Category: Humor

Help Me, I'm Drowning

I do a fairly good job of at least keeping the house looking like it was hit by a Category ONE Hurricane and not a KATRINA. But, do I have time to scrub all the floors properly and dust the blinds and make the shower sparkle like new? To wipe away ALL the macaroni and cheese The Spawn has painted on various surfaces? To vacuum every crevice filled with Cheerios and cat fur? *clutches sides laughing*

Happy Memorial Day! My Depressing Yet Hysterical Military "Career"

My father’s side of the family (the Lamonts) fought the English from the Highlands of Scotland, then high-tailed it to America after the clan they’d aligned with to kick some English butt betrayed them and allied with the enemy. Most of the Lamonts were killed, but a few were at sea…probably trying to woo hot Viking women. Anyway, once in America, the Lamonts (now LAMBS) served in the Revolutionary War, the Civil War and on and on.

THREE MONTHS OFF???? What I Would GIVE for a Summer Vacation

So we would put the water hose on the slide and make our own water park. Between that, the dancing in the sprinkler and the Slip and Slide, I have no idea how my parents didn’t have a $600 water bill. Maybe they did, but it was well worth the money to keep the screaming hoard of wild Indians locked beyond the sliding glass door….which, by the way, was actually LOCKED. When cartoons were over at 8:30? Out the door we went.

A New Era in Fashion—How Abercrombie & Fitch Saves Needless Suffering

Since A&F clothing can’t make regular people look better, and Jeffries’ doesn’t want over 67% of the United States wearing them, essentially what Jeffries’ wants is for gorgeous people with six-pack abs and killer bodies…to PAY exorbitant prices TO HIS COMPANY to model for them for FREE.

My Cats are TOTALLY Fired

I have two cats—Johnny and Roo-Bee. Johnny is a year and a half old and thinks he’s a dog. Roo-Bee is eleven and an avid hunter…of baby socks and hair bands. Both of them are totally fired. The story is this. Contractors are building new houses in what was once a field right behind us, …

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