Get your head out of your ‘but.’ Yes, that’s ‘but’ with a singular ‘t.’ If we want to accomplish anything remarkable we have to own all of it—the good, the bad, the ugly. Often fears, doubts, insecurities, and bad habits wriggle in, and they’re so sly it’s frequently tough to notice them. How do we SPOT these dream killers?

It’s all in the ‘but.’

How do you know if you need to get your head out of your ‘but’?

You might find yourself saying things like:

‘I wrote as much as I could for NaNoWriMo, but this is just a really bad time of year and so busy.’

‘I was going to go to the gym, but there were all these emails I had to answer.’

‘Sure, I thought I had it in me to be an author, but it’s impossible to sell books these days unless you have a massive marketing budget.’

I’ll stop here. Y’all get the point and we all do it. My goal today is simply to make y’all aware of your ‘buts.’ ‘But’ is a red flag that we are settling for less. You can’t get your head out of your ‘but’ unless you learn to recognize when it’s there (other than everything is very DARK).

Sorry, couldn’t resist .

What Are You Hitching Up To?

Some of y’all are old enough to remember that life-changing song *bows head in reverence*…Conjunction Junction.

*cues R&B voice*

Conjunction junction, what’s your fuuunction?

Hookin’ up words and clauses and phrases…

And! That’s additive, like this and that. But, that’s sort of opposite, not this but that...

If you remember the Schoolhouse Rock video, you’ll recall they used a brilliant visual—train cars—to help kids understand exactly how conjunctions work. The conjunction acted as the link-up, the hook-up that connected one train car (clause, word, phrase) to the next train car. Change the conjunction and one changed the entire meaning.

BUT…Life

Change the conjunction and YES, we change the entire meaning…even in life. We often begin with a positive goal (clause) BUT here is the excuse (really GOOD reason) of why we can’t do X.

If we pay attention to our ‘buts,’ we’ll start seeing all the excellence we keep talking ourselves out of. Because here’s the deal, our subconscious mind knows the truth and that’s why we feel so icky when we cop out. Many of us seek to numb that icky feeling with Instagram, audiobooks, Netflix, cookies, or even hard liquor and crochet.

But no matter how much vodka-laced pot-holders we make? The pain remains.

We can even try to distract ourselves with GOOD activities like cleaning the house until one could perform heart surgery on our bathroom floor.

It won’t make any difference.

Deep down, our hearts and minds know the truth. We copped out. Sure, we might SAY, ‘Yo, BRAIN! I know I was going to finish that novel, BUT look how clean my house is!’

Then BRAIN looks at HEART and they both cross their metaphorical arms, roll metaphorical eyes and reply, ‘That’s great, EXCEPT your goal wasn’t to have the World’s Cleanest House. Your GOAL was to finish NaNoWriMo. Get your head out of your but.’

*goes back to vodka-induced crochet projects*

Watch Your Buts

Whenever I spot a ‘but,’ it now gives me pause because I know what it’s going to hitch to—a REALLY GOOD REASON. I declare I’m going to write so many words, finish a novel, complete NaNoWriMo, clean out the closets, finish revisions, organize the garage, locate the mythical the floor of my closet—A.K.A. ‘Floor Narnia’—BUT (insert really good reason here).

I use my ‘but’ to give me a pass, to assuage my guilt (temporarily). ‘This week, I SHALL organize my closet, BUT…

…look how NICE my dining room (we never use) looks!’

Okay, aside from the MAJOR issue that my GOAL was not to clean my already mostly clean dining room, I hope y’all spot the problem here. Sometimes our ‘but’ offers a really GOOD REASON that is a complete non sequitur. It has nothing to do with the goal we wanted to accomplish in the first place.

Or, it can be imaginary melodrama.

For instance, the image (above-above) is an actual *hangs head in shame* picture of my closet. I could say, ‘This week I am going to clean out my closet, BUT I might die.’

This is a valid fear because I could fall, break my neck, and my cat would not alert my husband something had gone HORRIBLY WRONG. Nope, Ruby would simply nap on my dead body until my corpse cooled enough to no longer be as comfortable as the clothes she dragged off my hangars.

And the thing is, I will eventually die anyway, so why not leave this earthen plane with a clean closet?

Wow, how did my Nana just speak through me? *looks around for orbs*

The lesson here (aside from the childish joy of homophones) is that we can use unrelated ‘buts’ to (attempt to) mitigate our guilt. ‘No, I didn’t go to the gym, BUT I pinned a TON of helpful workout articles on Pinterest.’

It works, but only temporarily because…

CRACK KILLS

We can’t address the ‘but’ without also discussing the accompanying ‘crack.’

Lighten UP! Laugh already.

In order to reach our goals, we first have to honestly assess who’s supplying our crack.

But–>crack. They go together.

Whenever we seek to do something remarkable, such as trade a bad habit for a good one, cut off a toxic relationship, set a boundary that’s going to allow more peace, joy and prosperity, we must be wary of ‘but’ because every ‘but’ always deals ‘crack.’

‘I know I’m an excellent writer and I’d finish that novel, but there is so much competition these days.’

See the crack?

There has ALWAYS been competition. Even before the digital age, a writer had better odds of being elected to congress than being a NYT Best-Selling Author. Most writers NEVER saw their work published…ever.

According to Book Expo of America statistics, as of 2004 (before social media and explosion of digital and Web 2.0) authors had a 96% FAILURE RATE.

96% of all books published (and most were published traditionally) sold less than a thousand copies. Of that 96% half that number sold less than 500 copies. 

I finished NaNoWriMo, but I’m not a REAL writer because I’m not yet published.

First of all, ditch the Schrodinger’s Novel nonsense. It’s fiction, not an existentialist debate. You wrote a crap ton of words, you are a writer. Granted you might not yet be a GOOD writer, but you ARE a writer.

#ProblemSolved #YouAreWelcome

For anyone who even FINISHES a ‘novel’—even a horrible first ‘novel’ that chews on the furniture and pees on the carpets like my first ‘novel’—YOU FINISHED. YOU accomplished something that 95% of those who start never finish.

Alas, the BUT deals the CRACK in your confidence. It steals your victory. The ‘but’ robs the momentum you rightfully earned, the momentum that is necessary to propel you to the next level and the next and the next.

Sure, perhaps you finished a sucky book. YOU FINISHED! In order to be a successful novelist (successful at anything actually) then we must first learn to be FINISHERS. You must get your head out of your ‘but’ to see what YOU ARE accomplishing.

Escaping Your ‘But’

First of all, learn to lighten the hell up on yourselves. I ‘joke’ that I am NOT a Type A, I am a Type A+ because I did the extra credit unlike the rest of you slackers . Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Yes, I emotionally distance using humor.

*shock face*

In recent months I’ve learned a hard truth. I was my greatest enemy. Every time I accomplished anything, there came the but. 

Sure, you cleaned out the closet, but your garage is a public safety hazard.

Goody goody, you wrote a thousand words on your WIP but you haven’t blogged OR Wow, you wrote an amazing blog, but your novel is collecting DUST you SLACKER.

I realized I was incapable of accepting a compliment. Someone would tell me I looked pretty, then I’d say something quippy that undermined the GIFT another person was trying to GIVE ME.

Someone on Facebook: Kristen, what a beautiful scarf you made!

Me: Yeah, well thanks. It only took four years to learn one stitch. 

The first step to getting your head out of your ‘but’ is awareness. Trust me, I have been here.

Pain with Purpose

If you need to get your head out of your but, odds are you’ve already been through some…okay, a lot of pain. The shame of not finishing, the guilt of slacking off, the nonstop voice in your head telling you how much you SUCK.

Time to put an end to this.

This is a trick I used and still am using. To warn you, this method is VERY high-tech and possibly cost-prohibitive. You’ll need safety goggles and three or four small farm animals. I recommend ‘ducks.’ #FunWithPuns

Anyway…

Get a bag of those THICK office rubber bands and apply like SO…

Then, every time you use the forces of ‘but’ for evil? Repeat what you just thought or said then, using two fingers, clasp the rubber band, draw back and SNAP THAT SUCKER HARD. 

Hard enough to HURT.

If you’ve applied this move correctly it should be painful, but writers are masochists so y’all will eventually dig it.

Whenever you think some crap like, ‘I finished NaNo, but it’s just a bunch of unreadable garbage.’ Repeat that self-defeating phrase aloud then SNAP! 

Then rub the red and stinging area gently and, in a soothing voice, say what you SHOULD have said to begin with.

***It needs to be something your brain will buy as truth.

For example, ‘I finished Nano, and if I finished THAT beast, I KNOW I have what it takes to finish the revisions because I am a finisher!’

Or: ‘I got to 30,000 words during Nano, which proves I am capable of writing over 7,000 words a week.’

Sure, this rubber band exercise seems silly but it works.

I was not cognizant of how negative I was in regards to myself until I learned this trick. Every time I THOUGHT something negative about myself, I snapped that band. Then, I restated the counterproductive thought aloud and, while rubbing my nearly bloody wrist, I then said what I SHOULD have said to begin with.

Oh, and trust me, my wrist HURT. I had to change wrists quite often.

Physical Pain is POWERFUL

Very often we’re already in pain, but we’re suffering in a generalized fugue state of ‘everything sucks.’ It’s amorphous and thus difficult to deal with swiftly and directly.

It was not until I did something that transformed my thought life into a physical reality that I gained awareness. That hard SNAP on my wrist made the intangible VERY tangible.

I had NO CONCEPT how cruel I was being to myself.

In a million years I would’ve never talked to anyone the way I spoke to myself (inwardly and outwardly). Every glance in a mirror was how I needed to lose weight, try harder, dress better. I’d clean one room only to berate myself for all other rooms I failed to clean. Even if I cleaned ALL the rooms, they needed to be repainted.

Any wonder why I felt like crying all the time?

I couldn’t change what I failed to recognize.

That ONE—okay 865–rubber bands changed my life. Every SNAP made me aware of a thought. Saying it ALOUD changed the pattern. Every thoughtless, nasty comment muttered? SNAP.

Eventually, my body was all, ‘YO, BRAIN! This $#@! HURTS! You and MOUTH gotta STOP!’ and my brain (and mouth) had to tap out and not only stop the defeating phrases, but replace those with productive ones. When I would hear the ‘but’ and the excuse? SNAP! Then I say what I CAN do.

‘But’ Training

A final thought if you need to get your head out of your ‘but.’

It is OKAY to ask for HELP. In fact, it is WISE. WE ARE NOT ALONE!

Trust me, you are not the only one who might have your head up your ‘but.’

Me? I recruited my family. We all had rubber bands and when we heard negative talk we called each other out. This helped a LOT…and we eventually got over hating each other.

Aside from this, not all ‘buts’ are bad. Our ‘but’ might be showing us a deeper problem that needs fixing:

‘I always have great ideas for my novels, but I never can seem to finish.’

‘My books get great reviews, but they don’t sell.’

‘I keep querying, but only get rejected.’

THESE ‘buts’ are clues we might need some help, guidance, training or all of the above. Something is going wrong in the PROCESS and if we can be honest enough to admit we need help, that’s when real growth can happen.

What Are Your Thoughts?

I LOVE hearing from you! Have you struggled, too? Do you need to get your head out of your ‘but’? Are you like me and working to be kinder to yourself? Do you struggle with beating up on yourself? Negating any progress you make? Do you need training to be kinder to YOU? Hey, I am always a work in progress.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!

Also, check out the FANTASTIC HOLIDAY DEALS we have! A lot of our On Demand classes need to be wiped from the server to make room for more training, so if you want professional training AT HOME? While in jammies during December when calories don’t COUNT? Grab you SOME! Gift it to yourself, a friend, YOURSELF!

ALSO, I’m offering my Write Stuff Special for a LOW holiday price. 20 pages of deep edit/critique for $55 and there are only 8 slots left. If you need some outside feedback to get you on the right track? Get a SPOT, TODAY! (You can use when you are ready).

In the meantime, opinions!

What do you WIN? For the month of NOVEMBER, for everyone who leaves a comment, I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

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The WANANANO Bundle

Instructors: Cait Reynolds, Kristen Lamb
Price: $79.00 USD 
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: (see below)

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Instructors: Kristen Lamb, Cait Reynolds
Price: $155.00 USD (buy now and get that last tax deduction in before the end of the year!)
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: (see below)

• Pitch Perfect: How to Write a Query Letter & Synopsis that Sells Thursday, January 10, 2019. 7:00-9:00 p.m. EST
• Amateur Hour is Over: Self-Publishing for Professionals Friday, January 11, 2019. 7:00-10:00 p.m. EST (PLEASE NOTE THIS IS A 3 HOUR CLASS!)
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Tired of writing Soylent Green? Too many unfinished books trapped in the Twilight Zone? Ready to get weird…but way faster and at a professional level of weird? You came to the RIGHT PLACE! Cait and I are professional weirdos….(that sounded way more awesome in my head).

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About the Instructors:

Cait Reynolds is a USA Today Bestselling Author and lives in Boston with her husband and neurotic dog. She discovered her passion for writing early and has bugged her family and friends with it ever since. She likes history, science, Jack Daniels, jewelry, pasta, and solitude. Not all at the same time. When she isn’t enjoying the rooftop deck that brings her closer to the stars, she writes.

Kristen Lamb is the author of the definitive guide to social media and branding for authors, Rise of the Machines—Human Authors in a Digital World. She’s also the author of #1 best-selling books We Are Not Alone—The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer. She’s just released her highly acclaimed debut mystery-thriller The Devil’s Dance.

Kristen has written over twelve hundred blogs and her site was recognized by Writer’s Digest Magazine as one of the Top 101 Websites for Writers. Her branding methods are responsible for selling millions of books and used by authors of every level, from emerging writers to mega authors.

The post The Key to Greatness: Get Your Head Out of Your ‘But’ appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Fail to pick a genre ahead of time? Welcome to HELL…

For the past several weeks we have been exploring structure and why it is important. If you haven’t yet read the prior posts, I advise you do because each post builds on the previous lesson. All lessons are geared to making you guys master plotters (and, yes, this is even helpful to the pantsers out there).

Understanding structure helps us write cleaner and faster. Whether we plan every detail ahead of time or just intuitively have the architecture in our head, structure makes the difference between a workable first draft and a nightmare beyond salvage.

I know a lot of you are chomping at the bit right now to get writing. All in due time. Today we are going to talk genre and why it is important to pick one.

Understanding what genre you are writing will help guide you when it comes to plotting your novel. How? Each genre has its own set of general rules and expectations. Think of this like stocking your cabinet with spices. If you like to cook Mexican food, then you will want to have a lot of tumeric, chili powder and paprika on hand. Like cooking Italian food? Then basil, rosemary and oregano are staple spices. In cooking we can break rules … but only to a certain point.

We can add flavors of other cultures into our dish, but must be wary that if we deviate too far from expectations, or add too many competing flavors, we will have a culinary disaster. Writing is much the same. We must choose a genre, but then can feel free to add flavors of other genres into our work.

Twelve years ago, when I first got this brilliant idea to start writing fiction, I didn’t do any planning. I knew zip nada about the craft, and, frankly, was too stupid to know I was that dumb. To make matters worse, I tried to write a novel that everyone would love. It was a romantic-thriller-mystery-comedic-inspirational-memoir that would appeal to all ages, both men and women and even their pets and houseplants.

I am here to help you learn from my mistakes.

Just as nailing the log-line is vital for plotting, we also must be able to classify what genre our novel will be in. Now, understand that some genres are fairly close. Think Mexican Food and Tex Mex. An agent at a later date might, for business reasons, decide to slot a Women’s Fiction into Romance.  Yet, you likely will NEVER see an agent slot a literary fiction as a thriller. They are too different. That is like trying to put enchiladas on the menu at an Indian restaurant.

Um, ew.

Part of why I stress picking a genre is that genres have rules and standards. For example, last year, I had a student drop out of my critique group because she wanted to basically write a literary thriller. There was no making her understand that there were serious pacing issues with this combination. People who love thrillers like fast, steadily rising action. If we stop to take time to explore feelings and social issues, we will vex the very audience we are trying to entertain. People who read thrillers and people who read literary fiction are two very different audiences.

This is like trying to blend Transformers IV with Joy Luck Club. Not only will it not work but the target audiences are polar extremes. In trying to please everyone, we’d end up pleasing no one. Could we possibly mix these genres and be successful? Sure. Anything is possible, but why make more of a headache than necessary?

Granted, there are people who like to read everything, but betting our writing future on entertaining statistical outliers is a serious gamble. It’s like creating tuna ice cream. Sure, there is likely a handful of pregnant women who would love tuna ice cream, but most people would just pass. I didn’t make the rules, but I can help a writer understand those rules and thereby increase his/her chances of publication success.

In writing as in food, some combinations are never meant to go together. Paranormal thriller? Okay. Cool. Popcorn jelly beans. Literary thriller? Tuna ice cream of the writing world. Just my POV.

Understanding your genre will help immensely when it comes to plotting. It will also help you get an idea of the word count specific to that genre. I am going to attempt to give a very basic overview of the most popular genres. Please understand that all of these break down into subcategories, but I have provided links to help you learn more so this blog wasn’t 10,000 words long.

Mystery—often begins with the crime as the inciting incident (murder, theft, etc.), and the plot involves the protagonist uncovering the party responsible by the end. The crime has already happened and thus your goal in plotting is to drive toward the Big Boss Battle—the unveiling of the real culprit.

Mysteries have a lot more leeway to develop characters simply because, if you choose, they can be slower in pacing because the crime has already happened. Mysteries run roughly  75-100,000 words. Mysteries on the cozy side that are often in a series commonly are shorter. 60,000-ish. I’d recommend that you consult the Mystery Writers of America of more information.

Thriller/Suspense—generally involve trying to stop some bad thing from happening at the end. Thrillers have broad consequences if the protagonist fails—I.e. the terrorists will launch a nuclear weapon and destroy Washington D.C. Suspense novels have smaller/more intimate consequences. I.e. The serial killer will keep butchering young blonde co-eds. It is easy to see how thriller, suspense and mystery are kissing cousins and keep company. The key here is that there is a ticking clock and some disastrous event will happen if the protagonist fails.

So when plotting, all actions are geared to prevention of the horrible thing at the end. Thrillers can run 90-100,000 words (loosely) and sometimes a little longer. Why? Because some thrillers need to do world-building. Most of us have never been on a nuclear sub, so Tom Clancy had to recreate it for us in The Hunt for Red October (Clancy invented a sub-class of thriller known as the techno-thriller).

Pick up the pacing and you can have a Mystery-Suspense. Think Silence of the Lambs. A murder happens at the beginning, and the goal is to uncover the identity of the serial killer Buffalo Bill (mystery), but what makes this mystery-suspense is the presence of a ticking clock. Not only is the body count rising the longer Buffalo Bill remains free, but a senator’s daughter is next on Bill’s butcher block.

When plotting, there will often be a crime (murder) at the beginning, but the plot involves a rising “body count” and a perpetrator who must be stopped before an even bigger crime can occur (Big Boss Battle). These stories are plot-driven. Characters often do not have enough down-time to make sweeping inner arc changes like in a literary piece.

Pick up the pacing and raise the stakes and you have a Mystery-Thriller. Think Killing Floor by Lee Childs. The book begins with a murder of two unidentified people at a warehouse, but if the killers are not found, what the killers are trying to cover up will have global consequences. And I am not telling you what those consequences are b/c it would ruin the book :D.

When plotting, again, there is often a crime at the beginning with rising stakes, and the protagonist must stop a world-changing event from happening (Big Boss Battle). The focus of your plot will be solving the mystery and stopping the bad guy.

For more information on this genre, consult the International Thriller Writers site.

Romance—Guy and girl have to end up together in the end is the only point I will make on this. Romance is all about making the reader believe that love is good and grand and still exists in this crazy world. The hero cannot be your Big Boss Trouble Maker (read Structure Part Three if you want to know what a BBT is). Yes, the guy will likely be a scene antagonist, but that is different.

Romance, however, is very complex and I cannot do it justice in this short blurb. If you desire to write romance, I highly recommend you go to the Romance Writers of America site for more information and that you join a chapter near you immediately. This is one of the most amazing writing organizations around and a great investment in a successful romance-writing career.

Word count will depend on the type of romance you desire to write. Again, look to RWA for guidance.

Literary Fiction is character driven. The importance is placed on the inner change, and the plot is the mechanism for driving that change. Literary fiction has more emphasis on prose, symbol and motif. The events that happen must drive an inner transformation.

Pulitzer Prize-winning book, The Road is a good example. The world has been destroyed and only a few humans have survived. The question isn’t as much whether the man and the boy will survive as much as it is about how they will survive. Will they endure with their humanity in tact? Or will they resort to being animals? Thus, the goal in The Road is less about boy and man completing their journey to the ocean, and more about how they make it. Can they carry the torch of humanity?

When plotting for the literary fiction, one needs to consider plot-points for the inner changes occurring. There need to be cross-roads of choice. One choice ends the story. The character failed to change. The other path leads closer to the end. The darkest moment is when that character faces that inner weakness at its strongest, yet triumphs.

For instance, in The Road, there are multiple times the man and boy face literally starving to death. Will they resort to cannibalism as many other have? Or will they press on and hope? Word count can vary, but you should be safe with 60-85,000 words (The Road was technically a novella).

Note: Literary fiction is not a free pass to avoid plotting. There still needs to be an overall plot problem that forces the change. People generally don’t wake up one day and just decide to change. There needs to be an outside driving force, a Big Boss Troublemaker, and a tangible physical goal. Again, in The Road, the man and boy have a tangible goal of getting to the ocean.

The only difference in literary fiction and genre fiction is that plot arc is now subordinate to character arc. In commercial genre fiction the plot generally takes precedence. In Silence of the Lambs catching Buffalo Bill is top on the priority list. Character evolution is secondary. In literary fiction these two arcs reverse. The character growth and change is of primary importance and plot is merely the vehicle to get them to change.

For instance, in Joy Luck Club, June’s impending trip to China is what brings the women together and what forces each of them to change the patterns of the past. The trip is irrelevant save for two purposes—1) bringing the women together to face their demons and 2) when June actually makes the trip to China to meet her mother’s twin sisters (the lost babies) we know the change has occurred and the chains of the past have been loosed.

Fantasy and Science Fiction will involve some degree of world-building and extraordinary events, creatures, locations. In plotting, world-building is an essential additional step. How much world-building is necessary will depend on what sub-class of fantasy or sci-fi you’re writing. Word count will also be affected. The more world-building, the longer your book will be. Some books, especially in high-fantasy can run as long as 150,000 words and are often serialized.

In regular fantasy, we will generally have a singular protagonist. In high fantasy, the various parties each become protagonists. Think Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings.

Consult the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America for more information.

Horror—This is another genre that breaks down into many sub-classifications and runs the gambit. It can be as simple as a basic Monster in the House story where the protagonist’s main goal is SERE-Survive Evade, Rescue, and Escape. The protag has only one goal…survive. These books tend to be on the shorter side, roughly 60,000 words.

Horror, however can blend with fantasy and require all kinds of complex world-building. Clive Barker’s Hellraiser is a good example. Stephen King’s horror often relies heavily on the psychological and there is weighty focus on an inner change/arc. For instance, The Shining chronicles Jack’s descent into madness and how his family deals with his change and ultimately tries to escape the very literal Monster in the House.

Horror will most always involve a Monster in the House scenario. It is just that the definitions of “monster” and “house” are mutable. Word count is contingent upon what type of horror you are writing. Again, I recommend you consult the experts, so here is a link to the Horror Writers Association. The Dark Fiction Guild seemed to have a lot of helpful/fascinating links, so you might want to check them out too.

Young Adult—I won’t talk long about YA, since YA beaks into so many subcategories. Often YA will follow the rules of the parent genre (i.e. YA thrillers still have a ticking clock, fast pacing and high stakes just like regular thrillers). The differences, however, is that YA generally will have a younger protagonist (most often a teenager) and will address special challenges particular to a younger age group.

Picking a genre is actually quite liberating. Each genre has unique guideposts and expectations, and, once you gain a clear view of these, then plotting becomes far easier and much faster. You will understand the critical elements that must be in place—ticking clock, inner arc, world-building—before you begin.

This will save loads of time not only in writing, but in revision. Think of the romance author who makes her hero the main antagonist (BBT). She will try to query, and, since she didn’t know the rules of her genre, will end up having to totally rewrite/trash her story or change the genre entirely because she actually wrote a Women’s Fiction and NOT a romance.

Eventually, once you grow in your craft, you will be able to break rules and conventions. But, to break the rules we have to understand them first.

I have done my best to give you guys a general overview of the most popular genres and links to know more. If you have some resources or links that you’d like to add, please put them in the comments section. Also, for the sake of brevity, I didn’t address other genres, like children’s or Western. If you have questions or advice, fire away! Any corrections? Additions? Questions? Concerns? Comments? I love hearing from you. What is the biggest hurdle you have to choosing a genre? Do you love your genre? Why? Any advice?

Quick announcement: Have trouble putting down and enforcing boundaries with yourself? With family? Always putting everyone else ahead of yourself? I am teaching a new class called Good Fences–The Writer’s Guide to Setting Boundaries and it is only $15 so I hope you will take advantage. This class is perfect for those who want to do Nanowrimo. I’ll help you learn the Art of the Loving NO.

I love hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of October, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

And also, winners have a limited time to claim the prize, because what’s happening is there are actually quite a few people who never claim the critique, so I never know if the spam folder ate it or to look for it and then people miss out. I will also give my corporate e-mail to insure we connect and I will only have a week to return the 20 page edit.

At the end of October I will pick a winner for the monthly prize. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books.

The post Structure Part 7–Genre Matters appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

A few weeks ago, I started a series that I called Don’t Eat the Butt. Why? Because typing “butt” makes me giggle. No, I think there are some important lessons here, so let me explain. I have always found the puffer fish fascinating. For those who choose to eat the puffer fish, there is only ONE TINY PART of the puffer fish that is not deadly. Oh, and if you don’t know how to cut a puffer fish correctly, you can unwittingly unleash deadly poison into the non-poisonous part.

Take a bite! I dare ya!

Herb: Hey, this puffer fish kind of tastes like chick–…*grabs throat and falls over*

Fred: Note to self. Don’t eat the butt.

This idea of the puffer fish made me start thinking about our careers as artists. There are a lot of common misperceptions that can leak poison into our dreams if we aren’t careful. Thus, this series is designed to help you guys spot the toxic beliefs that can KILL a writing career. You might have heard the saying, Don’t drink the Kool-Aid. Well, I am saying, Don’t Eat the Butt. 

Some of us have been there, done that and got the butt-tasting T-shirt. I am here to hand down what I have learned from being stupid enough to eat the Literary Puffer Butt and survive. Watch, listen and LEARN. The smart writer learns from her mistakes, but the wise writer learns from the mistakes of others.

Without further ado…

Don’t Eat the Butt Myth #4–Real writers never struggle.

It takes a lot of courage to write a book and even more courage to share that book with the world and open ourselves to criticism. Many new writers fall in love with their first book and, like a new parent, fall in love with their “baby.” Thus, when anyone criticizes our child we get angry, protective, defensive and eventually depressed (when we finally are brave enough to realize our baby has flaws).

It happens to most writers.

There is this pervasive myth that real writers are these born geniuses who gush forth brilliance and never need to rewrite, revise or, sigh…start over. It is a LIE. Yes, there are the odd outliers who write one book and they shoot to fame, but beginner’s luck is highly overrated and almost impossible to duplicate. Many times these writers are one-hit-wonders who are befuddled as to how to recreate the magic. They have a different curse, one that is similar to child stars.

Oh, dear.

For the rest of us, struggle is part of the process. Writers struggle because they are writing. Just because you are having a hard time, doesn’t therefore make you an aspiring writer. The aspiring writer is the one who says, “Oh, I’ve had some really interesting experiences that would make a good story. One day, I’ll write a book.” The aspiring writer is lazy and tries to solicit real writers to do the hard work for them.

Frequently, they will offer to share royalties if a real writer writes the book and they just furnish the “best-selling” story. One can always spot the aspiring writer—Genus-Species Scrivnus Aspirus Lazytuchus—by their key phrase, “One day…”

They say things like, “One day, when I have time…” “One day, when I get a better computer…” “One day, when the kids are older…”

Do not be fooled. The Scrivnus Aspirus Lazytuchus has evolved to get out of doing any hard work. The Scrivnus Aspirus mimics the Scrivnus Authenticas so it can have all the adoration of being an artist without any of the risk, pain or suffering that goes with creating real art.

The Scrivnus Aspirus (Aspiring Writer) is to the Scrivnus Authenticas (Real Writer) as the Viceroy Butterfly is to the Monarch Butterfly—they look a lot alike but they ain’t the same thing, honey. Both are butterflies writers, but only one is the real deal.

The Scrivnus Aspirus is a phoney, and oddly enough, many a Scrivnus Authenticas can be fooled into an identity crisis if not careful. How can one separate the Aspirus from the Authenticas?

You will know them by their works.

The Authenticas works. She writes words. LOTS OF THEM. Many an Authenticas believes that if she isn’t producing good words, published words or award-winning words then she MUST be an Aspirus. Untrue. It is a myth. Words are part of the struggle from the cocoon. Good words, bad words all count.

See, the Aspirus doesn’t care for struggle. Struggle cuts into reruns of The Big Bang Theory. Thus, this creature will always be a fake longing to be real and sometimes even self-deluding that it is an Authenticas.

But again, we can spot an Authenticas by her struggle. So don’t eat the butt and don’t fall for the lies.

All Scrivnum Authenticum struggle. It is how they grow stronger so one day they can fly. If you aren’t struggling, then you might be an Aspirus. Struggling is proof you are real. We aren’t born knowing three-act structure or how to layer complex characters or how to infuse theme and symbol into a work spanning 60-100,000 words.

All of that is learned through struggle.

It’s like lifting weights. No one gets muscles curling her grandmother’s one pound pink weights. If your writing has gotten easy, that might be a clue you need to stretch your wings a little more.

Maybe friends and family have you convinced you aren’t a real writer because you aren’t yet published and you haven’t won contests, do not listen. Only a trained eye can tell the difference between a Viceroy Aspirus and an Monarch Authenticas. So if you are suffering and hurting and feeling like your cerebral cortex is doing Ashtanga yoga as you pound out words–good, bad and UGLY–day after day?

Welcome to being an artist. Fly, little Authenticum, FLY!!!!

So are you a Scrivnus Authenticas who has been fooled into believing you are really an Scrivnus Aspirus? How did you realize you had been lied to? What tips do you have for little Scrivnum Authenticum?

I LOVE hearing from you!

And to prove it and show my love, for the month of March, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner every week for a critique of your first five pages. At the end of March I will pick a winner for the grand prize. A free critique from me on the first 15 pages of your novel. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books.

The post Don't Eat the Butt #4–Real Writers Never Struggle appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

On Wednesday, we talked about the evolution of the writer. As the paradigm is shifting, writers must evolve or they simply will not survive. Those who want to moan and wish for the gone-by age will be replaced by writers who are hungrier and better trained and who are willing to outwork the competition.

Evolution of the Brand

One of the reasons writers have so much more power these days is that the definition of an author brand has changed radically. Until a couple years ago, an author brand could ONLY be created by books. Readers’ only interaction with an author was through her works of fiction.

These days, the Modern Author is much more dynamic. She can write in different genres and experiment with different types of writing. There are more and more Hybrid Authors emerging in the new paradigm–writers who have NF, short fiction, different genres for sale some traditionally published and some indie or self-published. Writers have a LOT more flexibility. How did we gain this flexibility?

Social media.

Writers with a social media platform have a far more dynamic platform than the writer that is relying solely on books to construct the brand. This is because readers (followers) interact with the author daily and real-time, so the brand becomes the person–the author. Thus every tweet, every status update, every picture, every comment, every blog post and finally every book are all part of our brand. Think of it like adding bricks of all different sizes to construct a massive wall–the brand. Yes, the books will likely be larger bricks, but this doesn’t mean the other stuff doesn’t add up.

It All Counts

This brings me to what I want to talk about today. Sacrifice. The Internet and social media offer us tremendous power and control over our author career, but with great power comes great responsibility. Sometimes we need to make tough decisions. We must remember that everything we say and do on-line serves as part of our brand. Social media is a loaded gun that can be used to feed our family or to shoot ourselves in the foot.

When Are We Getting in the Danger Zone?

All of us have a faith and a political affiliation, but unless we are a religious or political writer we need to be VERY careful. We are counting on our fellow writers to help us, to share and RT and they are less likely to lend support if we spend half our time calling them names.

I had one writer I finally unfriended this morning on FB. He was a sci-fi writer who COULD NOT stop with the political ranting. Every post was about how X party (my political affiliation, btw) were all morons and thieves and creeps and how people of X faith (my faith) were radical haters and bigots and dogs.

In fact, I will just be honest. I am getting to where I don’t even want to look in my FB home stream. SO many writers are ranting on and on about politics, and it all just gives me indigestion. I don’t “friend” a fantasy author so I can listen to a non-stop political rant. If I wanted that, I would friend Ann Coulter or Jesse Jackson and at least I would know what I was in for.

If we hope to build a platform that will reach out and include readers, we need to remember that if we spend half our time calling them idiots, they probably won’t be terribly supportive. Additionally, if we have to hide other writers from our feeds because they make our blood pressure spike, then we can’t easily support them because we can’t SEE them.

What Brand are We After Anyway?

We must be aware that we can be friends with all kinds of people, and non-stop ranting and name-calling is uncool and a bad way to build a platform…unless our goal is to be known as a political-ranting-hater-jerk. If our goal is to be the next Howard Stern, Bill Maher or Rush Limbaugh then sally forth, but don’t send me a friend request. I have no time for people who cannot be respectful of others and their beliefs.

So if we are NOT political or religious writers, we need to be mindful that we aren’t bludgeoning part of our support network.

Yes, I Know It is Hard

We are in an election year, and I know it is hard to not be opinionated. I totally feel your pain. I have a degree in Political Science! I really do understand, but my advice as a social media expert is that we be very selective about what we put on-line. Every post is part of our brand, and, if we do too much ranting about social injustice, we are creating a political activism brand not a fiction author brand…and we can be alienating a lot of people as well.

Are We Running for Office or Wanting to Sell Books?

I support plenty of writers who don’t share my political and religious viewpoints. That is easier for me to do if I am not being called names on a daily basis. There is a reason that politics and religion can be dangerous topics. I know that I am even taking a HUGE risk writing THIS blog. I know that the trackbacks and arguments will surface, but I am willing to risk it so you guys are properly prepared.

Beware of the Frankenstein Monster

One of the biggest reasons we do have to be careful of everything we write on-line is once it is out there…we can’t control it. If we decide to blog about some politically hot topic because we need to get something off our chest, that is fine, but prepare for some consequences. It very well might just be another of many blogs and life continues on as usual…or it could totally dismantle our platform and irreparably alter our brand. We don’t know who is going to read that post, and we can’t control where and how it is spread how it is twisted and…what if it goes viral?

What takes YEARS to build can take only minutes to destroy.

Controversy Never Dies

I posted a blog about What Went Wrong with the Star Wars Prequels? and SEVEN months later I still get mini-debates and have had over 200 comments….over a fictional universe. In this case the controversy is fun…but when it comes to politics and religion???

Prepare to deal with trolls…forever.

Brace for the Backlash

In fact, if we do blog about politics or religion, we should just prepare for at least a half a dozen blogs to spring up with the mission of calling us a moron, and their trackbacks will always keep a fresh supply of trolls coming to that one political blog FOREVER. Not saying it will happen, just that it is pretty likely.

Community Includes “Unity”

Also, we need to remember that our platform is comprised of people who are different than we are. Many of you follow this blog because you expect me to write funny blogs about craft, social media and life. But what if you showed up Monday for my essay about abortion or euthanasia or legalizing marijuana because I needed to get something off my chest?

Many of you would likely never come back, but many would feel compelled to comment–either to tell me I was brilliant or to tell me I’d lost my mind–and this is where we start to see the massive fracture, the fighting in the comments because everyone feels passion and everyone feels differently.

So, now not only have I confused my brand…but now a group that all once had fun and friended one another and enjoyed getting together in my comments section have been divided FOREVER. What was fun and a high point is now spoiled, awkward and downright weird. Not only that, but now I will likely have to step in and referee people who once got along, but who now only see red because I felt the need to take a left-turn with my blog content.

Personally, I care about all of you whether we share political and religious affiliation or not. To me, no venting is worth alienating any of you. That’s just me.

Social Media Requires Respect and Care

I am all for freedom of speech, and feel free to write about or tweet about anything you want. I won’t stop you. The only purpose of this post is to educate writers about the unintended affect being overly political could have. I’m not saying we can’t post a link here and there or a faith quote or an evolution blog. We just need to really be aware of those around us and be prepared to take the consequences, even the unintended ones.

We Are Not Alone…No Really

Think of it this way. Out at our ranch we all carry guns. There are packs of feral pigs that roam our land, rattlesnakes, water moccasins, and all kinds of critters that can kill or maim. Having a sidearm just goes with having a place in the wild country of Texas. But that same gun that took out a six foot rattlesnake near the front stoop is the same gun that could accidentally kill someone.

We can shoot watermelons and beer cans for fun, but it is wise to check that there isn’t a house or a weekend camper on the adjacent land behind the tree line where we are shooting. We have to be aware that we don’t live in a vacuum. Our actions have consequences.

Protect the Brand

Social media is a lot of fun and it has a lot of advantages, but as professionals we need to always remember that our brand is a cumulation of EVERYTHING we do on-line. So if we start Twitter fights and rant and name-call and blog about volatile topics, we take a risk. Even when we don’t rant, ANY political blog can be taken by the opposition as an attack. Why risk it?

Yet, if we are kind, respectful, fun, engaging AND we write great books, that is wonderful and can be the formula for a long successful career. No one needs to give up who they are or what they believe, it just doesn’t necessarily all belong on-line. We can feel free to rub ourselves with lime Jell-O and run around in our underwear, but it doesn’t mean it needs a picture on Facebook ;).

So…*braces* what are your thoughts? Am I out of line and the poster child for censorship? Or do you run into the same problem? Are there people you want to support but they won’t stop ranting? How does that make you feel? By the way, I have no problem if any of you wish to disagree with me as long as you do it respectfully. We are people not robots, I get that. I know this is an uncomfortable topic, but it is part of my responsibility as the social media expert for writers to address it.

I really, really do LOVE hearing from you!

And to prove it and show my love, for the month of March, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner every week for a critique of your first five pages. At the end of March I will pick a winner for the grand prize. A free critique from me on the first 15 pages of your novel. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . Both books are ON SALE for $4.99!!!! And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books.

The post Deadly Doses–Politics, Religion and Our Author Platform appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Today, we are going to talk a bit about failure. All writers who dare to dream seem to have this same fear–FAILURE. It can seem larger than life and everything fades away in the face of this looming beast. I want to let you in on a little secret. For many years I was the best, the Big Kahuna, the Big Gal on Campus. I was positively THE most successful person…at failing.

A little about me…

I was a high school drop out at the age of 15, then again at 16. I worked as a waitress, but, to tell the truth, I was a really bad waitress. I lost my job and returned to school. I finally graduated high school at the age of 19. No one figured I would make much out of my life since it’s highly likely I graduated last in my class. I think by the time you get a GPA as low as mine was, I think they just start listing you alphabetically.

I came from a military family, so I decided to enlist in the Army…only I got sick in the middle of the physical and failed. Doc gave me a medical disqualification (DQ).

Great.

So, I dusted myself off and attended junior college. I figured I’d go to school and try the Navy. I come from a family of Squids, so that wasn’t so bad. I put in all my paperwork…then they found out about the Army. Sigh. Apparently a medical DQ lasted two years.

No Navy for me.

Back to the drawing board (school). I knew the medical DQ would run out, so I worked really hard and ended up winning a full military scholarship to become a doctor. I didn’t really want to become a doctor, but this was the best scholarship and I was broke, ergo not picky. I transferred to T.C.U. and began pre-med. I swore in to the Air Force (yes, I made my rounds of all the branches) and pledged my life to serving my country as a future military doctor.

Two years in, I was a shining scholar with a 3.79 average. Then, in March of 1995, Fort Worth was hit with an ice storm and T.C.U. refused to cancel classes. On my way to class, I slipped and fell and hit my lower back on a concrete curb…and fractured it.

Bye, bye military. Bye-bye scholarship. Bye-bye medical school.

I returned to school a semester later. I had to use a cane for eight months as my back healed, and there was no such thing as handicapped access to anything in those days. It seemed every class I had signed up for was on the third floor, too. But I did my best and took it one class at a time.

I didn’t want to be a doctor if the DoD wasn’t picking up the tab. Didn’t have the money. So I changed majors because I could no longer afford to be on a medical track. This was all well and good except that it set me back. Instead of being a junior, I was back to being a sophomore.

Felt a little like high school.

But, I had changed degrees and really loved political economy. I studied the Middle East and North Africa and felt I could make a difference. So you can imagine my excitement when I was asked to help with a business development project in Syria. I would live in the Yarmouk Camp (a refugee camp in Syria) and help modernize a paper facility.

Well, that was the plan at least.

The day after graduation I hopped on a plane. I was full of hope, dreams and passion, and just knew I would make a difference. I would knock this project out of the park and it would look SO awesome on my grad school application (I was applying for a special doctorate program).

Yeah….um, no.

It was a great experience but pretty much a huge failure. No matter what we tried, we hit a wall of bureaucratic red tape and corruption. I came back to the States and gave up on grad school. The hallowed halls of academia were too far removed from reality, and I realized it was no longer for me.

I went to work in software sales and then paper sales and was dismal at both. I was a hard worker. I worked harder than anyone else, but it always seemed that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and the competition was eating me alive. Thus, it was only a matter of time before my position—and me—would be eliminated.

I failed at high school, failed at the military, failed to become a doctor or a professor and now I was quite possibly THE worst salesperson on the planet.

…and I wouldn’t trade one minute of it.

My failures taught me far more than success ever did. Many of you reading this are terrified of failure. I want to let you in on a little secret–Failure is not the end. Failure is a teacher. It will guide you to who you should be. Too often we give failure too much power. We think it is the end, when in reality it is training us for a better future. What if I HAD been successful? What if I was now a military flight surgeon? I wouldn’t be doing what I love and I wouldn’t be here to help you guys, to let you know it isn’t as bad as you might think.

If we aren’t failing, then we aren’t doing anything interesting.

Failing in school taught me to keep pressing on, even when that meant being embarassed. It was humiliating being a 19 year-old in an English class full of 14 year-olds.

Failing at the military taught me that some doors shut for very good reasons. Sometimes our prayers are answered, it’s just the answer happens to be “no.”

Failing in Syria taught me discernment. I jumped into a project before I thought it out fully. I wouldn’t trade the experience for all the gold in the world, but the project was doomed from the start. I should have done more research and planned better. But it prepared me for a future that I never could have envisioned at the time (for those who are curious, read this post Amazon–Beware of Greeks Bearing Gifts).

Failing at sales taught me that trying to do everything myself was a formula for disaster. It taught me to form teams and that relationships are the most important possession we have. When I was in sales, I didn’t want to bother other people and I tried to do too much on my own. My failure was the end result of an inability to delegate and form a team I could depend upon.

I now understand that any success I enjoy is not because of ME, because I am anything special. It is because of opportunities, blessings and support granted me from other people.

Our success is only a culmination of a lot of team support. There are no self-made best-sellers.

We can’t do this alone.

Failure is scary, but failure is priceless to the person who can embrace it. Failure should be rewarded because it means we are taking a risk. Show me a person who has never failed, and I will show you a person who’s never tried anything remarkable. Nothing great was ever created in the comfort zone. Sure there are people who seem to succeed at everything they do, but the Midas Touch is not the norm (and most of us find those people annoying, anyway). I don’t know about you, but I want to learn from great people who failed yet pressed on and succeeded despite setbacks. I want to learn about creating wealth from Donald Trump, not the latest lottery winner.

Many of you who read my blogs want to be successful writers. If I can give you any advice, it is to learn to embrace failure. When we are in the middle of the storm, it is hard to see the bigger picture. It is tough to see how these setbacks and disappointment might actually be shaping a more brilliant future than we can ever imagine.

When I was a little girl I dreamed of being a famous writer and teacher, but I was told that was a foolish dream. So I traded in that dream for more practical dreams—a military career, becoming a doctor, sales. And you know what? I thank God every day that I failed at everything I ever tried because eventually I failed so much I no longer feared it, and THAT is when success started coming my way.

I took bigger and bigger risks and was more willing to throw my heart and all my passions into something because I finally understood failure never meant the end…it just meant the beginning of something new and I would be stronger for it.

The strongest blades are forged in the hottest fires. Adversity is the fire that removes the impurities in our character. Failure is the forge that creates excellence. One of the strongest forms of steel in the world is Damascus steel. Damascus steel is fired, folded and hammered hundreds of times, and it is this fiery brutal birth that makes it so strong. What about you? Are you a failure, or are you on your way to being Damascus steel?

Fifteen years ago, I had the talent to do great things and reach great heights, but I didn’t have the character to stay there. Failure taught me to work hard, set goals and, above all, remain humble and value people. Failure created the person who could dream up a global community of service and support like MyWANA. YOU guys are my most valuable possession. You guys are my team and my support and I cannot reach my dreams without your help. It is my honor and privilege to keep your company, to hear your voice and to learn from you. If I can offer anything in return, it is my support and lessons I’ve learned from a lifetime of doing just about everything wrong.

Failure is our friend. We all start out a hunk of metal, just like the Damascus steel blade. Adveristy and failure fire out the impurities and strengthen our character and resolve. Failure might sting now, but if you could see the bigger picture, I imagine you would dance for joy as well.

What are some challenges you guys have faced? What did you learn? Are you facing something now and feel as if you are losing your nerve? What lessons do you think you can take away?

I LOVE hearing from you!

And to prove it and show my love, for the month of March, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner every week for a critique of your first five pages. At the end of March I will pick a winner for the grand prize. A free critique from me on the first 15 pages of your novel. Good luck!

Thanks for being patient with me announcing winners. 

Winner of Last Week of February’s 5-Page Critique–Stephanie Scott. Please send your 1250 word Word document to kristen at kristen lamb dot org.

Winner of Last Month’s Critique (February) of 15 pages–Mollie Player. Please send your 3250 word Word document to kristen at kristen lamb dot org.

Winner of Last Week’s (first of March) 5 Page Critique is Yvette Carol. Please send your 1250 word Word document to kristen at kristen lamb dot org.

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . Both books are ON SALE for $4.99!!!! And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books.

The post Failure–The Key Ingredient to the Successful Writing Career appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Today I am starting a new series that I am calling Don’t Eat the Butt. Why? Because typing “butt” makes me giggle. In all seriousness, I like to think. In fact I think a lot and probably far too much. I wonder about the first person who ate an oyster. Was it a dare? Someone lose a bet? What about mushrooms? There are 100,000 known species of mushrooms, yet only 2,000 are edible. How do we know this? Someone had to eat the bad shrooms then pass that knowledge down for posterity. But seriously, who volunteers for this kind of stuff?

But the most fascinating culinary assassin, in my POV, is the puffer fish. There is only ONE TINY PART of the puffer fish that is not deadly. Oh, and if you don’t know how to cut a puffer fish correctly, you can unwittingly unleash deadly poison into the non-poisonous part.

Herb: Hey, this puffer fish kind of tastes like chick–…*grabs throat and falls over*

Fred: Note to self. Don’t eat the butt.

This idea of the puffer fish made me start thinking about our careers as artists. There are a lot of common misperceptions that can leak poison into our dreams if we aren’t careful. Thus, this new series is designed to help you guys spot the toxic beliefs that can KILL a writing career. In short, Don’t Eat the Butt. Some of us have been there, done that and got the butt-tasting T-shirt. I am here to hand down what I have learned from being stupid enough to eat the literary puffer butt and survive. Watch, listen and LEARN. The smart writer learns from her mistakes, but the wise writer learns from the mistakes of others.

Without further ado…

Lie #1 I’m not a real writer until I have a finished manuscript, landed an agent, am traditionally published, am selling books, have spent my retirement funds earning an MFA in Creative Writing.

This is crap and don’t buy it. What yahoo decided that we aren’t real writers until we meet some silly outside standard of validation? On what plane of existence does this make ANY professional sense? We are writers the second we decide to take this career decision seriously. And screw aspiring. Aspiring is for pansies. There is no try, only do. We don’t try to get out of a chair. We either stand or we sit.

Think of it this way. As writers we are entrepreneurs (refer to this post). Do entrepreneurs use the term aspiring? I am an aspiring restaurant owner. Oh, I am an aspiring landscaper. I am aspiring housekeeper.

NO!

If I want a house-cleaning business, the second I gather all of my cleaning supplies and a vacuum together in the back of my SUV and print off some business cards, I am a house-cleaning business. Even before my very first client. In fact, I cannot land my first client until I first call myself a business. Who is going to let me into their house wielding a toilet brush if I approach them with, “Hi, I am an aspiring housekeeper. I am still learning the best ways to get rid of soap scum, but maybe you can hire me even though I am not, per se a real housekeeper.“?

Again….no.

If we want to own a restaurant, the second we take out a small business loan, we are restaurant owners, even before we have served the first hot meal to our first customer.

The title is not something we earn it is who we are. Our title defines our level of commitment. No other entrepreneurial profession waits for success or outside validation before they feel comfortable using a professional title. A dog-walker doesn’t wait. Neither does a gardener, a contractor, a party planner, florist, cake decorator, or a carpet cleaner.

We are writers, which means we are artists and entertainers. We are in the service industry. Yet we treat being a writer as if we are a doctor or a lawyer and need some outside professional certification before we can hang up a shingle.

Guess what? Comedians are comedians the second they put together a skit and find the courage to stand up in front of a crowd and invite criticism. Now, he or she may not be a talented  or successful comedian, but that boils down to the quality of the content and the level of commitment to try again and again as long as it takes. Same with actors and artists and…yeah, WRITERS.

Many of you have invested thousands of dollars in computer equipment, conferences, workshops, books and reference materials. You’ve invested hundreds of hours of time writing, yet still refuse to use the title of writer. Would a caterer who’d spent thousands on a Viking stove and oven, fancy cooking tools and ingredients wait until she’d landed a huge wedding party to call herself a real caterer?

Why Writers Fear the Title

When we decide to use the professional title writer, it is a sign to others that we are no longer hobbyists. Others will expect a certain work ethic to go with our title. If someone uses the title “Landscaper” we generally expect this person owns some yard tools and that he actually mows yards more than once a month. I feel many writers fear using a professional title because we invite a new level of accountability. We fear failure and so we hedge with euphemisms like “aspiring author” so that we can goof off and write when the fancy strikes.

Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us get up and go to work. ~Stephen King

Writers are professionals who treat their writing as if it is their first, second or even a third job. They have a solid work ethic and they know that they have to ante up and take the consequences for better or for worse. They are mature and no longer playing Literary Barbies with their characters.

Excellence begins with honesty.

We cannot ever be successful until we risk failure. And sure there are always going to be @ssclowns that will tell you that you are a poseur fake. But, when we rest our future on the validation of outsiders, we jeopardize genuine success. There is ALWAYS going to be a jerk to tell us we aren’t good enough.

There are people who believe I am not a real writer because I am not traditionally published. My answer? *shrugs* Can’t please everyone. Another example?

I have been working with Piper Bayard for almost two years. She has dedicated at least 30 hours a week to blogging, social media platform building and writing a novel. She finally got the green light to shop her finished 110,000 word manuscript. Yet, there are people who would claim she is not yet a “real writer” because she hasn’t landed an agent, landed a publishing deal, hit a best-seller list, gone yodeling while drunk on Jaegermeister.

Okay, Piper probably has done the yodeling thing.

Yet, here’s my point. Piper will tell you that the only reason she ever accomplished the successful blog, sound platform and AMAZING manuscript was that early on she made a decision to claim her professional title. She called herself a writer. From that point on her attitudes, habits and priorities changed to reflect the life of a professional.

So today, I shout, Don’t eat the butt! If we don’t take ourselves seriously, who will? Instead of nitpicking over who can call themselves writer or author let’s just refer to the Editor’s Mantra…Show, Don’t Tell. Actions speak louder than words or titles. So claim your title…then get to work ;).

And let other people quibble over who can call themselves what and when. We have books to write.

So what are your thoughts? Opinions? Fears? What keeps you from claiming the professional title?

I LOVE hearing from you guys!

The post Don't Eat the Butt–Lies that Can Poison Our Writing Career #1 appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

They were Kung-Fu Writing! Those geeks were fast as lighting! Adverbs a little bit frightening! Okay, I’ll stop. 2012 is the Year of the Dragon! Hiyah! *does really lame karate kick*. And yes, I screwed up and initially put Year of the Tiger. But was it really a goof? I think NOT. 2012 is gonna be WAY better…it’s the Year of the Dragon…infused with TIGER BLOOD (Thank you, Charlie Sheen for going crazy. Bailed my @$$ out of a major oops!)

Anyway, I have been a writer for many years and you learn by a lot of trial and error what tools are awesome and what are a total time-suck and waste of energy or money. For instance, the Universal Control???? TOTAL waste of money. It did NOT allow me to control the universe.

Anyway….

Many of you have made New Year’s Resolutions to:

1. Take your dream to write seriously.
2. Invest more energy, time, resources to becoming a professional writer.
3. Finish your novel.
4. Self-publish.
5. Indie publish.
6. Land an agent.
7. Train howler monkeys to use nunchuks on anyone who interrupts your writing time.

All of these are awesome goals and, when it comes to the howler monkeys, just take it from me and skip trying to potty train them. A diaper will work and Season Three of Toddlers & Tiaras makes them highly aggressive, ergo better bodyguards.

I wanted to take some time to list books, tools, and other miscellaneous items that I think all writers need to be less likely to end up on a roof with a shotgun and a pan of brownies successful. These are all tools that have helped me grow tremendously in my profession, and I would like time to share them with you guys.

Best Books for Learning the Craft & Profession (in no particular order, cuz they ALL ROCK!)

Story Engineering by Larry Brooks

Hooked by Les Edgerton

Save the Cat by legendary screenwriter Blake Snyder

The Writer’s Journey–Mythic Structure for Writers by Christopher Vogler

Plot & Structure by Nationally Best-Selling Author James Scott Bell

Bullies, Bastards and Bitches by Jessica Morrell

Fire in the Fiction & Writing the Breakout Novel by Mega-Agent Donald Maass

Write It Forward–From Writer to Successful Author & The Novel Writer’s Toolkit by NYTBSA Bob Mayer

Social Media & Author Platform 

Yes, I am partial here, but my methods are fun and won’t make your head explode.

We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media to get you started.

Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer for when you’re ready to lose the Big Wheel and take on the Big Girl/Big Boy Bike and some training wheels.

Blogging to Build Your Author Brand Workshop in April for when you are ready to lose the training wheels for good. This class is limited to only 100 slots and this class fills up FAST.

Social Media for the 21st Century Author is to teach you guys about social media. What works? What doesn’t? What is a total time suck? What sites are essential and which ones can you ignore?

Favorite Conferences & Workshops

Anything offered over at Write It Forward is well worth your time and money. Many classes are taught by New York Times Best-Selling Author Bob Mayer. There are all kinds of craft workshops and even a workshop to help you understand the new options in publishing. This class is designed to help you discern which publishing avenue might be the best fit for you and your work.

For those of you who write Historical Fiction, the amazing author Victoria Martinez will be teaching a course about How to Do Historical Research and Writing and Natalie Markey will be offering a class about How to Be a Mom and a Writer and Do It All….without using duct tape or shock collars. Who knew? *shrugs*

DFW Writers Workshop Conference 2012 I will be teaching three classes and MEGA-AUTHOR JAMES ROLLINS is the keynote speaker. I have been to quite a few conferences but this one is always my favorite. If you can’t go to any other conference, go to this one!

The Romantic Times Book Lovers Convention is a conference all writers must do at least once, even if you don’t write romance. The workshops and networking opportunities are almost unparalleled. Not only that, but those romance authors seriously know how to plan a party.

Essential Tools for Maintaining Health and Sanity

To keep your back and joints healthy, I cannot recommend Bikram Yoga enough. See if there is a studio in your area and try it out. For those of you in the DFW area, I go to Bikram Yoga of North Texas. Come hang out! Detox and prevent joint and back issues that are common to writers. (Or if you are like me and already have the joint and back issues, it helps A LOT!)

Yoga in general is AWESOME for writers. If you don’t have time or money to go to a studio, I recommend Rodney Yee on video (and pick up a copy of Joy Held’s Writer Wellness for more tips for being a healthy and balanced writer).

More MUST-HAVE Tools 

A Keurig Coffee Maker

I LOVE AND CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT MY…

KEURIG COFFEE MAKER

I love this little gadget. When I brewed coffee in a pot, I found I either had waste or ended up drinking too much coffee. If I happened to get engrossed in work, I could end up with old or burned coffee. No more! I can make my coffee by the cup so it is fresh every time. I can change my mind what kind of coffee I want.

Autumn Harvest? Donut Shop? Hmmmmm….maybe a nice French Roast or some of that Hippie Dippy Organic stuff I got from Sprouts. I can change my MIND, and, as a woman? That…is….awesome.

I can even switch to tea, hot chocolate or chai. The Keurig even makes ice drinks! Wheeeeeeeeeee! Huh? Too much caffeine? Why would you say…wheeeeeeeeee!!!!

The KINECT

Feel stiff or sore from sitting too long? Brain feel like silly-putty left in the sun? No more! I use my Kinect every two hours. I get up, turn it on and do a couple of fun obstacle courses that make me move and groove and get the blood back in my brains where is belongs. I like Kinect Adventures best for the purpose of getting the cobwebs out of the noggin. The only potential down-side is you do need to be self-disciplined enough to get back to work!

Kung Fu Fighting for Kung Fu Writing

If you want to have fun and get a great workout on your Kinect? Get Kung-Fu High-Impact. I laugh as hard as I fight. This game inserts you right into the plot of a bad Kung-Fu movie.

Want to do backflips on to rooftops? Be able to fight while flying? Want to shoot lightning from your fingertips? No problem! Be a star in your own Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon…if Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon was seriously low budget and had monsters…and an out of shape hero wearing yoga pants and a scrunchee.

Thing is, play is good for all people, especially CREATIVE people. Kung-Fu High-Impact makes you feel like a kid and you get a great workout, too. I totally know I cannot discipline myself to do this during the workday, but it does make an awesome reward for a hard day’s work.

Next Must-Have Item?

The Nook

Okay, it doesn’t have to be a Nook, but I do recommend you get some form of e-reader. I LOVE my Nook. It is portable and I totally dig that I can change the font to giant old lady print. I am reading genres I had started to avoid, namely because of the teensy-tiny letters. *cough* High Fantasy.

Why do I prefer the Nook? I don’t know if I do, because I didn’t see any reason to own two e-readers. I like owning a Nook because it allows me to borrow books and lend books to other Nook owners. And also, most writers are broke. I think this is in large part because we buy WAY too many books. With e-readers, we can still compulsively purchase more books than we will ever have time to read…only now it is CHEAPER.

I can also download my manuscript onto my Nook so I can read for flow, and, since I am not at a computer, I can’t nit-pick my writing until it bleeds and yells.

Moi???

Yes, I am a nit-picker.

This makes up my list of cool stuff all writers should own. And, of course, the thirty-foot Slip and Slide and snow cone machine are just a given *rolls eyes*. So of course I didn’t mention those. What are some other writing essentials? Books, tools, inflatable farm animals, lava lamps, hallucinogenic leftover meatloaf, or anything else I might have missed?

I LOVE hearing from you guys!

And to prove it and show my love, for the month of January, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner every week for a critique of your first five pages. At the end of January I will pick a winner for the grand prize. A free critique from me on the first 15 pages of your novel. Good luck!

Winner’s Circle

Winner of Last Month’s 15 Page Critique is Gloria Richard. Please send your 3750 word Word document to author kristen dot lamb at g mail dot com (Yes, I am looking for a new assistant. Gigi got a promotion at her other job which is AWESOME…but I really kinda miss her).

Winner of Last Week’s 5 Page Critique is Lanette Kauten. Please send your 1250 word Word document to author kristen dot lamb at g mail dot com,

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . Both books are ON SALE for $4.99!!!! And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books!

Happy writing!

See you next year!

The post Kung-Fu Writing–Taking on the Year of the Dragon appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Ah, it’s the last WANA Wednesday of 2011, and we are careening toward 2012. There are all kinds of writers and all kinds of paths to publication these days, but the down-side is that the competition is growing exponentially by the day. Many writers who would have simply made a resolution to query an agent with that finished manuscript are now just going to bypass the agent and upload their novel for sale. Not that this is a bad thing, but it can open a Pandora’s box of problems. We will talk more about that in the coming weeks.

The Tough Truth About the Brave New World of Publishing

Here’s the hard reality. Saying we are a “published author” these days means almost nothing. It did mean something when back when publishing was locked up tighter than Martha Stuart’s liquor cabinet with gatekeepers. To say we were published meant our work met a certain standard of quality. These days? Rankings and sales will probably become the new mark of author validation. Ok, we are published, but are we #5,339,076 on Amazon? Or are we in the top 100? 50? 10?

I’ve met writers who proudly paid to have beautiful covers designed and build web sites for their self-pubbed book, and yet, when I got a look at their first pages, I wish I could have stopped them. That’s the problem with being new. When we are really new, we are too dumb to know what we don’t know.

So before we make a decision to self-publish, we must make sure we get a professional to look at our book and let us know the hard truth, even if it hurts. It is way easier to have an editor send a private e-mail telling us that our book is a disaster than for a book reviewer to do it on a blog or for readers to blast us on Amazon. Also the BEST way to positively impact sales is to write excellent books. No amount of social media can help a bad book.

But this is another blog.

Not all self-pubbed or indie pubbed books are poorly written. Quite the contrary! Some of the freshest and most innovative writing is now coming from the non-traditional routes. Yet, when an author decides to go it alone, without any support from a traditional publisher, it is a lot of work no matter how excellent the writing.  Don’t let anyone fool you. When we go it alone, we are an entrepreneur and we will have to work like a dog to be successful. Ah, but here is where I can help. Why work harder when we can work smarter?

Writers are Not Car Insurance and Books are Not Tacos

There are a lot of marketing experts who are benevolently offering flawed advice. They don’t mean to. Most of these experts (at least the ones I have met) have a genuine desire to help and serve others. They see writers who need to market so they offer what they believe is a good plan. And, it very may well be a good plan…just not for books.

The problem is that most marketing experts have a disconnect. Since most of them are not writers to begin with and haven’t worked in the publishing industry, they often fail to appreciate that not only are writers unique, but our product is too. What works for Starbuck’s and Levis and Joe’s Car Wash will not work for authors and books. Why?

Yes, Writers Really are Special, Unique Snowflakes

First, the CEO of Honda is not personally responsible for building every car. An author, however, is solely responsible for producing the product. Not just a product, but an EXCELLENT product and in a timely fashion. Writers cannot be on a half a zillion sites, doing blog tours and pod casts and on and on…and still have time to write good books.

Yet, even if we could change the fabric of space-time and add more hours to the day, it wouldn’t matter how many social platforms we blitzed with marketing. Why? Traditional marketing does not sell books. Never has and never will. Don’t ask my opinion, mega-agent Donald Maass  (and anyone working in publishing) will tell you that there are only TWO things that sell books…good book and word of mouth. Period.

I remember years ago hearing that traditional marketing didn’t work for selling books. I didn’t want to believe them and I did a lot of running my head into a wall. Finally, I realized they were right, so I wanted to understand what made this particular product (books) so different from pizza, televisions and Frappuccinos. After a lot of study, a few cases of Red Bull and a massive brain cramp, I came up with my own theory that I call The WANA Theory of Book Economics—WANATBE (get it? Wanna to be? I crack myself up). We have talked about this before, but it is worthy of mentioning again, especially this time of year.

Why Does Traditional Marketing Bomb when it Comes to Books?

The WANATBE  is going to super-duper simplify Marketing 101 so you guys can plainly see why blitzing and advertising about your books non-stop is a bad plan that will do little to drive sales. Yes, traditional marketing will drive some sales, but won’t offer the life-changing numbers all of us want. WANATBE is very simplified, but I tend to believe in Occam’s Razor—the simplest explanation is usually correct. Time to explore why traditional marketing doesn’t sell books.

Commodities are often divided into two types of commodities:

Low Consideration Purchases

High Consideration Purchases

Low consideration purchases are of low social influence. If I drop three bucks to buy a tube of toothpaste and hate it, it is not big deal to toss it in the trash and buy a different kind….unless you are my mother.

Most of us aren’t paying attention to friend recommendations for toothpaste and I would guarantee we aren’t surfing the web looking for blogs and articles about the latest developments in fluoride so we can finally settle the Crest versus Aquafresh debate. We won’t need support and approval from peers that we made a good choice in toothpaste.

And if you do? That’s, uh kinda weird.

High consideration purchases on the other hand, are like cars, vacations, 3-D televisions, and jet skis. These are products where peer opinion weighs heavily upon the decision. If I am about to drop 30 grand on a bass boat, you better believe I have lost my mind I am going to check out consumer reports and on-line resources to get opinions from others.

High-consideration purchases are almost always emotionally driven.

Corvette. Enough said.

But what about books? Some books cost even less than a tube of toothpaste and none cost nearly as much as a flat screen TV. Are books high-consideration or low-consideration?

Reconsider the Potential Market—Tunnel-Vision Will Get Ya Killed

First, I want all of you to forget the mythos of the Book-A-Week Reader. To the person who devours books like candy, books are a low-consideration purchase. The problem, however, is that this type of reader makes up a VERY small fraction of the overall literate population in need of entertaining or informing.

You want to know how Stephenie Meyers, J.K. Rowling, and Dan Brown became such mega-huge successes? They mobilized the fat part of the bell curve made up of people who normally would not define themselves as readers. There are people out there who have never read any other books, but who own every last hard cover of Harry Potter. These books ignited word of mouth so powerful, that they were able to mobilize the largest segment of the population that is traditionally the toughest to move.

Peer Pressure–Not Just for Teenagers

These authors’ books became so popular that they transformed into a social definition. I would have never picked up The DaVinci Code or Twilight on my own. But, finally so many of my peers had read the books that I felt like an outsider. To “fit in” with my peers, I had to read the books.

Peer pressure is the only explanation I have for why The Girl books are popular. I tried reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and I just couldn’t get into it (Please don’t send me letters. I don’t have to like all books). Yet, I can’t count how many times someone has said, “Oh, the first 100 pages are rough, but once you get past those the books are amazing!”

Who in their right mind would give a book A HUNDRED pages to get interesting? Peer pressure is what makes the difference. Peer pressure was the only reason I gave the book 50. I NEVER give books more than 20. Ah, but with peer pressure, everything changes. Enough people around are promising a pay-off.

Back to my point…

The fat part of the bell curve—people who believe they do not enjoy reading—is like a huge boulder sitting on the edge of a cliff. It takes a lot of energy to get moving, but once it does? There is no stopping it. And this is how legends are made.

Yet, too many writers are focusing all of their efforts looking for the ever-elusive avid reader. Why? Who cares if someone only reads one book a year if it is your book?

How much advertising is happening in bookstores, on book blogs, book review sites, author web sites, and in Facebook “reader groups” (which is code for “bunch of authors trying to sell books”)…the very places we will probably NEVER find regular people in need of entertaining or informing? Writers are all in search of the White Stag (the avid reader) and, in the process, passing up thousands of brown deer. Wait too long on an anomaly and we can starve.

So What is Our Mission?

A massive percentage of Americans do not consider themselves to be readers, so to them, books are now a high consideration purchase. If we merely look at price, we can get sucked into this notion that books and toothpaste require the same low-consideration purchase approach. But, when we look closer, we see that books cost something more precious than money…TIME.

Books are tricky. To the avid reader, books are a low-consideration purchase. This is why traditional marketing does not drive the big sales numbers. Traditional marketing (for books) targets a select group of people who already love to read. They don’t have to be talked into giving up their time to read. This person was going to be reading anyway. Traditional marketing does work for this small percentage of the population, because they love books and simply need help choosing from all the options.

Yet, for the BIG numbers, we have to mobilize the fat part of the bell curve, and that can be a MONUMENTAL task. We have to convince this non-reading group that our book is worth giving 12 hours of undivided attention (average time to read a novel). Unlike music or video, reading is not a passive activity where we just soak up entertainment like a sponge. We can watch a movie while we fold laundry or listen to music while we do dishes. Books are different. They require our full attention.

Thus, our job is to convince this non-reading group to forgo all other fun hobbies for an activity they don’t even believe they enjoy. We have to convince them to turn off Monday Night Football, stop chain-sawing monsters on X-Box, or turn off Dancing with the Stars. Traditional marketing does not have the power to do this. If writers approach social media using a traditional marketing approach, what happens is we become no better than spam. It’s a TON of work for very little pay-off and it will leave next to no time to do what’s most important….write more books.

Learning to affect peer influence is not as tough as it might seem, but we are out of time. We will talk more about this next week. If you must know the answers right away, I encourage you to pick up a copy of my best-selling book We Are Not Alone—The Writer’s Guide to Social Media.

What are your thoughts? Opinions? Challenges? I love hearing from you.

And to prove it and show my love, for the month of December, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner every week for a critique of your first five pages. At the end of December I will pick a winner for the grand prize. A free critique from me on the first 15 pages of your novel. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . Both books are ON SALE for $4.99!!!! And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books!

The post Why Traditional Marketing Doesn't Sell Books appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Okay, if you are a fan of this blog, you know I am all about helping writers. Part of how I help is that you can count on me for the unvarnished truth. I know there are a lot of people who believe they want to be writers. Hey, rock on! The more the weirder…I meant merrier. Yes…merrier.

Where was I? Oh yeah.

But, I do feel that our profession tends to get glamorized, and hopeful writers aren’t aware of what to expect. So when something comes flying at them from left field, they are unprepared and watching fire ants roam over their tennis shoes instead of catching that giant hurdling ball headed straight for their head.

Ooh! Just had a flashback. Did I mention that I sucked at sports?

So before you make that New Year’s Resolution to become a writer, finish a novel, take your craft more seriously there are some things to consider. First, if you just enjoy writing for fun and merely want to finish a novel to test and see if you can do it, all that follows does not apply to you. But, if you happen to be among that group who dreams of landing an agent, being published and becoming a successful author, I am going to give you a run-down of what to expect so you don’t get caught unawares. Yes, this applies to all the indie folk, too. No passes.

Expect:

That most people will not take you seriously. If you are waiting for your friends and family to line up and pat you on the back and throw you a parade because you’re now a writer, you will be sorely disappointed. In fact, when they see how euphorically happy you are, just expect for them to assume your writing group is really a cult and stage an intervention. Likely they will call in experts who perform deprogramming for loved ones lost to devil worshippers, Scientology, or that new retread of the Branch Davidians in south Texas. So look out for any white panel vans, and never leave your drinks unattended. You could wake up in a dark room wrapped in blankets going through a “rebirthing” procedure to make you long to be something practical like an engineer or tax accountant.

When people ask what you do, you need to tell them, “I am an author” or “I am a writer.” Even if you don’t have your book finished. This is going to sting. As long as you introduce yourself via your day job, that is what you are telling your subconscious that you want to be FOREVER.

“I’m an administrative assistant.” Well, I hope you like that job because that statement is forming your identity. Don’t even try to cheat with “I am an aspiring writer.” Again, that is a subconscious cue, and twenty years later you will still be “aspiring.” Just go practice in the mirror and say a hundred times. “I am an author. I am an author.” If you want others to shut up and stop mocking you, just tell them they better knock it off because there is a part for a cross-dressing hermaphrodite who dies in a tragic blow-up doll accident in your novel.

Then they will play nice.

You are a professional writer. To quote the brilliant Yoda, “There is no try, only do.” Most people feel guilty saying they are a writer because they never write. In that case, you should feel guilty. Go nail your can to a chair and bust out at least a blog, you slacker. You are a writer, not an aspiring anything other than maybe an aspiring NY Times best-selling author or an aspiring Top 100 Amazon Author. Then you have my permission to use the adjective aspiring. For all other times?

 Screw aspiring. Aspiring is for pansies. Takes guts to be a writer.

Yes, other people will titter and roll their eyes, but you won’t care. In the meantime, toughen up. You will need the skin of a rhino in this business. Do not look for outside approval. That is about as productive as looking for unicorns or Sasquatch.

To steal from the brilliant author Chuck Wendig, “Writing is not a parade of peppermint puppies.” It is work. So here are some other things to expect go with the job. Even professional authors cannot write eight hours a day. There are other important tasks that go with being an author that often will feel more like goofing off. Just have to get over it. I can spot writers who do not perform these routine duties, because their writing…um, sucks. Mine did too. I used to think doing these tasks was “wasting time.” My prose suffered. You know what real wasting time is? Writing crap. So to make your work better and better…

We need to read. This is essential. The best writers are avid readers. I read a fiction and a non-fiction a week. One best-selling novel (genre doesn’t matter) and one craft book. I walk around with my Nook in my purse. Standing in line at Target? Pick the long line and read five pages. Waiting at the doctor? The bank? Getting a pedicure? Make use of that time. Read. I read for 40 minutes on the elliptical at the gym. The Nook’s ability to have giant font keeps me from throwing up and falling off.

And I highly recommend using one the single greatest inventions of modern man…the Post-It Highlighter (not on your Nook/Kindle, but on the paper books).

We need to watch a lot of movies. The editor’s mantra is Show. Don’t tell. How do you learn to do that? Study. Watch actors. How do they portray the vast spectrum of human motion? How do they portray characters? Study dialogue. Absorb speech patterns. Study structure. This is a faster method than reading. Study how the screenwriter raised the stakes. Why did the movie work? Why didn’t it? This isn’t as much a substitute for reading as it is an addition to reading. But we can watch movies with friends and family and yet still be “working.”

How did the director portray normal world? Darkest moment? Study structure. Study endings. You get the idea. Few jobs can claim that spending the day watching movies is actually work. So enjoy.

We must blog. Blogging creates good habits, and it is in the job description of the 21^st century author. We can gripe and moan all we want, but that doesn’t change reality. Reality is that writers with a platform are going to be more successful than writers who expect fans to materialize in a vacuum. If you want to become a professional writer then you should love writing anyway so this shouldn’t be as big of a deal as most writers make it. Suck it up and put on Big Girl/Big Boy Pants. Buy a copy of my book, Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer or, better yet. Sign up for my blogging class that starts in January. There are only 100 slots and they are almost full so go…now.

Okay, I’ll let you finish reading this blog.

We need to spend time on social media. This is like the watching movies and reading thing. Yes, being on social media is work. Now if we are just goofing off and sending people farm animals then yes we are goofing off. But if we are blogging and spending time on Twitter and FB networking with other writers and published authors and people in the publishing industry, that is called networking. If we are blogging, hopefully about things other than writing that is called “building an author platform.”

Additionally, I have found some of the best articles and blogs on the craft via Twitter and other bloggers. Social media gives us countless tools to improve our skills daily.

We need to write. Eventually all of this boils down to what it is we do…we write. As I said earlier, we cannot always be writing and the writing part, while the most important, doesn’t take up the most time. Reading, planning, researching, outlining, editing, revising, marketing are all parts of the job, too. Yet, ultimately, we need to sit our keisters down and WRITE. Not rocket-science here.

We need to learn to employ tough love. I can tell you from experience that you will have to be tough with friends and family. They aren’t used to you having a second job. Yes, writing may be your passion, but it is NOT your hobby. It’s a job.

Your friends and family will miss you being around all the time, and they will need to be retrained. And I am telling you now that they will not “get” you so don’t expect them to. Just be kind and consistent, and if they still don’t get the hint, invest in a caffeinated meth-addicted ferret to guard the door for you while you write.

Being a writer can be a lot of fun. Like I said, part of our job is to create and watch movies and read great stories, but it comes at a price. First, you will likely meet resistance, and might even be openly mocked. It may be a good idea to introduce your plans to your family in the following way:

“Hey, I sold all our worldly belongings, and the VW van will be here in the morning to take us to live at the Prophet’s commune in New Mexico. Your names are now Rainbow and Starchild. Ha ha ha ha, just kidding. Mommy is now a writer.”

Regardless how you break the news, it needs to be done.

Being a writer is tough work, but it is a whole lot of fun. I hope you guys now feel fired up to take on 2012 and I look forward to seeing at least a hundred of you in the WANA112 class. Good choice to sign up before the world ends :D. Just so you guys know, my husband is taking away my Internet next week for the holidays *sad face*. If I can chew through my bonds, I will be posting next week, but if I miss a blog, yes…I am still alive.

What are some other things a writer should expect? Add your opinion. I could have made this list much longer, but I figured I would let you guys chime in. I love hearing from you.

The post Aspiring is for Pansies–Tough Love & Being a Writer appeared first on Kristen Lamb.

Yes, the picture above is me, right before I learned how to ride a dirt bike this past Thanksgiving weekend (We will use the very loose definition of “learned” for this blog’s purposes). Anyway, that is the cool picture, by the way. Sadly, it was probably the only time I looked cool for the rest of the day.

It started out well enough, but get too many Type-A family members together and, well….yeah. Not pretty. I should learn not to bait to 12-year-old smack talk. Sigh. I took up the challenge that, despite being almost 40 and possessing no discernible motorcycle skills, I could learn how to ride a dirt bike. It had always been on my bucket list, so why not?

I tend to be a pretty fast learner, and, at least in the beginning, I seemed to be a natural. Ah, but here is where the problem can start. Apparently, there are two critical curves that should always run parallel–The Skill Curve and Confidence Curve. When the Confidence Curve outpaces the Skill Curve? You get this….

I was zooming along on the flat, nicely packed dirt having a good time. Ah, but then the thought sneaked, snuck, snooked—whatever—into my brain that I needed a bigger challenge. I wanted to try out some hills. It didn’t help that my 12 year old nephew was zooming circles around me.

You dang whipper-snipper! I’ll show you!

Sometimes I wish I had a Delorean so I could go back in time and slap some sense into Younger Kristen. What were you thinking? Getting in the Not-Smart-Zone. Seriously???? Why would you remotely think that is a good idea?

Photo courtesy of Fanboy.com

As you can probably guess, my motor cross experience was an #epicfail. I was looking good, so onlookers say (Ever notice they call them “onlookers” when referencing something stupid/tragic?).  Then I hit a rock and it was a$$ over elbows. I slightly sprained both ankles, bruised the dickens out of my shoulder, and took about five layers of hide off my right forearm…

…and then I got right back on.

This is what a life of failure has taught me. We try, we fail, we try again and do things differently, and sometimes even better. The faster we learn to have a healthier relationship with failure, the faster we will meet with success. Frankly, if we aren’t failing, then we aren’t doing anything interesting. So if failure is part of the successful person’s life, why not learn to fail with style?

Many of us spend years trying to avoid failing. I sure know I did. Many of us are so terrified that we will look foolish or stupid that we can be paralyzed. We allow fear to steal the best experiences and the best memories. How? If we fear failure, we never try. We fail by default.

Failure isn’t to be feared at all. In fact, failure is awesome. Failure makes us better. It makes us smarter. Failure will teach us more than success ever will.

For instance, I now know that if I ever get back on a dirt bike, hills are not my thing. I’ve learned to slow down, to not let my ego take over driving, because Kristen’s ego looks a lot like Mayhem.

Allstate Insurance provided actual photo of Kristen Lamb’s ego.

Yes, I admit there are times I would like to go back in time and right the wrongs, use some Space-Time-White-Out to make my life perfect. Yet, when I think about it a little harder, when I can press past the need to wince when I look at my short-comings, I see my failures a little differently. My failures make me more interesting. My funniest memories and most poignant lessons were all birthed by my failures. My failures shortened my learning curve. Failing made me humble. Failures made me teachable. Failures make me relatable.

Failure gets easier the more we fail. Sort of like those boxers who have someone throw a 12 pound medicine ball at their abdominals to toughen them to take a punch. What if, instead, they babied their bodies? They never hit their abs or bruised them. They would be toast. The best way to get good at failing is to try a lot of stuff and fail…and then fail some more.

Back to my dirt biking fiasco experience. I know years ago, my ego would have been far too bruised to fish my dirt bike off the side of the hill and try again. I would have felt sorry for myself, mortified and embarrassed. I would have nursed my stinging wounds and babied my tender ankles in the safe warm house…and I would have missed out on a lot of fun.

See, the other cool lesson about failing, and failing a lot, it we get better discernment. We are able to tell the difference between a mortal wound and something that stings like hell, but we can walk it off and be fine if we just get back on that horse (metaphorical dirt bike) and ride. We learn to pay better attention and not let the Confidence Curve surpass the Skill Curve. And, if we do?

Walk it off.

We also get better at discerning what activities are worth our time and talent. Dirt biking? Yeah….tried it, but don’t really see it in my future. I got back on, rode around for another hour and then was able to part ways with no unfinished business….no “what ifs?”.

Life is much the same way. My opinion? We should love as if we will never be hurt, give as if we can never lose, and try as if we can only win. Many of you following this blog are writers. Keep writing. Sure, the first novel might be awful, but keep moving. Let it go. You wiped out. Walk it off. I failed at #nanowrimo. After a month, I only had 33,000 words. What did I learn? That I have room to grow. I have 33,000 more words than when I started. Failing is part of living, so get back on and write again and again and THAT is how best-selling novels are made. And, if failure is part of being a successful author, then why not #EpicFail with style ;)?

So what are your #EpicFails? What has failure taught you? Are you still afraid of failing? Why? Share! I love hearing from you!

And to prove it and show my love, for the month of December, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner every week for a critique of your first five pages. At the end of December I will pick a winner for the grand prize. A free critique from me on the first 15 pages of your novel. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . Both books are ON SALE for $4.99!!!! And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in th biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books!

The post Learning to #EpicFail….with Style appeared first on Kristen Lamb.