What's Your Holiday Style?


Posing in front of THIS Christmas tree b/c we don’t own one. I suck.

Christmas is a magical time of year, but all of us handle the season differently. So what is your Holiday Style? Here’s a helpful little quiz:

1) When cleaning before the holidays, you:

a) Might give the mantel a light dusting just so you don’t look like a show-off. The gleam from your spotless fixtures could cause retinal damage. Eloise is a rank amateur next to you.

b) Make a plan to go room by room and whip your house into shape. Once this baby is clean, you KNOW it will stay that way for good. In fact, you’ve vowed to stab your husband in the face if he leaves his towel on the bathroom floor, and have threatened your children with a tell-all e-mail to Santa if they don’t put their clean clothes away properly.

c) Get a little excited because you haven’t seen your floors, counters or pretty much any of your home’s flat surfaces since the party last New Years. In fact, you are pretty sure the Christmas tree is still up under one of the piles of laundry and unopened mail. Hey, why take down decorations you know you will need every year?

2) When it comes to holiday shopping, you:

a) Are already finished. You made a long, detailed list last January and have spent the year buying the perfect gift for all your loved ones. All that’s left is to enjoy the season while those ill-prepared dopes fight over the last Holiday Barbie.

b) Wait until Black Friday. Technically, you start three days before Black Friday. What better way to use all that camping equipment you got last year for Christmas, than to stake out the front of Apple, Ikea or Best Buy?

c) Dig through your closet for all the unopened crappy gifts you got at the office Secret Santa party last year and then re-gift them to your distant relatives. Sure, Aunt Edna doesn’t know who Justin Bieber is, but who wouldn’t want a singing toothbrush? Well, other than you, of course.

3) When it comes to gifts, you:

a) Spare no expense. The holiday season is a season of generosity. All your gifts are thoughtful, beautiful, lavish, and better than everyone else’s.

b) Believe it’s the thought that counts, and most people will think you are cheap if they see the Clearance sticker on their present, which is why you LOVE black Sharpies. They can be counted on to fully black out the $4.99 on the bottom of that seashell vase from Anthropologie. Hey, we don’t have to pay retail to still give an awesome gift. You just make sure the gift recipient can see part of the original price of $89 so they feel like you “shelled” out a lot of cash.

c)  Make one trip. Dollar General has everything you need for Christmas gifts. What could be a better Christmas gift than cans of Lite Vienna Sausages (Now Made with REAL Meat!) or Low-Sodium Spam?

4) When it comes to holiday memories, you:

a) Love capturing every moment on video, then editing the clips to music using your MacBook Pro. Then, of course you order prints from SnapFish so you can scrapbook together all the holiday magic. You have the cutest little snowman stickers that will add the perfect touch to the family newsletter you send out every December 26th.

b) Have them all in a big box that you will organize one day…when you find the box.

c) Just get drunk on rum and Coke then watch Jerry Springer reruns. The effect is pretty much the same.

5) Of all the Christmas carols, you:

a) Know Mendel’s crap, HANDEL’S Messiah is your all-time favorite, and you know all the words. Why wouldn’t you? You sing in the choir every year.

b) Can’t get enough Silver and Gold, sung by Burl Ives. It reminds you of being a kid and waiting all year to see Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

c) Think Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer is the funniest carol EVER, next to the Three Kings who tried to smoke a rubber cigar. In fact, you can’t even sing Deck the Walls with the correct lyrics.

6) As far as wrapping Christmas presents, you:

a) Use the tips you saved out of Martha Stewart Magazine. You bought the heavy duty paper and lavish bows last year at the Container Store After Christmas Sale and expensive ornaments 85% off at the Dillard’s After Christmas Sale. All your gifts look so beautiful, they might as well be considered Christmas decorations. No one ever wants to open your gifts until they’ve taken a picture of the wrapping.

b) Thought you were saving money when you bought the wrapping paper from Wal Mart. Of course, you didn’t foresee that it was as thin as rice-paper on a diet. After tearing the corners on every box you wrapped, you had to wrap everything AGAIN. This means ten gifts took 42 rolls of paper. You lost the tape, only to later find it stuck to your butt. The dog ate all the ribbon and is now pooping tinsel. You make a note to buy big bottle of Maker’s Mark for next year’s wrapping.

c) The gifts you bought came pre-wrapped. It’s called a Dollar Store bag. DUH. You love the environment, so why cut down more trees when THIS Christmas wrapping paper can later be used to pick up the tinsely dog poop?

7) When it comes to dressing for holiday parties you:

a) Buy smashing outfit ahead of time so you have time to find the perfect accessories and shoes to match. Then you make sure to get an appointment with a hairdresser and makeup artist in October before the slots fill. Why trust those holiday pictures to anyone but a professional?

b) Buy an outfit ahead of time, but completely forget about shoes and earrings…and eating less. You bought the dress even though it was too small, because it was supposed to make you be “good” this year and not overeat. Ah, but that was until the dog started pooping tape and Christmas ribbon and you leveled the fudge like a Biblical plague (Baby Jesus would have been duly impressed). So Christmas Eve you are in the mall looking for the last pair of Spanks in the free world. Speaking of tinsel, you can’t help but wonder what the tinsel-strength of spandex is. In your mind, you imagine a Catastrophic Spanx Failure that takes out three innocent bystanders.

c) Just wear yoga pants and a maternity top for the extra “give.”

8) As far as decorating for the holidays, you:

a) Hire professionals. Can’t be Yard of the Month without a little help. Your Christmas lights can be seen from space.

b) Were going to avoid it altogether until it became evident that you were the ONLY house on the block without lights, and now you have been shamed into putting out some last-minute effort. Of course, everything was sold out, so you were forced to decorate with the Halloween lights.

Orange works, right?

c) Just plug them in. You left them up all year :D.

9) When it comes to your children and Santa, you:

a) Bake cookies for Santa with the kids, and Christmas Eve you take the little ones out into the yard and spread some “Reindeer Food.” Your husband dresses in a Santa costume and you “sneak” some iPhone footage of Santa at work in your living room to show the kids the next morning. Childhood is a magical time and you want to fuel your children’s imaginations.

b) Take them to Cabela’s. Free photos with Santa and fishing gear is 50% off.

c) Let your neighbor take your kids to Cabela’s. You still have to find the Christmas tree…after you level up on Halo 4.

10) When your kids question how Santa can make it to all the boys’ and girls’ houses in all the world in one night, you:

a) Tell them that Santa is the spirit of generosity and love, and that spirits have powers we mortals cannot comprehend.

b) Point the pizza kiosk in the mall and yell, “I’m buying!”

c) Inform your kids that Santa has been cloned, and reference the Star Wars Clone Wars.

11) When sending out holiday cards, you:

a) Buy cards for Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukah, and just general holiday cards and then send them to the appropriate recipients.

b) Buy generic reindeer cards, then write it “Happy Holi-Chrisma-Kwanzaa-kuh.” Your friends all know you’re weird anyway. Frankly, they are all shocked you got the cards sent at all.

c) Holiday Cards? *laughs hysterically until can’t breathe*

12) When someone gives you a dreadful gift, you:

a) Know they meant well, so you make sure they see you wearing that horrendous purple mohair vest at the church bake sale. You would never want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

b) Send a nice thank you note then return the gift for something you prefer.

c) Stockpile the crappy gifts away for next year, so you don’t have to do as much Christmas shopping. Hey, waste not want not.

Tally Your Scores!!!

Amazing Alice/Awesome Alan

If you answered mostly As, you get an A+++++ in Christmas. You, Amazing Alice, are the star of the show with the prettiest EVERTYHING, the one who has everything in order and who pulls out all the stops…which is probably why most of us secretly hate you.

Normal Nancy/Typical Ted

If you answered mostly Bs, relax. You are normal. While you probably could try a little harder, why bother? Amazing Alan and Awesome Alan are going to outdo you anyway.

Slacker Sarah/Lazy Larry

Hey, life is too short to be organized. There are video games to play.

I hate to say it but I am almost an even mix of Normal Nancy and Slacker Sarah. Every year I promise to try harder. ONE DAY I will be an Amazing Alice…yeah, no. My brother and sister-in-law are Amazing Alice and Awesome Alan, which is why I love them, but am secretly jealous. Even why I TRY to make my Christmas packages look all awesome and professionally wrapped…they just look more like a roll of wrapping paper and Scotch tape had a drunken one-night-stand.


What is the worst Christmas gift you’ve ever gotten? My Aunt Iris once bought me a bright purple sweater that was so small, I think it was made for a child or a midget…then loudly commented on how fat I’d gotten when I couldn’t “try it on.”

So what about you guys?

I love hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of December, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novelor your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

And also, winners have a limited time to claim the prize, because what’s happening is there are actually quite a few people who never claim the critique, so I never know if the spam folder ate it or to look for it and then people miss out. I will also give my corporate e-mail to insure we connect and I will only have a week to return the 20 page edit.

At the end of December I will pick a winner for the monthly prize. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books.


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  1. Ummm, what happens when you don’t celebrate?

    Good article, very entertaining. I’ll make sure to show it to some people I know who are suffering from the slackeritis

  2. These are hilarious. My sister is an Amazing Alice. If you had any category d’s, I’d probably fit in there. I’m still working on preparing for Christmas 2010. Better late than never! Thanks for the laughs!

  3. I have a wife, I have no holiday style of my own!
    By the way, you look gorgeous in front of that tree, Kristen! You definitely don’t suck.

  4. 1) A 2.) A 3.)B 4.)B LOL 5.)B 6.) A 7.)A 8.) Not quite A or B 9.)A 10.)A 11.) B 12.)A
    Ok so my sister in law gives the crappyest gifts like the free gift with your perfume purchase!!!! LOL However expects us to spend hundreds on her… needless to say we don’t talk to princess much anymore!

  5. Bwahahaha! I’m kind of a mix of all three, it just depends on which aspect of the holiday we’re talking about 😀

    • Lanette Kauten on December 19, 2012 at 3:29 pm
    • Reply

    I’m Normal Nancy with hints of Slacker Sarah, but in my defense a cloned Santa makes a lot more sense to my scientifically-minded, geeky son.

  6. I got all C’s. I oded on Christmas the day after Thanksgiving.

  7. Wonderful post, Kristen. Thank you for the laughs! And don’t worry; you’re not alone in this mix of Normal Nancy and Slacker Sarah. Maybe it’s the artistic temperament?

  8. What if I tell you my holiday card will be out by Groundhog’s Day, but this Jewish girl can sing The Messiah like nobody’s business.

    “For unto us a child is born…”

    Have a wonderful Christmas, Kristen. Tree or no tree, you are the best. 😉

  9. I am the Queen of Slack. Or, more precisely, the Scrooge of Slack. I “lightly” rant on Elf on the Shelf (and get hate mail) and pathetic toys. ‘Tis the season.

    My favourite “style” of holiday clothing, however, is pajamas. As in, all day PJ Days.

    Fun post!

  10. I applaud you for not having a Christmas tree, especially a LIVE one! I may sound Grinchy, but I think cutting down a live tree for two weeks of enjoyment is just plain selfish. Don’t even get me going on my protectiveness of live animals! 😀 LOVED your survey. Priceless!

  11. I desperately want to be an Amazing Alice, but sadly end up being a mix of Normal Nancy and Slacker Sarah. It’s kind of scary how those weeks between Halloween and Christmas just disappear amidst my chorus of, “Next week I need to…” (which is usually exactly what I needed to do the previous week, plus the new stuff on top of it).

    Terrific post Kristen! I needed a good laugh today!

  12. I definitely know Amazing Alice’s, but have grown old enough not to care anymore. I hope they bring me treats because their treats are way better than mine and I like eating treats. I fall in the medium range (subpar medium in several of the categories). And here in Boise, orange lights work for Christmas since we love our Broncos. So people get away with being Slothful Sally’s or whatever and keeping orange up from Halloween on (and all year if they don’t want to go out in 16 degree weather after New Year’s to take them down)

  13. This was a good laugh…thanks. I’m normal Nancy mixed in with a little slacker. Had a rough year, so I’m dragging my feet with Christmas this year. Did manage to get a tree today and baked a batch of cookie. Hopefully tree will be up by later tonight, but having it outside is closer than we were… 🙂

    • Debbie Herbert on December 19, 2012 at 4:22 pm
    • Reply

    Definetly a slacker! Life is too short to go overboard on anything except fun. 🙂 Debbie

  14. I am, admittedly, mostly an Amazing Alice. But, I love Christmas and singing in the choir all year is a passion of mine. I have fun with it without getting too anal. 🙂

  15. LMAO! I have to admit I’m an almost even mix of Normal Nancy and Slacker Sarah. Now that the holiday season starts at the end of September, my holiday spirit has fled and I’m sliding further in the slacker zone every year. 🙂

  16. Very funny, Kristen. I think we started somewhere between A & B catagory, then slid to between the B & C (it’s an age thing). Back at ya, with a humorous look at vintage holiday adverts by one of my pseudonyms (which I know you frown on, but it’s a carry over from the olden days). http://blameitonthemuse.com/my-weve-changed/#more-11176. Have a great holiday.

  17. So funny! And I’m glad I came out at B. Loved the cloning one! I do have a tree but the kids decorate themselves. It doesn’t look much different than when I do it 🙂

  18. Definitely a Normal Nancy here. I almost cracked a rib laughing about dressing for holiday parties. Two hours before my husband’s company’s holiday party found me trying on everything in my closet (twice) and moaning that I had nothing to wear. I finally settled on a blouse and skirt I bought several boxes of Little Debbies ago, and am rather horrified at the number of Spanx garments I had on from shoulders to knees under them. I don’t think I breathed for three hours.

    Fun post!!

    • lucewriter on December 19, 2012 at 4:47 pm
    • Reply

    So funny! I used to be Alice, but this year I am Sarah. I might have been Nancy for a while until I totally deteriorated.

  19. I’m a normal Nancy too! I’m kinda glad that I work from home and don’t have to worry about office parties! Happy “Happy Holi-Chrisma-Kwanzaa-kuh to you all! I was surprised that when it came to Christmas cards, you didn’t mention e-holiday cards!

  20. Oh so many years ago (when dinos roamed) I was an Amazing Alice, 5 themed trees in all the big rooms, small trees in kids rooms, house decorated tastefully outside that a 747 could be guided in on. Everything was matchy matchy and was told my home looked like a magazine layout every year.
    Now that the girls are grown or gone and even the youngest grandchild is too old to believe..I am a very vague Normal Nancy leaning lower and lower (due to bad knees, lol ) to Slacker Sarah and when I hear “mom why didn’t you ..you always did”..I look them square in the eye saying “if that is what you want come over and do it next time and make sure you come back and take it down or better yet here take it home with you!” Works to keep them quiet . Merry Christmas!!

  21. LOL. I used to be Amazing Alice in many respects, but after the kids grew up I slipped into Normal Alice and am fighting a slide into Slacker Sarah. I still love to decorate the tree and still have precious ornaments my kids and grandkids made as well as the ones my coworkers gave me during my teaching career. Since we’re eating a lot healthier these days, no more making a gingerbread house or five different cookie recipes, but I may bake a pound cake if I’m still in the mood next week. With my four kids and three grandkids grown, gifts are a snap. In the past I shopped for gifts far ahead of time, but now I mostly give gift cards to their favorite stores. If I spot a pair of character pjs or a Laker’s tshirt on sale I’ll grab those instead.

    One holdout from my Amazing Alice days: I still send a rhyming greeting with a photo updating my friends of the highlights of our year (although it’s fewer stanzas than past years.)

  22. When the kids were small I was an A with a little bit of B mixed in. As the years went by I slowly slid into a class B. Now I am more of a C with a trace of B left over. I was all gung ho this year. Got my fake tree up the weekend after Thanksgiving. Put the lights on and there it sits. The boxes of my tree decoration never made it up from the basement. My mother’s made it from her apartment to here where they still lie dormant in the plastic bin beneath the fake tree. I did the cards for my bus drivers, but friends and relatives not so much. Maybe I can start a new tradition of sending New Year or S.A.D cards. Then again maybe next year.

  23. Great picture — It looks like you have it together. Gotta love photoshop + backdrops

  24. Instead of Slacker Sarah, I prefer to think of myself as free thinking Leanne. : )

  25. LOL, Kristen! Was Mendel taking a break from his discovery of inherited traits with sweet peas to write the Messiah, or did Handel take over for him? You know I’m just ribbing you, and I LOVE your post, no matter who wrote the Messiah! BTW, I thought you had a tree…didn’t I see fab pics on Facebook a while back? You’ve got it going!

    No matter how we all deal/hide from/embrace/endure the holidays, I hope you all have a great holiday season! Thanks for a great year, Kristen! 😀

    1. Oops. Hey, toddlers kill brain cells and y’all know who I meant :P. I’d correct it but perhaps it is funnier the way it is, LOL.

    2. It was our first year to have a tree. Pic was taken last year :).

  26. I, too, thought of what K.B. said when I read “Mendel” but I figured you were too busy leveling up on Halo 4 to check who wrote Messiah. LOL!

    While I do think that Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer *is* the best Christmas song ever, I skewed myself in the other direction by 1) making all my gifts by hand, and 2) writing pithy, witty (riiiight) “our family’s year” summaries and sending out the cards right after Thanksgiving.

    Thanks for a hilarious post and Merry Christmas to you and your family!

  27. I’d leave a comment … but I’m laughing too hard! Sally slacker … definitely!

  28. I wanted you to know that I’ve nominated your blog for the “Blog of the Year 2012? prize. All of the instructions for accepting the award are in this entry:



  29. You. Are. So. Funny. Happy Holi-Kwan_Christ-Kuh or whatever you said. I think I’m B sinking rapidly into a C as I get older.

  30. OK. You got me this time. Had to tell you, tears were running down my cheeks … all of them! (I’m old) and every one of those things have happened to me at one time or another. Except it was a cat pooping tinsel; the dog ate mouse poison and had to be given an emetic and watched all night. Yeah. Merry Christmas. That’s what I always say.

  31. You been peeking or what??? I was going to sleep through Christmas, would that be category E?

  32. I object to you using my name for the slacker category. Just because I answered all ‘c’s doesn’t make me one… I thought of doing the things those awesome Agneses and boring Betties (sorry, did you call them something else?) do, but I prefer to spend my shopping time stocking the liquor cabinet and catching up with all those people I don’t get to chat to through the year: the butcher, the fishmonger, the guy in the health-food store that sells Christmas pudding ingredients along with all those boring pro-biotics and gluten-free bricks (sorry, breads) that I should be eating.
    My worst gift ever was a set of Irish coffee mugs from an aunt for my engagement; she had won them in a golf tournament the year before. Slackerism is too hereditary!

  33. Yeah, I’m like you; between Nancy and Sarah. I try. When Sithboy was younger, we went nuts! Lights in all the windows and outside, decorations hanging from the ceilings and walls. Heck, I made a nice winter scene over the Christmas tree with giant snowflakes hanging from the ceiling and blue lights giving off a nice hue, but now that he’s older it’s just not fun anymore. Husband brought out the decorations on Sunday and we got our tree up, but that’s it. The rest are still in their boxes in the middle of the living room and I have no desire to put them up. He wants them done, he can do it. 😛 I’m still upset that he ate a few holiday treats that ‘fell’ into his mouth after tripping over a cat. Surrrrre, blame the cats. I know for a fact they don’t go near him in the morning because he doesn’t feed them. 😀 Oh and presents? Not one wrapped. No paper because it all got ruined when we renovated the upstairs, and we’re still trying to figure out how we’re getting Sithboy’s drum kit into the house without him knowing.

    *sigh* Is it time to drink yet?

  34. Ah, Kristen, too funny! I knew which one you were when I got to “level up on Halo 4!” I’m a normal Nancy for most of it, except the music. I know the words to *Handel’s* Messiah (g), I still look forward to Rudolph, and I love Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. And I’d probably leave my Christmas lights up year round if we ever got them up in the first place. But it’s easier just to go round and round the small pine tree out front.

    We never had a dog pooping tinsel – I cracked up at that one – but the cats pulled it off when they weren’t batting ornaments to the ground or toppling the tree altogether. Merry Christmas!

  35. Reblogged this on Jami Gray's Blog and commented:
    Awesome post for the holidays! Made me laugh and not feel so bad that if the Mayan’s were off on their calculations, I still have some shopping to do!

  36. My worst Christmas gift was the video Momma Mia which my daughter practically threw at me as she dropped by at Christmas on her way to her boyfriend’s house and then to the movies. Mind you, she was 35 years old, not a teenager. It was my worst Christmas ever. I don’t do much for the holidays–I’m somewhere between slacker Sarah and normal, more toward slacker if truth be told. But I do like to at least spend Christmas (or Christmas Eve) with family. This year it’s Christmas Eve and that’s okay with me. Of course, that’s if the Mayas are wrong and we’re all still here at Christmas.

  37. I don’t think one can be an Amazing Alice without at least three “themed” (what the hell?) trees, a steaming kettle of homemade wassail, and fourteen different platters of perfect homemade cookies. And, Amazing Alice would obviously be the brains behind those weird choirs that show up in shopping malls singing “The Messiah” while people are just trying to enjoy a dang corndog and the traditional commercialism of the season in peace.

    There needs to be a separate category for those girls who allow those holiday-shaped blow-up things on their front lawns. All day long it looks like there are forteen dirty sheets littering up the yard, but it’s worse at night when those things come to tacky life. Honestly, those things should only be used to inspire folks who are designing the winning entry for the annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Shin-Dig.

    Great post. Hilarious. 🙂

  38. Mostly C, truth be told. Pardon my French, but I laughed til I Pierre’d myself reading the part about gift-wrapping and holiday-dressing. Worst gift ever? Five scratch-off tickets.

  39. Perfect holiday post.

    Mostly a B here, though once in while an A. 😉

  40. Funny, Kristen! I’m mostly a Normal Nancy, but every now and then mix in a little of Awesome Alice…hope you have a wonderful holiday!

  41. Great post, Kristen. We had so much fun taking the quiz. Mathair’s an Amazing Alice while I’m a Slacker Sarah. So, I guess we balance each other out.

  42. Hilarious quiz. I’m a mix of Normal Nancy and Slacker Sarah. I don’t do any Christmas decorating at home since we spend the whole holidays with relatives. And I gift-wrapped some presents we received last year 😛 Hey, they were perfectly good things, just not for us.

  43. I’m a normal/ slacker combo, only because my hubby helps with Christmas stuff every year LOL! This gift isn’t too bad, but one year someone got me bath salts that smelled so strong, and bad that I couldn’t even leave them in the house!

  44. I’m a mixture of B and C as well. The worst gift I ever got was from my mom. It was a green checked shirt with green / gold wreaths all over it inside the squares. The wreaths were embroidered with gold thread. I returned it and bought another shirt. But I did tell her thank you.

  45. Yikes….I’m afraid I’m a bit of a slacker. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one without a tree though!

  46. R.O.F.L! Kristen, this post might pull you off the the slacker list because you just wrapped one enormous gift of laughter for all of us, in sparkly, heavy-duty paper, with a Martha Stewart bow. Enjoy the season however it suits you and be reminded there is a large collection of Awesomes/Normals/Slackers joining in a joyful seasonal chorus to thank you for the gifts you have given us all year long. I can’t wait to see what 2013 brings. All the best to you and yours!

  47. Happy Holi-Christma-Kwanzaa-kuh?


    Seriously, Kristen, laughter is the best gift. Thank you

  1. […] First off, Kristen Lamb has gone to the silly side in her last two blogs: End of the World as we Know it and Holiday Spirit […]

  2. […] Kristen Lamb is another funny gal who always has something informative to say, check out her Holiday Style Post HERE. […]

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