Posts Categorized: Writing

Operation F.E.C.A.L: New Publishing & The High Cost of FREE

posted on June 21, 2018 by Kristen Lamb

free, free books, F.E.C.A.L., new publishing, self-publishing, Amazon, Smashwords, being a real writer, Kristen Lamb, selling books, quality of books, how to write, digital publishing — New publishing houses? Image via Flickr Creative Commons, courtesy of WIDEHAUS.

FREE! For the love of all that is chocolate, free us from FREE! *takes soothing breath* I’ve been blogging for over ten years, a witness to the terrifying and extraordinary changes in publishing.

Initially, I was NO fan of self-publishing because entropy is alive and well…even with books. I knew once we opened Pandora’s Publishing, there would be no turning back.

Sometimes I really hate being right.

Amazon (and others) weaponized on-line shopping and launched us into an age of FREE, EASY, CHEAP, ACCESSIBLE and LEGAL.

Or, as I like to call it—Operation F.E.C.A.L.

Amazon wanted to implode traditional publishing. Their goal was to dominate on-line retail and raze the big-box model in order to make room for new brick-and-mortar Amazon stores (smaller and smart-stocked using algorithms). What better way to obliterate publishing than by handing out author participation trophies?

Yet, there have been plenty of consequences. Namely, LOTS of F.E.C.A.L. material out there.

A lot. *swats flies away*

It began innocently enough…

Authors Longed to Be FREE

Before social media, Amazon, self-publishing, etc. authors had little to no control over the business of their business. Only two viable publishing options existed—traditional and vanity press.

So let’s make that ONE viable publishing option. Vanity press published anyone willing to pay to play author.

Vanity publishers had a singular standard writers needed to pass—a credit check. If the check cleared or the credit charge went through? Bada bing bada boom! Welcome to being ‘a published author.’

Alas, on the other end, traditional publishers were hardly a panacea. For brevity’s sake, I recommend my posts Real Writers Don’t Self Publish Part One and Part Two.

I want to make it CLEAR that I hold no allegiance to any one form of publishing. All paths have advantages and disadvantages.

The traditional publishing model pretty much tossed authors against a wall like spaghetti noodles. If you ‘stuck?’ Go you! You get another contract.

For more on how the publishing business ACTUALLY works, I’ve already explained, in detail, the ugly truth about traditional publishing and how to actually support the authors we love.

The Book Borg

Anyway, once the big-box bookstores arrived on scene like the Borg suddenly warping into sensor range, writers took the hardest hit. Publishers looooved the big-box concept because their business model relied on massive pre-orders to fund the machine (and still does).

****Take a gander at HOW many books it takes to FILL bookstores that had an average size of 26,000 feet (going as HIGH as 60,000). Can you say KA-CHING?

Publishers reveled in the boom. Meanwhile, many authors who’d previously made an excellent living during the Indie Bookstore era, had to dust off the resume.

Big-box stores bought books in volume. Yet, they ordered a TON of what books were most likely to SELL in volume. Thus, many mid-list authors who’d previously enjoyed a healthy income off twelve, twenty or even forty books now only made royalties off ONE (their most current novel).

Authors who were already household names did better than ever because of simple math and Business 101. What Borders or Barnes & Noble wasn’t going to carry every single Stephen King book ever written?

Nothing personal. Only business.

Problem was, virtually the entire author middle class stood shellshocked, ears ringing, arms loaded with a backlist of excellent books now rendered worthless.

Publishers—smitten with paper—didn’t even consider releasing these titles solely as e-books. Instead, they blithely handed seasoned authors their rights to these mothballed backlists.

Unchained

Amazon (and other self-publishing outlets like Smashwords) breathed life back into great books that HAD passed the gatekeepers. Many could legitimately claim New York Times Best Seller or USA Today Best Seller status.

Self-publishing provided authors who’d passed the gauntlets and invested years cultivating a vetted backlist a fresh way to breath new life into ‘old’ books.

In Christmas of 2009, when e-readers finally tipped into mainstream, readers were dying for titles to load on the new Kindle. Authors who’d defected made bank. These authors also improved self-publishing’s image problem.

Before 2009, most viewed self-publishing as a cheap version of vanity press. It certainly was not seen as a viable publishing path.

But, then writers got creative and soon success stories emerged. The dark horse authors like Hugh Howey and Wool, Andy Weir and The Martian, and Amanda Hocking emerged.

Yet, something ‘else’ emerged.

The Authorpreneur

Before Amazon, Smashwords, social media, algorithms, etc. most writers became writers because they loved to WRITE. Sure, I think it’s fair to say most of us wanted to be successful and make money, but cash was not our primary motivation.

Then folks like John Locke changed the literary landscape. In my POV? This is where everything changed (and NOT for the better). Granted, kudos to Locke and his success. I even (tried) to read his How I Sold a Million E-Books in 5 Months, but there were not enough antacids in the world for me to finish.

See, Locke wasn’t writing because of any love for the written word. A book, to him, was a commodity like a cheap cheeseburger (his words). To his credit, he saw and capitalized on a rare alignment of the stars and won big.

Yet, he made bank only because he hit the ground hard with ebooks right as people were starting to use e-readers and there was a dearth of e-books on the market.

Since traditional publishers refused to lower prices, readers swarmed to FREE and .99 books faster than a cloud of Alabama gnats into a fresh glass of sweet tea.

With pretty much the same results.

Readers stuck, mired and drowning and trying to escape the very thing that lured them in. Readers swarmed in for the FREE, only to realize they were trapped in bad writing, terrible formatting, and did I mention bad writing?

Plenty of other authors followed suit with FREE books! And CHEAP books! These writers sold a lot of books and earned some impressive titles.

Yet, it took time for consumers (readers) to catch on that FREE was almost ALWAYS a giant waste of time.

Over the next few years, various other gimmicks caught on. Free books, cheap books, box sets, juking algorithms, and even authors who relied on flat out deception—brand confusion—to garner sales.

I seriously had an ‘authorpreneur’ who did this and gave me this ‘business advice.’ According to this business-savvy person, I could, say, take the ‘pen name’ of Jane Evonovech then make my covers resemble a real Janet Evanovich. Similar colors, fonts, styling, etc.

Because that isn’t shady AT ALL.

SMH.

Back then, Amazon was far from perfecting algorithms, so these Bait-and-Switch Rotex Authors DID sell a lot of books, make a ton of money, and were able to claim NTYBSA status…riding the tails of a legitimate author’s success.

Of course, when this person gave me said ‘advice,’ I parted with my own council. Save for a good attorney. You’ll need one. And I was right.

Also, I prefer to earn my sales and titles on my own merit, thanks.

BOOK BUSY-NESS

Over the past few years, I’ve lost count of the fads and gimmicks. Amazon often tried launching new ways for readers to discover new authors AND for writers (Amazon) to make money.

The fundamental problem with Amazon has always been the same. They think like John Locke. To Amazon, a novel might as well be a selfie-stick, a tent, a push-up bra or a banana slicer.

There’s no inherent reverence for writing as a craft and an art. In the Amazon business model, consumers are the ‘gate-keepers’ for everything. Yet, when it comes to a book, Amazon can’t refund the readers’ TIME. Sure the book was free, but our time was not.

Consequences of FREE

Amazon doesn’t care about ONE author selling millions of books. Why? Easier to have half a million wanna-be-authors sell twenty books.

Then coax them to write more and more and more books that only sell twenty copies. All those eager creatives hitting PUBLISH like pulling a lever on a slot machine and praying for triple 7s.

***Meanwhile paying for cover art, interior design, and promotional material.

The big-box store supported one oligarchy at the expense of the mid-list and new authors. We broke FREE! Only to fuel a brand new oligarchy. A handful of people getting rich off the work of the many.

Sprinkle just enough success to keep the ‘many’ trying their luck.

The rest of us regular folks? Well, we’re left with the landfill of toxic waste hoping to find something worth our time. It’s why I only buy fiction off Audible. If a book sucks (and MANY do, even from Big Five publishers), I can return it with no problem. If I like a book, THEN I buy in paper.

For Love or Money?

I’ve been in this business long enough to notice the changes. Early on, writers were adamantly opposed to branding, social media, platform-building, etc. All that mattered was the quality of the book because they LOVED and RESPECTED the written word.

It’s why my merely mentioning on-line branding was enough to induce apoplexy.

The problem (as I saw it in 2008) was that eventually traditional publishers were going to require a brand, platform, social media presence as well as a superior book. They had to in order to keep up with (okay, stay alive in) the new F.E.C.A.L. business model.

Borders had imploded and Barnes & Noble was already bleeding. With fewer POS (Point of Sales) locations more people were shopping on-line.

I knew there was no getting out of building a brand and on-line platform, so might as well get started as soon as possible (without gimmicks and juking algorithms and spamming the crap out of everyone).

The whole reason I created the methods I did in Rise of the Machines was so writers had time to write, to learn and grow and improve. What I teach is EVERGREEN. Technology changes, people don’t.

Alas, the lure of easy money is hard to combat.

Too many ‘published authors’ know everything about promotion, yet not a damn thing about punctuation. I used to advise against a pen name, but now?

If I wrote that badly? I’d hide, too.

Where Do We Draw the Line?

Cait’s post last time, Five Things Your Editor Hates About You summed up a lot of frustration. I’ve always loved blogging, teaching craft, helping writers grow from newbies to real artists.

Self-publishing and indie has had plenty of benefits (I.e. I could publish books on social media for writers, YAY!). But we all need to stop and do a gut check.

Where do we draw the line? What are we willing to do and not do? What is acceptable and what is UNacceptable?

These days, there are so many tricks and gimmicks that the ‘real writers’—those of us in this for the craft and the art—are sinking deeper and deeper into so much F.E.C.A.L. material we cannot outpace it…ever.

If we can’t outpace it, we must OUTSHINE it.

More ‘authors’ know more about how to buy promotional g-strings in bulk than they do POV, pacing, and structure. Operation F.E.C.A.L. has been such a massive success, we’re all eyeball deep in free crap and about to go under for good.

Question is, are we going to contribute more F.E.C.A.L. material? Or will we draw a line and give our craft the respect, time and dedication it deserves? Because a real author writes, reads, learns, grows, takes some lumps from REAL critique, and improves.

Freedom is not FREE.

Real writers learn to spell and punctuate or at least pay or barter with someone who can help them spell and punctuate. AUTHORS learn structure, take classes, and seek mentors.

Real authors push their abilities more than free pens. They don’t shovel out $#!& and call it a series.

Ten years ago, my best advice to writers was to learn the business of their business so they didn’t get fleeced. Now? My best advice is for writers to learn how to actually write.

Spend less time and money gold-plating turds and do the work. Leave the participation trophies to those who’ve ‘earned’ them. The rest of us have real author stuff to do.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Other than I am a super mean jerk? I don’t know about you, but I’m fed up. I don’t want any free books. My in-box is deluged with free.

This is even impacting the Big Five.

I PREORDERED a book five months before release because I loved the author’s first book so much. The second book was….

BEYOND bad.

Of course it ended up a NYT best-seller (probably from pre-sales from people like me who expected better). It was published by Simon & Schuster…and it was a pile of unreadable detritus.

Maybe it’s me.

Do you see traditional publishers seeming to cave on quality to keep pace? Are you tired of having to slog through crap? Is it hard to stick to your guns when so many writers are churning out books like a plastic dog-poo factory?

As for me? I don’t care. I’d love to be a gazillionaire but not if I have to churn out F.E.C.A.L. material.

I love hearing from you!

What do you WIN? For the month of JUNE, for everyone who leaves a comment, I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

Upcoming Classes!

Instructor: Cait Reynolds

Price: $55.00 USD

Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom

When: Friday, June 22, 2018. 7:00-9:00 p.m. EST

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Remember Moonlighting? Dave and Maddie were the hottest thing ever…and then they kissed…and it was still kinda hot…and then they really got together and settled down to blissful domesticated bickering. And…we all stopped watching.

Because it was boring.

Remember the X-Files? The lucullan feast of smoldering restraint that was Mulder and Scully? Chris Carter refused to give the fans what they wanted with a kiss at the series end, and while fans gnashed their teeth, it was a kind of pro forma gnashing because we were still interested and could still dream about what might happen.

While the episode-based storytelling of television allows romance to be the B-plot (and only when it feels like it), novels are different. Whether we are writing squeaky clean romance or too-much-wasabi-level-hot erotica, we are always dealing with the same basic principle of THE TEASE.

And for all that romance gets a bad rap and is scorned as being ‘easy’ to write, sustaining the delicious, rippling tension and fizzing chemistry between characters is one of the hardest techniques to master. This class can help you (literally) keep the romance alive well past the 80,000-word mark and beyond!

Topics covered in this class include:

‘So, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want’: recognizing what the reader wants, what the reader really wants but doesn’t know, and what the reader needs;
How to Flirt with the Reader: giving an inch but taking a mile when it comes to sweet/romantic/sexy moments;
Clean and Mean: putting the spark in sweet romance and fanning the flame without risking the brimstone;
Down and Dirty: putting the emotion in erotica so every encounter leaves the reader panting for more…for more than one reason;
The Speed Dating Trap: how to balance interest, interaction, and attraction without falling for the trap of insta-love (just add fate/pheromones/booze);
Making it Last: how to chart a course for romance and pace it so it lasts…all book long…
So much more!…

A free recording of the class is included in the purchase. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Instructor: Cait Reynolds

Price: $45.00 USD

Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom

When: Saturday, June 23, 11:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m. EST

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

There’s something dashingly defiant and alluring about a proper young lady who throws caution (and often her petticoats) to the wind and picks up a sword to fight for what she believes in.

Whether it’s Eowyn from Lord of the Rings or Elizabeth (Badass) Bennet from Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, we all love that moment when a woman rises up to prove she’s more than society ever expected her to be.

Yet the market today is flooded with fantasy and historical that carry more trope baggage than Marie Antoinette for a long weekend at the Petit Trianon (sheep not included).

In fantasy, there are girls raised in servitude who suddenly discover their magical powers and royal heritage and must (really quickly) learn to wield swords and spells in order to save the kingdom.

Historical often isn’t much better, taking naive nineteen year-olds and turning them into near-legendary brigands, highwaymen, and pirates within the space of a few months.

Lack of believability, lack of character depth and arc, and lack of world-building/historical knowledge are the three major pitfalls when creating Ye Olde Action Heroine.

Luckily, this class will give writers a map with all literary here-be-hippogriffs clearly marked. Whether your gal is besieged by dragons, in a castle under siege, or in a castle under siege by dragons, this class can help!

This class will cover:

En Garde! Choosing her weapons wisely;
Ye Olde Fight Club: getting real about time & training;
Why, How, and When: how to realistically get her on the path from baking to badassery;
Hard Knocks: how to use failure and lack of skill mastery to create compelling character arcs;
The Joan of Arc trap: how to avoid creating miracles and martyrs (unless you really mean it);
The Pirate Bride: defining femininity in fantasy and historical in order ‘rebel’ against it;
Consequences: what are the short- and long-term consequences of flouting convention?
World Building & Re-Building: getting fantasy and historical settings right for your characters;
And so much more…

A recording of this class is also included with purchase. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Instructor: Kristen Lamb

Price: $45.00 USD

Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom

When: Saturday, June 23, 2:00 – 4:00 p.m. EST

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Female characters have evolved from ‘damsel in distress’ to the ‘hardcore badass.’ Problem is, fictional females escaped one boring mold only to end up in another even MORE boring mold.

But with lipgloss AND karate!

Strong female characters fascinate audiences on the page and on the screen. From Atomic Blonde to Wonder Woman, Special Agent Scully to Dr. Laura Isles, women can exude power and danger in a variety of ways.

Sadly, the badass female has devolved into a tired trope with the depth of a puddle.

This class is to challenge the concept of the dangerous woman as protagonist and antagonist. Creating a powerful woman involves more than handing her weapons, a black belt, and a terminal case of RBF (Resting B$#@% Face).

- Expanding ‘who’ the dangerous woman IS;
- Still waters run DEEP;
- Broadening backstory;
- Motives matter;
- The ‘Tomb Raider’ effect;
- Combat, weapons, tactics;
- Expanding her ‘arsenal’;
- Generating authentic dramatic action/tension;
- Making the dangerous dame ‘likable’;
- AND MORE…

As an author, competitive shooter, and former combatives instructor, there are few characters I LOVE more than a kickass female action hero. Conversely, fewer things vex me more than the tired cookie-cutter female action hero trope. Women can be powerful in a myriad of ways, beyond hand-to-hand combat and shooting everyone in the FACE.

This said, while we’ll explore a wide variety of powerful women, if you long to write that female action hero, this class will (hopefully) make sure you do her justice.

A recording of this class is also included with purchase. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Can’t seem to choose between pirate princesses and bulletproof Barbies? We don’t blame you…and, you don’t have to!

With the Dangerous Dames BUNDLE, get both classes and SAVE MONEY.

Purchased separately, each class is $45. Go for BOTH and get $90 of instruction for ONLY $75. You also get to spend a HUGE part of the day with ME (Kristen Lamb) and my partner in crime Cait Reynolds.

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Date: Saturday, June 23, 2018

Price: $75.00 USD

PRINCESS PRODIGY: 11:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m. EST

BULLETPROOF BARBIE: 2:00-4:00 p.m. EST

*Recordings of both classes included with purchase.

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Five Things Your Editor Hates About You

posted on June 18, 2018 by Cait Reynolds

Editor, editors, writing, publishing — Actually, it’s you. Love, the Editor.

Harsh, I know. Alas, sometimes tough love is necessary for the greater good. Cait Reynolds here today, and what I’m about to reveal is the secret heart’s cry of pretty much every freelance editor (at least the ones that don’t just run manuscripts through Grammarly).

Having worked as a freelance editor for many years, I’ve seen it all from the articulate and amazing, to the works of pure WTH?

I’ve also been given ARCs of books that are ‘professionally edited,’ but are appallingly full of typos, grammatical errors, and trite characters and plots.

I’m not necessarily blaming the editors in these cases. I get it. Sometimes, a work is simply so awful that we would have to completely rewrite it just to get it into passable shape. And, for a fraction of a penny per word, it isn’t worth it.

While there are definitely things editors can do to start helping to correct and cure this epidemic of literary mediocrity, there are things that writers need to do as well. That’s what I’m going to focus on today.

An editor hates…

1. When writers think they don’t have to do at least one or two rounds of their own editing before sending us a manuscript.

I’m not just talking about proofreading for commas (though, that’s another thing coming up). Everyone is in such a rush these days to get their work up on Amazon as fast as they can. So many authors finish up a “manuscript,” hit save, and then email it to their editor without a second thought….or a second look.

Let me throw out this hypothetical situation. Say we were sending this manuscript to an editor at Harper Collins or Penguin. Would we hit save and then send it off without combing through every line?

Or, would we let the manuscript sit for a week or two, giving our brain time and distance so we can go back at it with fresh eyes? Would we read through it critically, looking for (and correcting!) everything from typos and inconsistencies to doughy dialogue and plot holes? Would we repeat this process at least once if not twice more?

We probably would because we know the editor is probably hard-to-please with extremely high expectations about the degree of polish in any work they receive.

So why is sending a manuscript to a freelance editor any different? It shouldn’t be.

Freelance editors aren’t entirely innocent in this, either. We take on work instead of asking for a sample to see what the manuscript is like and then refusing to work on it until the author has gone back and cleaned it up. But, Amazon KDP has both exacerbated and preyed on authors’ fear of rejection to create a murky industry that cycles off of accepting mediocrity as a norm.

I digress.

2. When authors shop around for the cheapest editing services instead of the best editing services.

Editing is one of those things in life where we really do get what we pay for.

Professional freelance editors with experience and training beyond “I love reading,” and “I’m a writer, too,” are pretty rare commodities these days. If we are lucky enough to be taken on by one of these editorial unicorns, we should expect to pay the going rate for unicorns.

Many authors don’t want to go that route because it would mean having to save up money and probably publish fewer books. I don’t think that’s a bad thing because not every idea will make a good book.

Also, like cheese, wine, and wisdom, good ideas and stories need time to mature. We need time to noodle and daydream, to experience those moments of sudden inspiration while doing the dishes or walking the dog.

Instead, far too many authors slap down 60,000 words for whatever idea pops into their heads and then rush on to the next idea. Because if we’re not putting out three books a month, we’re gonna get tossed off the KDP Hamster Wheel of Death.

Producing books in volume means paying for production with an eye to getting volume-discounted services.

The average going rate for editors who provide services to these authors is about $240 for two rounds of editing on a 60,000-word manuscript.

Let’s say that an average editing effort takes 20 hours. That’s $12/hr (before self-employment taxes). It’s only our aversion to fryolators that keeps us from going to work at McDonald’s.

I’m not even going to talk about how authors will pay $500-$800 for a custom cover design but want that $200 editing job to cover concept editing, line editing, and proofreading. It’s enough to turn an editor into a jumper. Or cover designer because screw this $h!t.

An editor gets stabby when…

3. All an author does is accept track changes and sends the manuscript back for round two.

Yes, I have received manuscripts back like this. It’s like the author just ignored all conceptual, content, and craft comments I painstakingly made. This is frustrating because it makes editing incredibly tedious. More than that, it’s disheartening.

When a writer ignores editorial guidance, he or she is also turning down the opportunity to become better at the craft of writing. A good editor doesn’t just catch typos and minor inconsistencies. A skilled editor can identify a writer’s strengths and weaknesses and teach the writer to enhance the first and correct the second.

I’m not sure why writers are so often dismissive of editorial suggestions. Is it because they are in such a rush to get the book out (I see you, KDP Hamster Wheel of Death) that they simply don’t have the time to do a proper editing job?

Or, could it be that they don’t want to take on the daunting task of tearing apart a completed manuscript and painstakingly reworking and rewriting it? Maybe it’s because they’re afraid that trying to improve their writing would imply they’re not that good to start with and probably would never be able to get a traditional publishing contract.

Ignoring editorial guidance is also disrespectful. Let’s go back to that Harper Collins example. How inclined would we be to ignore an editor from Harper Collins who returned our manuscript with suggestions for not only reworking a good third of the book to tighten the plot, but also for learning to be more succinct yet vivid with our descriptions (meaning we need to go page-by-page on our own and make changes)?

So, why ignore guidance and suggestions just because an editor is freelance?

4. There are stupid grammar and usage mistakes in a manuscript.

Seriously. While I get that there are some fine points with grammar that we all fumble with from time-to-time, there is absolutely NO excuse for using the wrong word or using a word incorrectly.

Words are a writer’s business, like medicine is a doctor’s business. How much would we trust a doctor who glanced at a fractured tibia and said, “Uh, seems like you broke your leg thingy.”

How about a list of cringe-inducing usage mistakes I see every single day in manuscripts and self-published books?

Conscious/conscience
Weary/wary
Disdain/distain
Wondering/wandering
Past time/pastime
Shuttered/shuddered
Chocked/choked
Peak/pique/peek
Lossed (not even a word)/lost
Passed/past
Lead/led

Are some of these typos or bleary brain slip-ups? Maybe, but frankly, these should be caught and corrected long before an editor ever sees the manuscript. However, when the wrong word is used consistently, that tells me the writer doesn’t actually know the meaning.

Even worse, when I see incorrect usage that has made it into the final book, I’m ninety-nine percent sure the editor doesn’t know what he or she is doing…or committed seppuku halfway through the editing process.

In terms of grammar, I get that we all have different levels of training. However, just like we don’t want a broken-leg-thingy doctor, I don’t want to see writers who don’t know and don’t bother to learn the most basic rules of language.

Personally, I like the Oxford English Dictionaries’ online grammar reference.

And finally, an editor really, really hates…

5. When we can tell all a writer really wants is the look-at-me-I-published-a-book participation trophy.

The National Association of Recovering Freelancers* put out a study that said four out of five freelance editors suffer a nervous breakdown due to the near-lethal combination of shoddy writing, shoddier story conceptualization and development, and repeated exposure to bad grammar.

*I totally made up the National Association of Recovering Freelancers, but now that I think of it, I really like the acronym, N.A.R.F. Very ‘Pinky and the Brain.’

What drives freelance editors to give it all up? Why do they consider it more productive to search Pinterest compulsively for DIY seashell crafting than to edit a manuscript?

Part of it is the money. It’s also the soul-dulling tedium of slogging through clunky prose, bad grammar, and tired tropes (at $0.004 to $0.006 per word). Most of all, it’s nihilistic realization that so many writers care more about seeing their name on Amazon than whether their readers are getting the best possible story they could write.

Without the Amazon KDP platform, almost none of these writers would ever stand a chance with literary agents and traditional publishers. While the pre-KDP era was far from perfect, repeated rejection had one MAJOR benefit: either the writing got better, or it was never inflicted on the unsuspecting public.

It was the publishing industry’s equivalent of telling the broken-leg-thingy doctor to either go back to school or consider a different career like professional Zamboni driving.

See? Not all gatekeeping is a bad thing. But, freelance editors now have all the work and none of the power, and the reading public is the worse for it.

Harsh but hopeful?

The fact that you are here and reading this blog gives me hope. It means you actually care about becoming a better storyteller and craftsman. It isn’t that freelance editors want to see perfection right off the bat. We merely long to see progress.

Freelance editors do this because we love the written word. We are unflaggingly idealistic, optimistic, and altruistic…until we’re not.

If you or someone you love is a freelance editor who is showing signs of stress (common signs and symptoms include wild-eyed staring at the screen, increased consumption of alcohol/caffeine, and muttering, “Alas, poor literature, we hardly knew ye!”), N.A.R.F. recommends the following treatment options:

Vitamin D. Take your freelance editor outside and reassure them that the light will not actually burn;
Laugh therapy. Expose your freelance editor to a minimum of three minutes of cat videos twice a day;
Calm panic attacks. Repeating “All is right with Strunk and White,” in a low, soothing voice will help ease anxiety;
Homeopathic literature. Provide your freelance editor with Pulitzer Prize- or Mann Booker Prize-winning books. A selection of classic literature will also work in an emergency;
Career development. Gently suggest that your freelance editor consider a different career…

Perhaps something in cover design?

I love hearing from you!

Upcoming Classes!

Instructor: Cait Reynolds

Price: $55.00 USD

Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom

When: Friday, June 22, 2018. 7:00-9:00 p.m. EST

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Because it was boring.

Topics covered in this class include:

‘So, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want’: recognizing what the reader wants, what the reader really wants but doesn’t know, and what the reader needs;
How to Flirt with the Reader: giving an inch but taking a mile when it comes to sweet/romantic/sexy moments;
Clean and Mean: putting the spark in sweet romance and fanning the flame without risking the brimstone;
Down and Dirty: putting the emotion in erotica so every encounter leaves the reader panting for more…for more than one reason;
The Speed Dating Trap: how to balance interest, interaction, and attraction without falling for the trap of insta-love (just add fate/pheromones/booze);
Making it Last: how to chart a course for romance and pace it so it lasts…all book long…
So much more!…

A free recording of the class is included in the purchase. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Instructor: Cait Reynolds

Price: $45.00 USD

Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom

When: Saturday, June 23, 11:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m. EST

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

There’s something dashingly defiant and alluring about a proper young lady who throws caution (and often her petticoats) to the wind and picks up a sword to fight for what she believes in.

Yet the market today is flooded with fantasy and historical that carry more trope baggage than Marie Antoinette for a long weekend at the Petit Trianon (sheep not included).

In fantasy, there are girls raised in servitude who suddenly discover their magical powers and royal heritage and must (really quickly) learn to wield swords and spells in order to save the kingdom.

Historical often isn’t much better, taking naive nineteen year-olds and turning them into near-legendary brigands, highwaymen, and pirates within the space of a few months.

Lack of believability, lack of character depth and arc, and lack of world-building/historical knowledge are the three major pitfalls when creating Ye Olde Action Heroine.

This class will cover:

En Garde! Choosing her weapons wisely;
Ye Olde Fight Club: getting real about time & training;
Why, How, and When: how to realistically get her on the path from baking to badassery;
Hard Knocks: how to use failure and lack of skill mastery to create compelling character arcs;
The Joan of Arc trap: how to avoid creating miracles and martyrs (unless you really mean it);
The Pirate Bride: defining femininity in fantasy and historical in order ‘rebel’ against it;
Consequences: what are the short- and long-term consequences of flouting convention?
World Building & Re-Building: getting fantasy and historical settings right for your characters;
And so much more…

A recording of this class is also included with purchase. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Instructor: Kristen Lamb

Price: $45.00 USD

Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom

When: Saturday, June 23, 2:00 – 4:00 p.m. EST

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Female characters have evolved from ‘damsel in distress’ to the ‘hardcore badass.’ Problem is, fictional females escaped one boring mold only to end up in another even MORE boring mold.

But with lipgloss AND karate!

Sadly, the badass female has devolved into a tired trope with the depth of a puddle.

- Expanding ‘who’ the dangerous woman IS;
- Still waters run DEEP;
- Broadening backstory;
- Motives matter;
- The ‘Tomb Raider’ effect;
- Combat, weapons, tactics;
- Expanding her ‘arsenal’;
- Generating authentic dramatic action/tension;
- Making the dangerous dame ‘likable’;
- AND MORE…

This said, while we’ll explore a wide variety of powerful women, if you long to write that female action hero, this class will (hopefully) make sure you do her justice.

A recording of this class is also included with purchase. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Can’t seem to choose between pirate princesses and bulletproof Barbies? We don’t blame you…and, you don’t have to!

With the Dangerous Dames BUNDLE, get both classes and SAVE MONEY.

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Date: Saturday, June 23, 2018

Price: $75.00 USD

PRINCESS PRODIGY: 11:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m. EST

BULLETPROOF BARBIE: 2:00-4:00 p.m. EST

*Recordings of both classes included with purchase.

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Show Me the Honey: Three Ways to Bee Relentless

posted on June 6, 2018 by Kristen Lamb

Last time we talked about this all too common word ‘busy’ and why it makes my left eye twitch. When I was writing this last post, I thought about the common idiomatic phrase we use: He was busy as a bee. I find it odd we’d choose to call bees busy. Bees are not at ALL busy.

Bees act with plan, purpose, vision, intention and have very clear goals wired into their DNA. Unlike humans, bees always know precisely why they are doing what they do day in and day out. Bees are relentless in all they do. Again, unlike humans, bees are aware that flitting flower to flower results in something tangible and essential for their survival.

Sure, when we watch bees buzz from blossom to blossom, they might appear aimless when, in fact they are anything BUT. Those little suckers are on a mission every day with single-minded purpose. Today, we’ll talk about how we can bee all we can bee.

#FunWithPuns

One: Bees Have a Clear Result in Mind

Bees operate with a clear result in mind, relentless in everything they do. All their ‘activity’ serves a singular purpose. Granted, bees do have a bit of an advantage. First, I’ve yet to encounter a bee who’d watched a single episode of Game of Thrones or lost time collecting pollen because it got distracted arguing over stupid crap on Facebook.

Bees don’t have Netflix, carpool duty, or kids who play soccer, lacrosse, and take ballet. Bees don’t need to do laundry. They’re able to buzz about in the open ‘nude’ without fear of fines for being tiny winged perverts.

I get that us ‘enlightened’ bee-ings have more ‘stuff’ that gets in the way, clouds our vision, and that can lead to a slow drifting away from our purpose. Yet, I might also challenge all of us to state what our purpose truly IS. One reason we fail to be relentless in what we do, is that we never stopped to even define what we want.

When we fail to state our core GOAL, it’s almost impossible to discern meaningful activity from fruitless distraction. This is why every success book worth reading emphasizes writing out clear and attainable goals. With no defined objective, we end up with mission drift.

Bees are relentless because they can’t afford mission drift.

If they dawdle about in the flowers, stop to buzz smack about the wasp family that moved in, and fail to return with the pollen? They die.

Some might argue that humans won’t die if they don’t fulfill their purpose, but I’d say that isn’t entirely true. Purpose is wired into humans as well. We do die, albeit in a different way. Humans with no purpose can suffer burnout, depression, exhaustion, and crippling neuroses.

If deep down you KNOW you were born to be an author, there is a very real reason your job in that cubicle makes you dread waking up every day.

Two: Bees Possess Enthusiasm for Results

Bees are able to get going every day a flower is to be found with an enthusiasm I covet. They’re relentless all day every day largely because they ‘know’ all this work will lead to a tangible (and vital) result. In our modern culture, there’s been an explosion of stress-related illnesses.

In a time where we should be healthier than ever, in many areas we’re sicker than we’ve ever been with illnesses we’ve never encountered.

Granted there are many theories and reasons why stress is taking a major toll on modernized countries, but I believe it’s because the nature of our work has changed.

Anyone who works at a computer knows it seems we’re digging a sand pit every day. We dig and dig and the more we dig, the more ‘sand’ piles in. Emails are relentless. Meetings are relentless. Demands are relentless. Drama is relentless.

We work more hours than ever before, yet rarely do we see tangible RESULTS. Money in and of itself is not enough. Without purpose, without meaningful results, something inside of us withers. Eventually, we drift because we’re unfulfilled. Being relentless has no point.

I’d like to offer these three ‘excursions’ in my life to illustrate.

Syria—Relentless for a Vision

relentless, Kristen Lamb, busy, busy as a bee, busy versus productive, time management, humans and purpose, the power of purpose, living with intention, psychology of goals, being relentless for success, lack of purpose and psychological impact — My old neighborhood.

The day after I graduated college I boldly hopped on a plane to Damascus, Syria, eager to use all I’d learned in the university. I had grand plans, a vision, drive and purpose to improve the lives of others. Alas, what began as a dream ended up something vastly different.

I didn’t mind living in a refugee camp, having to trade with the Bedouins, or the time-consuming drudgery of having to buy nearly everything on the black market. The lack of water and showers and prevalence of rats and packs of wild dogs I could endure. Why? Because I had purpose.

Syria undid me because I so badly wanted a far different future than the one I sensed was inevitable. Hard to believe I used to live here 🙁 .

Alas, despite my best efforts, it was impossible to attain meaningful results. Between having to bribe everyone and his uncle to simply keep the place open and miles of red tape, we couldn’t get to WORK. No matter how good our intentions, how relentless we worked…nothing changed.

Within only a few weeks, it became crystal clear why the owners and workers were less-than-inspired to ‘achieve more.’ With any increase in production/profit came an inevitable increase in the amount of the bribe or the number of new ‘officials’ expecting bribes as well.

I arrived a hopeless idealist and left a defeated cynic, deeply grieving the people I felt I’d somehow ‘let down.’ All that work, relentless planning, bartering, bribing and compromise…for nothing.

Mexico—Relentless for Status/Money

After Syria, I decided I needed a real J-O-B. Again, paper sales. A major part of my territory was in northern Mexico, supplying the maquiladoras. Again, dirty and dangerous work…but great money, company car and an expense account!

I also had the interesting experience of stopping to use a restroom and having a chicken wander into the stall.

Who can put a price tag on THAT?

And Mexico was probably safer than most of the places I had to regularly visit. Since I sold industrial paper, I did business in the roughest areas of Houston, Dallas, El Paso and New Orleans…which I actually didn’t mind at all.

It was company politics that kept me from fulfilling promises to my customers. Deals made with upper management approval…that they later backed out on.

Again, no matter how hard I worked, there were no meaningful results. I was plagued with migraines, constantly caught pneumonia, and eventually couldn’t even drive to the office without having to stop the car and throw up.

A paycheck alone (even a really good one) couldn’t make up for feeling I was working for nothing.

After enough of this? I quit.

Belize—Relentless for…a Sidewalk

Belize was the only completely UNPAID work. I volunteered and actually PAID my own money to go help. A contractor had messed up a large expanse of sidewalk in front of the only school in this vastly remote area. Being in the jungle, it rained…a lot. The sidewalks canted inward, meaning the school was constantly flooding.

In Syria and Mexico, I used my schooling, my skills and what I was ‘trained’ to do.

Belize? I was utterly untrained to tear out faulty sidewalks and build better ones. The work was miserable. I thought I’d die from the heat (and I’m a TEXAN). Day after day I toiled in the rain, knee-deep in mud, a machete always nearby (to kill poisonous snakes).

When I wasn’t swinging a sledgehammer, I was hauling concrete in buckets, or cutting out and replacing rebar. At the end of every day I was filthy. I was definitely unprepared for the scorpions that rained out of the shower curtain my first night trying to take a shower.

Yet, of all my excursions into dangerous, impoverished places with no modern amenities, Belize remains one of my fondest memories. Why? Because after all that suffering, there was a pristine, perfect sidewalk for the children. My relentless toil paid off in a tangible way.

Like the bee, I could work day after day no matter what because I KNEW it would pay off. There would be something worthwhile to SHOW for my efforts.

Three: Bees Know What Bees Do

To bee or not to bee is never the question…for bees.

Whether we like to admit it or not, much of our identity is forged by what we do. Bees have it easier because they know they are bees and know what bees are meant to do. They work with intention, know their purpose and expect the payoff.

Humans? We tend to go to extremes. We either over think or fail to think at all. In the last post I challenged all of us to ask the crucial questions. What am I doing? Why am I doing it? Do I want—whatever—for the right reasons? Have I set myself up to fail? Will this goal/dream fulfill me?

In Syria, I dreamed I’d make a meaningful difference in the lives of those at the paper plant…yet was woefully out of my depth. My failure to respect the sheer enormity of my goal (and my pride) inevitably led to defeat.

In Mexico (sales), I believed money would make me happy. That I could drive thousands of miles, work absurd hours in the most dangerous cities for the right pay.

I’d grown up wearing KMart clothes my Christmas gifts often supplied via Toys for Tots. Yet, when I worked in sales? I wore designer clothes, had a company car, an expense account…and a nervous breakdown.

Belize showed me more of my true self, what actually gave me joy. This trip also revealed why I’d met with so much failure. I’d always known I wanted to be a writer, so why wasn’t I a writer? Money, influence, approval couldn’t make up for my failure to be what I was meant to be.

Bee Brave, Bee Bold, Bee Relentless

Our lives end up cluttered, crammed with meaningless activity because we’re failing to own up to and live out our purpose. Lack of purpose (or a distorted purpose) has serious negative psychological effects.

When we work for a paycheck at a job we hate, we mask our spiritual emptiness with distractions (food, drugs, Netflix, volunteering to bake cookies when we hate baking).

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with money or wanting to make money. Yet, those truly driven by money are inherently entrepreneurs. A doctor who builds a successful name and practice and scores a slot on daytime television might be a healer but this person is a healer-entrepreneur.

Business, making money, expanding influence is part of their purpose…which is why they don’t burn out.

Conversely, think of the fine folks who endure years of schooling to become a doctor, only to ship off to Africa to risk their lives to save lives. These doctors know they are healers.

These doctors know who they are, their purpose, and that entrepreneur is not part of who they are. It’s why they’re content to sleep in a hut, not in a mansion. They are happy to drive an ancient rusted Land Rover with a winch instead of the latest luxury Land Rover with GPS and Pandora radio.

Are You a Writer? Then BEE a Writer

If deep down you know you’re a writer? Write. Confess your GOAL is to write, whether that is poems, blogs, novels, pulp fiction, screenplays, fan fiction, haiku or dirty limericks and WRITE.

Writing is what powers you up, what fulfills your purpose, the goal where you’re most likely to be relentless.

Maybe you’ll never make millions (though we’d all love to), but money isn’t your driving force. Writing is. If today I told you that you’d never make a dime off your writing, would you still write?

If you answered yes, you’re a writer.

Maybe you’ll have to keep that day job forever, BUT if you carve out time to bee what you were meant to bee, what might happen? Suddenly that day job isn’t sheer drudgery because it’s no longer your identity. The day job shifts from tedium to what FUNDS your authentic purpose, the place where you find meaning and fulfillment.

The day job becomes the pollen (money to pay bills) that makes the HONEY (time/resources to write).

Show Me the Honey!

In the end, it’s okay to be busy…like a bee. This takes time, reflection, honesty, trial, error, failure, and courage. As writers, a lot of what we do looks like that bee buzzing around blooms. We read, take classes, watch shows, study dialogue, explore and all ‘busy work’ is necessary to make the honey…and ideally the money 😉 .

***Scroll down for some classes that might help with that.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Does the dreaded day job now seem different to you? Are you writing because you love it? Are you not loving it because you’re ‘success’ metric is money? Would changing that metric maybe help you fall back in love with writing? Have you ever felt stuck? Adrift? All out of GO? Were you/are you afraid to BEE you?

We all are! So join the crazy club 😀 .

What are some of the tough questions you’ve been too ‘busy’ to even ask?

I love hearing from you!

May’s winner is Stephanie Scott. Please email your 5,000 word WORD doc (12 point font, double-spaced, one-inch margins) to kristen at wana intl dot com.

Upcoming Class!

Backstory—The Yarn Behind the Book

June 8th with USA Today Best-Selling Author Cait Reynolds. We need to know our character’s past, their gols, conflicts and motivations…but don’t get crazy 😉 .

NEW CLASSES! ALL About the KICK@$$ FEMALES!

June 16th

Beyond the Princess Prodigy: Strong Females in Fantasy & Historical

Class starts the morning of 6/16/18 with USA Today Best-Selling Author Cait Reynolds 11:30 AM EST to 1:30 PM EST ($45)

Beyond Bullet-Proof Barbie: Strong Female Characters for a Modern World

The NEXT class starts the afternoon of 6/16/18 with ME, Kristen Lamb 2:00 PM EST to 4:00 MP EST ($45)

WANT DOUBLE THE DAME DANGER? Get the BUNDLE and SAVE!

Dangerous Dames Bundle: Pirate Princess to Bulletproof Barbie

Both Cait AND me for FOUR AND A HALF HOURS! Squeee! SAVE $15 for the alcohol you might need afterwards to…celebrate 😀 ($75)

***Recordings included with purchase to reduce chances of ODing on AWESOME.

Self-Sabotage: How & Why We Writers Are Our Own Worst Enemies

posted on May 30, 2018 by Kristen Lamb

There are SO many reasons why being a professional author is TOUGH. Much of what authors do is counter to human nature. It is NOT natural to sit still and write a 100,000 words. It’s human nature to avoid stress, pain, and trauma, while an author’s job is to inflict as much suffering as possible.

Good writers are death dealers, anguish agents, and pain peddlers (which probably is why we freak ‘normal’ people out). Yet, we know torment is necessary for the greater good. A ‘story’ without seemingly unbeatable odds, terrifying stakes, and white-knuckled tension isn’t a story.

It’s self-indulgent tripe.

The ultimate objective of any author worth their ink cartridges is to create so much pressure we might just give our readers the bends.

Yet, this is not ‘natural.’ It is also not simple. There is nothing about being an author that is easy, and thing is?

Most of us fear we don’t have what it takes.

We’re also terrified to admit this. So what do we do? We become our own worst enemies and self-sabotage. And, since writers generally are smart, we self-sabotage in ways that appear to be REAL work to the untrained eye.

Thus, today, we’re going to discuss some of the clever ways writers self-sabotage. Since I’ve been guilty of ALL of these (because I’m a ridiculous overachiever), I can speak from experience. When it comes to self-sabotage, I would have been top of the class…but didn’t study for the final until the night before.

Self-Sabotage—Give Me Liberty OR Give Me DEATH!

This writer longs to be completely FREE! No boundaries, restrictions, or rules. Total liberty. They throw caution to the wind and GO!

In the writing world, we refer to folks who write by the seat of their pants as ‘pantsers.’ Many new writers start out as a pantser, because we are dying to WRITE. We love ALL THE WORDS and want to get them down and on the page. Planning takes TIME! Ruins the spontaneity. Who needs a plot? *rolls eyes*

My story can’t be forced. Plot will reveal itself. Like, it’s totally ORGANIC.

***Know what else is totally organic? Bull$#!t. Just food for thought 😉 .

Anyway, this type of writer might (mistakenly) believe that an outline or anything remotely resembling a structure equals ‘formulaic writing.’ I know, because I claimed that nonsense at one time as well.

Truth was, I wanted to play with my imaginary friends, and learning craft was hard and boring and looked way more like HARD WORK than I was comfortable with.

Also, obviously, I was an ‘exception’ due to my superior, innately born, and gifted-from-angels ‘talent.’ Thus, the rules applied to everyone but me, because *hair flip* I was smarter.

Yep, sure.

All excellent stories have structure, because a story is akin to a living organism. It needs BONES, because guess what had no bones? The Blob. If we want a squishy creature that just keeps getting bigger and bigger by absorbing more characters, descriptions, plot bunnies and adverbs?

Meet BLOB, not BOOK.

If pantsing is your jam, that’s fine. But authors who are excellent pantsers took time to learn and understand how story structure WORKS. Sometimes this is a person who’s read a gazillion books. They’ve read SO many novels, structure is almost ingrained into their marrow.

Perhaps they wrote a crap ton of bad books that fizzled and died. After years of writing utter crap, eventually they didn’t.

These authors are like the self-taught musician who plays by ear.

Problem with this approach is a writer is more likely to give up than be successful. A creative can only endure so many stillborn stories, before we just give up.

Been there.

A person who learns to play a guitar by listening to music and plucking around can possibly be AMAZING. However, classes covering even basics like finger positions and chords can help…a lot. The would-be guitarist will get to making something that sounds like actual ‘music’ far faster.

Thus, the self-sabotage is not the writer’s choice to be a pantser, rather the almost savage reaction to any suggestion regarding learning structure.

Deep down the reason the writer won’t consider a log-line, outline, basic plot points is because of two false beliefs. First, they believe if they ‘succumb’ to *shivers* structure, they therefore lack talent.

Only amateurs need paint-by-numbers. <—me

Secondly, they might also believe they really DON’T have talent/ability. Thus, if they actually read the books and took the classes, they’d have no reason NOT to write amazing stories. <—totally me, too

Fearing authentic failure, the Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death crowd makes certain to always pick the path that leads to ‘something other than them’ being the source of failure. This could be failure to ever finish, or failure to write a book that sells (either to an agent or an audience).

I’m not writing the right genre. The idea wasn’t as good as I thought. Nobody is reading BLAH genre. My book isn’t bad, it’s ‘literary’ and agents/editors/readers just don’t ‘get’ my story.

Whatever.

Any excuse other than to admit fear of not ‘having enough talent.’

Self-Sabotage—The Craft Class JUNKIE

Knowing Amazon is chock full of ‘novels’—self-indulgent personal fantasy fulfillment tropes with no plot—this writer goes to the OTHER extreme. They hit the books, blogs, classes, conferences and do all the exercises. The Craft Class Junkie is a near relative of the professional college student.

This writer is perfectly okay, so long as their ‘knowledge’ is never actually put to the test. While brilliant regarding theoretical, they cave when it comes to practical application. Writers like this are always exploring various ‘methods.’

In fact, they likely never choose any method, or at least not long enough to finish and see it through. To practice with it until they are skilled.

See, writing is really, really freaking hard. Like the Give Me Liberty or Death group, Craft Junkies believe (again mistakenly) that if they were ‘good’ enough, writing a story would NOT be hard.

Which is total bunk.

Thus, the Craft Junkie might start out with the Snowflake Method, hit the inevitable second act slump, then shelve the story…because you know, snowflakes are flaky and it just wasn’t working. The story really needed this method or that method.

The Write A Novel in a Week By Channeling Your Spirit Animal! Now THAT’S the ticket.

Envision your story squirrel and merely describe what your story squirrel sees in as many words as possible.

The Liberty or Death and the Craft Junkie are two sides of the same coin.

The pantser is at least willing to write…a lot. Even if they have no idea where the hell they’re going, they at least GO. This writer actually NEEDS the craft training.

Conversely the Craft Junkie is incredibly educated, but it’s all theoretical. This author needs actual practice.

Writing is actually a trade/artisan skill which requires training AND loads of practice, practical experience, and yes…failure.

Self-Sabotage—The Background BOSS

Maybe we wrote some ‘stories’ or ‘novels’ and realized we had a bunch of paper dolls, talking heads, and kept writing ourselves into a corner. Eager to get to writing (with or without an outline) we jumped the gate. We failed to take time to really know and understand our characters.

Thus, we commit to knowing every character intimately from their favorite cereal to the name of their first kitten. We will open every psychological door!

Problem is, we can fall in LOVE with the background.

Backstory is to the novel what crossfit is to sports.

Seems close to the real thing but isn’t. We can self-sabotage with planning and more planning and adding more layers.

Backstory is fun because we have no skin in the game. It isn’t our NOVEL, which will actually test our mettle. It’s the intensive activity that permits a thrill of storytelling without any of the commitment.

Like doing crossfit, I can become extremely fit, which is fantastic if my goal is to simply be super fit.

It is only when I commit to applying this crossfit training to something else (a sport) that my ‘activities’ become more than rolling around large tires and swinging kettlebells. Application is the only place my strength, endurance, and dexterity can truly be measured.

Backstory is CRUCIAL. In fact, Cait is teaching a class on backstory I STRONGLY recommend. But if we aren’t vigilant, it can end up the writer equivalent of dragging around a tractor tire and believing this is progress. Backstory is to help make us the best at writing great novels, not number one at creating character profiles.

Backstory is IN THE PAST

Meaning it’s already happened. The true test of a storyteller is to use the past create an unknown future.

Sure, Fifi has had a bad life, but when presented with a problem that pokes her wounds, HOW DOES SHE DEAL/OR NOT DEAL?

Yet, the Backstory Boss isn’t comfortable going forward because that’s scary, and the past has passed and is safer.

Just as the crossfitter knows she can do cherry-pickers all day, she’s possibly afraid that, if she played field hockey or soccer or started doing roller derby, she might be terrible. Same with the writer who’s self-sabotage manifests in a ton of busy-work.

They’re endlessly tweaking backstories or even trashing perfectly good backstories and starting over…and over.

And over.

There is an insidious addiction to preparation and yet never enough preparation to commit to the ACTUAL GAME. Fear of failure, rejection, success all powers the self-sabotage cycle. #AskMeHowIKnow

Self-Sabotage—The Research Hoarder

Research MATTERS. Granted, some genres require more research than others. Cupcake Cozy vs. Epic Historical. Totally different levels of research, but might want to know a little about baking even for the cozy.

Trust me, I’m writing a horror set in the Old West. I can affirm that learning how to write historical has been an @$$ beating. I’ve read everything from Mark Twain to St. Augustine, to Goethe. I’ve watched countless documentaries, studied food, weapons, cooking, clothing, idiomatic expressions, medicine, global politics, *taps out*.

Yes, I HAD to research to make dead certain this story could reasonably happen. Granted, it is a Western Horror, but the speculative angle doesn’t give me a free pass on history/research.

As my coauthor (Cait) has lectured me, my characters cannot be riding train cars not yet invented or passing through towns not yet imagined, let alone established.

Yes, ma’am *whimpers and fetches ice pack*

In fact, research is critical for my world-building (I.e. the barber having a corner chair at the saloon pulling teeth while patrons eat and drink nearby).

Yet, there is a fine line between wanting the details to be correct ‘enough’ versus wanting them to be PERFECT. Perfect is the enemy of the finished. We will never write a perfect novel, so don’t try.

Remember the AUDIENCE

Yes, please research. It’s part of our JOB to know and understand the world we’re writing about. We’re also wise to appreciate that readers will gravitate to our novel because they LOVE the subject. It is prudent to appreciate our audience might even be knowledgable.

Thus, if we’re writing a mystery-suspense with a homicide detective as our MC, we BETTER know how that all works, because our AUDIENCE likely does. NOTE: Unless this is OUR professional background, our audience is probably NOT law enforcement (because they can’t watch Miami CSI without suffering an aneurism).

Much like if we write medical mysteries, medical personnel probably NOT our audience because they watched House once, and nearly died…of laughter.

Relax, Already

Sure retired lawyers, detectives, doctors, etc. write stories that even people who share their profession might enjoy…if they enjoy reading about WORK in their free time. But even the pros must take liberties for fiction.

Our audience generally will be people who know the broad strokes of these worlds (the ‘interesting parts’), but know them very, very well. They know about blood transfer, blood spatter, ballistics, Luminol, body lividity, etc.

Suspense, mystery, thriller readers are people who’ve watched so many episodes of Forensic Files they yell at murderers on Dateline the same way men yell at football games.

Seriously? You PAID the hit man with a PERSONAL CHECK under the video cameras at Taco BELL? You deserve the needle.

Or maybe it’s just me.

Anyway, the audience will (likely) know who does what job when and where and how. This means we (the authors) should know this stuff, too.

But, in the end, fiction is NOT reality.

To paraphrase Hitchcock, ‘Fiction is life with the boring crap taken out.’ Accuracy, to a degree, draws readers into the fictive dream.

Yet, if we were completely accurate, then a murder mystery would be 400,000 pages long and detail excruciating paperwork for warrants, multiple interviews, polygraphs, interrogations, months waiting on DNA, CODIS, filing MORE paperwork, and answering every crackpot tip on the hotline.

Also gotta make sure the unit secretary Brenda Baffleghast’s retirement party is included because, you know…authenticity.

Oh and remember to include the local psychic who saw the murderer’s face burned on her toast!

Research is vital because the better we do this scouring, the easier it is to work seamlessly within our world without interrupting creative flow. The deeper the well to draw from, the richer the story, the more opportunities to create magic.

Beware of paralysis by analysis.

It is OKAY not to know everything…so long as we nail the major stuff.

I cannot have my MC traveling through the Fort Worth Stock Yards in 1860 BECAUSE IT DID NOT EXIST UNTIL 1876.

This is a major point and something I reasonably should have researched and know while plotting.

Alas, expect some research troll to appear, majorly miffed who will write a detailed two-star review saying crap like, ‘Well, I couldn’t get into the book. The railroad didn’t use the gringle-doffer-doodle-mabobber until 1875 and the author has it in 1874. After that? I was totally thrown out of the story. I mean did the author even TRY?’

Sure did. Just not nearly as hard as you tried to be a total @$$…

At the end of the day…

All these ways of self-sabotage are not in and of themselves BAD or WRONG. It took me starting and never being able to finish 27 ‘novels’ for me to get a clue and maybe read a craft book…or ALL OF THEM. I ended up going to the OTHER extreme and was terrified to WRITE until I knew…EVERYTHING.

I’m not a plotter or pantser, I’m a plotser 😀 .

I have a hard-drive bursting with fantastic backstories I will likely never use. Not to mention I’ve listened to over TWO THOUSAND hours of audio books in less than two years. This is NOT counting time spent reading paper books or e-books on my Kindle, articles, papers….or the books taped behind my toilet.

Suffice to say my ‘research’ might have gone a tad…okay completely off the rails.

But I am much better now…. *drools*

So if you’ve been hiding in any of these self-sabotage safe spaces, it’s okay. The one leaving cookie crumbs? Probably me.

What Are Your Thoughts?

I love hearing from you! Did you see yourself in any of these ‘profiles’ or maybe…ALL of them? *hangs head* Have any to add? How do you struggle? If you’ve overcome one of these self-sabotaging habits, do you have tips, suggestions, war stories?

And if the BOG OF BACKSTORY is where you get stuck, remember Cait is teaching how to do this well…without needing safety line to make sure you return to your loved ones 🙂 .

Backstory—The Yarn Behind the Book

June 8th with USA Today Best-Selling Author Cait Reynolds

NEW CLASSES! ALL About the KICK@$$ FEMALES!

June 16th

Beyond the Princess Prodigy: Strong Females in Fantasy & Historical

Class starts the morning of 6/16/18 with USA Today Best-Selling Author Cait Reynolds 11:30 AM EST to 1:30 PM EST ($45)

Beyond Bullet-Proof Barbie: Strong Female Characters for a Modern World

The NEXT class starts the afternoon of 6/16/18 with ME, Kristen Lamb 2:00 PM EST to 4:00 MP EST ($45)

WANT DOUBLE THE DAME DANGER? Get the BUNDLE and SAVE!

Dangerous Dames Bundle: Pirate Princess to Bulletproof Barbie

Both Cait AND me for FOUR AND A HALF HOURS! Squeee! SAVE $15 for the alcohol you might need afterwards to…celebrate 😀 ($75)

***Recordings included with purchase to reduce chances of ODing on AWESOME.

Truth: The Door Between Our Greatest Fears & Our Greatest Selves

posted on May 22, 2018 by Kristen Lamb

We’ve likely all heard the phrase, The truth shall set you free. Truth is critical in all areas of life, yet we’re often afraid—okay, terrified—of truth. It’s dismally human to eschew truth because truth often hurts.

A lot.

Truth and pain are inseparable, which is why great authors (or great people in general) are probably masochists.

What separates the amateur from the professional is the person’s willingness to face truth and embrace pain. If we think about it, authentic triumph always follows on the heels of pain.

Ask anyone who’s finished a marathon, completed an advanced degree, paid off a mountain of debt, or wriggled into max-control Spanx without losing consciousness….

Ask your mother about pain. Well, maybe not…

Ironically, the more pain involved, the greater the victory on the other side. Yet, how many of us long for victory…just without all that ‘pain’ stuff?

Truth increases self-awareness. It makes us face aspects of our character we’d rather hide in the bathtub with the piles of dirty laundry.

Don’t you judge me O_o ….

Today, I’m going to toss down some truth bombs. I’d love to say that I knew this stuff all along and am some mystic sage imbued with super powers.

But that would totally be a LIE (thus, likely unhelpful).

Truth About Time

One phrase I recommend banishing from your lexicon: If I could only find the time. Here’s the deal, we don’t find time, we make time. Time isn’t hiding in the couch cushions with the remote control.

Time isn’t wandering around crying until mall security hands it a balloon. It isn’t buried in the woods like some stash from a bank robbery. There is no map, GPS, or time-sniffing dogs to help locate time because time isn’t lost.

It’s right there asking us all, ‘Hey, buddy, what would you like us to do today?’

We choose. If we hope to find any success in life we must realize we are ultimately responsible. Everything else is an excuse. Why so many of us feel guilty that we haven’t done X, Y, and Z is we know we could have.

We simply chose NOT to.

*winces*

I know, but don’t worry. It’s cool…

We’re All Human Here (Mostly)

What fascinates me is how closely great stories mimic great lives. This is why humans have loved great stories from the invention of fire until today.

Here’s the thing, though. No one likes a ‘story’ about a character whisked along passively caught in the riptide of bad stuff happening. Great stories involve choices, forks in the road, decisions…tough decisions.

Decisions we KNOW we could never make…so we read about/admire OTHER people who do 😀 .

We admire people who’ve made the brutal choices, choices involving time, effort, focus. This is why athletes, activists, authors, innovators, scientists, entertainers, and people with immaculate closets fascinate us.

As writers, we of all people should appreciate the power of words. When we keep espousing time ‘can be found,’ it’s a self-delusion, a cushion from reality.

Truth is, life is suffering. There is no way to escape suffering, but we can choose our suffering. If we are going to suffer anyway, why not be in control?

Truth About Talent

I wrote a post a while back asking the question all writers ask (or should). Do some people simply lack the talent to become authors? I would say talent is highly overrated. This goes back to our overall theme of truth, time and suffering. When I began blogging over a decade ago, I was clueless. There were so many bloggers who were better than me, BIGGER than me.

OMG, if I could ONE DAY get five-hundred unique visits, I would, like totally DIE.

***Probably good I didn’t.

When I decided to blog for real, I was thrilled when I got my first comment—A FAN!

I was so excited, I even commented back to my new fan knowing one day we would be best friends and maybe…meet in person! Squeeeee!

Of everyone who said I was an idiot for becoming a writer this one lone angel saw what no one else did (other than me and my mom).

This commenter found me and believed…in…me.

*moment of reverent silence*

My commenter’s name was *deep breath*…Akismet.

Odd name. Is that Russian, Albanian, Indian?

I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THIS!

Of course, when Akismet was so rude as to not reply I shrugged it off. Imagine my mortification when I learned Akismet was WordPress’s spam filter, and I’d tried to befriend an automated message.

And also been hurt when I was ghosted by an automated message.

I CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP, PEOPLE!

Truth About Blogging

The truth is? I was a raging idiot (if you haven’t already figured that out). Like one of those people who is so stupid they can’t see HOW stupid they really ARE? Yep…me. With writing, blogging…life.

I was a raging idiot because I began as an unteachable know-it-all. It was only through a lot of failure and stupidity (like trash-talking my ‘fake friend’ Akismet) that I eventually saw myself for who/what I truly was.

And it stung…a lot.

When I finally faced my true character (or lack thereof), that’s when my life started making authentic progress. I began blogging for the wrong reasons (affirmation of how AMAZING I was), but found something vastly different.

See, I’d been told my entire life I had talent, that I was a fantastic writer, and maybe that was true.

Problem was, I had the skin of a grape and no self-discipline. When everything wasn’t immediately stars and fame and unicorn hugs…I quit. I was lazy, self-absorbed, insecure and wanted to be a writer for all the wrong reasons—a desire for affirmation, approval, fame, glory, and more approval.

Did I mention needing approval? That’s okay, right?

Once these truths slapped me in the face like a school of dead fish, I had some tough choices to make. Where would I dedicate my TIME? Would I give up or press on? If no one ever read my blog, would I be okay with that?

I could continue choosing the pain of never finishing anything I started, OR I could push through and see what might be on the other side of that pain.

Initially, I blogged for fame. Then, I changed my reason and blogged to improve my character. Blogging trained me to hold myself to self-imposed deadlines. No one was going to arrive and toss me in ‘blogger jail’ if I failed to post. This helped me overcome perfectionism and SHIP.

Since I had no fans, if I didn’t post, the only one I’d be letting down was myself.

The Truth About Myself

As mentioned (a lot), I was addicted to approval. Could I keep posting when there was no chorus to sing my praises? Then, once people actually did begin reading, could I stick to my guns and keep blogging despite a long line of people telling me I was a hack, poseur, amateur, idiot, etc.?

I was addicted to perfection, always revising, redoing, tweaking. Blogging taught me to let it GO. Perfect is the enemy of the finished. Thus, when feedback inevitably slammed into me like a boomerang I’d forgotten I’d thrown, I saw stars (not the nice ones).

Initially, my voice was too preachy, so I lightened up. Followers responded far more favorably to my humorous side. Once I gained more confidence, I eventually let the comedy FLY! It was fantastic and fun and…

#Oops

Ah, but then my jokes got SO good, readers didn’t realize I WAS joking…which I found out when I unintentionally started a panic.

When G+ launched, I wrote a hysterically funny parody MOCKING Facebook for copying Twitter. I say this humbly.

*gets cramp patting self on back*

Anyway, I blogged about Facebook’s new function Twit+ (a term I TOTALLY MADE UP )…and fielded emails for weeks from hysterical writers who couldn’t locate the Twit+ function on Facebook.

SHE TOOK IT TOO FAR!

Yes…yes I did. And I eased back on the throttle. But, blogging allowed me to hone my skills and my voice. By trial, error, and unwittingly starting a digital stampede—or ten—I learned more by DOING in a year than decades of ‘thinking about doing.’

Truth Revealed

When we choose our suffering and then dedicate TIME to that endeavor, eventually this reveals truth. The more ‘novels’ I wrote (and failed to finish), the more it became seriously clear I needed to do more studying.

With every blog, I gained progressively thicker skin and increased confidence. I learned that what had been true about me in 2004 was no longer true by 2010 and certainly isn’t true here in 2018.

Over a decade later, most of the bloggers I aspired to be ‘one day’…have quit. The critics who blasted me about the future of publishing, ‘experts’ who called me lots of names for suggesting writers needed a platform and brand? Most are no longer around.

The trolls who blasted me for calling out the exposure dollar SCAM, who rallied their platforms to flame me when I suggested writers needed to be PAID? They’re now…

…oddly quiet.

😉

Why is La Cucaracha playing in my head? Go ahead, throw a shoe at me! I’ll be waiting for you in it in the morning *evil laugh* Oh, and I licked half your Cheetos while you were sleeping. Which half? I’ll never tell.

MUA HA HA HA HA *coughs*

Sally forth.

Truth About Motivation

Motivation is overrated and hangs out with ‘Talent’ in dark alleys. They sell dime bags of ‘Instant Happiness,’ ‘Noble Excuses’ along with sweet chasers of ‘Do It Later’ shots.

There’s a lot about being a writer (and blogger) that’s a TON of fun, but a lot of it seriously sucks. That’s life. Show me a job that is all awesome all the time and I will lovingly ask you to stop dropping acid.

Often our ‘lack of motivation’ is we’re afraid.

Maybe our fears are founded. I have no clue how to plot and am hoping no one notices.

Perhaps they’re a lie. Your book is awesome and will never be perfect so STOP MESSING WITH IT AND SHIP!

Sometimes, we just gotta do it afraid. Fear is a feeling and feelings LIE.

Our entire consumer culture rests on the fulcrum of ‘feelings.’ We’re trained to live by emotion. Why? Because emotion makes us stupid and stupid people buy more stuff they don’t need and probably can’t afford.

While the advertisers are employing feelings to pick our pockets, we can easily catch a nasty case Emo by Osmosis.

I just don’t feel like writing today.

Creatives get away with this ‘feeling’ excuse more easily than, say, brain surgeons, firefighters or Navy S.E.A.L.s…which is why it’s more likely to become a bad habit for us.

Feelings rarely have much to do with truth. They are also crazy fickle and, in an act of awe-inspiring irony, show up to work when they feel like it.

Motivation, enthusiasm, exultation are fabulous feelings. But the REASON they FEEL fabulous is because these feelings are RARE. They’re the creative endorphins only earned by working super hard.

Unless we artificially create these ‘feelings’ with Pixie Sticks, cocaine, or a steady diet of pricey self-help retreats telling us we’re special?

Tears, sweat and blood, baby 😉 .

Motivation is the result of starting. Start when you don’t feel like it and eventually, feelings WILL catch up because feelings are attention whores who hate being left out.

Don’t argue. It’s science.

What Are Your Thoughts?

I love hearing from you!

Are you not finishing that novel because you’re afraid you’re really terrible? Or maybe actually awesome? Do you make excuses for why you can’t write or blog or train circus ferrets? Have you taken time to examine those excuses? What they might be telling you?

Have you ever set out to accomplish something and were shocked at the truths about yourself (or others) you failed to see? Do you find ‘good reasons’ why you can’t blog, write, finish that novel?

Hey, it is OKAY. We all struggle. We learn by DOING and DOING IT AFRAID.

In fact, to help you guys, I am running the ‘Write Stuff’ DO IT AFRAID Special, where I do a detailed line and content edit on your first 20 pages. ONLY TEN SLOTS AVAILABLE.

What do you do well? What’s falling flat? Are you nailing the hook? Are there ways I can help your story hook DEEPER?

Treat yourself! I don’t bite…..that hard *whistles innocently*. I can tell you from experience is it WAY better to have someone who cares about your work and is vested in you to critique your work and make it the best it can be.

As for comments…

What do you WIN? For the month of MAY, for everyone who leaves a comment, I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

Also NOW OFFERING MORE CLASSES PLUS ON DEMAND…

Retelling Myths & Fairytales

Instructor: USA Today Best-Selling Author Cait Reynolds
Price: $65 USD Standard (Cool Upgrades Available)
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: FRIDAY May 25th, 7:00 PM E.S.T. to 9:00 P.M. EST

Myths and fairytales are as fundamental to human existence as communication itself. We grow up hearing these stories, being formed by them, and often rebelling against them.

One of the hottest trends in publishing right now is bringing these stories back and giving them new life with creative interpretations and retellings.

Done right, a retelling can capture the public imagination, give us new insights into our society and ourselves, and sweep us away to a time and place where everything, including justice and happy endings, is possible. Get your spot today! HERE.

The Yarn Behind the Book: Backstory

Instructor: Cait Reynolds

Price: $55.00 USD

Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom

When: Friday, June 8th, 2018. 7:00-9:00 p.m. EST

Behind every good book is an entire story that happens before the reader ever opens to page one. This is the backstory, and done right, it is what sets the stage, provides clues and cues, and rescues you from writer’s block.

A good backstory will help with logic and consistency in the plot, developing complex motivations for characters, and sorting out exactly what needs to happen going forward as you either plot or pants your way to the end.

This class will cover the following topics – and much more:

The elements of a backstory;
How to take your current plot idea and work backwards into a backstory;
Integrating character profiles and the backstory;
How the backstory relates to the logline and synopsis;
Using the backstory to dig yourself out of corners and shake off writer’s block;
Why a backstory is crucial to writing a series.

A recording of this class is also included with purchase.

About the Instructor:

Cait Reynolds is a USA Today Bestselling Author and lives in the Boston area with her husband and neurotic dog. She discovered her passion for writing early and has bugged her family and friends with it ever since. When she isn’t cooking, running, or enjoying the rooftop deck that brings her closer to the stars, she writes.

On Demand Training!

**Ready for Book Beast Mode? I Live to Serve…Up Some TRAINING!**

For anyone who longs to accelerate their plot skills, I recommend:

ON DEMAND Plot Boss: Writing Novels Readers Want to BUY.

Two hours of intensive plot training from MOI…delivered right to your computer to watch as much as you like 😀 .

The Art of Character is also now available for ON DEMAND.

And if you’re ready for BOOK BEAST MODE and like saving some cash, you can get BOTH Plot Boss and Art of Character in the…

Story Boss Bundle (ON DEMAND).

Almost FIVE HOURS with me, in your home…lecturing you. It’ll be FUN!

Posts Categorized: Writing

Operation F.E.C.A.L: New Publishing & The High Cost of FREE

Or, as I like to call it—Operation F.E.C.A.L.

Authors Longed to Be FREE

The Book Borg

Unchained

The Authorpreneur

BOOK BUSY-NESS

Consequences of FREE

For Love or Money?

Where Do We Draw the Line?

What Are Your Thoughts?

I love hearing from you!

Upcoming Classes!

Share this:

Five Things Your Editor Hates About You

An editor hates…

1. When writers think they don’t have to do at least one or two rounds of their own editing before sending us a manuscript.

2. When authors shop around for the cheapest editing services instead of the best editing services.

An editor gets stabby when…

3. All an author does is accept track changes and sends the manuscript back for round two.

4. There are stupid grammar and usage mistakes in a manuscript.

And finally, an editor really, really hates…

5. When we can tell all a writer really wants is the look-at-me-I-published-a-book participation trophy.

Harsh but hopeful?

I love hearing from you!

Upcoming Classes!

Share this:

Show Me the Honey: Three Ways to Bee Relentless

One: Bees Have a Clear Result in Mind

Bees are relentless because they can’t afford mission drift.

Two: Bees Possess Enthusiasm for Results

Syria—Relentless for a Vision

Mexico—Relentless for Status/Money

Belize—Relentless for…a Sidewalk

Three: Bees Know What Bees Do

Bee Brave, Bee Bold, Bee Relentless

Are You a Writer? Then BEE a Writer

Writing is what powers you up, what fulfills your purpose, the goal where you’re most likely to be relentless.

If you answered yes, you’re a writer.

Show Me the Honey!

What Are Your Thoughts?

I love hearing from you!

Upcoming Class!

NEW CLASSES! ALL About the KICK@$$ FEMALES!

WANT DOUBLE THE DAME DANGER? Get the BUNDLE and SAVE!

Share this:

Self-Sabotage: How & Why We Writers Are Our Own Worst Enemies

Most of us fear we don’t have what it takes.

Self-Sabotage—Give Me Liberty OR Give Me DEATH!

Yep, sure.

Meet BLOB, not BOOK.

Been there.

Self-Sabotage—The Craft Class JUNKIE

The Liberty or Death and the Craft Junkie are two sides of the same coin.

Self-Sabotage—The Background BOSS

Backstory is to the novel what crossfit is to sports.

Backstory is IN THE PAST

Self-Sabotage—The Research Hoarder

Remember the AUDIENCE

Relax, Already

But, in the end, fiction is NOT reality.

Beware of paralysis by analysis.

At the end of the day…

What Are Your Thoughts?

NEW CLASSES! ALL About the KICK@$$ FEMALES!

WANT DOUBLE THE DAME DANGER? Get the BUNDLE and SAVE!

Share this:

Truth: The Door Between Our Greatest Fears & Our Greatest Selves

Truth About Time

We’re All Human Here (Mostly)

Truth About Talent

Truth About Blogging

The Truth About Myself

Truth Revealed

Truth About Motivation

What Are Your Thoughts?

I love hearing from you!

Also NOW OFFERING MORE CLASSES PLUS ON DEMAND…

Retelling Myths & Fairytales

Instructor: USA Today Best-Selling Author Cait Reynolds
Price: $65 USD Standard (Cool Upgrades Available)
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: FRIDAY May 25th, 7:00 PM E.S.T. to 9:00 P.M. EST

**Ready for Book Beast Mode? I Live to Serve…Up Some TRAINING!**