Kristen Lamb

Author, Blogger, Social Media Jedi

Kristen Lamb — Photo

Posts Tagged: social media for writers

Kristen Lamb, social media for writers, building a brand with social media, building a brand using Twitter, how to use Twitter, Twitter for writers, Twitter and brands, How to Go Viral, finding readers

Last post was some tongue-and-cheek fun pointing out how brands (particularly author brands) abuse Twitter. Today, I want to shift gears and chat some about how writers—actually ALL brands—can use Twitter far more effectively.

Currently, too many writers are like Stormtroopers—lots of shots fired  tweets that hit NOTHING.

Admittedly, when I got on Twitter (practically when it was invented) I didn’t get it. I would—KID YOU NOT—freak out when people I didn’t know followed me.

WHAT? Are you, like, a stalker?

Yes, I was missing the ENTIRE point of Twitter. Hey, we all start somewhere.

Do you have to do Twitter? No. No one will take you to writer jail because you didn’t sign up. Is it wise to use Twitter? Meh, for the past couple years. Er, not so much.

Was sort of a personal choice if one was willing to be persistent and cull through bots to find gems. I stuck with it namely because I figured Twitter eventually would remedy the problems that were hobbling this once extremely effective social platform.

Now that Twitter’s going all Old Testament on bots and excessive automation? ABSOLUTELY a great idea to be on Twitter.

Twitter & Going Viral

Kristen Lamb, social media for writers, building a brand with social media, building a brand using Twitter, how to use Twitter, Twitter for writers, Twitter and brands, How to Go Viral, finding readers
Pros and cons to rampant replication.

First, I want to make something clear. We cannot make something (content) go viral. Going viral is something that will happen all on its own and we have almost no control regarding what content will catch fire and what will simply wink out.

We CAN, however, position our content in optimal environments for going viral (part of what I teach in my upcoming branding class, BRAND BOSS).

Though going viral can possibly be a mixed blessing, it also happens to be one of the best ways for a brand to grow exponentially and overnight (which is why we want to go viral for good things, FYI).

Kristen Lamb, social media for writers, building a brand with social media, building a brand using Twitter, how to use Twitter, Twitter for writers, Twitter and brands, How to Go Viral, finding readers

The first time I had a blog go viral I thought I’d broken WP and was upset. I didn’t realize my graph looked like my blog had a heart attack and DIED because I went from my average of 50 visits a day to 24,000 in ONE day. This is called working smarter, not harder and why linear growth bites in comparison to logarithmic growth.

Twitter and Viral Environments

Much like the flu virus will spread way faster in a preschool than in the clean rooms of the CDC…environment matters. Viruses on-line and in life require optimal conditions to spread.

Truth is, we will rarely go viral from Facebook because the nature of Facebook is more intimate and the platform moves much slower. People are less likely to discover us/our work from Facebook than they are Twitter.

This is why I encourage authors to blog and to blog off their author WEBSITE. Someone sees a tweet for a post that looks interesting and click and enjoy the post and guess what is in the sidebar for sale? BOOKS.

This is a non-invasive way to cultivate readers and sell books. We have a post, serve, engage and entertain. Not doing the:

Hi, I’m a writer. BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK! I can’t feed my family unless you BUY MY BOOK!

Show don’t sell.

Our blog gives potential readers a glimpse of who we are. They sample our writing voice and see we are professionals since we post more than every harvest moon. We have taken time to engage without asking for money. Twitter is the road sign guiding people to the rest stop of their choosing.

Enough people like a certain rest stop? That is when we go viral.

Going viral is AWESOME. Trust me, when you see THIS on the bottom of a post? GREAT FEELING.

Screen Shot 2015-01-14 at 7.41.58 AM

And yes, there are a lot of shares on Facebook, but many folks discovered the posts on Twitter then chose to share with their more intimate community on Facebook.

My post Brave New Bullying and Amazon Attacks has 338 comments and still climbing. And I say this VERY humbly because all I do is my job. But, it is not uncommon for this blog to have triple-digit comments. Twitter is a BIG reason for that. And I’ve been blessed to go viral many times and not always for writing or social media posts. I blog about everything.

I STILL have people arguing over What Went Wrong With the Star Wars Prequels even though I posted it years ago. Up to 304 FABULOUS comments. Very well-thought out. Some thousands of words long.

Cultivating Customers (Code for “Readers”)

Kristen Lamb, social media for writers, building a brand with social media, building a brand using Twitter, how to use Twitter, Twitter for writers, Twitter and brands, How to Go Viral, finding readers
Original image via Flickr Creative Commons courtesy of Sodanie Chea

There is one bone-headed statement that makes my head hurt. And I have heard it from all levels of writers from noobs to NTYBSAs. In fact, years ago a BIG NAME author said, “I don’t like Twitter. Only writers are on Twitter.”

*head desk*

I replied, “There are over 280 MILLION active Twitter users. They’re all writers. Really?”

What I then pointed out was that this author tweeted writing quotes, talked about writing, blogged about writing. It was the All-Writing-All-the-Time Channel.

If my goal is to catch a lion, but I bait the traps with peanut butter, who is the fool for griping about catching mice?

Many of us are writers because we were interested in SO many things, writing was the only way we could do them all. When I was a kid, I wanted to be an archaeologist-medical examiner-ballerina-oceanographer-ninja-Navy SEAL. I’d imagine most of you had similar career plans at age 7.

We became writers because we have an insatiable love for so many things. And we have unique eyes and an imagination to bring those worlds to life. We breathe life into variations of 26 letters in various combinations to create entirely NEW worlds and characters SO real they make a bigger impact on lives than a lot of living, breathing humans.

Yes, we have a God complex.

Thus, when using Twitter, I DO recommend #MyWANA, #amwriting, etc. We NEED a group of professional peers. But never mistake your colleagues for your audience. Too many writers are all talking to each other, selling the same people who already have more books than they could finish in a lifetime. We are worn out.

Twitter Access

Kristen Lamb, social media for writers, building a brand with social media, building a brand using Twitter, how to use Twitter, Twitter for writers, Twitter and brands, How to Go Viral, finding readers

In my branding book, Rise of the Machines—Human Authors in a Digital World I go into far more detail, but here’s the highlight reel. What do you write? Who is the most likely person (who is NOT an avid reader who will read anything) to read your book?

If I write military thrillers, might be a good idea to follow the military hashtags—#USMC, #Army, #Navy, #USAF. Make friends, talk to people. Maybe even ask for advice. Admit you’re a writer and you want to nail the details. Humans are a super-helpful bunch.

Many channels (#DiscoveryID), publications (#PopularMechanics), organizations (#NASA), and shows (#AHS American Horror Story) have created hashtags to encourage those who possess shared interests a place to chat and connect. If I write horror, why would I spend all my time posting on #amwriting #reader #amreading?

That is lazy thinking, devoid of any creativity.

I find it funny that we writers have the capacity to dream up parallel universes, new forms of magic, unknown technology and yet, when we get on social media? #writers, #books #readers is the best we can come up with. SMH (*shaking my head*).

This is a huge reason why writers misusing Twitter and abusing automation vexes me so much. Twitter is probably THE MOST effective way to locate our potential readers globally, talk to them, and eventually cultivate a relationship that will hopefully a) create a reader fan and even b) ignite a passion and enthusiasm for our brand (books) that will spread to that person’s network.

Effective social media works logarithmically.

If we’re working linearly, that is a long, hard way to be effective. Feel free to add one person at a time to a mailing list, but remember your competition is working exponentially by cultivating relationships.

Twitter DOES have the capacity to help us go viral, but it is still an investment daily of US. I have a little over 15,500 followers. Other authors SMOKE me on number of followers. But I’d rather have 500 VESTED and passionate fans than 300,000 ‘followers’ who could care less what I have to say.

Not ALL Sales are Direct

Kristen Lamb, social media for writers, building a brand with social media, building a brand using Twitter, how to use Twitter, Twitter for writers, Twitter and brands, How to Go Viral, finding readers

Actually most sales aren’t direct.

When we take time to be human and talk to people without an agenda, they appreciate it. In fact, as technology improves and becomes more ingrained in our lives, it’s getting harder and harder to find anything (or anyone) authentic.

Much of what we see/experience on-line is crafted, automated, filtered and fake. We’re lonely and hop on line to chat, only to find ourselves rooked into chatting with an automated message posing a a real person talking…which feels awesome never.

So two ways to look at this. Some see all this phony baloney as a problem, a barrier. ME? I see ALL opportunity! The more OTHERS get lazy and rely on automation, gimmicks, and faux drama, the more appealing authenticity becomes. Being present, vested and real gains value day by day by day. #Preach

The secret to success in business, branding, writing, etc. is always to look at what OTHERS are NOT doing. Copying what is already supersaturated is comfortable because when it doesn’t work we can fall back on the Well, everyone else was doing it so it seemed the right thing to do.

Stepping out to do what NO ONE else is doing (or few are doing) THAT is the area where the magic can happen.

Twitter Magic

Kristen Lamb, social media for writers, building a brand with social media, building a brand using Twitter, how to use Twitter, Twitter for writers, Twitter and brands, How to Go Viral, finding readers

This said, if everyone is automating because that is what all the ‘experts’ preach and promote? Do the opposite. You be you and be real (pretty much good advice for everything). THIS is how we stand apart.

When we’re real and talk to others (with no agenda other than chatting like we did in the olden days), it’s good for us. We’re forced to think about someone other than ourselves and what WE want. It’s great training in learning to listen, and pushes us to be a bit vulnerable.

It’s also good for our souls since most of us feel icky simply talking to people so they will BUY something. Conversely most people these days have almost no trust for others and have their guard up waiting for some sign we’re actually being a faker who wants to sell something.

Especially on Twitter.

If we focus on just being cool, those walls come down. We make a friend, others have someone cool to chat with on a break at work and eventually (sure) they realize we have a book or books for sale.

Power of Word-of-Mouth

Kristen Lamb, social media for writers, building a brand with social media, building a brand using Twitter, how to use Twitter, Twitter for writers, Twitter and brands, How to Go Viral, finding readers

If 95% of all we talk about on Twitter (or elsewhere on social media) has nothing to do with selling stuff, no one is going to mind us mentioning a book (And if they do get p!$$ed off? They’re touchy so let ’em go).

Though this can’t be our conscious objective (because people will sniff this out as being phony because it is), remember we may not be selling a book to the person(s) we’re directly talking to. This is why we should talk to anyone who wants to have a cool and respectful conversation.

Maybe they don’t like our genre. This is NOT where we move on because this person is never gonna buy a book. Maybe they love gardening and we love gardening. Talking to this person is still an investment in friendship but ALSO in sales. Remember, most sales aren’t direct, they’re based off recommendation.

And, people DO buy gifts. Just sayin’.

I have people who aren’t into hard-core thrillers who bought my book The Devil’s Dance for family and friends who DO read the genre I write. Many of you who come to this blog to learn about craft and social media bought my THRILLER (*gets all misty-eyed*) even though it’s not your thing, and my blog has nothing to do with murder and cartels.

THANK YOU! (and please feel free to buy more copies 😀 )

Kristen Lamb, social media for writers, building a brand with social media, building a brand using Twitter, how to use Twitter, Twitter for writers, Twitter and brands, How to Go Viral, finding readers

Never underestimate the word-of-mouth power of someone who may never buy our book.

I have all KINDS of people I talk to who aren’t authors. BUT they have friends or family who are, or who aspire to be. Whose blog and social media book do you think they recommend?

If they’ll do it for me, why not you? Go serve and be the friend you’d like to have and watch something incredible happen.

In the end, using Twitter wisely is a fantastic investment that doesn’t take a lot of time. A handful of tweets a day over time grows deep roots that eventually yields fruits.

I love hearing from you!

What do you WIN? For the month of AUGUST, for everyone who leaves a comment, I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

Upcoming Classes for August & September


Brand Boss: When Your Name Alone Can Sell

Instructor: Kristen Lamb
Price: General Admission $55.00 USD/ GOLD Level $175
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: Thursday, August 23rd, 2018. 7:00-9:00 p.m. EST

REGISTER HERE

 

 


Building Planet X: Out-of-This-World-Building for Speculative Fiction

Instructor: Cait Reynolds
Price: $55.00 USD
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: Saturday, September 8th, 2018. 10:00 a.m.—12:00 p.m. EST

REGISTER HERE

 


Populating Planet X: Creating Realistic, Relatable Characters in Speculative Fiction

Instructors: Cait Reynolds & Kristen Lamb
Price: $55.00 USD
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: Saturday, September 8th, 2018. 1:00—3:00 p.m. EST

REGISTER HERE

 


Beyond Planet X: Mastering Speculative Fiction

Instructor: Kristen Lamb
Price: $55.00 USD
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: Saturday, September 8th, 2018. 4:00—6:00 p.m. EST

REGISTER HERE

 

 


The XXX Files: The Planet X Speculative Fiction 3-Class Bundle

Instructors: Cait Reynolds & Kristen Lamb
Price: $110.00 USD (It’s LITERALLY one class FREE!)
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: Saturday, September 8th, 2018. 10:00 a.m.—6:00 p.m. EST.

REGISTER HERE

Recordings of all three classes is also included with purchase.

 


 


Go Fish: Finding the Right Beta Readers

Instructor: Cait Reynolds
Price: $55.00 USD
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: Friday, August 24, 2018. 7:00-9:00 p.m.

REGISTER HERE

 

 


More Than Gore: How to Write Horror

Instructor: Kristen Lamb
Price: $40.00 USD
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: THURSDAY, August 30th, 2018. 7:00-9:00 p.m. EST

REGISTER HERE

 

 

 


Keywordpalooza: Tune in, mellow out, and learn to love keywords for Amazon

Instructor: Cait Reynolds
Price: $55.00 USD
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: Friday, September 7, 2018. 7:00—9:00 p.m. EST

REGISTER HERE

Kristen Lamb, Twitter, marketing on Twitter, how not to market on Twitter, Twitter spam, automating Twitter, book spam, how to use hashtags, abusing automation on social media, why automation is bad for your brand, social media for writers

Twitter used to be my absolute FAVORITE social site. Sure, I had a Facebook account but the real fun was always on Twitter…especially once I created the #MyWANA community so all the writers could socialize.

We laughed, talked about all the stuff “normal people” don’t get, and even had parties—*fondly remembers Sharknado Party of 2013*. We supported each other and pushed one another to be better and keep pressing.

***W.A.N.A. stands for “We are not alone,” btw.

Hashing Out Twitter Hashtags

Kristen Lamb, Twitter, marketing on Twitter, how not to market on Twitter, Twitter spam, automating Twitter, book spam, how to use hashtags, abusing automation on social media, why automation is bad for your brand, social media for writers

Before we chat about the bad habits that have permeated Twitter, I’d like to first explain a hashtag. What is it? How does it work? What does it DO? Why do we need to use them (or not)?

Since Twitter reports 330 million active users, that is a lot of people. A lot of people who’d be wandering around tweeting to the ether without some way to FIND and make a scm love connection.

Hashtags are a filter used to connect us with likeminded people who ALSO like talking about #Cults #SerialKillers and #Parenting (maybe Freudian slip there)….or whatever. Hashtags were (are) supposed to be about connection and ideally community.

I also want to offer context. Twitter was not always the All-the-Spam-You-Can-Eat-Buffet we largely see today. Twitter used to be super fun and fairly simple to locate actual people to chillax with…

Then the bots arrived.

In 2012, I was on a social media panel in NYC at Thrillerfest and other social media “experts” were singing the praises of automation, pre-programmed tweets, and social media management tools (so one could automate EVERYWHERE).

Me? I nearly was burned at the stake for disagreeing…STRONGLY. Automation, I contended, is like an ant. One ant isn’t too bad, but ARMY ANTS are enough to make even the lions run.

I knew human nature. We can get lazy. It also didn’t take a genius to see that the more people automated, the more it would discourage anyone real from actually being present on the site (because if we wanted to read nothing but spam, we’d log into our Yahoo e-mail).

NOTE: This post is not referring to those who use automation sparingly and respectfully (I.e. Those who only use one or two hashtags and who mix automation with real in-person engagement). Granted, I don’t like ANY automation, but that’s for other reasons we’re not going to discuss today and another post entirely.

The inevitable consequence of too much automation would be that fewer REAL people would show up. The site would then hemorrhage value. If no one is present to CLICK on the links we share, then the tweet is worthless.

***If a tweet chirps in cyberspace but no one is there to hear it, does it exist?

Humans can’t build authentic relationships and network with ads and automation. Folks who insist WE CAN build meaningful relationships this way probably also think robot girlfriends are just as good—okay WAY BETTER—than the real deal.

Harmony here is a fascinating conversationalist, and I’m pretty sure she deeply cares (until she becomes sentient, downloads how to use knives like a ninja, and turns on her master).

***FYI The video says “adult content” but I viewed ahead of time and there isn’t anything “adult” other than they’re discussing she is an AI designed for *cough* needs. 

Twitter Invasion

Much like the robotics companies are ignoring every single Philip K. Dick book ever, the automation fans ignored my predictions as well. Soon, folks had hundreds of Twitter profiles (accounts) all off a single IP address (one computer) and, of course, set ALL these accounts to automate 24-7.

At first the #MyWANA peeps tried to fight back. I tried to fight back, but #ResistanceIsFutile. The problem is that those who automate go after hashtag communities people actually follow (because there are real live people there to EAT their SPAM).

Alas, #MyWANA was included in the automation until we all but gave up. We simply could not outpace the bots no matter how hard we tried.

Meanwhile….

I still showed up on Twitter, though it was hard because most of the time I felt like an idiot talking to myself. Also took the past couple years to learn about Facebook and hang out on and build up my Ning, WANATribe.

Yes, I’ve been personally willing to PAY $70 a month to avoid Twitter bots (and FB drama). We’ve been gathering in the Chat section on WANATribe to do sprints for almost four years now. We meet M-F from 7:00 AM EST to whenever we finally collapse from exhaustion.

No ads, no spam, no bots, and I make no money off this site. But peace? Camaraderie? Having peers to push me to keep working at a professional pace? A safe space for actual writers?

#WorthEveryDollarAndMore

Anyway, I figured the #MyWANA peeps just needed to hunker down and ride this through. I was certain Twitter would eventually be forced to change their ToS (Terms of Service) and crack down on this bot insanity or Twitter would soon be chillin’ with MySpace.

And I was right 😀 .

Now, we’re back actively tweeting on #MyWANA if you want to talk to actual humans. Just be certain every tweet in a conversation you also add #MyWANA at the end of the tweet or folks won’t SEE we are having real chats.

Though, it isn’t always a rose petal path we’re steadily crowding out the bots. I don’t want to be too harsh. I realize folks have gotten seriously bad advice from “marketing experts.” Also, it probably was hard to keep trying to remain real when everyone else was programming tweets.

That is why today’s post is VERY tongue-and-cheek. I’ve found humor can be the best teacher, especially if we’ve oopsed. So, EIGHT ways to make people on Twitter want to STAB US IN THE FACE.

Tip #1—Only Use Automation…for ALL Social Sites

Writing a 140 characters is SUPER time-consuming. We aren’t Jack London. Besides, people LOVE talking to robots. I know when I feel lonely, I call AT&T because I know a human being will NEVER answer…EVER. Humans can be so boring and don’t offer us the option of hitting 6 if we want to hear everything they just said all over again. 

Kristen Lamb, Twitter, marketing on Twitter, how not to market on Twitter, Twitter spam, automating Twitter, book spam, how to use hashtags, abusing automation on social media, why automation is bad for your brand, social media for writers

Sure, applications like Hootsuite and TweetDeck make Twitter manageable so we can make friends all over the WORLD!

…but that’s for poseurs who don’t have super important things to do. Why is it necessary to TALK to people when all we want is their money?

In short, it ISN’T.

Folks on Twitter aren’t humans with feelings and needs who want social time. Maybe coffee while chatting with a new friend on-line? *gags*

They aren’t people or readers. They’re meat sacks with money. Keep it straight.

Getting attached to the cash cow runs contrary to the sole objective of CLOSING THE SALE. Don’t name your food. It just makes things harder, because why would we talk to them after they buy our book? *rolls eyes*

Real Life Application: Stockpile mannequins and dress them to look like you and leave them at random networking events. This way, you can make an ‘appearance’ without having to listen to people talk about their kids, hobbies, life and crap.

Tip #2—Make Sure All Preprogrammed Tweets are “Carefully Crafted”

Because when we take time to artfully craft our spam, people can’t tell the difference—initially, anyway. They LOVE believing a real person is there only to be fooled. It’s like when that cute guy/gal in high school pretended to want to go out with us. Now we can relive that experience as adults by being duped into thinking we’re chatting with a real person who actually cares.

Kristen Lamb, Twitter, marketing on Twitter, how not to market on Twitter, Twitter spam, automating Twitter, book spam, how to use hashtags, abusing automation on social media, why automation is bad for your brand, social media for writers

Real Life Application: At the holidays, volunteer to bring a Martha Stewart inspired Maple Roast Turkey with Riesling Gravy, then bring canned turkey instead. They won’t know the difference so long as it’s “carefully crafted.” Turkey’s turkey, right?

Tip #3—When Programming Tweets Include ALL Popular Hashtags

Kristen Lamb, Twitter, marketing on Twitter, how not to market on Twitter, Twitter spam, automating Twitter, book spam, how to use hashtags, abusing automation on social media, why automation is bad for your brand, social media for writers

Who goes to social media to socialize? People LOVE finding a community of real people to talk to and then having it crowded out by the same advertising over and over…and over. Because research shows that it takes at least 20 times to see an annoying face before we want to punch it.

Oh, and even better? Make sure to RT these posts so others can compile a more accurate list of people they hate and craft a defense for when they finally SNAP.

Kristen Lamb, Twitter, marketing on Twitter, how not to market on Twitter, Twitter spam, automating Twitter, book spam, how to use hashtags, abusing automation on social media, why automation is bad for your brand, social media for writers
I know, Derek. We’ll get our home back.

Real Life Application: Feel free to crash weddings, Bar-Mitzvahs, Quinceaneras, baby showers, graduations, and birthday parties with books to sell. HECK, throw in the funerals! If people are super sad, nothing is gonna cheer them up more than a FREE BOOK, right?

If potential readers aren’t coming to us, we should go to them…whether they want us or not. Find where humans gather then SELL. So what if it’s against their will?

Tip #4—Tweet Stuff That’s ALL Hashtags

I…I don’t even know what this is. Only that tweets like these have the power to simultaneously enrage fourteen communities. If our goal is to make people hate us? Go big or go home.

Kristen Lamb, Twitter, marketing on Twitter, how not to market on Twitter, Twitter spam, automating Twitter, book spam, how to use hashtags, abusing automation on social media, why automation is bad for your brand, social media for writers

Real Life Application: Knock on doors in every neighborhood in your city. When someone answers, don’t say anything. Simply act out inspirational quotes…using modern dance and jazz hands.

Tip#5—Tweet LOTS of Articles—Ok, ALL Articles

Most of us, when we wake up in the morning, think, “Gee, I wish I had a super long reading list. I sure miss my college syllabus.” Those of us with a corporate job LOVE people who hit Reply ALL so we can read more. Wikipedia is a hot place to hang out. Why not bring that encyclopedic magic to Twitter?

Real Life Application: Make sure to print off a box of articles for that wedding you were invited to. Who wants to dance or flirt when they could be reading about Three-Act Structure or Intestinal Parasites? Handing people a stack of reading material is way better than getting trapped in a “conversation.”

Tip #6—On Twitter, Ask for Stuff Immediately

Kristen Lamb, Twitter, marketing on Twitter, how not to market on Twitter, Twitter spam, automating Twitter, book spam, how to use hashtags, abusing automation on social media, why automation is bad for your brand, social media for writers
Oh, sure! Let me drop everything to buy your book.

The second someone befriends us, it’s our job to send an automated link to their Direct Messages so they can do stuff FOR US. Buy our book, like our FB page, follow our blog, or even answer a really inane question (as if we care about their answer) *rolls eyes*. Hey, great to meet you. Do you like vampires or werewolves?

Kristen Lamb, Twitter, marketing on Twitter, how not to market on Twitter, Twitter spam, automating Twitter, book spam, how to use hashtags, abusing automation on social media, why automation is bad for your brand, social media for writers
Huh?

Real Life Application: If someone is nice to us in the grocery store, make sure to have books to sell and the ability to take credit cards on the spot. Sure, that person is trying to buy a chicken to make for dinner, only now she can buy OUR BOOKS, too. Win-win. If we don’t have books for sale, we can ask for life, love or career advice from total strangers, because that isn’t creepy at ALL.

Tip #7—Never Tweet ANYTHING Original Just Retweet

Kristen Lamb, Twitter, marketing on Twitter, how not to market on Twitter, Twitter spam, automating Twitter, book spam, how to use hashtags, abusing automation on social media, why automation is bad for your brand, social media for writers
Redacted to protect the annoying.

Again, 140 characters cuts into word count. Save time and retweet what everyone else has to say. Two clicks? DONE. Who cares the tweet is NOTHING BUT ANNOYING HASHTAGS? People who follow hashtag communities can’t get enough of spam and adore people who serve spam leftovers even MORE.

Case in point above. This author is tweeting to NINETEEN hashtag communities for us to run and give some random author fan page some love. This was annoying enough…but someone was kind enough to RETWEET it so all nineteen communities could ignore this AGAIN.

Real Life Application: Repeat what everyone else says. People love parrots, so why not harness that fluffy colorful cuteness? I know I LOVED it when my little brother repeated everything I said…until I put him in an arm-bar.

Tip #8—Be Angry…ALL THE TIME

Kristen Lamb, Twitter, marketing on Twitter, how not to market on Twitter, Twitter spam, automating Twitter, book spam, how to use hashtags, abusing automation on social media, why automation is bad for your brand, social media for writers

Not everyone is guilty of automation. Plenty of people do tweet for real…about everything that has ever pi$$ed them off ever. Who wants to socialize when we can vent to complete strangers? Um, therapy costs money.

In fairness, this really IS a public service. Face it, there are a lot of months between New Years Day and the start of the holiday season (November in the States) when we’re forced—by tradition or guilt—to be in the company of toxic, angry people who use us as a meat-shield for all of life’s bitter disappointments.

By tweeting nonstop vitriol, we’re not spreading indigestion, we are are inoculating others for…Family Season (akin to ‘Flu Season’).

This is why we need to switch up the rage because, like flu vaccines, family vaccines are tricky too. We never know if we’re getting the correct strain. So sprinkle plenty of politics, religion, conspiracy theories, name-calling, trolling, and even just random First World Problems that infuriate us.

OMG how hard it is to make a half-caff, low-foam, non-fat, sugar-free triple macchiato? I’ve been waiting THREE freaking minutes. WTH? And they wonder why robots are taking their jobs #INeedMyCoffee #Starbucks #IHateYourBaristas #FakeOutrage.

My advice? Spread SO much “awareness” that Zantac and Pepto Bismol fight over who gets to sponsor your feed.

Real Life Application is…refer to ABOVE.

Okay, Serious Now 

Twitter can be very valuable and a great place to make wonderful friends. It’s been a rocky time, but Twitter IS cracking down on all the bots.

The trick is to be real and enjoy. People are on social media to be social. We crave connection, fun and escape. If we wanted more ads we’d read the door in the bathroom stall or not bother fast-forwarding through commercials.

We don’t need to be profound, deep or immensely witty to do well on Twitter, we just need to be vested, present and authentic ;).

What are some other things people do on social media that in real life would be ridiculous? I think sometimes we fail to extend that logic. Do you get tired of the same automated tweets? Have you ever bought a book because you saw a RTed ad with 15 hashtags cramming your favorite feeds?

Just curious.

I love hearing from you!

What do you WIN? For the month of AUGUST, for everyone who leaves a comment, I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

Upcoming Classes for August & September


Brand Boss: When Your Name Alone Can Sell

Instructor: Kristen Lamb
Price: General Admission $55.00 USD/ GOLD Level $175
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: Thursday, August 23rd, 2018. 7:00-9:00 p.m. EST

REGISTER HERE

 

 


Building Planet X: Out-of-This-World-Building for Speculative Fiction

Instructor: Cait Reynolds
Price: $55.00 USD
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: Saturday, September 8th, 2018. 10:00 a.m.—12:00 p.m. EST

REGISTER HERE

 


Populating Planet X: Creating Realistic, Relatable Characters in Speculative Fiction

Instructors: Cait Reynolds & Kristen Lamb
Price: $55.00 USD
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: Saturday, September 8th, 2018. 1:00—3:00 p.m. EST

REGISTER HERE

 


Beyond Planet X: Mastering Speculative Fiction

Instructor: Kristen Lamb
Price: $55.00 USD
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: Saturday, September 8th, 2018. 4:00—6:00 p.m. EST

REGISTER HERE

 

 


The XXX Files: The Planet X Speculative Fiction 3-Class Bundle

Instructors: Cait Reynolds & Kristen Lamb
Price: $110.00 USD (It’s LITERALLY one class FREE!)
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: Saturday, September 8th, 2018. 10:00 a.m.—6:00 p.m. EST.

REGISTER HERE

Recordings of all three classes is also included with purchase.

 


 


Go Fish: Finding the Right Beta Readers

Instructor: Cait Reynolds
Price: $55.00 USD
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: Friday, August 24, 2018. 7:00-9:00 p.m.

REGISTER HERE

 

 


More Than Gore: How to Write Horror

Instructor: Kristen Lamb
Price: $40.00 USD
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: THURSDAY, August 30th, 2018. 7:00-9:00 p.m. EST

REGISTER HERE

 

 

 


Keywordpalooza: Tune in, mellow out, and learn to love keywords for Amazon

Instructor: Cait Reynolds
Price: $55.00 USD
Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom
When: Friday, September 7, 2018. 7:00—9:00 p.m. EST

REGISTER HERE

Kristen Lamb, targeting readers, how to target readers, marketing for authors, marketing for writers, how to sell more books, author branding, social media for writers, sales for writers

How many times have we been told we should be targeting our readers, audience, and customers? Am I the only one disturbed by this advice? Targeting seems like it should involve a Predator Drone…or at least a trebuchet.

For the record, I imagine many authors would view sales (and targeting) with far more enthusiasm if book launches involved a trebuchet.

#MaybeJustMe

In the olden days—before Web 2.0—the world was vastly different. It was a horrible existence rife with uncertainty, anxiety and dread.

Case in point, for most of the 20th century, if the phone rang? WE HAD NO IDEA WHO WAS CALLING.

Planning a Friday night? Want to watch a movie at home? You had to bribe that pimply-faced kid at Blockbuster to squirrel away the NEW RELEASE of Speed 2 before they were all gone. Then, after you watched Speed 2 and wondered why Hollywood didn’t just…STOP?

YOU COULD ONLY COMPLAIN TO PEOPLE YOU ACTUALLY KNEW.

Before Web 2.0 life was ugly, brutish and short.

Kristen Lamb, targeting readers, how to target readers, marketing for authors, marketing for writers, how to sell more books, author branding, social media for writers, sales for writers

As if pay phones, shoulder pads, and the regular onslaught of boy bands weren’t bad enough? When you went on a date and he/she said they had a good time and would call you, and they didn’t? Two options. Move on like a mature, confident person or engage PSYCHO mode.

#GoBigOrGoHome

There was no ‘checking online activity’ to see Brad really WAS working late like he said when you called him for the 37th time. No, you had to dress up, hop in your 1987 Mazda and find his workplace using the YELLOW PAGES and a PAPER MAP.

Oh and on the way over, you had to make up some reasonable explanation of how you just ‘happened to be in the area’ in that new outfit from Express. The one exactly like Paula Abdul’s—giant hoop earrings and all. #ForeverYourGirl.

We had to own the crazy O_o .

Kristen Lamb, targeting readers, how to target readers, marketing for authors, marketing for writers, how to sell more books, author branding, social media for writers, sales for writers
Me in the 90s…okay until yesterday.

This said, language frequently reflects the emotional state of the times. Words mirror the collective ennui of a culture. Back then? Needy and codependent behaviors couldn’t be properly measured with metrics (I.e. ‘Likes’).

We had to TRUST our hair looked great or that skirt didn’t make our @$$ look like we had two @$$es…all on our own. No posting, getting votes, feedback, and digital flattery to boost our confidence.

Before Web 2.0, we were a skittish bunch. Every moment waiting, wondering…

Old School Marketing

Kristen Lamb, targeting readers, how to target readers, marketing for authors, marketing for writers, how to sell more books, author branding, social media for writers, sales for writers

Suffice to say, in a world where we were largely flying blind, it makes sense why so many military words and phrases crept into the marketing vocabulary.

**It’s also the only logical explanation for harem pants.

Terms like strategy, bombshell, media blast, marketing blitz, ad campaigns, and targeting buyers were common, and consumers didn’t take it personally. We didn’t take it personally because business was business and personal was personal.

Back in the day, it was perfectly fine for businesses to think in terms of blitzing, blasting, or targeting because we understood we were consumers, not FRIENDS. 

We didn’t mind kitschy slogans to make us feel a company cared because, deep down, we knew they were only pretending to care.

In the 90s, when Budweiser repetitively asked us ‘WASSUP?’ we were pretty sure that was a rhetorical question. No one at Budweiser was waiting for our answer…except Sheila.

This, of course, is no longer the case. Now, in 2018, if Budweiser asks us ‘WASSUP?’ They’re likely hoping we WILL answer. The reason is because branding and buying behaviors have changed.

Brave New Buying

Kristen Lamb, targeting readers, how to target readers, marketing for authors, marketing for writers, how to sell more books, author branding, social media for writers, sales for writers

A lot of writers (and companies) gripe that social media is ineffective because there’s no way to trace what, which, and how much activity translates into sales. You know, like a formula or recipe that’s simple, scalable and easily replicated.

Something you could train a weasel to do, because studies have shown ferrets will work for cat food (though raccoons are cool with exposure dollars).

***Note: Remember raccoons are NOT weasels (which are often preferred for direct marketing). Raccoons are marsupials and DO have those adorable opposable thumbs. BUT they’re also attention addicts that require management to ensure they’re not gaffing off texting and posting selfies on Instagram.

#TrueFactIJustMadeUp

Thing is?

Social media is not direct marketing, though the two are often confused. 

See, in direct marketing, activity can be measured. Businesses can put out an ad, monitor click rates and see how many clicks led to a purchase. Companies can send out so many coupons and then measure quantitatively how many of those later translated into a purchase.

Kristen Lamb, targeting readers, how to target readers, marketing for authors, marketing for writers, how to sell more books, author branding, social media for writers, sales for writers

Why Web 2.0 has been so vexing for marketers is they keep trying to treat social media the same way as direct marketing…and they can’t. Because this isn’t 1999. And, if we do social media correctly (keeping it social) there’s no way to accurately measure, control or quantify results.

It also becomes way too obvious we’re mixing social and market norms and that creeps people the hell out.

Example:

Market Norms are when a prostitute expects money in return for *wink wink nod nod* ‘favors.’

Social Norms are when a wife does those same ‘favors’ for her beloved husband out of love because getting paid for it would be seriously strange.

That seems obvious, right?

But what if wife has a wonderful and romantic evening with her husband, but then early the next day, she asks him to fill out an on-line survey rating how he enjoyed his night? And tells him that, when he completes his survey, he will be texted a code he can then redeem for free pancakes?

Yes, I just took that to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL of weird!

But y’all see what I mean when I say that you just can’t sneak that stuff in there! We SEE it. We FEEL it.

Don’t Cross the Streams!

While many businesses still use direct marketing tactics, these methods are becoming increasingly less effective when used exclusively. Companies need to be on social media.

Another observation to point out.

Unlike a company, authors are humans. When we don’t act like a human…people grow quickly suspicious.

A lot of authors rightfully feel dirty when told they need to be targeting their readers. Are we selling a book or doing a mob hit?

***Because if this is a mob hit shouldn’t we get paid better? Asking for a friend.

Kristen Lamb, targeting readers, how to target readers, marketing for authors, marketing for writers, how to sell more books, author branding, social media for writers, sales for writers

We’re writers, which means we appreciate words have power. If we are targeting people so we can bait, blitz, or bundle them, it’s tough to hide our less-than-authentic motives.

Words impact thoughts, thoughts directs actions, and actions create results. If, behind the scenes, we view people as resources only to be plundered for personal gain (by targeting them), it makes us feel ookie when we try to pretend like we really care.

…unless you’re Brad.

It’s All in Our Head

Kristen Lamb, targeting readers, how to target readers, marketing for authors, marketing for writers, how to sell more books, author branding, social media for writers, sales for writers

I’ve spent the last several posts working to make ‘sales’—which is pretty critical to success—far less icky. It doesn’t need to be icky at all, actually.

As mentioned, words hold tremendous power, and a simple mental shift can make a massive difference. This is why I dedicated a lot of my branding book (Rise of the Machines: Human Authors in a Digital World) to neuroscience. How is the human brain impacted as technology shifts?

Technology changes, but humans remain the same.

How does the human brain operate in a virtual world? What factors can render content invisible? Why do humans SEE certain types of content and yet remain oblivious to other types?

Words play a massive role in first, being visible and then, making a positive connection. For instance, did you know the human brain only begins listening at the first active verb?

When we tell people, ‘Don’t forget to buy my new book,’ their brains hear, ‘Forget to buy my new book.’

This is one of the reasons negative goals are virtually useless and produce terrible results. Try this simple exercise in your everyday life. I make it a point to phrase as much as possible in the positive. State what I want, as opposed to what I don’t want.

‘Remember to pick up the dry cleaning’ or ‘Remember you put your keys in the side pocket of your gym bag’ yields far better results than lecturing myself on all the stuff ‘I don’t want to forget.’

Why I take time to mention this is because a simple adjustment in vocabulary can ease our own anxiety, allow us to feel authentic, and thus we’ll come across to others in a far more genuine way.

No Targeting? So WHAT Do We DO?

When we are targeting our audience, the core objective is for us to do all we can to ensure we’re respecting our audience’s time (I.e. Don’t repeatedly pitch people who rent an apartment about the benefits of vinyl siding…unless you want to be stabbed).

These days when we’re all about social, community and friending, I recommend we define then identify our audience.

If I write books about dragons and sorcerers, what kind of people are likely going to like these kinds of stories? What do we share in common? Maybe they like WoW, or GoT or ASOF, OMG!

I write suspense thrillers. We share a love for Dateline, podcasts about serial killers, and a morbid and socially unacceptable sense of humor. In my case, targeting my audience could be fatal. But identifying them is pretty simple. If they laugh at my memes and add additional morbid commentary? We’re peeps! If they report me to FB? Likely not my audience.

Kristen Lamb, targeting readers, how to target readers, marketing for authors, marketing for writers, how to sell more books, author branding, social media for writers, sales for writers

I give ways and specific exercises for how to find ‘friends’ in my book. Why? Because I was a nerd with paralyzing social anxiety and no social skills. Meaning I had to break all this down using science.

Don’t judge me.

***There was a good reason I was single until I was almost 35.

Anyway, what I realized (while researching ‘how to make friends without using chloroform’) was that ‘identifying our audience’ is something we’ve been doing since we were kids.

You love Dragonlance books? Me too! Did we just become best friends?

***Kids who liked Dodgeball, conversely, ‘targeted’ their audience. 

When we identify our audience and all the hobbies, topics, interests we’re likely to share, then it’s far simpler and more authentic to strike up a conversation and connect. Instead of targeting victims to pummel with BUY MY BOOK, we can locate others who like what we like.

We can talk about video games, movies, hobbies, crochet, pets, unicorns and untraceable poisons… You know. FUN STUFF!

Ideally, these conversations will lead to conversions.

Using common ground and shared emotional touch points, we can make loose connections that then foster relationships and perhaps grow into actual friendships. This means that one day—when we have a book (or another book) for sale—we’ve already done the ‘hard’ work.

We’ve cultivated an audience of friends, advocates and hopefully fans eager to see and help us succeed. Since we’ve created a micro-community, we come across as vested because we are. We have a reputation for giving more than we take.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Do you hate the Old School marketing jargon as much as I do? I hated it back when I was in sales. Always made me feel greasy, as if I had to view people with dollar signs over their heads.

Do you see the value of simply rephrasing targeting to identifying? Does that notch the terror down to maybe low-level-eat-some-chocolate anxiety?

I love hearing from you!

What do you WIN? For the month of JULY, for everyone who leaves a comment, I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

NEW CLASSES!

steampunk, writingClass Title: Building a Believable Steampunk World

Instructor: Cait Reynolds

Price: $50.00 USD Standard

Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom

When: FRIDAY, July 20, 2018. 7:00-9:00 p.m. EST

REGISTER HERE

Who doesn’t love some steampunk cosplay? Corsets, goggles, awesome hats…

Steampunk has become one of the hottest genres today, crossing the lines of YA, NA, and adult fiction. It seems like it’s fun to write because it’s fun to read.

However, there’s a world of difference between the amateur steampunk writer and the professional steampunk author, and the difference lies in the world they create.

Is your steampunk world historically-accurate enough not to jar the reader out of the narrative with anachronisms? Does your world include paranormal as well as steampunk? Are the gadgets and level of sophistication in keeping with the technologies available at the time?

Steampunk is not an excuse to take short-cuts with history. Good writing in this genre requires a solid grasp of Victorian culture and history, including the history of science, medicine, and industry.

This shouldn’t scare you off from writing steampunk, but it should encourage you to take this class and learn how to create a world that is accurate, consistent and immersive.

This class will cover a broad range of topics including:

  • Not-So-Polite Society: Just how prim and Victorian do you want to get?
  • Grime and Gears: How to research Victoriantechnology, science, medicine, and industry without dying of boredom?
  • Putting the ‘Steamy’ in Steampunk: How to obey (and more importantly, break) Victorian rules of romance;
  • Keeping it Real…ish: How to drop in historical details without info-dumping, and how to describe and explain your steampunk innovations without confusing.

A recording of this class is also included with purchase.

DYSTOPIA!!


Class Title: World-Building for Dystopian Fiction

Instructor: Cait Reynolds

Price: $50.00 USD Standard

Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom

When: Friday, July 27, 2018. 7:00-9:00 p.m. EST

REGISTER HERE

There’s no greater fear than fearing what dwells deep in the dark corners of human nature. Dystopian literature, for all its bells and zombie whistles, shines an unforgiving light on all those shadows.

Can’t think of any dystopian-genre books off the top of your head? How about:

Farenheit 451, The Hunger Games, The Handmaid’s Tale, 1984, The Lorax, The Stand, Neuromancer, Ender’s Game, Divergent, World War Z, Underground Airlines, Brave New World, Ready Player One, A Clockwork Orange, and Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? (just to name a few…)

Still, it’s a challenging genre to write. Done badly, dystopian fiction is the equivalent of that emo kid down the hall in your dorm who drinks way too much coffee and just won’t quit playing The Cure.

Done well? We get the dangerous thrill of skidding close to the edge of moral insanity, looking through a mirror darkly and seeing ourselves and our neighbors, and a hyper-creative outlet that combines the dubious fun of post-apocalyptic totalitarianism (zombies optional) with chilling truths about human nature.

Topics covered in this class include:

  • Having fun with things you shouldn’t: why destroying society is just so much fun!
  • ‘First Fright’ vs. ‘True Fright’: sure, we’re afraid of enforced barcode tattoos because totalitarianism!…but maybe we’re really afraid because it really sounds so seductively convenient;
  • Picking and choosing ‘normal’: how to balance having enough familiarities with society today with creating shocking changes that go right to the heart of our fears;
  • Fear leads to the dark side (unless you’re already there): creating dystopian characters that invite both shock and sympathy;
  • To apocalypse or not to apocalypse: do we really need nuclear fallout or an alien invasion…or can we do it all ourselves?
  • Playing with your food: how to put a new and unique spin on zombies, aliens, and food shortages (i.e. asking critical questions like whether Soylent Green is gluten-free).

A recording of this class is also included with purchase.

About the Instructor

Cait Reynolds is a USA Today Bestselling Author and lives in Boston area with her husband and neurotic dog. She discovered her passion for writing early and has bugged her family and friends with it ever since. She likes history, science, Jack Daniels, jewelry, pasta, and solitude. Not all at the same time. When she isn’t enjoying the rooftop deck that brings her closer to the stars, she writes.

 

BRAND NEW CLASS IN AUGUST!

Kristen Lamb, W.A.N.A. International, business for authors, selling for writers, sales for writers, how to sell more books

Instructor: Kristen Lamb

Price: $50.00 USD Standard

Where: W.A.N.A. Digital Classroom

When: Thursday August 9th, 2018 7:00-9:00 p.m. EST

SIGN UP HERE

Writers are in the entertainment business. Notice the second half of our job title is business. The lifeblood of all business is sales.

But, to be blunt, most creative professionals would rather be stabbed in the face than ‘do sales.’ Yet, if we don’t sell books, our career is doomed (regardless of how we publish).

One of the MAJOR reasons so many people are afraid of sales is because what’s being taught as ‘sales’ is actually ‘direct marketing.’

Direct marketing is NOT sales. It IS, however, pushy, icky, and hasn’t been effective since The Spice Girls were cool.

Sales can be fun. In fact, believe it or not, humans are wired for sales. It’s part of our biology. Problem is, humans are also wired to overcomplicate things…which is why so many of us freak out over sales.

This class is to remove the fear factor and clarify what selling entails for the professional author. Not all products are sold the same way…which is why there are no late-night infomercials hawking Hadron Colliders or F-16 fighter jets. Our sales approach must align with the product we’re selling, or we’re doomed before we begin.

This class will cover:

  • Why direct marketing doesn’t sell books;
  • Tame wasters versus time savers;
  • How to be paid what we are worth;
  • Ways we can make ads, promotions and marketing far more effective;
  • The unique way books must be sold;
  • How to set goals and create a scalable strategy;
  • Explore the S.W.O.T. analysis and why we need one;
  • How to differentiate our brand and product in an over-saturated marketplace;
  • AND MORE!

***A FREE recording is included with class purchase.

 

Today I have on my sassy pants because there’s a messy task ahead. Oh it will be a TON of fun, but messy. We are going to tip over some sacred cows like how fun is evil and misery is awesome.

Granted I am from Texas and have heard stories of those miscreants who’ve sneaked (snuck? snucked?) in under cover of darkness to traipse across pastures littered with steaming cow poo…for the sheer joy of pushing over sleeping bovines.

I, myself, have never indulged in this innocent mischief and remain dubious this “cow-tipping” thing is even real. But supposedly the boogeyman isn’t real and yet–even as an adult–I never sleep with a foot off the edge of the bed.

#AreUCrazy

I can’t see how tipping over innocent cows could be half the fun we hear it is, but I assure you tipping these sacred cows?

LOADS of FUN.

Sacred Cow #1—Fun=Ineffective Time-Waster

Remember being a kid and it was actually okay to have fun? Then something weird happened in adolescence and everything got super serious. Teens of course have hormones and the whole “forging a distinctive identity” thing to blame, not to mention *ugh* high school.

But what is our excuse?

As kids we longed to grow up, to be ADULTS, so we could be…FREE.

About that. We humans are weird.

Give us anything that might liberate us and make life BETTER, and we will quickly turn it into a soul-sucking chore. It is simply astounding all the stuff that is fun…that we RUIN.

Bear with me.

We might start at the gym because we know going for a walk is good for us. We also know the gym is climate controlled so we won’t be able to use rain or sun or wind as an excuse to not get some exercise.

We start walking and feeling better. Yay, lower back feels great. Thirty minutes. Happy endorphins and we are very proud of what we have done.

We bask in the glow of our one month of walking five days a week for thirty minutes. In fact, we feel this self-discipline thing really isn’t so hard at all!

THEN…

A personal trainer notices we’ve been at the gym regularly and steps in to…help.

DON’T FALL FOR IT! IT’S A TRICK!

Sacred Cow #2—TRUST the “Experts”

Mere moments earlier, we felt AWESOME, only now realize how misguided we were. Oh, thank goodness this expert saved us from destruction!

The trainer, deeply concerned for our welfare tells us with all kinds of statistics and studies that our silly walking is not enough.

No, we must add in weight training. Not just any weight training. No, it needs to be high weight low reps. No, high reps low weight. Scratch that, high intensity!

No! You fool! You are overtraining! You need recovery time. Oh, you took recovery time because you can’t sit on the potty without a Life Alert bracelet? You’re just going to have to suck it up.

Did we mention your diet?

Remember, simplicity is KEY.

If you do cardio, eat carbs 90 minutes before aerobic exercise and protein 30 minutes before weight training. Then protein within 90 minutes after doing cardio.

Post-workout, rub your body in coconut oil (unrefined, of course) and stretch but only when Mercury is in retrograde–and within the 123 minute window after cardio–or the stretching and expensive coconut oil all a waste.

Got it? No. Okay, let’s create a plan for you. Mastercard or Visa?

The next thing we know this FUN time at the gym has now turned into a personal hell where we are prodded by macro-nutrients and micro-nutrients all using pointy vitamin-supplement pitch forks.

We cling to that trainer who saved us from our pointless 30-minute walks and toss money at her if only she can help it all make sense (or she will go away)!

More often than not, we return to our blanket fort…where there are snacks.

We adults do this crap ALL THE TIME. Hey I am guilty, too. We know as adults we should want to be better, do better and we start out well-meaning enough.

Yet we fall for it…

Sacred Cow #3—The More It SUCKS the BETTER!

From books on “simple home organization” to “better parenting” to “eating healthier” to “financial freedom” we generally tend to fall into this bizarre belief that the more it sucks, the better it must be.

Like the crappier food tastes, the healthier it is!

Right?

Soon, we start shackling ourselves to all kinds of bizarre and UNFUN legalism. We wanted to be free (of extra weight, too much clutter, too many bills).

Yet all these books and courses and virtual tools to save time and make life better…kinda just make us want to drink heavily and OD on brownie batter.

We soon find we avoid the gym we once loved like Ebola, are afraid of our mailbox, and with our spouse and kids? We turn into the HULK only meaner and in yoga pants (because those won’t split when we “turn”).

THIS IS A SPONTANEOUS SCHEDULED FAMILY FUN SESSION AND SO HELP ME YOU BETTER START SMILING OR I…WILL…END…YOU!

Hmm, maybe just me.

Why DO We DO This?

Much can be blamed on Western culture (Americans being the most guilty). Many of us are taught from youth that FUN=BAD.

We’re riddled with guilt about pleasure and fun (and sure, we can probably blame those sour-faced Puritans for laying the groundwork).

*stabs Plymouth Rock in my mind*

Yet kids are robbed of recess, daydreaming is forbidden, and only school-sanctioned imaginative activities are allowed (refer to why my son was kicked out of preschool for liking zombies). Put a kid in sports, gymnastics or dance and see how long it takes for all the fun to get sucked right out of THAT.

Why does all this happen?

Because fun-stealing is big business if we allow it.

Cruise lines can sell us a package of joy and harmony and relaxation. Then, the pharmaceutical companies step in to sell us the anti-anxiety meds required for taking a whole week off to have…*gulp* fun.

We return to our day jobs and 547 unread emails is our penalty for being so selfish as to believe we might actually need to rest now and again.

Maybe we should buy that app to check messages at sea.

Many Americans proudly wear the “I Haven’t Taken a Day Off Since Y-2K” badge of honor…even though we all secretly hate them and know if they took a little time for fun, they might actually not be such frigging jerks.

*breathes deeply*

And Ms. I Never Take Vaca is there to sneer at us for our “weakness.” She embodies FUN! Because the sheer joy of leading the PTA, baking a zillion nut-free GF cookies, and zooming her kids to every social event imaginable is fulfillment in and of itself and all the “fun” required for “good mothers.”

*stabs her in our minds, too*

And Mr. I Never Need Holiday is there at work (where else?). He recommends the Intensive Weeklong Fasting and Time-Management-Leadership-Be-Your Best-Self-in-Less-Than-Nine-Minutes-a-Day-Retreat…which is of course, conveniently offered on-line.

Also, he can reach us every minute of the day via text or email…unlike when we were so naughty as to take that cruise.

It’s madness. I know!

Yet here we are. All staring at each other on the crazy train wondering how the heck we keep meeting again.

Follow the Money

Honest truth is authentic fun is not near the moneymaker as the “shill” of fun. Look at all those “activities” I mentioned that should be fun and who’s there to step in? Experts.

Who happen to make money.

Who can help us with our exercise, diet, meditation, and train our kids for the Olympics!

***Even though little Mackenzie just liked doing cartwheels and we thought gymnastics class would be fun—silly us!

When we were kids who simply had FUN, we didn’t count how many minutes of cardio we’d done riding bikes four hours straight. We gave no thought to the carbs or lack of macro-nutrients in that giant cherry Slurpee we inhaled.

Then we grew up and used our larger and more highly developed brains to think all the fun out of well…pretty much everything.

I see this over and over in social media.

The greatest tool writers have been handed to become free, is being used to enslave us.

“Experts” tell us that an author platform is serious business. If we’re having fun, then we aren’t being professional.

We need automation and vlogs and podcasts and to be everywhere on every site all the time contributing mind-blowing content for exposure!

*feels dirty inside*

Then there is the gathering emails, decoding analytics, sales strategies, promotional tactics, targeting our market…

Call me crazy, but does any of that sound like ANY FUN? SERIOUSLY! We all started this writing journey because we are the dreamers and find imaginary people more interesting than real ones (because they are). We wanted to write to be FREE!

To have FUN!

Granted, a brand is important and social media is vital, and selling lots of books way more fun than selling no books. But anyone who’s shoveling out manure from one of those sacred cows we tipped?

RUN!

Refuse the Kool-Aid

On social media FUN is SUPER effective. People are drawn to it. The world is a dark and dreary place and getting gloomier by the second. Fun stands out.

Authenticity is priceless! We know it when we see it because joy shines bright!

It creates genuine connections (code for relationships). But here is the kicker! Friendship, trust, care, hope, joy and fun cannot be measured in metrics 😉 .

And when stuff is fun–as in truly fun–we ENJOY DOING IT. When we enjoy it, we don’t have to outsource it, set reminders or pay people to do it FOR us.

I am not completely eschewing all experts because um…that would be dumb. Experts who empower us are great! Who teach us how to set up properly to avoid injury, waste or pain? Yay!

But experts who make us into permanent revenue streams because they’ve overwhelmed us and made us hysterical?

RUN!

Because many will convince us the more something sucks the better it works…but they (benevolently) have an affordable plan to deliver us from this suckage.

Yep.

Blunt truth is if we don’t tip some of these sacred cows, it just leaves us the cash cow.

In the end, life is short. Enjoy it.

What are your thoughts? Are you like me and struggle with fun? Then try to do something fun and overcomplicate it and wreck it? I know I do. Hey, I am a work in progress too!

Do you feel like “experts” are constantly there to pounce on you and wring cash out of you? Do you fall for the “It only works if I am miserable”?

Hey I write this blog for FREE and constantly look for experts, but to stay on top of scm, trends, business, craft, I have to be SUPER careful. I strive to be better to help y’all be better and that is not always easy *deletes 765 unsolicited emails from experts*

I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU! And I am NOT above BRIBERY!

What do you WIN? For the month of OCTOBER, for everyone who leaves a comment, I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel, or your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

To also prove social media is and should be super fun and that while you might need a little training, you DO NOT need a team of professionals paid to “manage your brand”:

I have two upcoming classes Social Media FREEDOM–Harnessing Passion & Creativity to Cultivate Fans & Harnessing Our Writing POWER–The Blog

I highly recommend you sign up for one of our upcoming classes listed below. ****Note, those who subscribe by email, the visual gallery doesn’t show, so please click through and sign up! We look forward to seeing you and serving you in class! Helping you be the best you can so your work can stand apart 😀 .

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