measured against the ‘perfect’ older sibling, and struggles with self-esteem. This character might flounder trying to create his/her own distinct identity.

Or flip it.

What if the character happens to be the ‘perfect’ older sibling? This character didn’t ask for family or outsiders to pick on his or her younger sibling for not being as smart, talented, pretty, ambitious, etc.

This character never asked to be the standard unit of measurement to judge another human being. How much guilt might come with that? Think of the pressure or even the fear of being exposed as a ‘fraud’?

Also, we have another ‘person’ who lacks a distinctive identity. While we have two very different ‘people’ both characters are defined in relation to the other.

Outsiders have denied agency to both. It’s amazing how something as simple as birth order can create a wound that drives characters and their decisions (good and bad). And notice how this works no matter the genre. From pulp science fiction to an epic Joe Abercrombie A Little Hatred high fantasy (mixed with a smidge of steampunk), this formula WORKS.

Retell an old story using just this framework as a mental exercise, and you’ll see what I mean.

How does Little Red Riding Hood change if she has an older sister who usually does the deliveries to Grandma? What if the Three Little Pigs are actually embroiled in a desperate war of sibling rivalry? Who are they building the houses to impress? How would Sleeping Beauty feel from the POV of the illegitimate and (TRUE) first daughter of the king, condemned to always be in the shadow of the beautiful, cursed little sister?

Just LOOK at how fun these old worn out stories become with a fresh new spin! Take all those battered, broken parts the world likes to throw away and refashion them into something powerful.

We see this sort of sibling wound explored in everything from The Joy Luck Club (literary fiction) to Game of Thrones (epic high fantasy) to one out of every three Hallmark movies .

Wounds & the Diseased Family Tree

Since we’ve all managed to survive a pandemic, many of us recall what it was like to be trapped in close quarters with loved ones. How we might have even become more hyperaware of old wounds that hadn’t healed at all or had healed improperly.

BOOM!

We touched a bit on family damage a moment ago in regards to ‘perfection.’ Family damage can come in many forms.

Joe Hill’s Heart-Shaped Box does a brilliant job of exploring the ‘anti-goal’ which is a common fruit of the diseased family tree.

Judas Coyne is a famous rockstar, wealthy beyond imagination who has everything (including a lot of emotional baggage). Hate, anger and resentment fueled his incredible success, yet false guilt and profound shame keep him from enjoying any of it. A vengeful ghost determined to destroy him body and soul might be the only thing with the power to liberate Coyne from his emotional bondage.

Sometimes the diseased family tree is not as obvious. Often, parents believe they’re giving their children the best, but are actually deluded about the nature of their motives….

Rich Girl Problems

In The Luckiest Girl Alive, TifAni’s mom is superficial, materialistic, and self-absorbed. Her father is an emotionally absentee ghost who resents his life. Her mother pushes for TifAni to attend an elite prep school to give her daughter all the opportunities she missed (code for ‘marry real money’). Dad doesn’t have the spine to stand up and say ‘no.’

Both parents are too self-centered to realize TifAni in that school is a ticking bomb.

Of course, not every character needs to grow up in Season Ten of The Jerry Springer Show in order to take on some damage. The road to therapy is paved with good intentions.

Parents are human, too.

What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty explores how the best of intentions can poison everything.

Life Wounds All

Life has 100% fatality rate. No one gets out alive. Also we’re all going to get hurt somewhere by someone (and hurt others, too). Thing is, life is all…pointy.

If family doesn’t make us bleed, then school, peers, romantic interests, work colleagues, social media, well-meaning editors, book reviews, or plain bad luck will.

I know. I missed my calling writing inspirational cards .

Why am I talking about all this? Because of what we JUST talked about. Writers have more ‘competition’ than any other time in human history. With no gatekeepers, discoverability is a nightmare. There are a gazillion choices for books and most of them (like cable channels) are a waste of what little free time we have.

More is Not Always Better

From movies to television to books, audiences are deluged with tired tropes, boringly predictable plots and characters with the emotional depth of a goldfish. We can see this ‘glut of meh’ as a problem or use it for our advantage.

If we know why readers read, what they want, then we can work hard on what matters.

Readers long for emotional connection and stories that help them deal with pain, ease their pain or maybe even solve/release their pain. They want hope that messed up people overcome big problems in spite of, or perhaps because of, wounds and flaws.

Audiences yearn to believe that, on the other side of their problems, there is joy, peace, true love, freedom, fulfillment, healing, understanding, wholeness!

Wounds are healed and victory sealed. Who doesn’t want more of THAT?

What Are Your Thoughts?

Getting tired of the same old same old? From Hollywood to books it feels like it’s just the same stuff over and over. I get giddy when I discover something truly excellent. Some of my best therapy and a-ha moments have come from fiction.

What about you?

I love hearing from you!

What are your thoughts? We need to write the stories that change the world because, if one looks back? That’s what writers do. The world is ailing and our stories provide the medicine, if not the cure.

Global politics, the economy, work, one crisis after another! The world needs an escape. WE NEED AN ESCAPE. So can you think of ways to put that imagination to use in ways that will help those Normies out there cracking up?

What are some ways that you can reimagine wounds? Have you had to narrow of a definition? Are there some ways you can think of to delve deeper than the surface? Who are some of your favorite wounded characters from the page and/or the screen?

The post Wounds & Characters: The Damaged REBORN! appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Bad decisions make the best stories.

If we want to write about people who make the right choices, who plan their work and work their plan, who always keep a cool head, then that is the realm of self-help not fiction. Fiction is about good people—who mean well—doing selfish, foolish or downright dumb things.

When we have characters who have all the looks, skills, talents, and can be counted on to always do the right thing—and do it with poise and grace. This can morph into what is called a Mary Sue Character.

Granted, in the greater scheme of things, some decisions are better than others. Not all decisions are bad decisions if we have the right context.

Sure, if someone abandons a baby at our door, one might think that lighting up said baby with flamethrower is a bad decision…unless we learn that it isn’t a baby human, rather a baby demon (left there to kill us and eat our soul).

Context can make a huge difference.

This said, I imagine most of us don’t wake up and think, “You know what? I think I will do something epically stupid today.” The same thing goes for our characters.

Thus, while we need our characters to make bad decisions, we have to be really careful how and why they do this or we can inadvertently either make them tedious or Too Dumb to Live.

Both types of characters are hard to root for.

So, how can we organically create a character who makes bad decisions?

Use Emotion Amplifiers

Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi, creators of the incredible set of resources The Writer’s Thesaurus series (I strongly recommend buying them ALL) are releasing a new Emotion Amplifier Thesaurus in May.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this idea of emotion amplifiers because, if we even look at our own lives, how many times have we lost our cool, cut off a relationship, quit a job, or just made a royal mess out of everything because we were in a bad emotional spot?

Any other time, we might have handled adversity with dignity and aplomb. The problem is, when we happened to show our metaphorical butt, it wasn’t any other time.

Let’s say this is the week our lowly MC might have been struggling with a bad cold. But since people were relying on him and he’d never once been late or missed a day, he chose to go in anyway so he didn’t place an unneccesary burden on his coworkers.

Unfortunately, on the way to work, his car unexpectedly broke down and stranded him in triple digit heat. Since he’s been sick, he forgot to charge his cell phone, meaning he had to walk in dress shoes to get help.

Which, of course, made him late.

All that was bad enough, but then his boss chews him out in front of everyone on the floor and accused him of being—of all things—lazy.

I am banking that you guys are not perfect people. Perfect people are not my audience. So I’m fairly certain all of us can completely relate to this poor imaginary soul I just described.

Decisions and Dimension

Emotional amplifiers can make our characters a) far more relatable and b) far more forgivable. Writing fiction is hard. Yes, I know the rest of the world believes what we do is super easy, but yeah…no.

It can be really easy to fall into simply getting our MC (main character) from this point to this point to that point almost like we are following an instruction manual. And that is possibly fine for a first rough draft.

But then ask, “How can we deepen these characters?”

Throw in emotional amplifiers. They aren’t making decisions from an ideal place where everything is going well. In fact, in Act One, our characters should be, by and large, mostly, if not totally reactive.

They can be dealing with sickness, the climate (unusual heat wave), the strange/unfamiliar, stress, etc. etc. This is going to cloud their judgement and, when they do make “bad” decisions, the audience forgives them.

Remember, it isn’t as important how the MC starts a story as much as how they END one.

That is what makes a hero.

Aside from emotional amplifiers (going through a divorce, kids acting out, loss of a job, recent death, etc.) we can also remember that whatever scenario our MC faces…they should not be prepared to ideally handle it.

Even something as simple as a migraine or toothache can make life derail with a quickness.

Also keep in mind that your character is not the only on in your story with stuff going on. Yes, my imaginary MC above got a royal butt chewing from a normally reasonable boss. But, maybe unknown to the MC, his boss just found out his wife was leaving him right after the company owner gave the promotion he desperately needed to his hard partying kid to “teach him responsibility.”

Yes, bad days have a funny way of colliding with spectacular results and mayhem.

Ignorance and Bad Decisions

I don’t know about you guys, but sometimes I look back at my life and wish I had a time-traveling DeLorean so I could zip back in time to kick my own @$$.

Now, back in 1995, did I think doing X, Y, or Z was a great (if not good enough) decision? Duh! Obviously. That is the b!t*h about maturity.

We only gain maturity through experience, and only gain experience by screwing up. The more we screw up—and learn from those bad decisions—the more mature we become. Which is all well and good once we’ve made it through the trial by fire in one piece.

Obviously, once we are on the other end of any catastrophic period of life, we can look back and slap our foreheads. The “right” answers seem so obvious.

Hindsight is 20/20.

In the meantime, our characters (like us) simply have to choose the best they know how and muddle through. They might have limited information, limited skills, or limited options.

Regardless, the MC believes at the time they are doing the best they know how.

The Best Decision Among Crappy Decisions

Here is another gem y’all might have faced. When we look at our life of the lives of those around us, we have to be careful. It can be easy to get all judgmental (or maybe that is just me). We like to think we would have done things differently.

Maybe.

This is where fiction is wonderful for developing human empathy. Sometimes all decisions suck. All that is left is to choose the least sucky of the list of sucky decisions, right?

This is where those emotional amplifiers can really come in handy. When humans are stressed, our bodies shift into what is referred to as “Lizard Brain.” This is survival mode and our mental drop-down menu limits us to three options: fight, flee, freeze.

If our character is under enough stress, they very literally may not see other options that, at any other time, would be obvious. So, while fight, flee, or freeze might be excellent options for outrunning a swarm of bees, it might be less of a bright idea when dealing with that difficult coworker.

Time is NEVER on the MC’s Side

Whenever I do book coaching, I have all my clients do a log-line. This is where you tell me your entire story in ONE sentence. Using this one sentence, I usually can spot why and where the author is struggling with their story.

Here is the formula I use to create a solid log-line (story).

Intriguing protagonist + active verb + core story problem (antagonist/Big Boss Troublemaker) + stakes + ticking clock.

If any of these elements is missing or weak, it will muck up a story. One of the most common pieces writers overlook? TIME. It is never your friend. Ever. Not in life and not in fiction.

Being rushed is one way a character can make bad decisions. Not only might the character be reacting (fear) but if they don’t have the necessary time to do the research, ask wiser mentors, war game out possible ways their decisions could go to hell in a hand basket…they are almost guaranteed to be making a “dumb” decision.

Bad Decisions Fire the Crucible

This applies to pretty much all characters, even when we are dealing with a series. Yes, in Book One, our MC will arc to a certain degree. In the beginning of the story, they should be missing some critical knowledge, training, maturity, etc. that would make them fail. The story crucible is what fires out the character impurities.

Yet, even if we have a series, our characters should ideally keep growing. Last post I mentioned one of my favorite epic high fantasy authors, Joe Abercrombie.

Abercrombie has some seriously bad@$$ characters. Yet, maybe the fighter with a reputation that withers his opposition still needs to learn a thing or five. Put him in a situation where those skills that served so well in a different time and place are actually a handicap.

Redeeming Mary Sue

Characters who always have the answers, who do and say the right things all the time are dull as dirt. Many new writers begin with a Mary Sue and then I have to go in and have them take away some of the shiny perfection.

That is normally what I recommend. Yet, there are ways Mary Sues can become fabulous characters. Maybe in their world they are perfect and know how to do everything expertly. But what happens when we toss them into a place that those “assets” are not only “detriments” but could get them and others hurt or killed?

The new Amazon series Fallout is wickedly great fun. Amazon MGM has done a fabulous job of employing a Mary Sue character in a wonderful, unique way that will have you on the edge of your seat.

Fallout is based off a video game and is a diesel punk fused with a post apocalyptic story. I promise not to ruin anything because at least the first season of the series was brilliantly executed (which, if you’re a die hard gamer, you know that is highly unusual for stories based off video games).

The MC Lucy MacLean grew up in a very 1950s world with almost a campy exaggeration of 1950s traditional American values. Good citizenship, manners, politeness, excellent hygiene, and friendliness are highly valued attributes and Lucy excels at all of them. In fact, she might even be viewed in her society as a “perfect” success.

Now, take this very clean, very naive and optimistic young woman and cut her loose in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Suddenly all those Mary Sue qualities that scored her top marks in Vault 33 very well could get her and others killed on the surface.

This (below) isn’t exactly what Lucy likely imagined when it came to her knight in shining armor….

Remember I said good and bad decisions rely heavily on context?

But, if Lucy hopes to survive in a world that has gone mad, then she will have to grow, change, and adapt. This is even more critical when considering, in this world, there aren’t really any good decisions…only the one least likely to end in disfigurement, dismemberment or death.

Yes, it has plenty of violence but it is that raw brutality juxtaposed to silly idealism that actually makes the Fallout story (and the characters) too good (or bad) not to love.

Thus, when you are creating your world, another great way to turn up the heat on a character is to give them some exemplary skills…that just do NOT work in the world/story they must navigate.

Just like Abercrombie’s Logan Nine Fingers, most ruthless fighter in the North, has to relearn how to get around when thrust into “civilization,” conversely Lucy MacLean learns pretty quickly that “Please” and “Thank you” and taking turns just ain’t going to cut it when everything from the mosquitos to the locals are trying to rob you, kill you, and maybe even eat you.

Any Thoughts About BAD Decisions?

Do you find yourself being too nice to your characters? Does it frustrate you when stories make it too easy on the characters? Can you see how emotional amplifiers can take a relatively normal situation and escalate the tension for some great story drama?

Any experience in life?

I LOVE hearing from you! What are your thoughts? Opinions?

The post Bad Decisions: The Crucible of Great Stories appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Motivation is at the core of everything human related. It’s the reason for the common axiom in law enforcement: Before you look at outlaws, look at in-laws. We humans LIKE to believe we are super complicated when, by and large, we are anything but.

Articulating character motivation can help us when it comes to better storytelling. The best stories are, at their heart, SIMPLE. Notice I said, at their heart. Storytelling might be simple, but so is a top-notch soufflé. In fact, soufflés are an art form all to themselves.

Simple? Yes. Easy? By no means.

Yet, regardless of the time period, humans don’t change all that much. At least their core motivations.

For instance, the picture above. I spent years in ballet which I can attest is VERY hard on the body. My feet are now paying a heavy price. Though I loved it, I am not interesting enough to make a good ballet story.

But what about Nina in Black Swan? The motivations that drive her passion for ballet border then tip over into madness. She has always been her mother’s puppet. Her mom had to retire as prima ballerina because she ended up pregnant. So clearly it’s Nina’s fault Mom failed to live out her dreams.

Thus, Mom lives vicariously through her daughter. She controls and infantilizes her. Nina only has an illusion of agency. Nina punishes herself to perfection to meet a standard one would have to be mad to attain.

Nina loves ballet is vastly different from Nina is an unwitting puppet struggling to break free from a tyrannical mother and establish self-sovereignty.

She believes her motivation is one thing when it is very, very different.

Motivation and Fiction

WHY does a character WANT or NOT WANT a certain thing? Conversely why are they motivated to AVOID one thing or another?

Motivation is the center of the spiderweb that shoots out spokes into everything else.

Tug on one part of the web and the spider scrambles to hide, hunt or attack. Tear one part of the web down and what is first of that spider’s Things To Do List? Rebuild that part of the web exactly the same as it was. Or, if that is impossible, spin a new web that is as close to the old one as possible. A pattern ingrained into that spider.

We are not so different, or much smarter in ways.

If we do not take some time to get to know our characters, it will be painfully obvious on the page. They lack form, dimension, and come across as paper-doll- caricatures that are all so eerily alike that, without dialogue tags, we’d be unable to discern one character from another. Also, we risk them being dull, predictable and, did I mention dull?

In a book market with millions of competitors if there is one thing we cannot afford, it is to be dull.

The WHY Makes the WHO

Motivation defines the (hu)man. This will play out on two levels. What is it the character consciously believes he wants versus what does he truly want but is too terrified/damaged/proud/ignorant to recognize?

The recent Netflix series Dahmer is a sobering example. I’m a true crime junkie and Dahmer’s case, to me, was always very tragic from every angle. Parcast’s Serial Killers does an exhaustive study that would be far more comprehensive than any mini-series.

I won’t get into the gore because that is ancillary to the point. The point is Dahmer’s motivation. Dahmer was terrified of being abandoned. Because his abandonment issues (among other things) were never addressed early they metastasized into the makings of a monster and innocent people paid a terrible price.

I also believe part of what “made” Dahmer was he suffered from a life-threatening double hernia as a very young child and that is a MAJORLY complicated surgery even in 2022. Back then, the only anesthesia was ether. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to posit he suffered a TBI because there are just SO many accounts that he was “never right” after the surgery and all the symptoms align with a TBI.

NONE of that in any way excuses what he did, but these elements are key. In fiction? Motivations—even ones that are distorted—make the character believable. No one does anything in a vacuum.

Does mental health impact motivations?

Of course! If we are building a character, then any kind of brain injury, mental illness, abuse, substance abuse cannot help but influence—and likely distort/pervert—motivations.

Richard Chase, The Vampire of Sacramento is another example and Parcast does the best deep dive on both Dahmer and Chase in my POV. Chase was seriously mentally ill and his mother constantly interfered with him getting proper treatment…which of course only allowed his mental illness to become far more acute.

So why serial killers? Other than why not? The FBI’s BAU (Behavioral Analysis Unit) is actually a relatively modern invention. The founders postulated that—at least in large part—that determining the WHY would help identify the WHO.

Mental illness, PTSS, brain injuries can create very distinctive patterns in behavior. It can twist noble motivations into the darkest forms of depravity or skew what that person believes is reality.

Motivation and Antagonists

All stories need a core antagonist, a brain behind the story, or what I call The Big Boss Troublemaker. Without the core antagonist, the MC (main character) is just some poor schlep without a purpose.

One HUGE mistake for new authors is they fail to deep dive and ask the hard questions. WHY does the BBT want X, Y or Z? What is the core motivation? The more relatable the motivation, the better the antagonist/villain (they are not always the same thing).

Since we’ve already brushed the topic of serial killers, what about Buffalo Bill from the iconic Silence of the Lambs? Buffalo Bill didn’t kill for the sake of killing. He had a very specific type of victim to fulfill his “metamorphosis” fantasy, which, in many ways, made him a deeply resonant and dimensional character.

Why does Hannibal Lecter help? Because of HIS motivations. He is a god in his own mind and very much lawful evil. He exacts his version of “justice” accordingly. Much like the angry yet benevolent god he believes himself to be.

Something NOT involving serial killers?

Motivations are usually very simple, which is one of the reasons jails are so full. The usual suspects are rage, greed, revenge, lust/love. If we take a peek at the Seven Deadly Sins or Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, we can find the overall motivation. Our job, after finding the essential core, is to then layer on the nuance.

Many “bad guys” have motivations that aren’t all that unique.

In Dune the antagonist (The Emperor) wants total control of the spice and thus the known universe for very practical reasons—power, money, safety and all that jazz we see in the lower tiers of Maslow’s Hierarchy and even some in the upper.

In The Sandman, a wealthy occultist trying to capture Death unwittingly captures Morpheus (The Sandman) by mistake. His motivation? Grief. He’s a father who wants his son restored to life and he longs to cheat Death.

The Sandman is a FABULOUS series for all kinds of characters (antagonists) with vastly complex natures and motivations, by the way. LOVE The Corinthian. The series does a great job of following the book as well.

Antagonists are Not Always Evil

The Joy Luck Club is a great example. The BBT could be seen as toxic behaviors masqueraded as good intentions as acted out by all the females in the club. Each generation WANTS to break the toxic patterns but they keep changing geography instead of the conditions of their hearts. They fail to recognize their damage, so instead of healing the wounds, they pass them down.

They run from old shame/guilt instead of facing their demons and dealing with them. Because they fail to defeat their demons, they pass them onto their daughters. Despite the best of intentions to do everything differently, everything remains the same.

Thus June is the protagonist turned hero because she alone breaks the cycle and sets the example for the other daughters.

The antagonists in The Joy Luck Club have excellent motivations. They only want what is best for their daughters. The problem lies in their lack of self-awareness as expressed by Jung above.

Motivation and Main Characters

If we take some time to get to know our characters before we write, it’s wise to ask what they want and why they want it. Then, circle back and poke holes in that because, as Dr. House wisely remarked, “Everybody lies.”

Our main character might avoid conflict because she came from an abusive family and has defined all conflict as inherently bad/unproductive. She might be overly confrontational because she came from an abusive family and never learned discernment. She is willing to die on every hill and that not only exhausts her, but everyone around her.

If your character wants love, a relationship, marriage…then WHY? Articulate that. Then call BS, peel back the candy-coating and get to the meat of the matter.

Motivation Examples

My character wants to be married so she’ll be happy.

Actually, my character wants to be married because her mother always told her no one would want her and she’d always be alone.

Do you see how the first motivation is almost childlike in simplicity and doesn’t make for the most interesting story? What about the second one? Much better.

How about looking at specificity and upping the ante?

My character wants to have children because, unless he finds a mate suited for his magical bloodline, his kind will become extinct.

Good. Not too shabby.

My character wants to have children because, if his kind goes extinct, then there will be no Watchers left to guard the Seven Realms and keep Hell from extending its borders.

A bit more specific and, frankly more interesting. MUCH bigger stakes and ticking clock already built in. Which might be all well and good, but what if the MC no longer cares? He’s fed up with humans, his kind dying to defend them and their endless entitlement and ingratitude?

Then, you’d have to tweak his motivation. Maybe it begins as duty until you (as story god) offer him something about humanity worthy of saving. That is what we call arc .

What Do We Desire…REALLY?

Ultimately, everyone in our story should have a reason for why they want what they want (whether they are conscious of it or not). Characters just randomly doing things because we need them to is called cheating and readers will, rightfully, feel ripped off.

Granted, when you do backstory, feel free to go into as much depth as you want. I would merely caution that too much preparation can often be what we call productive procrastination. Just do a little bit of a “value sketch” and that will add so much more resonance to your story. Trust me.

Even if it is a matter of stopping along the way and asking, “Hey, I have Jane Doe doing X, but why does she want that? What is really driving that?” is a great place to begin.

What Are Your Thoughts on Motivation?

Can you see how characters, like in life, self delude? How this can be fabulous for adding depth to the story? Motivation can add a lot to the character’s personality and help make them seem more real than the people we meet every day.

What are some examples of movies, series, books, or characters that really gripped you with their motivations? What are some examples from YOUR work/writing? How did you deepen their motivations? In what ways were they self-deluded? Or can you see now how you might be able to dig even deeper?

I love hearing from you! REALLY!

And, since NaNoWriMo IS coming up, we do have some new classes. I need to re-list the world-building classes when I get a chance.

As always, THANK YOU for being here and your support.

CLASSES for Motivation!

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The post Motivation & How What Drives Us Defines Us appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Neurodivergent is a buzz word that’s taken off in the past decade. The term applies to a broad spectrum of people who are, for whatever reason, not normal. Those who ‘suffer’ from ADD, ADHD, OCD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, etc. are all on the list.

For those who don’t know or haven’t guessed, I’m on the autistic spectrum and also have mild dyslexia, dyscalculia, and severe ADHD. Most of my life, I knew I was different, but wasn’t exactly sure why. I was always an outsider and struggled to pick up social cues.

***Most of my grade school teachers are still the fodder of nightmares.

I don’t recall my third grade classroom, only what the hall looked like.

Teachers punished me because I did things differently than the other students. I was a whiz at math, could solve highly complex problems in my head, only to fail the test because I transpose numbers. Or, I showed my work, but solved the problem differently than the way the teacher wanted.

It seemed no matter what I did, it was wrong. I talked too much, moved too much, worked too quickly, asked too many questions, and my obsessive need for order caused more than its fair share of problems.

In Kindergarten, my teacher broke all my Crayons in half and tossed them all together in a bucket.

I have still not gotten over the hurt.

Neurodivergent vs. Neurtotypical

Obviously, to be considered neurodivergent there has to be a counterpart, which includes those considered neurotypical.

Neurotypical describes individuals who display typical intellectual and cognitive development. Since human beings are social animals who band together for survival, a neurotypical is generally adept at navigating complex social situations, picking up on subtle social cues, creating friendships and forming lasting bonds.

They are more aware of what could be socially off-putting. Apparently, talking about serial killers or the Black Death for an hour straight at a cocktail party is not normal.

Who knew?

Unlike neurodivergents, neurotypicals aquire verbal, language, social, and problem solving skills along a fairly standard timeline and meet generalized milestones for development. They can also function well in a regulated environment without becoming distracted or overloaded by stimuli.

And, for the record, there is overlap. Some people can be mixture of both.

Neurodivergents & the Social Disconnect

GREAT at seeing patterns…in everything but a conversation *face palm*

As I’ve mentioned before, I am not a clinical psychologist, I only play one on the internet. Early life, for me, was challenging at best, but often pretty miserable. Not to tell a sob story but I didn’t like playing with other kids when I could be copying the encyclopedia or playing with my chemistry set.

Sorry about the chlorine gas.

In all honesty, I didn’t UNDERSTAND other kids. I had no concept WHY they wouldn’t be interested in organic chemistry or political science.

At first, I retreated totally inwards, reading, drawing, learning clarinet. Eventually, after binging enough standup comedy, I ‘learned’ how to be funny. I could ‘mimic’ being sociable, and to an extent I still do.

Back when I was growing up, I wasn’t neurodivergent, I was weird, a freak, a nerd, or (to most adults) a problem child. The handful of teachers who ‘got me’? OMG what a blessing!

I didn’t understand that one wasn’t supposed to be honest all the time. So one time, in 6th grade, when the same four boys disrupted the social studies class every single day for almost a month. And every single day the teacher made everyone put their heads on their desks even though we’d done nothing wrong.

I became more than a little annoyed.

Eventually, I asked the teacher why she couldn’t just send the four boys out of the room. Her job was to teach us about the Roman Empire, not read romance novels.

Yep, Mom got called to school over that one.

Overstimulation

Those of us who are neurodivergent are frequently viewed as ‘problematic.’ For instance, being on the autistic spectrum, I cannot tolerate certain textures in food or fabric. I am VERY picky about the clothes and jewelry I wear. Turtlenecks and chunky jewelry either give me anxiety or a headache.

I’ve recently struggled with finding a church to attend. No shade on the new style of churches. I know many people love the praise music and the show. But for me?

Dark rooms packed with people combined with booming music and flashing lights is a nightmare. Yet, when I say something about the loud noise and bright lights it falls on deaf ears because everyone else enjoys it.

This is why I struggled in school. The ‘noise’ of everything was simply too much, which was why I’d tap my foot or pen or move around…and eventually be planted in the hall.

Even now, as I am writing this, I’m wearing noise-canceling headphones.

When I worked in Corporate America, my admin and I nearly came to blows over the lights in MY office. I worked on a laptop and the natural light was fine. Florescent lights are too bright and flutter and give me headaches.

Invariably, the admin would lean in my office while I was working and turn on my overhead lights.

ACK!

Stimming & Neurodivergent

Stimming is common for everyone, but might be more pronounced with those who are neurodivergent. Biting nails, twirling hair, tapping a pencil, etc. are all forms of stimming.

Stimming is a way of dispersing extra energy that builds up as anxiety (obviously that anxiety will be more acute in the neurodivergent). One of the reasons experts believe that autism went underdiagnosed in females is that our stimming behaviors and coping mechanisms are far more socially acceptable thus go unnoticed.

Coloring for hours, rearranging dolls all day, collecting thousands of stickers or unicorns, writing stories, practicing a dance move over and over are simply ‘girl behaviors,’ thus fly under the radar.

I was in ballet for almost ten years. My mom deserves an award for letting me dance through the house all day every day for HOURS. To this day the only reason I think she doesn’t hate me for playing Tchaikvosky 600,000 times was because she’s also neurodivergent.

As an adult, I clean and listen to books and podcasts. I find it very difficult to sit and just read. When I used to attend church, I worked church security because I could walk around and look for any potential problems while also listening to the sermon.

With ADHD, I have to be doing multiple activities to pay attention. One that is a ‘no-brainer’ (cleaning, crochet, gardening) and the other that requires focus (listening to a lecture, a sermon, a book, talking on the phone).

I also live my life by lists, times and routines. Interfere with any of these and you’ll have me climbing a wall. Yes, I can be flexible…if I can plan it ahead of time.

Neurodivergent: Disabled or Differently Abled?

***Note: I KNOW and very much appreciate there are severe and even debilitating forms of autism, OCD, etc. but that isn’t what I am talking about today.

Thus, for the record, I am speaking for me as a neurodivergent person in a normie world. I get REALLY irritated when some suggest I have a disability. I believe I simply have a different operating system. Sort of like being a Mac when 93% of the world is Windows.

If being neurodivergent is a disability, then being left-handed should be as well, since all lefties know what it is like trying to function in a world where everything from notebooks and desks to cars and combines are designed for right-handed people. Lefties even have higher rates of accidents and, consequently, lower life-expectancies.

Did y’all know that 25% of CEOs and as much as 35% of entrepreneurs are actually dyslexic? Because they struggle with reading, they are more apt to commit information to memory, are better at delegating, and are excellent at persevering.

My son (A.K.A. Spawn) is neurodivergent and, at age 12, he studies three languages (German, Spanish, Russian) every day ‘for fun.’ He knows so much about every war from ancient Greece to Desert Storm, he’s like a walking Wikipedia.

When other kids his age are watching cartoons, he’s studying forensic accounting to understand how organized crime launders/hides money.

His favorite topic of ALL…*hangs head* vexillology. My son IS Sheldon.

Neurodivergent in Fiction

Whether we realize it or not, neurodivergent people are REALLY common in fiction, as noted above. Virtually every character on the wildly successful series The Big Bang Theory is neurodivergent, albeit in different ways and to different degrees.

Obviously neurodivergent characters will pop up more commonly in some genres than others, but characters who see and process the world differently are valuable in life AND in story.

Some favorite examples.

Thriller: The Accountant is about a severely autistic man who’s channeled his unique skillsets to become the ‘money guy’ for organized crime around the globe.

Science Fiction: Stranger Things is packed full of characters who are the nerds, freaks and rejects…who are just the type of people necessary to save the world.

Drama: As Good as It Gets Melvin Udall is a famous novelist who is a raging homophobe, misogynist, and misanthrope who suffers from crippling OCD. He ends up the very unlikely hero when his homosexual neighbor is the victim of a hate crime.

Crime Procedural: With Monk, one police department’s debilitating disorder is private detective’s superpower. Abby, genius forensic scientist and pathologist on NCIS, is at the minimum VERY ADHD. Dr. Laura Isles in Rizolli & Isles, is likely on the autistic spectrum though not to the degree as forensic anthropologist Dr. Temperence Brennan in Bones.

Nerds, Freaks, March to Their Own Kazoo

Our culture has used neurodivergent characters as tropes since before anyone knew what it was. We are those who are different, outsiders, freaks. Most of my growing up years were tough because being a nerd was a fate worse than death according to pop culture.

In a way, The Big Bang Theory was a mixed blessing for me. I read Dune, LOTR, played Dungeons & Dragons, was in debate, the chess club, a mathlete and collected all things Star Trek back when I got beat up for loving stuff…

…that’s now cool *rolling eyes*

No one wanted to talk to me unless they needed to copy my homework or wanted help on a paper. I remember longing to be normal, to fit in, to be like everyone else. Now? I fly my freak flag high. When it comes to my son, I tell him…

And, when we look to all the best movies, who are the heroes we love? Goonies, Ghostbusters, Back to the Future, Weird Science, and like every super hero movie EVER?

Neurodivergent People Have Problems

Just by the nature of our brains and sensory systems working differently, we DO have problems. Personally, I can’t be in (as in part of) really large crowds, around loud noises and I need time to be quiet. I miss social cues, can hijack conversations, talk too loudly and take things WAY too literally.

When I was a kid, there was an antacid commercial that practically gave me apoplexy.

Ad: How do you spell relief? R-O-L-A-I-D-S

4-Year-Old Me: *screaming at television* No, you dummies! It’s R-E-L-I-E-F!

Yeah, still working on nuance.

Sometimes the problems simply stem from, as I mentioned earlier, having a Mac OS in a Windows OS world. But, other neurodivergent people have struggles all along the spectrum of severity. Some of us do a fairly decent job of ‘fitting in’ whereas others probably never will, and that is okay too.

While fitting in can be overrated, I do admit there are times I wish I were normal… even though I have ZERO idea what that even would feel like.

Neurodivergent and Conflict

The beating heart of all fiction is conflict. Without conflict, we are left with ‘stuff happening.’ Since every scene requires conflict, more often than not, conflict will come from allies.

Think about Rizzoli and Isles. They’ll have a scene where clearly the victim has been shot but when Detective Rizzoli says the victim died by gunshot, Dr. Laura Isles chastises her. They know nothing until the body is on the table. She refuses to even say there is blood, only a ‘reddish substance.’ This is maddening for Rizzoli.

Abby from NCIS is like trying to get a fruit bat hopped up on cocaine and Pixi Stix to focus on one topic.

Dr. Sheldon Cooper has zero social skills and no sense that anyone has needs other than him. His girlfriend is Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, a Harvard graduate and a neurobiologist.

She is also, obviously neurodivergent not only because of her field and interests, but it would take a neurodivergent person to be attracted to someone like Sheldon and have the patience and the grace to try to have a romantic relationship.

My favorite? When Amy builds a Tardis around the door to lure Sheldon into the bedroom (for intimacy) but he just keeps running in and out of the bedroom trying to escape Daleks and searching for his sonic screwdriver.

Normal isn’t Always What is Needed

Neurodivergent characters can obviously be stars of the story, but they can also make fabulous allies. In Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Buffy is only different because she’s chosen and has powers to hunt and kill creatures the Hellmouth is spawning underneath Sunnydale.

While Buffy is a neurotypical who excels in the social realm (cheerleader) and is popular, she can’t fight evil without her less ‘normal’ allies like Giles, Xander and Willow.

This week I’m teaching a class on how to build characters that are strong enough to endure a series (Use New15 for $15 off). Neurodivergent characters are a great addition. We’ve always seen them, just maybe thought of them as the nerd, the brain, the geek, the computer whiz, the conspiracy theorist, the outcast, etc.

Neurodivergent characters might notice patterns the ‘normal world’ misses. They solve problems in unique ways or have skillsets that ‘popular’ kids wouldn’t have. Think of Dustin in Stranger Things who somehow always has a screwdriver, flashlights, batteries, and compasses. Dustin is the brains and Steve is the brawn.

Also think how much FUN it is to see a neurotypical and a neurodivergent team up. One of my favorite character threads in Stranger Things is how super popular jock Steve Harrington becomes best friends with shameless mega-nerd Dustin Henderson.

Put these two together and yes, there is conflict. But since each has skills the other doesn’t possess but needs they make a great team and, eventually learn from each other and grow as people.

***For me, Eleven—while interesting and necessary—comparably isn’t nearly as interesting as other characters in the series.

In the end…

As neuroscience is understanding more and more about how the human brain works, we are realizing that people who were once labeled as freaks, weirdos, nerds, lazy, difficult, etc. just are different. And there are a LOT of us. More by the day since the digital revolution is really a boon for us weirdos.

We’ll talk more about different types of characters in the future, but today hopefully shines a light on a character that you probably see every day (many of you in the mirror) and how they can really make wonderful additions to your fiction.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Do any of you guys struggle with being neurodivergent? I have a personal theory that many writers are neurodivergent and why we write people so well is because we spend so much time studying them. What are your thoughts on that?

Did you ever appreciate just how many neurodivergent characters there are in fiction, and how they can make the neurotypical characters shine even brighter?

When I mentioned the teacher breaking all my Crayons, did anyone have a VISCERAL reaction? What are some of the ‘things’ that bother you but don’t seem to affect regular people? Do you ever wish you were normal?

For the ‘normal’ people out there reading this blog (all five of you), do your weird friends make a little more sense?

I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU!

I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

We have been doing a lot of traveling because my FIL has serious health issues so I will announce May’s winner next post. I know I promised that last time, but we had to go to Arkansas AGAIN. Apologies.

CLASSES!

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The post Neurodivergent: Being ‘Different’ in Life & Fiction appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

‘Gaslighting’ is a term I’ve used for YEARS. Oddly, however, until recently, almost nobody knew what the heck I was talking about. I would have to explain about the movie from the 1940s, based off a 1938 play Gas Light.

Anyway, it would just turn into a rambling conversation almost as awkward as when I pitched my first ‘novel.’

For those who’ve not seen the movie or the play, I strongly recommend it because it dovetails into what I’d like us to discuss today. My archives are bursting at the seams with posts on plotting, scenes and sequels, themes, setting, etc. And NOT to say I won’t write on these topics again.

But, what I am striving for here, is a truly MEATY blog that digs deeper, plumbs the depths of our psychology, and simply offers more.

***For instance, take my last post. How does our story/character(s) change if we introduce a profound mother wound?

Today, we’re going to talk about a staple character in fiction—the narcissist—and one of the most powerful weapons they wield to get what they want. Remember, I am not a psychiatrist, I just play one on the internet .

Really GREAT storytellers are masters at noticing and unpacking the human condition.

Psychologically healthy, stable people, who always make rational, responsible decisions make for boring stories. So let’s spice things up, shall we?

Gaslighting: What IS It?

Mental health professionals also refer to gaslighting as ambient abuse.

The mental health community, as well as popular culture, appropriated the term ‘gaslighting’ from the classic play/movie.

In the story, Gas Light, the female MC is newly married and her husband insists they move into her aunt’s London apartment. The aunt is recently deceased and has willed the apartment to the MC.

Since this is Victorian England, gas lamps light most streets and homes.

Put a pin in here.

Before roughly the 1950s or maybe a little later, it was not uncommon for male family members to commit female relations (wife, mother, sister, daughter, etc.) into insane asylums for any number of reasons that had NOTHING to do with mental health. The burden of proof for ‘insanity’ was extremely low, especially for the wealthy who could afford ‘care.’

Besides, good luck disproving a negative. If someone labels you crazy, the more you try to prove you’re sane, well, the crazier you look, right?

Anyway…

Back to Gas Light...

In the story, the husband—for reasons I won’t go into here—is actively laying the groundwork to have his wife committed. To do this, he would, say, give her a really expensive necklace. She’d tuck it away in her vanity then, without her knowing, he’d move/hide it.

Later, he’d manufacture a reason for her to wear the necklace, but of course it’s missing. Once she was good and hysterical tearing the house apart, he’d berate her for being so absent-minded, then smugly go to the vanity and—VOILA!

Guess what was there all along?

He’d follow these stunts with lots of comments to express his care. “Are you feeling well?” “You know how you’ve not been yourself.” “Why don’t you go lie down?”

Husband continues to move/hide paintings, furniture, jewelry, common household items and all along acts as if his wife is losing touch with reality. The coups de gras, however, is with the gas lamps.

Every evening, when he leaves for his ‘walk’ the gas lamps noticeably dim. Not only does this make it hard for her to see, but she’s also hearing noises/footsteps from their third floor (which has been closed off and supposedly has no outside access).

Suffice to say, Husband is waging a psychological warfare campaign to persuade his wife (and witnesses) that she’s losing her mind and, thus, needs to be sent away for professional care.

Gaslighting by Degrees

Just like last week, the way we might use gaslighting in a story can vary by genre. First, the narcissist can be represented by proxy. Used this way, the ‘narcissistic force’ believes the ends justify the means and is willing to fabricate the facts and ruthlessly enforce a false narrative to achieve certain goal(s).

In the classic dystopian novel 1984, the government is gaslighting the public.

Thus, if one is writing a political thriller, a dystopian, a science fiction, then a system/structure doing the gaslighting is a mainstay. Regardless what the ‘people’ in your story see with their own eyes, the propaganda machine is there to say it isn’t real and, therefore, something must be wrong with anyone who dares disagree.

Now, I know it’s very easy for us to say, “NO WAY! This could never happen to me.” But, I’d recommend reading up on the Asch conformity experiments. Solomon Asch wanted test the threshold of conformity, as in how long could we hold onto a belief before the group superseded what one saw as ‘true’?

To simplify.

I draw a line on a board that’s slightly crooked. I recruit hidden actors to say the line is straight no matter what. You, however, insist the line is crooked. So, how LONG do you maintain the line is crooked as more and more people join the group avidly claiming the line is, in fact, straight?

How long until you at least questioned what you were seeing?

Maybe YOU would never change your answers, but read up on the studies. The pressure to conform is more powerful than I find comfortable.

This said, gaslighting is a LOT more common in fiction than we might realize. “Area-51 is just a base.” “There’s no such thing as aliens.” “Bat boy doesn’t exist.”

***Okay, I know I lost some of you there. BATBOY IS DEF REAL!

How much of this gaslighting narrative creates the foundation for some of our most beloved sci-fi? Stranger Things, Stargate, X-Files, anyone?

Gaslighting is the beating heart of coverups and government conspiracies so obviously, when done on a mass-scale, it’s essential world-building for many genres.

But what about when we are dealing with individuals?

The Many Kinds of Narcissists

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a narcissist is “an extremely self-centered person who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance.” Not all are crazy or violent. Some are well-meaning (in their own minds) as we’ll see.

Their self-absorption can come from psychological immaturity or they don’t believe they can get what they want unless they manipulate. Not all narcissists are gaslighting ‘intentionally.’

Why am I mentioning narcissists? Because gaslighting is a go-to tactic for getting what they want. This said, there is a WIDE range of narcissists to work with, which helps because different genres require narcissists of the appropriate stripe.

If we are writing lighter fiction, say comedy or sweet romance, then simply adding in a person who only thinks about him or herself (without regard to any consequences) works great.

In the lighter genres, we are NOT casting someone with a diagnosable personality disorder. They’re simply self-centered to the point of social blindness.

Think about the comedy classic, What About, Bob? Bob (Bill Murray) is an overly dependent neurotic patient with obsessive compulsive disorder who tracks down his successful therapist when his therapist tries to go on vacation.

The blind spots alone in this movie make for plenty of laughs. But, Bob is SO dependent, so fixated on his own needs, that he cannot see how utterly inappropriate his behaviors are.

In a sweet romance, writers might cast the heartless boss, the mother who’s a relentless match-maker (because SHE wants grand-babies), or the ruthless workaholic investor who doesn’t care who he screws over to land the deal.

***And, before anyone shouts about cliches, cliches are cliches because they WORK. The kicker is writing them well enough that people don’t see them/or care. It is all in the execution.

Gaslighting and Story Problems

Thus, the heartless boss could claim he has no memory your MC had a wedding to attend and her carefully submitted forms don’t exist in the system. Either she works the weekend or she’s fired (tampering with her memory).

The matchmaking mother will claim total innocence, that all her meddling is perfectly innocent, when she knows full well it isn’t. But, needs must.

Our ruthless investor can act as if the property manager didn’t submit the historic papers on time, thus the property is to be demolished for a new condo.

All of these scenarios can be tweaked with casting, setting and we have countless variations to work with. Since the audience has likely dealt with a person in their REAL lives who have acted similarly, this creates resonance.

***For those who’ve seen Glengarry Glen Ross (image above), the entire plot is a gaslighting. There never were any good leads.

Gaslighting can offer up some rough gems we can shape and polish into a story worthy of every storyline from Hallmark, to slapstick to psychological mind-benders and blood chillers.

Comedy & Horror

Gaslighting is a go-to for the narcissist as a tool to get what they want. If we are looking at a comedic character like Bob, from What About Bob? then this is simply a person with highly a warped sense of reality. He projects whatever inappropriate action he’s doing as totally normal and insists it’s actually his target (the therapist) who’s not ‘seeing clearly.’

In fact, insisting someone isn’t seeing/experiencing something is a REALLY common comedy trope.

Tallageda Nights comes to mind.

But comedy and horror are the closest of bedfellows. What do you get when horror is TOO over the top? Comedy. Conversely, what about when a joke/prank goes horribly wrong? Horror.

Once you know what genre you’re writing and start to cast characters, you’ll know what sort of narcissist you’ll need and the ways they’ll use gaslighting to get what they want.

Obviously, as we tread into grittier general fiction, psychological thrillers, thrillers, suspense-thrillers, crime fiction, etc. the narcissist we’ll see more often is the clinical version. Someone with, say, NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).

This manipulator might be gaslighting unintentionally but, for a good villain, that’s a hard sell. These narcissists see people as pawns to push around a chess board. Others are merely a means to getting what they want.

Narcissists and Gaslighting

Narcissists come in a variety of packages from the overly self-absorbed the ‘clinical’ territory (psychopaths). Psychopathy not a diagnosable mental health disorder according to the DSM-V, yet we all know this is a real thing and professionals can diagnostically measure via assessments.

For gritty fiction or any of the darker sides of the genre spectrum, the ways, the degree, and to what ends the narcissist gaslights changes accordingly.

First of all, a story is only as strong as the BBT (Big Boss Troublemaker). Not all BBTs are villains, though in certain genres, they usually are. This person forms the entire POINT of the story, so I strongly recommend reading the hyperlinked post above.

We (as a reader) must fear and respect the narcissist. Sociopaths and psychopaths are masters of manipulation. If we do our jobs right, our readers will be strapped into the Rollercoaster from Hell alongside your protagonist. WE should be questioning reality if your narcissist is worth his/her salt.

Gaslighting is a highly destructive tool that can cause permanent harm. Refer to my post about how lies change the structure of the brain. Remember the entire point of gaslighting is to make the victim (and those around who might possibly render aid) question themselves, their memory, their sanity.

What makes gaslighting particularly insidious is it extremely difficult to detect . For brevity’s sake, this post has a FABULOUS (okay, TERRIFYING) list of ways narcissists gaslight and the common things they say.

Gaslighting Escalates

Gaslighting always starts small. This is to test if the victim/target has enough self-awareness, strong enough self-esteem to call the narcissist on their bull$!@. Anyone can be a target. Your character might have been otherwise strong/self-aware, but has recently suffered a loss or major life change and is in an emotionally vulnerable state.

Narcissists smell blood in the water.

Frequently, the gaslighter will begin by simply denying your feelings/experiences. You are just so sensitive. Why are you blaming me for your ex? You’re too needy. No one wants you around because you’re too controlling.

***Keep in mind, if the gaslighting remains at THIS stage, alone, it can still be seriously damaging.

This then could possibly escalate to moving your belongings, only for those belongings to reappear in the original spot or some bizarre place no sane person would put that item.

Then, the items (usually something important/treasured) never reappear. The narcissist throws them away, pawns them, gives them away, or maybe keeps them as trophies.

Gaslighting can graduate to more obvious emotional and verbal abuse. The aggressor says the most horrible things, then when you get upset, they act completely befuddled why you’re upset and/or might flat out denying the event ever happened. They will claim you’re tired, over-sensitive, or can’t take a joke.

But, they don’t BEGIN here. They have to prime the person, have them good and rattled before bringing out the bigger guns.

Bigger Guns

A main tactic is to always keep you on the defensive. Remember what I said earlier, you cannot disprove a negative. Narcissists can be among the most dangerous people on the planet, so nothing is off the table when they lock onto their prey.

They’ll accuse the victim of lying, stealing, cheating, not loving them enough, not being attentive enough. And they will do so in ways the victim cannot make a viable defense.

A lover might accuse her partner of cheating, but when he shows her his phone to prove his innocence, she waves a receipt for a disposable phone. One that, of course, HE didn’t buy, but good luck proving it.

The goal is to have the victim SO rattled they are hyper-vigilant and always a) gathering evidence of their innocence or b) actively trying to do ‘enough’ to appease the narcissist.

They dance and dance and dance because, over time, and without knowing, they’ve turned into a puppet the narcissist can make perform on a whim.

Character Assassination

Should the narcissist launch a particularly viscous gaslighting campaign, be certain they won’t do it alone. They will enlist others to buttress their version of reality. The more witnesses on their side, the more the victim spirals into despair and self-doubt.

If you have one glass of wine at home with dinner, the narcissist might do something horrible then a) claim it never happened, you were too drunk to remember b) play the victim because you were blackout drunk. No matter how much you protest you had ONE glass—or even NO glasses of wine—who is going to believe you?

If you’re at home, he’ll have the ‘evidence.’ If you’re out with friends, the narcissist will suggest (compassionately and with deep concern) that you’re a closet alcoholic. He’ll be the long-suffering companion who’s still supporting you even though you cannot see you have a problem.

Look no farther than the psychological thriller The Girl on the Train for prime examples.

Should your MC take any type of medication—psychiatric medication in particular— that can/will be easily weaponized. God forbid your MC have any displeasing emotion—sadness, disappointment, righteous anger—lest the narcissist ask if you’ve taken your meds.

Gaslighting & Weaponizing the Well-Meaning

Narcissists can use gaslighting to weaponize well-meaning people. Say, the MC has had enough, is wise to the game and *cringes* confronts their abuser. Do NOT put it past the abuser to inflict some sort of self-injury then call the authorities claiming THEY are the victim.

Police are unlikely to have much sympathy for the person who isn’t bleeding and bruised and claiming the ‘victim’ ‘threw themselves down the stairs.’

Or maybe the narcissist lovingly brings your MC a glass of juice, but it’s filled with crushed Xanax (for which your MC has no prescription). The abuser calls the ambulance in the nick of time and insists on a psych hold and drug counseling. They had NO idea the MC was on PILLS!

Once a person hands any abuser the keys to the kingdom regarding their SANITY? Good luck digging out of that. Medical personnel, social workers, mental health workers can all become benevolent soldiers in the narcissist’s campaign.

And, once a narcissist has their victim publicly labeled as mentally unstable, unable to care for themselves, an addict, an abuser, a pervert, a cheater, a liar, a thief? There is almost no end to the level of destruction they can unleash.

We’ll talk more on that on a different post.

In the End

Gaslighting is only one of many tools a narcissist can use to get what they want. Again, remember your genre. In Season One, Episode 19 of Desperate Housewives, Susan’s mother is ditzy, immature, self-centered, over sexual and has zero respect for boundaries.

So, Susan’s mother ambushes her with two men in the living room, Mom insists she was trying to HELP! It was a double date, and Susan is the one always overreacting and a stick in the mud.

This is a FAR cry from the gaslighting psychological warfare campaign in far darker stories like Misery, Fear, Sleeping with the Enemy, or Single White Female. In books? Aside from the dystopian mainstays, I recommend Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, The Guest List by Lucy Foley, I Eat Men Like Air by Alice Berman, and Rock, Paper, Scissors by Alice Feeny to name a few.

Thoughts on Gaslighting?

Did you know what gaslighting was? Are you surprised to see how common it is in fiction? Did learning about the different types of narcissists and the way they mess with reality spark any good story ideas?

Anything y’all would like to add? Obviously, for time’s sakes, I cannot cover everything, so feel free to chime in.

I love hearing from you, and to show my appreciation…

CONTEST

What do you WIN? For the month of MAY, for everyone who leaves a comment, I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice.

The Prize?

The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

***April’s winner is Maria D’Marco. Thank you for your comments! Please email your 5,000 word WORD doc, double-spaced, Times New Roman, to kristen at wana intl dot com. Put CONTEST WINNER in the subject line so I can see you.

CLASSES!

***All classes come with a FREE recording

Bring on the BINGE: How to Plot & Write a Series

Thursday, May 19, 2022 7-9:30 P.M. NYC Time

For more information, SIGN UP HERE.

The Art of Character: Writing Characters for a SERIES

Thursday, May 26th 7:00-10:00 P.M. NYC Time

For more information, SIGN UP HERE.

Practice Your Pitch: Master the Log-Line

Thursday, June 2nd, 7:00-9:00 P.M. NYC Time. This is a TWO-HOUR INTERACTIVE WORKSHOP!

For more information, SIGN UP HERE.

The post Gaslighting: Narcissists & Tampering with Reality appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Over 40 countries have a day to celebrate ‘mother’ and ‘mother figures’ with some variation of Mother’s Day. While millions of people will send flowers and gifts and take their moms, grandmothers, aunts, etc. out for a fancy day, other folks might struggle…a lot. People can feel a wide variety of emotions when it comes to a holiday devoted to celebrating a missing or deeply painful relationship.

While we often hear the term ‘daddy issues,’ what about ‘mommy issues’?

Granted, there was Freud. He had a lot to say about moms, and sex and apparently everything wrong with us stems from wanting to hook up with mom.

Freud needed better hobbies.

Not saying he was totally off-base. Mothers frequently are at the core of many psychological issues. But, to be fair to moms in general, we aren’t solely to blame for all things jacked up.

Just a Heads Up: Today’s post addresses child abuse (physical, emotional, and sexual), violence, abandonment, and similar traumas so please read with care.

When it comes to the nurture part of ‘nature and nurture,’ it seems only reasonable to explore half the parental equation. Sometimes 100% of the parental equation. Single-mothers head 80% of single-parent households. When one considers nearly a third live in poverty, this makes fertile ground for dysfunction.

Since millions of children have a ‘mother’ as sole, or at least the primary, caregiver, it stands to reason that moms have a significant impact on how we develop through childhood and into adulthood.

Mothers can be amazing and wonderful, but they can also be the source of unrivaled brutality. The mother wound is deep and traumatic and can have a major impact on psychological well-being.

The Mother Wound

In this post, we will explore the psychological impact mothers have across the spectrum. For the record, I am not a licensed psychiatrist, I just play one on the internet . This is why I’ll make sure to link to as many REAL experts as I can.

Anyway…

In previous posts, we’ve discussed how wounds don’t always need to be big to be BIG. Though today we’ll cover some more extreme versions of mother abuse, that—thankfully—is comparably rare.

All mothers are human.

The emotional injuries they inflict could be completely unintentional. As I mentioned earlier, a lot of single-moms are living in poverty. Financial stress and having to work multiple jobs means kids often spend a lot of time in daycare or with other relatives.

Kids can feel abandoned or unloved. Trusted caregivers might abuse them. Thus, adults might harbor resentment toward a mother who was simply trying to provide, who had no way of knowing those she’d entrusted with her child/children would betray a sacred trust.

Maybe your character is dealing with sibling issues. Mothers can unwittingly fuel sibling rivalry.

Frequently, mothers have their own struggles—mental health issues, depression, anxiety, substance addiction, abandonment issues, etc. If left untreated, she can unintentionally pass her traumas down to the next generation.

Since May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I’d like for us to maintain an open mind and compassion as we go along. Mental illness is real and impacts everyone around the person suffering.

Suffice to say, many mothers aren’t evil or sitting up all night thinking of ways to damage their kids. They’re simply working with limited tools.

***To learn more about the mother wound specifically, I’ll refer those interested to Bethany Webster. Her books and blogs are rich with information that can help readers personally and/or with psychologically rich character backgrounds for fiction.

Genre and Mommy Issues

Whenever we craft characters, ideally we need to flesh them out to the point they are as close to living/breathing people as possible. This is what will help readers connect to our characters.

Obviously, genre is going to dictate how extreme the mother damage is, as well as how and to what degree the damage manifests. If one is writing a cozy romance, a women’s fiction, contemporary fiction along the lines of Debbie Macomber, a cozy mystery, etc. then the more ‘run-of-the-mill’ mother damage is more appropriate.

Most moms are not all good or all horrible, but they are all human. In fact, most will fall in between.

When profiling your character, was the fictional mother/mother-figure:

• controlling
• a perfectionist
• constantly competing with her daughter
• guilty of obvious favoritism
• unable to show love
• one to withhold praise and affection
• immature
• someone who played the role of the child instead of the caretaker
• emotionally distant
• overly self-involved

You get the gist. All of these areas are common places mothers mess up to one degree or another, thus RIPE for creating inner demons and insecurities an MC must work through to solve a story problem.

But, for those who want to write suspense, thriller, psychological thrillers, dark fiction, true crime, horror, or any of those kissing cousins then, we have to take a trip to the dark side of mothers dear and deadly.

The Mother Shield

The mother shield is powerful. Most people cannot imagine that those tasked with caring for the frailest among us could be anything but loving and self-sacrificing. It is too terrible. This is how the mother mythos can serve as an amazing shield…or at least brilliant camouflage.

I believe there are (and have been) far more female serial killers than we could ever imagine (and emerging data/studies support I might be right). Women, mothers in particular, have a number of advantages which make them the perfect killers. For the sake of time, I will cover female serial killers more specifically in another post.

Suffice to say, society has the ‘madonna’ image of mothers. Mothers are sacrosanct. To even suggest anything else borders on blasphemy. This can create all kinds of challenges in life and in fiction.

Mothers and Munchausen by Proxy

M. Night Shyamalan’s movie The Sixth Sense thrust Munchausen by proxy disorder out into the world of popular culture for the first time (properly referred to as Fictitious Disorder).

The movie tells the story of a boy, Cole Sear, who claims he can see dead people. One ghost in particular, a little girl in a nightgown, hounds Cole. She terrifies him, namely because she’s always vomiting.

Come to find out, her mother poisoned her and now that the little girl is dead, her mother has moved onto poisoning the younger sister. The ghost recruits Cole as an ally to save her sister by exposing her killer…her mother (who suffers from Munchausen by proxy).

For a book that does an INCREDIBLE job probing this insidious disorder, I highly recommend Gillian Flynn’s Sharp Objects.

One section stood out to me, where she’s describing her mother and the toxic dance between the abuser and the abused.

I won’t give any spoiler alerts, because nothing in this book is what it seems. But, if you want insight into mothers, mental illness, abuse, Munchausen by proxy, and how this all plays out in fiction, then this is a must-read.

‘Mother’ & Factitious Disorder

Munchausen Syndrome—Factitious Disorder—is when a person deliberately makes themselves ill, primarily for attention. Munchausen Syndrome by proxy is when a person (frequently a mother or other caregiver) makes another person—usually a child, but also elderly people, the disabled and pets—seriously ill for attention.

I am definitely NOT an expert on this, so again I defer to forensic psychologists and experts Dr. Scott and Dr. Shiloh at L.A. Not-So-Confidential. If you want to learn more, listen to Munchausen Syndrome (Factitious Disorder) Part One and Munchausen Syndrome (Factitious Disorder) Part 2.

This is an extraordinarily complex mental disorder, which is why I’m not going very deep into the discussion. The important takeaway is that females—mothers—are the primary sufferers of Munchausen by proxy, thus are most often the abusers. Experts also often refer to this disorder as ‘medical abuse.’

There are plenty of real-life cases (too many). But, for a recent case, look no further than Gypsy Rose Blancharde and her mother DeeDee Blancharde. The 2017 Netflix documentary Mommy Dead and Dearest did an excellent job covering what happened.

Fictitious Disorder offers plenty of fuel for fiction. Gillian Flynn, as I mentioned, liberally applies ‘mommy issues’ in many of her books. There’s also a 2020 HBO movie, Run that probes into the shadow side of the mother figure.

A Tale of Mothers and Monsters

Toxic mother figures can inflict wounds their children carry for a lifetime. If we study the backgrounds of some of the most infamous killers in history, we see a disturbing pattern emerge when it comes to the role of mothers, especially in the early developmental years.

Again, depending on genre, case studies of real-life criminals (from killers to con artists) can be very helpful for crafting a villain with resonance.

Granted, (below) I’ve listed some of the most heinous offenders in modern history (that have documented ‘mommy issues’). Many of these criminals suffer with serious psychological damage. Thus, we are wise to take their ‘stories’ with a grain of salt, since they may or may not be the most reliable of narrators.

Also, some assertions are coming from third-party observers, such as the case with con artist Elizabeth Holmes.

‘Mother’ Issues Create ALL Kinds

Elizabeth Holmes’ mother has been criticized for relentlessly pushing her daughter to excel, thus possibly laying the groundwork for the Theranos debacle.

Aileen Wuornos‘ mother abandoned her in an abusive household where her grandfather allegedly molested her, and she claimed to have had a sexual relationship with her own brother.

Mary Bell’s mother rejected her at birth, left her with relatives and strangers and may have suffered from Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy since she frequently gave Mary drugs that made her severely ill.

Ed Kemper‘s mother was controlling and severely verbally, emotionally and physically abusive.

Charles Manson‘s mother, sixteen-year-old Kathleen Maddox, who a serious alcoholic, reputedly once sold him for a pitcher of beer.

Ed Gein‘s mother taught him men were evil and raised him as a girl.

David Berkowitz had a toxically close relationship with his mother.

Charles Albright’s mom was an intense germaphobe.

To reiterate, great writers have historically pilfered from real backstories. There is no need to reinvent the wheel. The wheel works.

Alfred Hitchcock’s famous movie Psycho drew liberal inspiration from serial killer, Ed Gein. Thomas Harris, author of the iconic novel Silence of the Lambs, also used real case studies and cobbled several killers together to create such infamous characters as Hannibal the Cannibal and Buffalo Bill.

Mother, May I?

In the end, all of us can thank our mothers for who we are today (for good or bad). The mother relationship is so crucial it has been the beating heart of myth, religion, poems and plays.

Thankfully, not every person with a toxic mother/mother figure grows up to be some deranged criminal. Some grow up to be incredible people who do great things despite their early traumas (Oprah Winfrey).

Conversely, some of society’s most notorious monsters had seemingly normal, loving mothers. Dennis Rader (BTK) is a prime example. From all indications, Rader had normal, loving, albeit imperfect, parents. Unfortunately, no amount of being a good mother can counter severe narcissism, which could have a genetic component.

All this said…

Last time, in my post The Deepest Wounds: Lies, Deception & Betrayal, I mentioned one way to create nerve-shredding story problems—rip away the thing people TRUST THE MOST. Maybe this is with our MC’s background. The mother relationship has damaged or destroyed their ability to trust.

We can also rip away what the audience trusts. No one sees the mother coming.

*coughs* Um…Psycho anyone?

In the End…

The world offers so much for writers to weave into story to add depth and texture. Since Father’s Day isn’t coming up, I’m not picking on dads. Moms, dads, siblings, kids, society, culture, religion, background, relatives, workplaces, bullies are all fabulous wells to draw from. Pay attention to LIFE, because that’s what adds the magic to the mundane.

Just remember, well-adjusted people make for boring fiction.

Thoughts? I LOVE hearing from you!

Thoughts about how much we can blame mothers for all that ails us? Any questions or comments to add?

I get this is a touchy subject, but not everyone had a mother they’re exactly excited to celebrate. That is simply life…which is what writers work with.

For those who have FABULOUS moms, it might be even more disconcerting to envision growing up with a mother like those listed above.

Any books, movies, experiences, stories?

Other than that, Happy Mother’s Day. I rented Mommie Dearest since, oddly, I had NEVER seen it before…despite knowing the references. Aaaand I wanted to hide in a blanket fort after watching. YIKES!

I love hearing from you, and to show my appreciation…

CONTEST

What do you WIN? For the month of MAY, for everyone who leaves a comment, I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice.

The Prize?

The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

***Will announce April’s winner next post.

MOTHER OF ALL DEALS/CLASSES!

The Write Stuff Special: 20 pages for $55

Only TEN SLOTS AVAILABLE! Offer ends May 4th, 2020. Sign up HERE.

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The post Mommie Dearest: The Mother Wound & Fiction appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Lies are a fascinating topic just in general. While most people would openly eschew lying, if we’re honest *bada bump snare* it would be all but impossible to function in society if we always told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

When information doesn’t line up with our experiences, it can be very disconcerting (ergo the image of the clown to make my point). One of the big reasons many people dislike/fear clowns is because they cannot accurately read facial expressions. When the smile is fake and painted on, it can rattle us on a primal level.

Is the clown really happy, or about to murder us?

***I say murder, but that’s me.

Back to lies in general. I touched on this idea a bit in my post about creating dimensional characters, but we’re going to deep-dive it today.

Lying is very useful in fiction. The kissing cousins of the lie—deception and betrayal—can summon some terrible personal demons. Demons so powerful that only the crucible of a strong story problem can exorcise them for good.

I’ve been writing my entire life, and a professional writer for now over 20 years. When people ask what I do, I sometimes jokingly respond, “I lie for a living.” But, in a nutshell, isn’t that what all the best storytellers do?

As humans, sometimes our greatest hopes are in the most beautiful lies. That true love always triumphs, that bad people will always get justice and good will prevail. We know, deep down, that life rarely works this way, but this is why stories are so important.

Lies are Why We Write

Beautiful untruths keep us hoping, propel us to constantly reach for a better version of ourselves. We cling to ideas that love, justice, mercy, compassion will win the day even when the daily headlines prove us fools.

I love anything true crime. True crime shows, procedurals, movies, documentaries, on and on. Strangely, I watch crime shows to relax at night. I know that’s odd, but hear me out.

Yes, NCIS or CSI or Law and Order all deal with the worst humans have to offer, but, by the end of the 45 minutes or the hour, guess what? Authorities CATCH the villain and I have glorious closure. Hallelujah! There’s at least one place in this chaotic, bonkers crazy world where I know the bad guys lose and good guys win.

The news will tell me how there are zillions of cold cases and unsolved abductions and murders. In life, I’ve seen wonderful people get shafted while truly evil individuals thrived. This seriously messes with my internal compass for justice.

To be able to remain sane in a crazy world? I lean on stories.

This is why I IMPLORE writers to value what we contribute to society. Too many people dismiss what we do. Writing isn’t a ‘real’ job, but then what do they do with most of their free time and money? They binge on what writers dreamed up.

Interesting Truth About Lying

First, I happened to watch an incredible thriller called A Perfect Enemy. It is a slow-boiling story, but once it takes off, just WOW. The main character is a world-renowned architect and he makes a fascinating observation. He states that there are no verbs for telling the truth, regardless of the language.

No one says, “He was honesting to his wife about where he went the previous night.”

This, according to the character, holds across all languages. Humans don’t have verbs for being honest, but we have a slew of verbs for its opposite—deceiving, faking, conning, bamboozling, defrauding, etc.

For the record, I don’t know if this statement is completely accurate. But the character speaks a number of languages and he riffs through several and spouts off the many verbs for lying in at least five different tongues.

She told the truth. The verb is “to tell.” He was being honest. Again, the verb is “to be.” She confessed to her husband. Now, that might be considered a verb for telling the truth, but note it is, more accurately, a verb used to denote someone revealing a LIE.

Honesty is an inherent and assumed condition, which is why it has no verb.

Why is this important?

Because human nature naturally assumes we are being told the truth. If someone takes our money to make us a coffee, we assume they will in fact make us a coffee. If a bottle says it is milk, we drink it without testing first if it is drain cleaner.

Truth, therefore, is the assumed standard. If we meet someone and they give us their name, we assume that really IS their name. We don’t run background checks on everyone we meet to make sure they really are what they say they are.

I listen to an AMAZING forensic psychology podcast, L.A. Not So Confidential, and they do a FABULOUS job of breaking this down on their episode about Catfishing.

Neuroscience literature demonstrates humans are hardwired to trust. In the academic study, Computational substrates of social value in interpersonal collaboration, researchers were able to pin down two specific parts of the brain that activate when we believe we are trusting someone close.

Brain scans showed increased activity in the ventral striatum (key in reward responses and positive emotions) and the medial prefrontal cortex (which helps govern how we perceive the mental states of others). This is also a memory center and the part of the brain we access in making decisions.

Thus, when people are profoundly betrayed, the deception literally rewires the brain. This is why victims of con artists or people dealing with infidelity suffer almost a personal extinction. If they could be SO WRONG about this situation and it was a lie, then what else have they been taking for granted as true?

Lies & the Betrayed Brain

This is why it can take years for someone to overcome a betrayal. If the lie is big enough, it will make the victim question more than just the single offense or offender.

Say, you have an MC who sees her husband at a cafe kissing another woman when he’s supposed to be out of town for a meeting.

The cascade is clear.

Does he love me? Has he ever loved me? Have I always been a fool? How many times have I trusted he really was at work? What else have I missed? Did our mutual friends know? Have they been keeping this from me? Are they all laughing about me behind my back? Was our marriage ever real? He told me he loved me this morning, but did he mean it? How long has he not meant it?

Y’all get the gist.

This crippling self-doubt is powerful in fiction. Lies are story GOLD. It doesn’t even have to be about infidelity.

Think about stories that strip away what we take for granted. The Matrix questions whether our reality is even real. Enemy of the State challenges our notion that our government will always act for the public good. Clickbait demonstrates how much blind trust we have in those we meet on-line to be who and what they say they are. Shutter Island (both book and movie) picked at the trust we place in our memories, our reality and ourselves.

A FABULOUS way to hook a reader is to rip away some form of trust.

***We give it back LATER. We’re not total psychopaths

Forgive but Never Forget

Lies, betrayal, and deception are incredibly powerful in life and in fiction. As I mentioned earlier, betrayal very literally alters brain chemistry. This is extremely difficult to overcome, and the psychic scar tissue will always be there. Always.

I don’t care about the saying “Forgive and forget.” That is taken out of context so often I can’t go there.

Even when we forgive, we never forget. In fact, in certain instances, it is foolish and even dangerous to forget.

Ironically, this is why most humans don’t lie. I’d love to say it is because we are good and kind inside, but that is only partially true for some.

By and large, we tell the truth out of self-interest and self-preservation. Because we fundamentally grasp the social fallout that comes with being labeled a liar or untrustworthy, most people generally don’t stray too far from the truth.

***I am talking about big stuff, not social ‘white lies’ like saying you’re tired when a stranger asks if you’re okay. We (hopefully) all know it is inappropriate (and reckless) to ambush a person who’s just being nice with gritty details of our major personal issues.

This aside, lies—the diabolical kind—do real damage that will never be completely undone. We can heal, but we are never the same. A broken arm can mend and work just fine, but an X-ray will always show evidence of the break. We carry that fracture literally to our graves.

Lies & the Unreliable Narrator

Same with betrayals.

This is why most people, in general, tell the truth. It is also why pathological lying is a symptom of something fundamentally wrong. The person could have a personality disorder, a character disorder, or some other mental health issue. It takes SO much mental energy to lie that we have a word for people who can deceive effortlessly…psychopaths.

One of the reasons the unreliable narrator works so brilliantly is because it takes advantage of our VERY human nature to instantly trust and accept what we’re told. The unreliable narrator can be used for fantastic effects and are excellent for creating plot twists.

Why?

Done well, they are like great liars in life. We never see them coming. If we do, our instinct is to rationalize. Regardless, our first go-to is NOT, “This person is weaving a doozy!”

Summoning Personal Demons

Betrayals are FANTASTIC for creating personal demons. Remember, great stories are high concept, meaning they have three main components—universal, emotional, and give the audience something to contribute or take away.

Everyone has been betrayed on some level. Just order a burger. It NEVER looks like the burger in the picture. We all know how it feels to be duped, so we can get very emotional about this topic depending on what we’ve experienced in our past. I promise, audiences definitely have something to contribute or share.

Think about the person who discovers they were adopted. Their parents may have lied for sound reasons, but what is the fallout? How does the character cope?

What if the character thought someone was her friend, only to overhear that friend making fun of her behind her back?

Lies We Tell Ourselves

Facing/discovering a betrayal throws every other relationship and decision into a tailspin. But what about the things we hold to be true about ourselves? We rely a lot on outside interface to validate our beliefs.

We believe we are smart, talented, loved, successful, cherished, trusted, part of the group, etc. But what about when we aren’t?

What if someone believes they’re doing a great job, only to be blindsided by being fired?

I don’t believe I fully appreciated just how talented some actors are until I saw THIS scene in the 2004 remake of Stepford Wives. Nicole Kidman plays Joanna Eberhart, president of a TV Network, who believes she’s at the top of her game anticipating a promotion…only to get canned in a fairly humiliating way.

Kidman’s acting is MIND-BLOWING. You can literally see the Kubler-Ross 5 Stages of Death and Dying in her body language an all in about 90 seconds.

Just this small snippet of film shows what betrayal looks like in high-relief. I don’t know about y’all but I can almost feel (on a VERY visceral level) what she’s experiencing.

Great stories always begin with a degree of denial. In The Stepford Wives there is nothing, per se, fundamentally wrong with Joana Eberhart. It’s simply that EVERY character attribute has a dark side. Great leaders can also be thoughtless tyrants. But, tossed in the right crucible, the tyrant can face her darker nature and recalibrate to being a fantastic leader.

Lies and more lies. What to do…

Want a great story? What does your MC fully trust without question? Is there something they believe about themselves? Now, rip whatever that is away.

For the record, it can be a misunderstanding or even patently untrue. A mother whose partner excoriates her as a terrible person, mother and wife initially will have a personal extinction. BUT, the story can reveal that she is NOT the problem, rather she’s in a toxic/abusive relationship.

Author Lianne Moriatry uses this tactic beautifully in Big, Little Lies. Each MC begins with a fundamental belief about her reality until the story forces them to face their darker natures/fears.

Lies Reveal Truth

We all lie. But what we are willing to lie about, and how far we are willing to twist the truth, reveals a lot about our character. This goes for real-life people as well as the imaginary people we create.

Anti-heroes probably push this boundary to its limit. It is why they can be difficult to write. Writers must create a person who violates all social contracts but REMAINS likable or at least sympathetic.

Remember I said fiction serves a valuable purpose with the beautiful lie. One of these ‘useful fictions’ is that it is possible to overcome even the deepest betrayal. When we read story with a main character who has every reason NOT to ever trust again, and despite the odds, they manage to HEAL? That is powerful.

Most of the time, in life, it isn’t so neat and clean. This kind of healing can happen but it is certainly not the norm. This is why fiction offers a model for the reader, and hope that if THAT character can overcome THIS, then they can, too.

Thoughts? I LOVE hearing from you!

What are your thoughts about lying? Lies serve a purpose in life and in fiction. Can you think of ways a character might be in denial? What are some ‘things’ we trust to be real that could be ripped away? Can you think of some examples of what we take for granted? How might that be used in a story to great effect?

***Btw, for those who want to make a living writing, make sure to scroll down and check out the classes below. When you treat yourself as a business, which you are, then classes are an INVESTMENT. All these classes will help you up the quantity AND quality of your writing.

CONTEST

What do you WIN? For the month of APRIL, for everyone who leaves a comment, I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice.

What do you win?

The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

Small Steps to Start

The Write Stuff Special: 20 pages for $55

Only TEN SLOTS AVAILABLE! Offer ends May 4th, 2020. Sign up HERE.

Small Steps with Classes

***All classes come with a FREE recording

Bring on the BINGE: How to Plot & Write a Series

Thursday, May 19, 2022 7-9:30 P.M. NYC Time

For more information, SIGN UP HERE.

The Art of Character: Writing Characters for a SERIES

Thursday, May 26th 7:00-10:00 P.M. NYC Time

For more information, SIGN UP HERE.

Practice Your Pitch: Master the Log-Line

Thursday, June 2nd, 7:00-9:00 P.M. NYC Time. This is a TWO-HOUR INTERACTIVE WORKSHOP!

For more information, SIGN UP HERE.

The post The Deepest Wounds: Lies, Deception & Betrayal appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Memory is a tricky thing. We like to believe our brains are like a video camera recording every detail of every event with perfect precision. Or at least I’m guilty of believing this…especially when at odds with someone.

But, aside from memory making us martyrs, it serves many other useful purposes in life and in fiction.

I honestly did not appreciate how important our memories are until I created what I thought was a clever character. The premise of my story was, “What if DNA could be hacked? What if humans could be deleted?”

Cool idea and one I still work on when not doing the paid work. But, to be blunt, I wrote myself into a corner.

How? I failed to properly appreciate memory. While it was clever to think of humans in terms of machines made flesh, it doesn’t really work that way. Or at least that is what I realized once I was a good ways in.

Since the premise involved, essentially ‘hacking’ humans, one of my main characters had no memory. He’d been ‘wiped’, to use the computer term.

But was that even possible?

Memory is the Human Operating System

For those who are NOT computer nerds, every computer has to have a core OS (operating system). When a tech wipes a computer, that computer cannot be totally blank or what we’re left with is a VERY expensive piece of plastic with metal bits.

Without the kernel, the computer cannot function. It has no way of running any basic operations, let alone any software.

What does this have to do with people?

Memory, in large part, is the core of WHO we are. This is why dementia is such a terrible disease. That is a form of degenerative memory loss that is impacting the core of the person, which is why, in advanced stages, those suffering eventually forget how to talk, swallow and breathe.

There are many forms of amnesia that usually fall under the banner of retrograde or anterograde amnesia. Anterograde amnesia is the inability to form long-term memories. Think of Dori in Finding Nemo (refer to What Finding Nemo Can Teach Us About Story Action).

Retrograde amnesia is the inability to recall information before a trauma, operation or whatever caused the memory loss (think The Bourne Identity).

The key thing to me is that the memories are still THERE. The data might be in fragmented bits but it still exists. It is all a matter of retrieving the information and cobbling the pieces back into something meaningful.

No Such Thing as a Tabula Rasa

Some psychologists, sociologists, psychiatrists, etc. once speculated that humans, at birth, were what’s known as a tabula rasa or a “blank slate.” This meant that any problems or peccadillos had to be an offshoot from environment and nurture. Given the right home and upbringing, any child could be a prodigy or at least a functioning member of society.

However, the idea that humans were all equal blank slates to be molded in any form, didn’t neatly fit with reality. We all have a unique genetic makeup. Humans are each born with certain traits, strengths, and weaknesses that upbringing alone simply cannot account for.

So the idea that I could have a character who’d been completely ‘wiped’ quickly devolved as I wrote. First, he’d have certain genetic predilections that might make him naturally more aggressive, more intelligent, less emotionally sensitive, or whatever.

Then, he still had to have at least SOME fragments of his old life somewhere or he’d be useless. How would he remember how to drive? Fire a gun (it was a sci-fi thriller)? His combat training? Granted, it was a simple enough fix.

All in all, it was better to suppress his memories, not erase them.

I merely use this example to point out a) even I am the victim of my own ‘cleverness’ and b) I underestimated just HOW much we rely on memory for basic survival.

Anyway, I wasn’t too far in when I realized a character who’d been ‘wiped’ of all memory couldn’t have an accent, an opinion, formulate higher thinking without older memories at least being present in some form.

Even if these older memories were running as an unconscious subroutine, something had to fill the void. If not? He’d be a boring, if not utterly useless automaton.

In short? Memory makes man.

Character and Memory

In the beginning of the post, I mentioned how some believe(d) that the brain really does record everything exactly as it happened. If we can’t remember a certain event, it’s simply because, for whatever reason, we cannot access it (like accessing a file).

The movie The Final Cut, starring the late, great Robin Williams did an interesting job of challenging this notion of true memories versus those formed organically. In the movie, the wealthy can have what is referred to as a Zoe implant surgically inserted into infants.

EYETech records every detail of what a subject sees. Upon death, special techs known as ‘cutters’ then edit out all the bad and truly horrible stuff and create essentially a montage for posterity.

The movie does a fabulous job of juxtaposing what REAL memory is against what we BELIEVE is real. For instance, if memory serves me right (*bada bump snare*) there is a scene at a funeral. One of the grieving family members watches the Zoe film from a lost loved one and adamantly insists the color of a boat was a totally different color.

But the Zoe is an ACTUAL recording, so it can’t lie. Emotions hold no sway. Zoe memories cannot be multiple memories compressed into what seems to be a solid singular recollection.

See how memory can already create tension? One character recalls an event in a totally different way. Maybe the trauma suppressed certain details or the ‘memory’ is actually several different events fashioned together?

What FORMS Character?

When creating characters, we must keep in mind what forms what we call ‘character’? What makes words on a page come to life and feel more alive than people around us? In short, our jobs as writers is to create resonance.

How to do this? We use the character triad. The Wound, because pain deepens our stories. Then, there is the Blindspot and, finally, Shame. All three of these are inextricably bound. Wounds are often a source of shame which can also then create a blindspot. Weirdly enough, the answer to that which vexes us most is often found in the one place we cannot SEE.

This is why therapists will always have a job. Their role is to help us see beyond the haze of pain and calm down long enough to do some honest reflection. Why? Because our memories are often colored/edited because we were wounded.

When something traumatic happens, we humans automatically shift into reptile brain thinking. It is survival mode. This is why certain elements are crystal clear. Pupils dilate to allow in as much information as possible, but simultaneously, we fixate on the threat to the exclusion of other—possibly salient—information.

Adrenaline hard codes certain details to the necessary exclusion of others. This is one of many reasons why eye witness statements are grossly unreliable.

Emotion and Memory

Have you ever had someone berate you in public and leave you, mouth gaping like a stranded goldfish? Then twenty minutes later you FINALLY think of the perfect comeback? But…it is too late.

Or, perhaps you lost your temper, said things you can barely recall? In the heat of the moment maybe you fell apart, lashed out, or retreated. Yet, it all seems a bit hazy.

This is the amygdala hijack.

Earlier we mentioned how humans shift into fight-or-flight when under duress. This can come with some complications later. Because our brain floods the system with stress hormones like adrenaline, cortisol and the like, it impacts how our brains then code the memory. Too often, we’re upset trying to piece together what happened using bits of our own memory and maybe some accounts of those who witnessed the events.

Suffice to say, this is NOT the cold, unbiased recording of a camera. It is human and flawed.

Reactions and Memory

Have you ever had a bad day at work or home and completely overreacted? In my humble POV as a highly qualified armchair psychiatrist, this is because trauma often comes back as a reaction not a memory.

This is true with regular people, so why wouldn’t this also apply to dimensional characters?

Humans who always say and do the right/responsible thing no matter what are not very interesting. You never know who anyone really is until you put that person under pressure. If that sane, grounded, responsible person is STILL sane, grounded, and responsible after you (Author God) destroy their world? That is NOT the right character for riveting fiction.

Now, when that sane, grounded, responsible person suddenly acts in a way NO ONE could have ever anticipated? THAT is interesting.

I know this is an oldie but goodie. But since we are talking a lot about amnesia, residual memory and trauma, y’all remember the movie The Long Kiss Goodnight?

Samantha Caine is a wife, homemaker and schoolteacher. PTA meetings are about as exciting as it gets. But who is Samantha Caine…really? After being rescued from a near-fatal accident almost ten years previously, she’s rebuilt her life with no memory from her past.

That is, until a car accident and a head injury starts to jangle bits of her past back into her present. What’s been buried in Samantha’s subconscious is the key to survival not only for her but her family.

This was my favorite part of the movie.

Trauma and Response

Everyone reacts to stress and trauma in different ways. As much as we’d like to say or believe something is in the past, is it? Really?

Memory is what makes paper-doll characters come to life. Too many new writers stop at surface description. If we want to describe hair and eye color, fine. Some genres (say, romance) almost require a detailed physical description. That, in and of itself, is not the problem. The problem is when we STOP there.

Why is your character brooding, dark, mysterious? Did your character choose their profession willingly or as some sort of compensation?

For instance, did your character become a doctor because she wanted to? Or because she was drinking and driving in college and ran down a teenager?

Maybe this terrible secret (guilt and shame) is WHY she chose to become the best trauma surgeon. Saving people is her penance.

What do your characters do when stressed? Do they pick a fight, drink, make jokes, walk away, shut down? WHY?

Flesh out your characters and think how they then will conflict in the story. Someone who chatters away when stressed will drive someone who broods bonkers (think Donkey and Shrek).

Everyone has baggage. My rules when I was dating was a guy could have baggage, but carry-on only. For FICTION? The more the better. Story is how we RESOLVE trauma. And, as I mentioned earlier, trauma frequently comes back as a reaction, not always as a memory.

Humans are vastly complex. We are a product of all that has happened to us. Unconsciously, we are the result of what we either are too afraid or too ill equipped to deal with…so we stuff. Usually this coping mechanism works out fine…until it doesn’t.

Fiction should be full of all kinds of emotional triggers that will FORCE the protagonist to deal with demons they’d rather ignore. The story is the crucible, the fire that forces those bad memories/feelings/traumas to the surface.

In fact, the ONLY way for the protagonist to transform into a hero is to deal with what ‘baggage’ makes him/her too weak to take on the Big Boss Troublemaker at the very beginning.

They won’t want to remember, but they will have to. Memories make them who they are, good, bad, and ugly bits.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Do you see how even coming up with a brief meaningful bio can make a massive difference in knowing your characters? A great exercise is to take your characters and write them IN a scene. You don’t need to use this bit of writing, though feel free to if it works.

Write them in a variety of different scenarios. What is the moment of their greatest victory or deepest shame? Place them in danger. How do they react? Do they shut down or strike out? Play around and get to know your characters. This will help you get the casting right and make tweaks ahead of time.

Any thoughts, comments, questions, suggestions? Can you think of movies or books that were SO AMAZING because the characters felt more real than those around you? What are some examples? Why did those characters stand apart?

I love hearing from you!

What do you WIN? For the month of APRIL, for everyone who leaves a comment, I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice.

What do you win?

The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

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